Superpower Couples – Transcript
What is a power couple? When we think of a couple who evokes this term, what are the characteristics they possess? For me, this would mean a couple who are solidly unified; they’ve merged personally, and maybe professionally in some way, or at least both of them have solid accomplishments, and they’ve both learned and appear to be empowered, as in they have direction and control of their lives.
Let’s go further than that. What is an Anami power couple? [Laughs] First off, the word “Anami” means limitless. In Sanskrit, this is the highest level you can go, but beyond that, in terms of the heavens. As far as you can go in your development, your enlightenment, you keep going and growing infinitely. There isn’t a limit to that.
An Anami power couple is all of the above and more. The big difference between them and, let’s say, your average power couple is that they are consciously utilizing the power of their sexual connection and channeling that energy out into the world. It is more accurate to call them a superpower couple.
This is the couple who you can tell are very in sync. They often complete each other’s thoughts or sentences naturally, and you can see and feel the palpable buzz of their sexual energy around them because they now have access to this ease and grace and energy that extends to all parts of their lives, from their health to their careers.
What are the traits of the superpower couple? Well, basically, they’re geniuses. Ha, ha, ha. [Laughs] I often talk about how harnessing your sexual energy makes you a creative genius because you’re tapping into source power. Now you’re using it in your life.
By doing this and then doing it with a partner, you launch the creative power of the universe, and then, through your love, your conscious attention, and the direction of that desire, you’re able to create and recreate your universe anew.
Think about it. Why do you think sex has been so heavily censored and distorted over the past millennia? Not because it’s bad or dirty, but because it’s a massive tool of awakening when used in a conscious and elevated way.
If you’re interested in controlling the masses and keeping them asleep and unquestioning, one of the most pivotal things you would do would be to separate them from this natural, innate power that every single person has access to.
You would distort the narrative and lie about what this thing can actually do, and because, unused and disowned, this power inverts on itself, then you have a population with the life force choked out of it.
They become submissive and, well, stupid. I’ve said before that one of the biggest problems with being under-fucked is that it makes you stupid. You’re blind, deaf, and dumb to your own power and the reality of what is actually happening in and around you and your own power to shape these circumstances.
Before we meet Chris and Loren, who are our Well-F**ked All Star Couple for this episode, here are four main principles and tools I would say are essential to cultivate superpower couple status.
Principle #1: A mutual agreement that the relationship exists as a container for growth. We could call this conscious coupling, and this is something that people rarely do. Most people fall into their relationships. They have no idea how to create them. They are drawn in by their unconscious patterns and triggers, which are seeking resolution, and they fumble their way through.
All of the people I know who I would consider to be sexual or relationship savants have put in the time. Usually through pain, they’ve pushed themselves to learn more and understand their own behavior and how they can make these things work well. They’ve taken responsibility for their healing and their learning.
This means that, like any other facet of their lives—exercise, health, nutrition, career—they understand that their relationship needs constant tending to survive. This means that when we are triggered or we see things about the other person that we don’t like, or about ourselves, we don’t run, we don’t hide, we don’t avoid. We face them.
We know that issues will come up, and this is okay. This is supposed to happen. This is even welcomed because we use these as opportunities to heal our unhealed parts, our blind spots, our weaknesses, and out of that we create strength. We zero right in on whatever is going on, and we look at it together.
Principle #2: We expose ourselves from our hearts to our genitals. We will uncover, and I will let you in. The most challenging and rewarding thing about getting close to someone is, well, getting close to them. We drop our guards, we part our legs, we dare to believe we will be loved and loved well and are worthy of such love.
This is all about surrender. Surrender is the price of admission. Living with walls between you is exhausting, and this will take its toll in everything from the quality of your relationship to your dead sex life, your health, and your finances.
The price of living in a state of defensiveness is a slow or rapid death. If you listened to my Quantum Love and Healing podcast with Bruce Lipton a couple of weeks back, you’ll remember that we talked about growth versus protection, and there’s this microcosm of a cell. A cell cannot be in both simultaneously. This is one of my favorite micro/macro metaphors ever.
When you are in defense mode, you don’t grow. You would be surprised by how many people have defense and lockdown as their permanent states. You can buy into the narrative that going into lockdown is the way to solve a problem, or you can rewrite the narrative with the idea and fact that placing yourself in a vibration of love and openness is what transcends everything. It builds your immunity to everything from pathogens to societal programming because you’re now just so far beyond it all. You have transcended these silly human detours and traps.
Principle #3: We will fuck a lot, and fucking is important. Osho used to say something like, “You can fuck all your problems away,” and to an extent, he’s right. Fucking with no talking won’t work, and talking with no fucking won’t work. But the fucking can often resolve a lot of issues wordlessly, and the deep talking can and usually does lead to cataclysmic fucking.
This is all about the prioritization of sex. Even if you think you have no time and your kids are around and you have this and you have that, I do not buy your excuses. Get up half an hour earlier in the morning and have a 30-minute sex date. Buy a trailer and put it in your backyard for mommy and daddy private time.
When the going gets rough, the sex gets rougher, ha, ha, ha. [Laughs] The sex is what will save you and give you the brainpower, creativity, and physical energy, as well as the superpower couple quality that I speak of.
If you haven’t already, check out the past couple of episodes of the podcast “Sex, Intimacy, and Immunity,” and I already mentioned the Quantum Love and Healing episode with Dr. Bruce Lipton.
I am 100% right on these things because science.
Principle #4: I will tell you the truth, and yes, the truth shall set us both free. Radical honesty and open communication are integral to this relationship. Your bullshit will get you nowhere. [Laughs]
It always amazes me when people lie and think that they’re getting away with it. Oh, you’re so crafty! Because everyone knows everything. In the ethers and the collective unconscious, even if they aren’t fully aware of how or why or what they know, they still know.
So every lie that you tell, every sin of omission you perpetuate, is coloring itself upon the tapestry of your connection, and you are deadening that connection.
The truth is essential in these kinds of relationships. It’s like Anais Nin says, “Most relationships don’t die from major blows; they die from a thousand tiny little nicks and hacks.” If you want the relationship where the sex eventually fizzles out and you and your partner lead separate lives and have separate bedrooms, by all means, tell white lies and full-on lies all day long, or on Sundays, or whatever. But you can reverse that entropy with honesty. That is the key to taking the relationship from the unconscious into the realm of conscious, where you transcend all.
In today’s episode, we have a Well-F**ked All Star Couple, a superpower couple, Loren and Chris. Through chatting with them, you’ll get a sense of these things in action, all of these principles that they’ve applied to their lives, and how they have reached this legendary, superpower couple status.
Well-F**ked All Stars!
