I long for art and poetic genius. I long for warm air that caresses me. I long for hands that are intelligent. I long for hot sun. I long for the silence underneath the ocean. I long for people with encyclopedia minds. I long for wit. I long for my own open heart when I can’t find it.

Without them I am lost.

“Dance, dance otherwise we are lost.”

~ Pina Bausch

When you feel stuck, you probably don’t have enough of the things you long for.

The things that stir and excite you and make you feel alive.

When you bring them back into your life, you’ll shake the stagnation. Things will begin to move again.

I saw Wim Wenders’ latest film last night: a tribute to the late German choreographer, Pina Bausch. In 3D. It was exquisite. She was a deep, soulful woman who used the body to reflect our innermost feelings and experiences as humans. The catharsis of movement.

Between beautiful footage of her work, there were interviews with her dancers. They’d recall poignant things she said to them. Like:

“What are you longing for?”

Let that move you. And when you find those things, one of which for her, was dance, throw yourself into them. They will save you.

I know this.

When I am lost, and I reconnect with the things I long for, I find myself again. I find the flow of the universe.

One of these things for me is writing. It can lead me out of my dark places and back into my own rhythm and light. It can be hard at first though.

Last week I was bristly and angst-y. I forced myself to sit and write. I hauled myself to a cafe and pumped myself full of matcha and listened to the same song on my iPod 50,000 times. I wrote through the initial resistance and pushed through to the other side.

It carried me to some of the best writing I may have ever created.

You can transform the dark. Just find the things you long for.

Other “Pinatas:”

“You just have to get crazier.”

Ah, I concur. I’m often more comfortable with crazy people. Because at least I know they are being real.

Life is absurd. It really is. Acknowledging this to ourselves and each other makes it both tolerable and amazing.

Or worse, not being crazy just makes you boring. We’re all a little skewed as humans. Admit it and it will set you free.

I like to go dancing and be crazed. I don’t drink or use drugs, but I’m always the craziest person on the dance floor.

This getting out of yourself brings you back to your recalibrated, essential self.

And lastly:

“Your fragility is also your strength.”

Admit that you are broken-hearted or sad or off-kilter. Or just antsy and angst-y and stuck. You’d be surprised how many people will be there to hug, hold, love and listen to you. But they can’t unless you tell them what’s going on.

Plus, there’s a paradox in acknowledging when you feel small. And soft. When you own exactly who and where you are, you become strong.

When you know your weaknesses your aren’t weak anymore.

When I’m vulnerable, I’m most powerful. It’s a hard thing to grasp, but it’s true. You are more defended without defences.

And see Pina in 3D. It will move you.

~ Kim
xx

Image: Pina – A film for Pina Bausch by Wim Wenders

Or flowers.

Or store-bought cards. Ever.

Those are a lazy man or woman’s Valentine’s Day gifts that say, “I have no imagination or desire to create something magnificent for you.”

Go sexy. Go original.

Wouldn’t you rather say: “I cherish you. I am going to ravish you. I get hard/wet just thinking about you.”

Now we’re talking.

So if you want to write a note, say that. Better yet, write the note and use the note to wrap up something like:

Jimmyjane’s Afterglow Massage Candle. Made from soy wax and essential oils, you light it and drip it over your lover’s body. And then knead away.

Agent Provocateur lingerie . It’s hard to say who benefits more from this gift: The wearer or the viewer. If you can make it in person to one of their locations, I highly recommend you both go. They give “private fittings” with the aid of a nymph wearing a hot pink minidress. Their boutiques are outfitted like boudoirs. Unfortunately, your partner cannot accompany you into the fitting room. I’ve already tried.

njoy’s Pure Wand. The ultimate G-Spot toy for women. God’s gift to the female G-Spot. Orgasms are your gift to her.

Bob by Lelo The ultimate G-Spot toy for men. Better than therapy. And waaaayyy cheaper. See also next suggestion. Or try Bob’s decadent cousin Earl, in the image above. Earl is gold-plated and even comes with matching cufflinks. Which he can use as a pre-game signal.

G-Spot Ecstasy: A digital salon for sexual savants and spiritual seekers. In case you are wondering just what to do with those G-Spot toys. I’ll visit you in your very own bed and show you.