Hello, Chris and Loren, welcome.
LOREN: Hi, Kim, lovely to be here.
CHRIS: Hello.
KIM: This is a Well-F**ked Couple that I would like to have share some of their experiences and practices with you. Tell me, we had this interview scheduled for today, and yet I think it interrupted something that you were doing. What was that?
LOREN: [Laughs] Well, at about three in the morning, I got up to go to the toilet, and then Chris suddenly said, “What time is it?” Or I said, “What time is it?” One of us said, “What time is it?” We realized it was three and that we had scheduled to meet you at four. So suddenly we had to be aware of time.
KIM: In the middle of your sex date?
LOREN: In the middle of our sex date, yeah, which Chris thought was quite ironic because you were the person who introduced this concept to our lives, and we were having to cut it short. [Laughs]
KIM: So tell me about that. How do your sex dates function? Do you two schedule sex? Because when I have people schedule it, it’s because they’re not naturally having enough of it. If people are spontaneously having enough of it, that’s great. They don’t have to schedule it, although I do recommend that people carve out a certain length of time. For example, two to three hours where they know they’re going to be uninterrupted. How does that work for the two of you?
CHRIS: Well, we don’t live in the same house, and Loren’s got a toddler, a little boy. So we plan when we’re going to be together, and then that revolves around the little boy, and then when he’s in bed, we’re in bed.
LOREN: [Laughs] That’s well said.
KIM: How long do your sessions typically last? How long do you spend being actively in bed together?
LOREN: I’d say a standard amount of time is probably a couple of hours.
CHRIS: Yeah.
LOREN: But then when we make a special time, it’s three or four hours. But actually, it’s probably been a month since we’ve had a sex date like we did today, where it’s in the middle of the day and I go to the spa or something before and just get in the zone and get really ready and excited.
Today I thought I’d try something out. I was swimming, and I thought, “I want to do something spicy today.” I hadn’t got anything planned, so I last-minute drove round to some shops and bought some interesting food. Then I blindfolded you, didn’t I?
CHRIS: Yeah.
LOREN: And we got involved with some foods. [Laughs] It was really fun.
CHRIS: Yeah. I was hungry, too.
[Laughter]
LOREN: So mostly, it’s that feeling that, every few weeks, it’s nice to bring something intentional in. Like, “Today, we’re going to focus on this.” Mostly, it’s pretty organic, because there’s a lot of spice there already, but it’s nice to bring things in that you spend time preparing for and thinking about before.
Because even when your sex life is really spicy, there are always patterns you can get into. Even if you’re having sex, if you’re intimate for a long time, you can still get into the same pattern that needs to be broken up. Let’s just go really slow, because sometimes we’re so hungry for each other that it’s hard to slow things down.
KIM: Well, I’d say that’s the hallmark of people who do keep their sex life thriving and novel over the years—that intention to do so. The intention to look at it as this thing that constantly needs nurturing and attention and, as you say, bringing forth a variety that you’ve created. So you’re thinking about how to make it different and new and unusual.
CHRIS: Yeah. It’s one of our topics of conversation. It’s something that we talk about a lot.
LOREN: A lot. You’ve got loads of great ideas. I feel like you’ve got all the good ideas, and I’m tired with my son and my business, and then in the evening, you’re like, “Yeah, I was thinking …” on the phone. You’ve got great ideas. [Laughs]
CHRIS: I’m quite time-rich.
LOREN: You are. Yeah, you’ve got a bit more time than me, so you can sit there and conjure up fantasies.
KIM: That’s wonderful.
CHRIS: Yeah, it’s really different from any relationship I’ve been in before. We’re not just having sex; we’re cultivating sexiness. We talk about whatever comes into our minds, but it’s an ongoing conversation of which sex is a physical component. But we talk about it, we think about it, we laugh about it. Yeah, it’s part of our relationship in quite a structural way, if that makes any sense.
LOREN: Yeah. That and food.
CHRIS: Yeah. Appetite.
KIM: [Laughs] So you look at sex as the glue in your relationship, and you make a lot of space for it and consider it to be something you need to focus on and prioritize in your lives as an essential, integral part of your connection, rather than something that’s like, “Oh yeah, we have sex,” but it’s lower down on the list of where your focus is.
CHRIS: Yeah, exactly. I’ve always enjoyed having sex, and all my partners in the past have always had sex, but it’s totally different. It’s a bit like the difference between self-pleasure and having a wank. It’s a totally different thing. Because of the work I’ve done with you and Loren’s enthusiasm and so on, it’s just changed the texture of that aspect of my life. I’m much more at home in it rather than it being just something that I do at the end of the day, you know, with a beginning, a middle, and an end. It just seems to be much more woven into the texture of it.
KIM: Right. That’s a beautiful way to describe it. I often talk about how I think for the average person, their sex life is quite separated out to the bedroom to a certain time frame, and that’s it; they’ve had sex.
Versus the stuff that I’m trying to teach people about, the idea that your sexual connection is constantly flowing between you, so it doesn’t just end at the bedroom or the kitchen counter or the back seat of the car, whatever. There’s constantly this flow of energy between the two of you, and you’re always looking at ways to bolster that and keep that. I call it the sexual simmer, but keep that simmer flowing between you.
CHRIS: Yeah, I agree. It’s really fun, and it’s really charged being in a relationship. I really respect and admire Loren. She’s very smart, sensitive, and intelligent, and I really admire the way she goes about her business.
But I also really want to fuck her, and it’s a really good thing. I also just want to open her legs, you know? It’s a really cool quality.
KIM: Yes, absolutely. Tell us about when you two first met, because I know that Loren was doing her own practices of cultivating her sexual energy. She’s a great example of someone who was single and well-fucked. Meaning she wasn’t actually having sex with other people, but she was having it with herself in such a conscious way that she was then radiating what I call the well-fucked glow. Wearing her sexual energy, inhabiting it in such a way that it becomes magnetic.
Tell us about when you first met and what your impressions were of her and her energy that way.
CHRIS: Well, really eye-catching. The context is that I’d been single for a couple of years out of choice because my previous relationship to Loren wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t abusive or anything profoundly negative. It was just the sum total of all the lazy decisions I’d made in the past. We had sex, and she was good-looking and sexy, and I wasn’t expecting any more, and I didn’t get any more. I realized when that finished, I put myself—what’s the best way of putting it? Off the market.
But I just thought, “I’m not even getting involved. I’m just going to lick my wounds and just work out what I want because I’m not getting any younger, and it just seems to be repeated patterns in relationships. It’s obviously me because I’m in all those relationships.”