30 Days of Sex. Make a promise to your lover to fulfill them and a few long-standing fantasies every day for the next month. I guarantee it will be a boost that you’ll feel all year long.

Sexual Savant Salons. “Honey, I want us to have amazing sex. Forever. Let’s learn all we can to become better lovers.” If you live in Vancouver, you can join me and a number of other adventurers for personal confessions, riotous questions and orgasmic enlightenment. Not to mention aphrodisiac chocolates and organic wine.

If you don’t live in Vancouver, you still want to be an amazing lover AND you’d like me in your bed in real-time, bring yourself and your lover (or just yourself) down to Mexico. And we’ll create a fusion of all of the above.

While I don’t like the idea of flower delivery, if you can come up with something more original, like these crazy helium love hearts, in which to send your other gifts, I’m all for it. Only in LA though via Geronimo Balloons.

If you dare…

Share with me what you’ve got planned. Or send a breathless post-petite-mortem.

~ Kim
xxx

My son is doing a combination of regular school and homeschooling right now. I gave him Think and Grow Rich and said if he only reads that, he’ll be set for life.

One of the principles in the book is that when you fix your attention on your goals, the universe starts to open up and bring you guidance and opportunities to get there.

Hill speaks about the importance of acting on your creative ideas as soon as you receive them. He says:

“Be on the alert for these plans, and when they appear, put them into action immediately. They will probably “flash” into your mind through the sixth sense, in the form of an “inspiration.” This inspiration may be considered a direct message from Infinite Intelligence. Treat it with respect, and act upon it as soon as you receive it. Failure to do this will be _fatal_ to your success.”

I’ve had a couple experiences like this in the last two days. A creative idea flashed into my mind and I felt totally excited about it. Then I got busy.

That rush of momentum is the time to act on your idea. Send an email, make a call, ask for for help in bringing your idea to life.

I believe in the power of the moment and in momentum. That wave of energy is a gift from the universe. Much like The Escalator Effect. Use it. Or lose it.

Let them.

Over the past few months i’ve been exploring this idea of living with an open heart. I see how much the world changes depending on how much love I’m willing to let into my life.

When people used to say things like “open your heart” or talk about “the power of love” I had no idea what they meant. I thought these were empty cliches.

And they are. Until you’ve experienced them.

Once I had, I saw the difference. How rich, deep and full life becomes when I keep myself open. And live from that space.

When I have my head down, and I scurry about my business, and my heart is closed, the world is a cold, dark, unfriendly, isolated place.

The moment I open, EVERYTHING CHANGES. The world is literally brighter and suddenly I see love everywhere.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the opening and closing. How does it happen?

1) I’m cracked open.

Life throws something painful in my direction that breaks my heart. And forces it open. By trying to find my part in whatever it is, I can keep riding that wave of an open heart. I can carry that openness out into the rest of my life.

The healing of the break happens when I let go. I look at my part and see where I need to grow and learn. That allows me to seal the breaks and makes my heart stronger.

Fierce, unguarded hearts are beautiful.

2) I decide to open.

I know what I’m missing now and I can consciously point my heart GPS back in that direction.

How do I do this? By being imperfect. By admitting I’m sad, I’m struggling to those around me.

“There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.”

~ Leonard Cohen

The only way you can let people love you is if you are open to them. Show them who you are. Who you really are, with all your flaws and humanness. Stop trying to look good.

You look better when you’re naked. I promise.

3) Say “thank you” to EVERYTHING.

I had a life-changing martial arts teacher/mentor many years ago. In study with him, occasionally he would whack me. For no reason. Or maybe he had a reason.

With every instruction from him, every hit, every command, I had to thank him. Bow, and humbly say “thank you.”

I resisted this at first. “He just hit me! I’m NOT thanking him for that!”

But I did.

I was standing underneath a cold shower when I began to understand. I turned the tap on colder, and colder and I realized that I didn’t interpret the cold as painful or uncomfortable. It just was. I wasn’t bracing against it, or resisting it.

That’s when I realized that my “thank you” training was allowing me to accept all things into my life. As gifts. And not think of them as “good” or “bad.” They just were.

The more you let your heart open and stay open, you’ll notice big changes in your life. You’ll make better decisions (the heart is the best compass). You’ll feel more alive. You’ll find everything flows with much more ease.