I’d taken a couple of years just to be on my own, and I enrolled to do an MA just to keep my mind occupied and focus on doing—just being—
LOREN: Just channeling your energy.
CHRIS: Yeah, just working out what I wanted. I set the bar high, and I decided I didn’t want to make the same mistakes again. It was just weird. It was in the summer that we met, in early August, and I’d almost come up for air about a couple of weeks before. I’d just suddenly realized that I was ready. I met someone at a festival and thought, “Oh yeah, that’s what it feels like when you’re attracted to someone.” She was touching me a little bit. Nothing happened, but it was just—
LOREN: Charged.
CHRIS: It just sparked my interest. “Oh yeah, that’s what it’s like. I forgot what it’s like to be interested in someone in that way.”
Then, a couple of weeks later, I was with some friends, and we walked into this place where Loren was working, and there she was, and that was it. I was ready to meet, not someone, but her. Yeah, we just chimed straight away.
LOREN: We did.
KIM: What I really love in hearing both of your stories is that you both took this time to really focus on yourself. I’ve had that experience too. Years ago, after my last relationship, I said, “All right, I see certain patterns happening over and over again, and I want to uplevel.” I had the same thing, a conscious withdrawal.
As you say, taking yourself off the market without any particular end goal apart from working on yourself and upleveling yourself to get to a place where you felt shifted and transformed in a way. Then you attracted a higher-level partner through that.
I really love hearing that both of you did that consciously and then manifested each other.
CHRIS: It really feels like that. I said earlier on, I think before Loren had introduced me to you and your work, I just feel like we conjured each other up. I didn’t have an image of the woman I wanted to be with in terms of what she looked like, but I didn’t realize how clear what she felt like to me had become. Loren completely embodied exactly what I was looking for. I just knew that it would happen.
LOREN: Yeah. It’s getting to that place of knowing, isn’t it? Kim, remember I said in our last interview, I felt like there was this man energy around me all the time, and I kept turning round because it was almost like, how is it not here? It’s just jumping out of the walls.
KIM: I know you’ve already shared that in another interview, but maybe you could just describe that a little bit in case someone doesn’t hear that other story. Describe how that was for you before you met Chris.
LOREN: Yeah, of course. I had a baby with someone, and it wasn’t the right relationship. After a lot of work to try and leave it, the other person finally got the message, and I went into my cave and did all this work.
Something that I was thinking when you were just speaking, Chris, is it’s like you have to get so comfortable in your loneliness and really feel so exquisitely happy in that place. You realize that you’re not lonely anyway, but the loneliness is that feeling that I’m single and I’d like to be with someone.
When that feeling itself almost becomes your partner, you don’t need anything outside. But then the amazing irony is, when you’re not going into a big, crowded place and looking around to see what member of the opposite sex is looking at you, when you’re really not in that place, everyone is looking at you. [Laughs] That’s the irony of it.
So I digress.
KIM: Well, you both cultivated this level of self-love and upleveling, and then it was when you shifted into that next dimension that you both were vibrating at another level.
LOREN: Yes.
KIM: Then you just brought each other into each other’s space, which is something that I talk about a lot. I’ve never been of the mind that you need to really work hard to go find a partner. I’ve never used dating services or online dating, anything like that. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, per se. But I’ve always been of a mind that—
LOREN: Just not your vibe.
KIM: Not my vibe, but I’ve also been of the mind that when you really do your internal work and you’re really in yourself and in a wonderful place, you just find people, and they find you easily. In the parking lot of the grocery store and the elevator.
It just happens all the time without having to go out and try to make it happen. I think to me, that’s the barometer; when you know that you’re in a really positive place, suitable people just show up. Not just anyone, but people who would be contenders.
LOREN: Yeah. People who need you.
KIM: It’s great that you both came into it. Yes.
LOREN: Yeah. You know, the funniest thing is, I was reflecting today in the shower that, since I was 17, I’ve been with partners who aren’t from the UK. There’s just been this thread weaving throughout my life of “I’m not going to meet my partner in the UK” or “He’s not going to be from the UK.” So they’ve been people who have lived here or whom I’ve met when I’ve been traveling, and then they’ve come back here with me, or whatever it is. But in a string of six relationships, none of them has been English.
My baby’s dad isn’t English—and when I actually did this work and stayed exactly where I was, the person I met was English, and I met him exactly where I was. It just hit me today. “Wow! I was just where I am as I am, and that’s where I met him, in my city.” Nothing particularly exotic about it, apart from it is exotic because it’s our relationship, but it was right in front of me.
KIM: Well, it is a beautiful metaphor, I agree, in that if we think about everything as a projection, a representation of where we are in our state of consciousness and you’re bringing in all these people who are—there’s a distance there. A built-in distance to some degree.
LOREN: Yeah. How interesting.
KIM: Then you bring in someone who’s that close to home, there are no more excuses. There’s no more running away, no more built-in distance. Your capacity for intimacy has grown to where you realize, “Okay, I’m ready. I’m ready to really show up and really be seen.”
LOREN: Yeah, yeah.
CHRIS: I was really clear in my head before I met Loren that I wanted to be kept on my toes.
[Laughter]
LOREN: You’ve done something wrong.
CHRIS: Which is something I became boringly familiar with.
LOREN: Oh, babe!
CHRIS: But just someone that isn’t going to let you—
KIM: Hide.
CHRIS: Yeah, someone who isn’t just going to let you be lazy about the important things, because I didn’t want to be. That’s not how I characterized myself. But you want to be with someone who you feel excited by and not anxious, not anxious with at all—I don’t know the best way of putting it.
KIM: Challenged.
LOREN: Challenged.
CHRIS: Yeah, challenged. You want to be—there should be space to grow. There should be—
[0:28:28.1]
CHRIS: You still there?
KIM: Yeah.
LOREN: Yeah.
CHRIS: Sorry. There was some weird phone thing.
[0:28:33.2]
CHRIS: Yeah. I knew that I wanted to be with someone who could teach me and inspire me to try new things and not fossilize in what I was used to. Yeah. Exactly the case as where we are now. We’re totally open to new things. Not just in a stupid questing for novelty the whole time, but just …
LOREN: Open?
CHRIS: Yeah, open-minded. Not everything that Loren brings to the table I’m interested in, but I’m always happy to find out more about it and to interrogate it because I know that if it’s interested her, then it will be interesting. Whether or not it charms me is a different thing, but it’s really great.
LOREN: We’ve grown so much individually and together since getting together. I really now see how in my past relationships I guarded a part of my potential, and there was this subtle feeling of almost being slightly against the other person. It’s really subtle, almost like there are sides, like who’s been working the hardest or who’s the tiredest, who’s had the most stressful week, or whatever it is.
When you’re doing that, when you’re putting a bit of your energy away, you can’t fully flourish together. You just can’t because you’re siphoning off some of your energy. The only bit that gets through is 50% of yours and 50% of mine, and then the other leaky bit is pulling you down.
But when you’re both channeled together—I feel like where I am now, in my business and in my health, is because of our relationship. It’s entirely because of the power of our relationship.
KIM: That’s really amazing to hear because when I talk about that place, most people, I think, have a relationship that you’ve just described, a bit guarded or quite guarded, and they just subsist as though that’s a normal place to be. So they’ve got walls up against each other, places where they don’t fully show up or fully communicate or fully be honest or ask for what they need, or they put a certain persona forward. And then they subsist in that type of space.
Yet the gourmet sex, superpower relationship that I talk about and try to inspire people to have and show them how to have is where you’ve got this full honesty, vulnerability, expression. You’re letting all of yourself come into the space, and so are they. Then it charges and uplevels every other part of your existence. Not just what you have in bed, but everything else feels the benefit of that. You in your job, you as a parent, you out in the world in any particular way.
The proof is in the pudding. You know when you’ve shifted into that relationship because you feel like you’ve unleashed the superpower.
LOREN: Yeah. Absolutely well said. It has to start with choosing somebody whom you really admire and fancy. It has to start with that on an intellectual level, on a physical level, on a lifestyle level.
All of those things in the way that you would choose a friend, a full sense of admiration, adoration, respect, and also the sexual side of it. It has to start with that. I’m looking back now, and if it doesn’t start with that, then you start resenting the other person, and that’s not fair. No one wants to live feeling resented. You pick someone who smokes, and then you have a go at them for smoking all the time. That’s not fair to them. They’ve been clear about who they are.
I think in the past I did little things like that. I would say to anyone who’s listening, who’s maybe single and really wants to bring in that person who feels like their teammate, their team, their other half—although that sounds a bit 50/50 postmodern—their soul mate. Someone who they can go to those depths with: Just really be clear with yourself when you’re dating someone. Just really get into that place of intuition and self-groundedness and understanding. Then from there, the people you’re going to choose are going to be a mirror of that because you’re not choosing them from a place of desperation or insecurity or fear or loneliness or whatever it is, which we could all experience.
But then when it starts from that, it’s not even good to settle for a clothing item that is the next best thing. Let alone a human being.
Someone was talking about this in my life the other day. When you have options and there’s a thing you’d get if you had the money, like an exquisite silk dress, but it costs a lot, instead of just saving up and buying it in two years’ time and fainting in delight every time you wear it, you buy the one that you can afford because you want it now. But then every time you put it on, there’s this slight feeling of “It’s not quite the right one.” [Laughs]
And just to live like that with a human being is a slow torture, I think. So I would say yes, for anyone who’s single, really get into that place of your own juiciness and intuition, and then from there, the people you’re going to meet, just make sure you really admire them; don’t pick someone you would ever want to talk down to.
CHRIS: You don’t want a project.
LOREN: You don’t want a project.
CHRIS: You don’t want a doer-upper.
LOREN: Yeah. [Laughs] You don’t want to buy a house that you need to renovate.
KIM: So you had both done your own independent work and then, Loren, you had done Well-F**ked Woman. Was it Well-F**ked Woman or Vaginal Kung Fu?
LOREN: Both of them, Kim.
KIM: That’s fine, okay. That’s what I thought. And then Chris did Sexual Mastery for Men. You both were then consciously studying and having this different framework for your sex life.
What are some ideas that you took from those practices that you think really helped to sustain and elevate your sex life as it is now?
CHRIS: The time scales. Just suddenly realizing that it could go on for hours, and there doesn’t have to be an ejaculation at the end of it. That was quite a seismic shift in my thinking because sex had always been, like I said before, a beginning, a middle, and an end. It had a story arc, and it always ended with orgasm.
That’s a way of doing it, but what you’re teaching is much more long-lasting and much more potent and powerful. It just hadn’t crossed my mind. It’s as simple as that. It wasn’t an alien concept when it was revealed to me, but it just had never been obvious to me.
LOREN: You picked it up very quickly, I must say. [Laughs]
CHRIS: Yeah, well, it wasn’t like it was two minutes and done, but there always had to be a conclusion, it felt like.
Whereas now we can sometimes run out of time rather than run out of energy or whatever. So okay, now there’s a reason that it has to finish, and it’s not frustrating because it hasn’t reached a particular conclusion. You just leave it and pick it up whenever, whether it’s conversationally or next time we’re in bed together. It’s a thread that carries on rather than an episodic thing.
KIM: How did that then translate outside of the bedroom for you? You’ve had these different, more expanded sexual experiences. Did you notice how that had an influence on the rest of your life?
CHRIS: Yeah. I think as a man, you feel confident. If you know that your woman is happy with your performance—I know that’s a very reductive way of putting it, but that’s certainly how I would always have thought. You want to be good in bed, don’t you? That’s the phrase that everyone thinks they understand.
And I’ve always thought I was good in bed, but it was differently good. This is a whole different realm; it’s much more sensual, much more sexy, rather than just having sex. So I feel like I walk a little bit taller and feel a bit more manly.
LOREN: Chris, you’ve trained since you were a teenager. You’ve always worked out hard and trained and been very physically fit and into food. You go to bed early and lead a healthy life.
But since I’ve met you, things one by one have just been dropping away. You’re saying, “Oh, I don’t think I want to drink alcohol anymore. Don’t think I want to …” And I think there’s a massive blink. I don’t know if you were going to say that, but I thought I’d put that in. You’re getting younger, my love. [Laughs]
CHRIS: Yes, seems that way. But for quite a long time, I’ve had all the good things in my life. I have a yoga practice and so on, and like Loren said, I exercise, and I’m fit and healthy. I feel good about that. It didn’t feel like I needed to add anything else in, but I’ve always had bad habits as well. I felt like I needed to get rid of the bad habits rather than introduce good ones.
So the hangover from having a dissolute twenties and lots of friends who are single and free and easy was quite a lot of bad habits that just hung about. Yes, since being with Loren, they’ve all fallen away. I haven’t had to give anything up; I’ve just not wanted to do them anymore.
It’s been really interesting; having our sex life as a primal focus means that loads of other things just fall away. Because you can’t have as hard an erection if you’ve had half a bottle of wine. That’s just the way it goes. And I like having half a bottle of wine. But I like having a hard erection now more—or a harder erection. I don’t want to talk myself down. It was always hard.
LOREN: It was always hard.
CHRIS: But there’s a difference between acceptable and—
LOREN: Throbbing.