And you’ll see just how many people are waiting for you to wake up so they can love you.

~ Kim
xx

Do you want to taste and absorb every ounce of them?

Are you willing to let them deep, deep inside you? 

Are you in love with the very essence of them?

How much you enjoy oral sex will tell you that.

Your partner’s genitals are the essence of who they are. If you reject that, you are rejecting the core of your partner.

I’ve seen ridiculous products and advice that suggests if people don’t like the taste of their partner’s genitals, they smother them with cherry-cola-poufy-pouf creams and carcinogenic products. If someone offers that, kick them out of bed. DTMFA and move on with your life. You have no time for that shit.

You need to find an organic—in every sense of the word—solution instead.

Like these:

1) Bathe. Hygiene matters. Well, I sorta take that back. When I’m really into someone, I like it when they are sweaty and unwashed. And full of vigor. À la Napoleon. 

You’ve probably heard the famous story where Napoleon writes to his lover, Josephine from the battlefield:

“Am returning in three days. Don’t wash.”

If someone is healthy and eats well, following a clean and Crazy Sexy Lifestyle they are going to smell good. I promise.

I personally love it when my man is full of his own scent. It’s intoxicating.

2) I meant what I said about the barometer stuff. If you have an aversion to your lover’s genitals, I bet you have an aversion to them on other levels as well.

This could be situational: maybe there’s an issue that needs resolving. You need to talk orally before you can play orally.

Or, you truly aren’t a match.

In the ancient Taoist traditions, mates were paired according to their genitals. The genitals know.

Every man I have been totally smitten with, I’ve also been in love with his cock. And vice versa. I rely on my cock radar.

3) There’s an element of submissiveness to performing oral sex. Enjoy it. Let your partner’s genitals truly fuck you. Penetrate you.

“I want to fuck you,” she said. “It’s your face.”
“What about my face?”
“It’s magnificent. I want to destroy your face with my cunt.”
“It might be the other way around.”
“Don’t bet on it.
“
“You’re right. Cunts are indestructable.”

~ Charles Bukowski, Women, 1978.

If you haven’t already, explore this dynamic. As the recipient, be the fuckee, rather than the fucker. Really get into the action. Create an exchange.

4) More on receiving.

If you don’t think you enjoy oral sex, ask yourself this? How connected are you to your masculinity or femininity? Are you confident in it? Do you own it?

If you are dissociated from it—your feminine/masculine energy or your sexuality—you’ll be dissociated from your genitals. You need to reclaim that relationship and then you will feel more. Your genitals become living, sentient beings. With minds of their own.

Clear, trustworthy minds. Build that relationship with them. Love them. Massage them. Pay attention to them.

They are full of wisdom.

“It’s all been done before.”

When people say these things, I just roll my eyes. And quietly dismiss them from my sphere.

You are totally unique. There is no other soul exactly like you in the universe.

You are one of a kind. Your very own brand.

As you work with spirit and co-creating yourself, you amplify that. It gets stronger, clearer, more distinctive.

And it looks different than anything anyone has ever seen.

That takes courage to express.

Which is why so many people default to “It’s all been done before.” They’re afraid to take it to that next level.

“The one who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. Those who walk alone are likely to find themselves in places no one has ever been before.”

~ Einstein

When you are truly yourself, and you express that in your creative work, the end result is innovative, bold and NEW.

You, in this form, right now, have never existed before. So the expression is too. That is, the more you let the real you come out, and don’t hide behind what other people have already done.

Ian Schrager is one of my role models. He opened the legendary Studio 54 and in a later incarnation, gave birth to the boutique hotel. He wanted to create unique spaces that were like mini, self-contained universes.

And he’s done them so well. So well, that he’s been imitated the world over and started a whole new concept.

He’s said that he wants people to walk into one of his hotels and feel like it’s nothing they’ve ever seen before.

Two of my favorites are the Sanderson (above image is the lobby) in London and Gramercy Park in New York. Then there’s the Delano. And the Shore Club. I love them all.

The way he describes his creative process is this:

“I’m all about innovation. I want to walk right up to the edge and see how far we can go, without going over it.”

and

“I always do exactly what I love, and am always surprised when other people love it too.”