CHRIS: “Fuck me, that’s impressive.”
And I’m moving away from the acceptable. Loads of things that I thought were nonnegotiables have just dropped away. That’s really interesting to me because I’m 43, so it’s not my first—
LOREN: Time around the block.
CHRIS: Yeah, it’s not my first time around the block. I’ve made plenty of mistakes, and I’ve got plenty of ingrained good habits and bad habits. But the bad ones have just been different. My life has just been focused on different things. I’m waffling now, aren’t I? Yeah, you know what I’m saying.
KIM: You said it very well, and I fully agree. I think the piece that most people don’t ever even get to is that we have so many taboos and shame around sexuality that there’s not even a thought that this could become, A) A personal growth tool; and B) This substance that’s energizing and rejuvenating and nourishing and has an impact on everything else that you do so you’re so nourished. I think most people are so sexually starved that they’re not tapping into that as an energy source and a resource.
And so they have no idea it’s even possible. Then, on top of that, they have all of these things preventing them: “Oh, you’re a ho if you do …”
LOREN: Or a mum or whatever.
KIM: Right. There’s all this baggage that’s on top of it, so they don’t ever even get beneath that to see what’s possible.
Then when you do and you truly get nourished, like what I say, with gourmet sex, a very satisfying, multidimensional encounter, you’re so fed on so many levels that yes, the things that maybe you used to go for instinctively or to fill a void just fall away.
I love that because what I often see in so many parts of people’s lives, the changes that happen to them, they’re not trying to do them. They’re not trying to lose weight. They’re not trying to be more confident. Like, “I am confident. I am confident.” You know? [Laughs] They’re not. That’s not the journey.
The journey is that they’re doing this inner sexual work; they’re really focusing on their sexual connection as this power source. Whether they’re single or in a relationship where the power gets amplified even more, all of these things start to happen without them consciously trying to make them happen.
LOREN: Yeah, absolutely.
CHRIS: Yeah. That’s definitely been my experience. It’s really interesting, and it’s framed as, rather than giving things up, they just don’t have the call.
LOREN: Temptation.
CHRIS: Or the attraction that they did have.
KIM: Right.
CHRIS: Your relationship with the things changes because, yeah, there’s something much more deeply nourishing about a good relationship and great sex. Why would I want to compromise on that? When you become familiar with it and that starts to be something that you expect, then why would you want to not have it?
KIM: Yes. Well, that’s your fueling station. Your relationship becomes your fueling station. It’s like when people don’t really have exercise in their life, so they decide that they’re going to exercise, and they’ve heard of all these benefits of it intellectually, but they haven’t really experienced it.
LOREN: So they go run and it hurts.
KIM: Right. They go for a run, and they have to force themselves. The first 20 minutes are hell. But then after 20 minutes or so, their endorphins kick in, their neurotransmitters start to shift a little bit, and they say, “Oh, this is actually good.” Then for the next few weeks, they stay committed to this new exercise regime, but they have to force themselves out the door. “All right, I said I would work out today. I’m going to go do it.”
But then something amazing happens. It’s like after three weeks, the brain and the body have shifted. There are these new neural pathways that have been created, and they understand, “This is something that’s good for us on every level.” Then the brain and the body say, “Hey, when are we going to exercise today? Don’t you have to work out? Let’s go. Let’s get out that door.”
LOREN: Yeah. We need to, come on!
KIM: Right, right. We need to get fed. Get us out there. Then it has a life of its own because your body and your brain are on board now. They know, and they’re going to hold you to it.
I feel like that same thing happens with people sexually; they don’t know what they don’t know, what they’ve never experienced. Then they start to get glimpses of it, and they start having these regular sexual encounters without having to necessarily schedule them.
The only thing you might do is make sure that you’ve carved out some time, logistically, away from a child or where you’re both not focused on other commitments. That’s the scheduling part. You would naturally be having it, but scheduling more specific, larger chunks of time.
LOREN: It is an effort in the sense that we often think, “Well, we want to have some time in bed, and we have to eat, and we don’t like eating late,” so it definitely takes a bit of creative thinking. Doesn’t it? We don’t just go with the flow. We say, “Yeah, but we’ll have just eaten dinner then, so we’re not going to have much time.” We don’t want to make love on a full stomach.
We’re definitely thinking ahead a few days in advance, planning when we’ll eat and all that stuff. It’s a bit more fun in a relationship because there’s never that feeling of effort with sex that there is with exercise, in that exercise actually does hurt. Like HIIT training or something like that. Sometimes I really have to force myself, and I always do, but sometimes it’s like, “Oh, come on then.”
But with giving a blow job or something, I never have to convince myself to do it. But I can imagine if someone was in that situation—and it’s not a judgment; it’s easy to get into that if you haven’t been paying attention to your relationship and you resent your partner and then you don’t want to give them a blow job or something. I would say if you know they’re the right person for you and you love them, then don’t listen to that voice and just go for it. Just tell that voice to shut up because really it’s your relationship or it’s your feeling of, “Oh, I’m a bit annoyed with them; I don’t want to give them a blow job.” And what do you want more?
So yeah, sometimes you have to just do what you know is right, if that’s the situation as well.
KIM: Right. I think there’s a difference between people being quite estranged and having a lot of internal clearing work to do before they can get to that place where their sexual energy is flowing versus just making excuses, like “It’s late” or “I’m too tired.” Because you’re already living in more of a simmer, so there’s more of that natural pull. But when people drop below that, as you said, the buildup of stuff that’s unresolved between them and all the other excuses becomes really weighty. “Oh, it’s nighttime.” “Oh, I’m tired.” “Oh, but this TV show is on.” Whatever. They start to default to that.
What would you two say? What are the top three things that you say you do to really nurture your sexual connection?
LOREN: I think the biggest thing is that we’re not each other’s therapist. I know that’s not a direct answer to your question, but I never feel like Chris is coming to me as if I’m his therapist. We share, we’re very open, we’re very vulnerable, and everything is completely open energetically. But I never get the feeling from him that he’s in a bad way and I need to help him unravel things.
I can come to him, and I can burst into tears, and I can cry, but it’s never this feeling that I need him to be my therapist. We don’t put that weight on each other, but obviously there are all kinds of ways that we support each other. So I’d say that’s the biggest thing for keeping a simmer on a psychological level.
CHRIS: Yeah. Being competent in our own lives so there’s no damsel-in-distress requirement at any given time. In my previous relationships, it always felt like a bit of a net drain for both parties somehow. But it seems like we’re both putting in 100% and getting out more. It’s like a perpetual energy machine.
LOREN: So what do you think we do to keep it? Was it to keep the simmer alive, Kim, that you said? Is that your question?
KIM: Sure. I said to nurture your sexual connection, but keeping the simmer alive is really the same idea.
CHRIS: I think it’s always an aspect of our conversation. Admittedly, we don’t live together, so there are certain mundane conversations that aren’t yet relevant, like who’s the gas supplier or whatever, although we will be living together soonish.
So I guess we’re lucky that there’s a certain amount of…
KIM: Mystery that’s still there.
CHRIS: Yeah. Loren was coming to me for midday today. The house is always nice, but I just put some candles on, some nice smell in the room.
LOREN: You make an effort.
CHRIS: Yeah, it was welcoming, a nice place to come into. We make things special for each other. Loren wouldn’t be upset if I hadn’t made the effort, but you don’t yet know what it’s like to come into my house without me having made an effort because I always do.
LOREN: My body just relaxes because I come in here and see everything that you’ve done.
CHRIS: But yeah, I think it’s not a moot point that we talk about sex; it’s just part of the conversation.
LOREN: Our orgasms.
CHRIS: And that’s important because you don’t have to start talking about things when you should be getting intimate. The conversation is happening all the time, and then the intimacy is part of that.
KIM: When you say you’re talking about orgasms, for example, what are you talking about?
LOREN: I really love it when we drive together because I’m often driving around with Monty, and if the three of us go on a little trip somewhere on the weekend, we get to sit in the car for a few hours and talk, and I love that. Because we don’t often get that much time, and I’ll just say, “I realized I can have an anal orgasm, and it’s blowing my mind,” and then we’ll talk about that. Because sometimes in the bedroom, we don’t remember all this; it’s just too intense.
KIM: Well, you’re not in your mind to analyze at the same time as having the experience.
LOREN: Yeah, right.
KIM: You’re in your ass.
LOREN: Exactly. You just can’t think about anything. So sometimes it’ll be days later, and I’ll say, “Yeah, wow,” and then come back down to Earth a little bit or come back into my head.
Then you’ll tell me your experience about what it was like for you; if it was something that happened in my body, you’ll tell me what it was like to be part of that.
CHRIS: Sometimes I’ll call Loren, and she won’t answer because she’s self-pleasuring. And an hour later, I’ll get a call. “I couldn’t talk because I was …”
LOREN: I’ll send you a photo then.
CHRIS: Yeah, because there’s no talk. It’s not like, “Oh, for fuck’s sake, why didn’t you answer the phone?” There’s no frustration. That’s what Loren wants to do, and that’s cool with me.
LOREN: And it’s good for everyone. [Laughs]
CHRIS: Yeah, it’s good for everyone. So it just becomes part of every conversation. “Oh, I couldn’t answer the phone because of this or because I was self-pleasuring,” or whatever it might be. It’s what we talk about.
KIM: So tell me about these anal orgasms, if you’d like. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.
LOREN: Yeah. It was a huge, huge, mind-blowing revelation for me to realize that I could have an orgasm from anal sex. And then when I started thinking about it, I thought, well, of course, because the anus isn’t gender-specific. Gay men have known this for thousands and thousands of years, and gay men’s bumholes aren’t any different from straight women’s bumholes, so there must be something in this.
KIM: Full of nerve endings.
LOREN: Sorry?
KIM: Full of nerve endings.
LOREN: Full of nerve endings, yes. Yeah, so it was a real revelation to me, and I feel like in a sense I lost my virginity to him in that way. I’d had anal sex experiences before, but I hadn’t really understood about letting go on that deep, energetic level, so I just—yeah. It was painful, and I endured it, but I knew that there was someplace deeper to go, so I hadn’t written it off completely. I wouldn’t write anything off completely. I just knew that tensing [laughs] and trying to experience pleasure were not going to go hand in hand.
Then we’ve been exploring it since the early days, haven’t we? It’s a special-occasion thing.
CHRIS: Yeah.
LOREN: And it’s just completely transcendental. It just blows my mind. But then, obviously, because you’re not being penetrated, I’m always interested in how it’s different for you, and I just love talking about the sexual experiences we’ve had. I love reflecting on them, and it brings it all back up, doesn’t it? It turns us on again.
CHRIS: Yeah. It’s probably worth saying as well, if it’s not immediately obvious, that Loren talks about sex quite a lot anyway. So with friends and—
LOREN: Yeah, we’re in a sexual—this is—
CHRIS: Part of the reason that we talk about sex so much is because Loren is quite comfortable talking about sex anyway, so it would be natural that we do. But it’s freeing to have that as part of our relationship because it means that things just get spoken about. Yeah. I think that’s probably the biggest thing, just having it always around.
KIM: So there’s a constant openness about it.
CHRIS: Yeah.
KIM: There’s no taboo or judgment.
CHRIS: No.
KIM: And there’s a freedom to just express and say or do whatever.
CHRIS: Yeah. It’s not like sex doesn’t live in the bedroom. It’s not like we get sex out of every time we go to the bedroom. It pervades our life together.
LOREN: Yeah. I was saying, Kim, to you in our last interview, that I want my little boy to grow up with the feeling of his mum being happy and fulfilled and sensual and a healthy sexuality to be really normalized. I want people to come around to our house and see that example, because I did not grow up with that.
I grew up with conventional parents working hard with a nice house, never really kissed. Great people individually, but didn’t have that much active affection toward each other. Most of my friends’ parents, it was the same.
I remember if there was someone’s parents who would grab each other’s asses and kiss each other and stuff, we’d all be saying, “Yeah, their parents are really kinky!” It was this crazy thing that their parents did.
KIM: And relatively speaking, it is, because most people are just hiding all of that energy from their kids, if they’re even experiencing it.
LOREN: If they’re even experiencing it, yeah. If they’re hiding it, great; at least they’ve got it on some level.
KIM: All right. So to summarize, you would say you’re not using each other as therapists, as in you’ve got your own emotional, energetic, and psychological support. You come to each other as whole people.
LOREN: Yeah.
KIM: You’re doing your own work.
LOREN: We do. We look after ourselves a lot, yeah.
KIM: Yeah. Then you have a very open forum for talking about sex outside of the bedroom, so you can express and debrief and reexperience. Yeah.
CHRIS: Fantasize, yeah.
KIM: Yeah. And what else?
CHRIS: Sometimes people get into a relationship, and that’s when they give up. So they stop going to the gym, or they’re not quite as assiduous in their self-care. I see it so many times. People get married and then stop giving a shit about how they look, and you think, “That’s not what it’s about.” But we’re both doing everything we can to be objectively as attractive as possible.
LOREN: On an energetic level, yeah.
CHRIS: Yeah. I don’t know, do all the things that you do in order to attract someone, and carry on doing it.