When I gave a talk last year at Pecha Kucha Night in Vancouver, I was wondering how far I ought to take it. Do I put it all out there? I’m this crazy mix of art and God and surfing and MILF-ing and ejaculate-eating. How would it all go down?

Raucously.

I put it all out there and knocked it out of the park.

A few tips on being courageous to your own voice:

1) The unknown can be very scary. Which is why most people don’t go there. Get used to the foreign-ness of it. Make it your friend. As Steve Jobs said,

“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

2) Surround yourself with big thinkers. Fearless thinkers.

Last year, when I was preparing my Pecha Kucha talk, I was talking to the awesome Kate Muker, of Conscious Divas. “Go for it,” she said. “Just do it.” Her words were the tipping point for me.

3) If you are having fun and it makes you feel high and belly laugh at the crazy absurdness of it all, you are probably on the right track.

I was talking to my awesome, awesome literary agent last week about my book. We were on the same theme: being true to my voice. As he gave me feedback, I was laughing so hard my belly ached. And ached.

I took it as a sign that we were moving in the right direction.

4) Stop hiding. Behind other people’s words and opinions. Do your best to discover your own. And express them.

I see people mimic and even plagiarize other people’s work all the time. And their opinions.

You aren’t fooling anyone.

Even if people don’t know exactly where you “borrowed” it from, whether it’s web site copy or how you feel about a social issue, they’ll feel that you aren’t totally authentic. And they’ll back away.

Even if it feels clumsy and painful at first, find your own way. It gets easier. And you’ll have the power of the universe, all of its creative energy, on your side.

I promise you that.

Be courageous and true to your own voice. Always.

****

The talk I gave at Pecha Kucha last year was called “Things that Open; Things that Penetrate.” It was on my creative influences.

If you haven’t seen the video yet, here it is:

PKN Vancouver is having a contest—the person who collects the most votes as the best presenter over the years gets to talk at their all-star night in February.

If you like the video (or you were there that night), please vote for me! Because it’s important that more people know it’s possible to love eating ejaculate and practicing high spirituality. And often at the same time.

Vote for me here! Scroll down to Vol. 14 to find me.

Many thanks and much love!

~ Kim
xx

It was because he LOVED doing it. He loved collecting companies and rebuilding them and making them successful. Like nurturing children.

The most powerful weapon/tool you have in your life is your heart.

It keeps you connected to the flow of spirit. And when you are in the flow, there is nothing you can’t do. The universe sends you wisdom, people and miracles on your path.

I’ve spent a lot of time disconnected from my heart. The past few months have been pivotal for me in regaining that connection. And living there.

You have heard that even from a scientific perspective, the heart is where it’s at. In fact, your heart is smarter than your brain.

When people say things like “Put your heart into it!” or we talk about the importance of FEELING IT when we visualize what we want, it’s HUGE.

If your heart isn’t in it, it ain’t happening. Or it’ll happen slowly and painfully.

In this time of setting new intentions, here’s what I’ve learned about staying connected to my heart:

1) Everyday, I need to do at least one thing I totally love.

I feel amazing when I exercise daily. Exercise hard, daily. It’s self-love.

I make time for yoga or Pilates or running in the forest. It’s my therapy. I get back in my body and into my true nature.

2) Connect with other people who live in their hearts. Or, radiate so much heart-ness that it brings them into their hearts.

I had a, uh, disagreement with a clerk at a vitamin shop a few months back. Or, I could view it that we were both in our heads. She’s very knowledgeable and yesterday, after an injury, I knew she’d be the one to talk to about supplements.

I approached her, breathless and high and full of love. (As is becoming my natural state). And she got really excited to talk about sports and her passions. I watched her totally open up. It brought tears to my eyes, I felt so in my heart and connected to her.

3) Prioritize social contact. This might be second nature for some people, but it hasn’t been for me. The nature of my work and my life means I spend a lot of time on my own. I have to schedule in playtime and connection time.

The more I’m in my heart, I can connect with anyone, anywhere on a deeper level.

When I was coming back from my six-day sex date, I was flying separately from my partner. I was seated next to a couple of women—synchronicity—one was a holistic nutritionist and the other a singer with a huge libido (I can see these things a mile away).

The nutritionist’s boyfriend was across the aisle and trying to order me around. Seriously. I told him to back off and then I told him that he needed to liberate his G-Spot (I kind of said it like that. I can also see these things from a mile away). I pressed the issue. His girlfriend laughed so hard she was crying. Then the singer and I explained how and why this was important. We had girl/sex talk/bonding time for a few hours.

Em, the point here is that you can have fun and feel love (or G-Spot love) anywhere.

4) Ask spirit for help. Some people call this praying.

When I get stuck and back in my head, I feel numb. Life feels empty. So I ask spirit to bring me back. Sometimes I write letters. Or I meditate.

I recognize that I’m out of the flow. I ask for help to get back in it.

I was out of the flow one day last week. I was grumpy. I wrote a long letter to spirit. And then, in a high spiritual way (not), I expressed my grumpiness to a neighbour who I felt was responsible for making me grumpy.

His response? He invited me for brunch with his family. I was so stunned I started to cry. My heart cracked back open in that moment. I went for brunch, loved it and see him in a whole new light now. He kept saying to me: “God wanted me to irritate you so that you’d come for brunch. See? Look how beautiful this is!”

He was right.

5) You knew I would go here.

Heart/genital love amplifies love. Where do you think the term “making love” comes from? The raw, intimate space we get into when we truly let down our guards with another human, getting naked on every possible level, cultivates love. Breeds it.

In our deepest vulnerability is our deepest power. So go very, very deep. Deeper, more honest than you think you can. And see what happens.

Now go forth and multiply, my lovelies.

***

How much do you live in your heart? What brings you and keeps you there? Schedule in at least one thing DAILY that keeps you in your heart. Your whole life will flow

Thank you, all my beautiful and passionate readers, for your love and support over the year!! I love travelling on this journey with you! This year is all about getting you deeper into your hearts and everything else. Many exciting ventures on the way!

Much love,

Kim

Heart by Laurel True

This is sustenance for your relationship.

People often ask what that ought to look like. I say, massage, extended exploration, like 30-45 minutes of oral sex. Fantasy play. Introduce new toys. The key is that those three hours have to be filled up with some kind of sensual interaction.

Me, I’m a marathon fucker. I make no apologies for that. To keep me happy, I require frequent blocks of time dedicated to sex. Like weekends. And weeks.

How do you dedicate six days to sex?

Let me explain.

We’re going to a resort with our own private, jungle villa. We will spend a lot of time in that space.

There’s the “We’re here!” sex. The “This is so amazing that we have this block of time together. I’m so excited to show you how amazing this is!” kind of sex.

There’s “Waking up in the middle of the night, grateful and aroused, in the sultry sea air, and hoisting myself on my lover,” sex.

And the morning sex. “How many ways can I wake you up?” sex. Blow-job, good-morning sex. There’s “I love that your erection between my legs is an alarm clock” sex.

In-between the villa sex, we will go out and eat food. We will need to. For this, and other public excursions, I will wear clothes. But only certain kinds of clothes. Like dresses. I really hate pants and I really resent winter for making pants a necessity.

So there will be dresses. There will not be panties. Even though the world is full of pretty panties, I will wear none of them. My lover will be acutely aware of this, my no-panties rule. Because I will find many ways to remind him. Though I don’t think he will forget.

And there’s yoga. We are keen to do yoga. Because yoga keeps your hip flexors open and relaxed. And that makes keeping my legs open for hours easier. And it stretches your chest and unwinds your blocks—emotional and physical. So yoga is important. Important for the sex.

Also, I bought new, very short, shorts, especially for the occasion. Seriously. I was busy shopping the night before we left because this is so important.

Don’t think I don’t know how I look in cat/cow and down dog. In those shorts? I feel a bit sorry for him, really. He doesn’t stand a chance.

That’s some simmer for you. Foreplay perpetua.

Have I mentioned the public sex yet? I love public sex. And outdoor sex. Beds are okay, but jungles, beaches, boats and up-against-walls are better.

And then there’s the public groping. I will grope his cock and his ass at every opportunity. While I’m standing in front of him, waiting to be seated for dinner, I’ll reach my hand behind him and stroke him, aiming to get him hard before we sit down.

When we eat, we don’t sit across from each other. We sit side-by-side. This is another rule. That way, there can be lots of touching, and leaning into necks to say important, guttural things. There can be soft, murmuring talk that says, “you slay me.” And there can be plenty of wandering, teasing hands.