LOREN: Make ourselves so we want to fuck ourselves. [Laughs]
CHRIS: Yeah.
Don’t just take it for granted. I’m very, very, very grateful for what my life currently is. Not every aspect of my life is exactly how I want it, but it feels more and more like that’s a possibility, and that’s really exciting.
KIM: So what do you think the difference is with someone who does let all that stuff go? They stop prioritizing the relationship, versus people like yourselves, say, who are making more effort. I see that same common thread in people who do sustain lifelong passion, decades’ worth of really hot sex; they’re simply making the effort.
But what do you think switches off? Because most people talk about how at the beginning of the relationship there was lots of sex, blah, blah, blah. I have my own ideas, but I’m just curious what you guys think. What happens? What’s the difference between a couple who loses it and a couple who keeps it?
LOREN: Well, what I’m going to say might sound a bit tangential, but the way I see the world is through the lens of art, which has influenced everything I do. And I think it’s this concept of the muse. You’re an artist working really hard to bring about your vision and any material from paint to boardroom design, whatever it is. If you’re an artist, you know that once you’ve reached an aspect of your vision, you still have to work. You have to work even harder the more things come to materialize.
So I think it’s the same in a relationship. As long as you’re open to receiving it, that consistency of being open to receiving it is going to increase your meeting the muse.
If you work hard and you execute a piece of work and then you say, “Oh, okay, great. I can put my paints away. I can stop getting up early. I can stop going for inspiring walks,” or the rest of it, then you’re just going to dwindle because you’re looking at this painting as the epitome of your achievement, rather than the painting is just part of the process, which is this ongoing unfolding of the development of you as an artist.
You might look back in three years at that painting and say, “God, I’m happy I did it, but I’ve moved on so much. I’ve improved how I can paint. I’ve improved my work.” I think it’s the same in a relationship. You either see it as “I’ve got the relationship now, so I don’t have to do anything else,” or the whole thing expands to you. It’s this dimension that opens up the more you put in, the more you get out, and the more subtle it becomes.
CHRIS: Yeah, I agree. It’s the story you tell yourself, isn’t it? If you have this idea that over time things necessarily get worse and you’re necessarily more feeble at 50 than you were at 40, it’s understood that the beginning of a relationship is the best bet. The honeymoon period.
LOREN: It’s so cool that they accept it as well.
CHRIS: Everyone just understands that, “Okay, well, of course we don’t have sex; we’ve been married for five years.” That thing. What you’re talking about.
I’ve never really bought into that way of thinking. I do just think that tomorrow can and should be better than today. Maybe it’s not so subtle a difference; it’s quite a significant difference. But I don’t look to my future self and think that I will be a shadow of the person I am now. I’m looking forward to being that future self, and I imagine he will be more rather than less.
LOREN: That takes confidence, doesn’t it?
CHRIS: So I guess I naturally think the same about the relationship. I think that it’s a living, breathing entity, and we’re feeding all our energy, love, and joy into it, so it makes sense that it would become more rather than less over time.
But I think some people settle, don’t they? They settle down. That’s the term people use, or they settle for someone, and they just —
LOREN: Yeah, settle down.
CHRIS: That’s the metaphor, the story they’re living through.
LOREN: Settle down.
CHRIS: Yeah. Maybe it’s “easier” just to settle for someone and just to, I don’t know, let entropy do its work.
[Laughter]
CHRIS: I don’t really fancy it. I like the fact that I’m virile in my mid-forties because what the fuck? What’s the alternative? I don’t really like the sound of the alternative. I know people who are younger than me who are buying Viagra and things like that. I guess I am being judgmental, but it’s not necessary if you make other decisions.
I was talking to a friend the other day, and he was talking about sexual performance. And I didn’t want to get too cosmic on him because—
KIM: You didn’t want to brag too much.
[Laughter]
CHRIS: No, I really did want to brag, but I didn’t. But rather than getting all cosmic, I said, “Don’t have four pints of beer before you get into bed. Don’t get stoned.” If you’re in your forties and you’re going to bed with someone you’ve been going to bed with for the last three or four or five years and you’re both drunk and you’re both stoned, I don’t know, what are you expecting to happen?
[Laughter]
KIM: Bottle of lube, a few pills of Viagra, and a three-minute sexual experience. That’s what the expectations are.
LOREN: It comes down to confidence, doesn’t it? In the same way that looking after your body comes down to confidence. To run out in the morning when everyone’s on their way to work in their suits and you’re running out in your workout clothes and sweating, and you’ve got a funny face on, and you’re doing this quite odd thing, really. It takes confidence. Sometimes when we do things in the bedroom, there’s a part of me that wants to shy away. Recently, I did that little dance for you when we were in Venice. There was a part of my mind that said, “Oh, well, I could just not do this.” Because it’s a little bit on the edge.
CHRIS: Those heels were high as well.
LOREN: Those heels were high.
[Laughter]
LOREN: And it’s about coming out of your comfort zone. We could’ve had a beautiful lovemaking experience that didn’t include the dance and the game we are playing. But we did. We came out of our box a little bit and came out of our comfort zone. Just like going on stage or going on camera, you have to do that, as Kim, I’m sure, you’re used to a lot. You just have to keep upping that level of what you do to challenge yourself.
KIM: Yes.
LOREN: But you have to take that plunge. As Chris said, I like to talk about sex. I love talking about relationships. When we go to the spa for sauna and steam, people will just start telling me their relationship challenges. I like to think that I’m a nonthreatening voice. I’ll be really sympathetic, but I’ll just say things like, “Well, have you thought about booking a massage or giving her a massage?” Just straight in with a suggestion of something they could implement tonight. Often, their mind will look blown that it could be that simple.
I think it inspires me how workable things actually are, whatever the situation is in your relationship. If you both respect each other and you know you want to be together, yeah, it takes a bit of work, but you can transform it.
If you’re actually with someone whom you know you shouldn’t be with, then the time to leave them is yesterday. That’s a different story.
But I find it really inspiring how, with these little tweaks that you can make—it’s just like getting fit. You can be 25 stone and sitting on the sofa, but you can change your life. It just starts with the choices you make today. I think sensual fitness and relationship fitness are the same. You keep going out of your comfort zone a little bit. I’m going to come back into this incredible zone of comfort and love and intimacy, but you have to dance in and out of it.
KIM: I think you bring up a very good point about the confidence and getting out of your comfort zone, because I feel like in my life and even in my work, for me to feel like I’m growing and challenging myself, I need to do things that are slightly different and new that I have to figure out. Even starting a podcast. It’s like, “All right, I’m going to do that because that’s different and new and putting myself into a whole other skill set and way of operating.”