This is what dinner is all about. And yoga. And everything else in-between the “sex.”

Foreplay perpetua. The constant simmer.

All of our other activities are there to enhance and support the sex. And really, it’s all sex. It’s mindfucking and heartfucking and deep penetration on every level.

That’s how you have six days of sex.

~ Kim
xx

We clear away unused and outmoded furniture, projects and ideas. The things that we no longer use take up space; space that could be used for new energy, people and situations that would better serve us.

In the realm of relationships: lovers, family and friends, this means resolving the unresolved. Saying what needs to be said to repair, forgive and move on. Sometimes it means ending relationships.

It has to be done.

In order to make room for more love, more joy and peace, all these invisible interferences have to be cleared up.

Here’s how:

1) With people who have the emotional and communication skills to talk to you, talk. Ask them if you can meet. Face-to-face is always best, where possible.

Express your feelings and make requests for what you want. Work with the other person from your most authentic places to find a mutually agreeable solution or understanding.

This scenario is best. But not everyone has those skills and is comfortable with direct discussion.

2) If you can’t get someone to resolve with you, you have to do it on your own.

Write about what happened and how you feel. Or talk to someone, but with the aim of getting insight, not just venting.

Look at your part. Where are you responsible? How did you create this?

As soon as you bring responsibility back to you, you’ve gained your power back. So long as you are stuck blaming other people, you have no power.

Glean what you could do differently and take that with you. Let go of the other person’s actions.

3) Even in situations where you clearly were “wronged,” was there a belief you had that attracted that situation to you? For example, “bad things always happen to me” is a belief that will perpetuate bad things always happening to you!

Again, come back to yourself and see where you can take responsibility for your thoughts and behaviours.

I believe in reincarnation and karma, so sometimes the origin was with me, but it was further back than I can consciously remember! In situations like this, I still look for patterns for where I might have participated. I ask my inner guidance to show me what my role is. And how to learn from it.

***

Unfinished relationship business takes up just as much space as old boxes, half-finished projects, undone income tax and messy rooms. Take the steps to clear it up.

I’ll go first.

Yesterday I called someone to arrange a “let’s clear this up” meeting that ought to have taken place eight months ago. Just having made the call and set up a date makes me feel lighter.

Do it today!

Think of a conversation or healing that needs to happen. Make the first move to resolve it.

The video made me cry. Hopefully it will make you cry too!

~ Kim
xx

Because I think these people are missing the point.

Instead of using some kind of oblique and irrelevant symbol, why not go right to the source?

Go find that G-Spot and give it some love.

If you wore a button that said, “Hey!! Did you love your G-Spot today? I did!” I’d be much more supportive.

Forgive me for pounding the G-Spot message home, but in the wake of a sea of November facial hair, I cannot resist.

My view of disease is that it is the expression of our unresolved, unhealed, suppressed trauma. The stuff we’d rather keep buried and not look at.

Our bodies have a different opinion. The job of the body is to bring that stuff up to the surface. And gently or strongly urge us to deal with it.

A lot of unresolved shit gets stored in the ass. In men and women. And in God’s playful, clever little way, the male G-Spot, the magic pleasure button, the orgasm-accelerator is found in the ass.

Right there, in that there prostate.

So go get ‘em.

Hunt your demons, face your fears and buck up for a little ass play.

It’s good for you. It’s therapeutic.

There’s a reason we call people “tight asses.” Or we say someone has “a stick up their ass.” We mean that they could use loosening up.

Trust me, after some G-Spot exploration, you’ll feel subdued.

There’s a lot of information out there on how to incorporate anal pleasure. Very little on why.

I’m telling you why: it will make you a more relaxed, integrated and generous person.

Ass love can do that to you.

It’s a great complement to therapy. Or substitute.

But hang on.

Maybe “Movember” really is “play with your butt” month in disguise.

See this?

I saw the check out guy at Whole Foods wearing this button. I thought it looked like two cleaved legs, exposing the path to the sacred male G-Spot.

I asked him about that.

He laughed and couldn’t remember the code for the leeks. It took him three tries.

Moustaches are stupid. If you really want to raise awareness, tell everyone you know about how awesome it is to have discovered your G-Spot, how it’s liberated you as a person and you have the best orgasms ever.