LOREN: Yeah. You have to show up, don’t you?
KIM: Yeah. You have to show up and call on parts of yourself to do that.
I think confidence is a huge piece, and overall self-responsibility. Making the decision and knowing that you’re the one who can change things, rather than accepting a certain fate or a certain story, even though it’s a very popular story, like the story that after a couple of years, relationships just naturally fizzle out.
Well, it’s not the case; it’s that after a couple of years, people start to put their attention elsewhere, and their relationship starts to reflect that.
And having a priority of growing. It’s a combination of self-responsibility and confidence and having it as an actual value to evolve and grow and keep reaching that next level. You’re either growing or decaying. There’s nothing that’s really in between.
LOREN: Nothing really stays still in the natural world. It might look like it does, but yeah.
KIM: Exactly.
CHRIS: I think for me, certainly in previous relationships, my catch phrase was, “I was going to do that. I was going to. Oh yeah, I didn’t clean it. Oh no, I was going to do it.” It must have been really tedious to be with me, but it was just this, “I was going to do it.” Yeah.
It’s not that you didn’t notice the things that needed doing; it’s just that you were able to—
LOREN: It’s action, isn’t it?
CHRIS: Just able to convince yourself that you could get away with not doing it. Whereas now it’s the total opposite. I feel like if something needs doing, it’s done. It’s already done.
LOREN: You’re very good like that.
CHRIS: If I go over to Loren’s house and notice something, I don’t think, “Oh, look, the bin needs taking out. Never mind, Loren can do it.” I just put it out. All the mundane things don’t add up to much individually, but it’s the mentality that you bring to it. You think, “If I do that now, which will take me about 20 seconds and about three calories, I can do that now and I’ll feel good about doing it, and it means that Loren won’t have to do it.”
KIM: You just added a titch more lubrication to Loren’s vagina.
LOREN: Yeah, totally.
CHRIS: Exactly. And it’s not like, “Oh, look at me, look what I’m doing. Hello, everybody, look at the good thing I’m doing.” You just do it. Whereas, in my twenties, I would either be not doing it and excusing myself for not doing it and tying myself up into knots for why it didn’t get done, or I couldn’t be bothered. It’s just different. You become an adult, and you start taking responsibility for yourself, and then somewhere along the line, the relationship that you’re in becomes the most important thing.
Because you don’t really give everything to the relationship and have nothing left for yourself. It’s like the more you give to the relationship, the more time and space you have for your own development. It’s a really weird mathematics. I don’t know how it works, but you give more and more and more, and you have more and more to give. You don’t end up being henpecked or bullied or nagged because you’ve done all the things; it hasn’t been a hassle to do, but they’re done.
LOREN: You’re being the person you want to be.
CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah, totally. It just makes you feel quietly proud as the person you are, which is not a very English thing to say, but yeah.
LOREN: That’s why I love you, baby.
CHRIS: Yeah, yeah, and I’m Welsh.
I feel like I inhabit myself and the planet much more honestly than ever before. I think that has to do with getting older, but it’s also just because of the decisions you make and prioritizing a good relationship within that framework.
I’m being kept on my toes. That’s what I wanted. I don’t want to be unchallenged by life. I know that if I get a bit lazy about things—and I don’t mean exercise-wise, I just mean—again—
LOREN: You mean, “Let’s watch Netflix.” [Laughs]
CHRIS: Well, no, just turning the other way when things need to be done, just not quite being there. I’ve really noticed that now. It would be really alien to me. Yeah. It makes me feel like I’m being a better person.
KIM: I love what you said about the strange mathematics of the equation of giving.
Giving to being in integrity in yourself and then being in integrity and giving to the relationship. I think it’s this energy amplification that takes place when you’re living that way, and you end up being able to accomplish much more. You’re in a flow. I think there’s something about that self-honesty and then being synced up in your relationship that elevates your whole production. Your output, your flow, and your opportunities magnetize themselves to you. Your ability to get things done in a much more efficient way doesn’t tire you out.
All of these things are byproducts, I think, both of what you said, like on an individual level, your integrity, and how you conduct yourself in your own life and your world overall, and then how you do that in your relationship.
The energy that you put into building a gourmet sex connection feeds you tenfold. You put in this much energy, but it gives back ten times the amount.
CHRIS: Yeah, I agree.
KIM: Wonderful. Is there anything that you’d like to throw into the mix before we wrap up?
CHRIS: Thank you.
LOREN: Thank you, yeah. I just feel so grateful on a practical level to have these tools. I feel so wealthy for having a good relationship, and then it’s just this snowballing effect. I feel really grateful, and I love that I found you and that we found you and that what you teach is a part of our relationship, because more people need these tools for sure.
So yeah, I just feel really grateful, and there’s always more to learn and to uncover, and it’s bloody marvelous to be here.
KIM: Thank you so much. You’re both such a wonderful example of people doing the work to consciously build and empower their relationship.
LOREN: Yeah. It’s amazing work. Thank you, Kim, and best of luck with this wonderful podcast. I love all your episodes. Keep up the good work.
KIM: If you want to learn how to create a conscious relationship where you unleash your superpowers, both as individuals and as a couple, check out my Coming Together for Couples Salon. In this ten-week online program, we cover everything from communication skills to all the steps to move a relationship from the unconscious, default realm to the transcendent, superpower couple place of which I speak.
With a few essential skills thrown in along the way, like learning to have full-body orgasms, separating orgasm from ejaculation for men, vaginal orgasms for women, how to amplify masculine and feminine energies in your relationship, and explode your chemistry, and how to use your sexual connection to build this incredible immunity to everything in your life. Essentially, how to perfect the holy fuck.
To notified when Coming Together opens for registration, you can sign up at KimAnami.com under Sexual Savant Salons and look for Coming Together.
Thank you so much for listening. If you haven’t already, subscribe and also leave a review and send someone else the gift of a healthy libido and an off-the-charts love life by sharing this episode with them. We’ll be back next week and, in the meantime, many happy orgasms.
If you would have someone transcribe your blogs you would have your First Hard copy, Bedside Uploads Book! 😉
XOXO,
Lu Ann
Haha! We transcribe most of them. Sometimes it takes a few days. But I get your point! xx
Thank you for another great podcast. It leaves me excited about the possibilities of a future healthy relationship (when ready) and the exploration of myself, sexuality and resolution of blocks/ patterns and rougher edges in the mean time. I want to feel awesome and step into and really own my ‘power’/ greatness before coming together with someone. I’ve never begun a relationship from the right headspace/ right reasons before. It feels truly exciting to be doing things from a conscious place this time, putting in the self care and also now knowing exactly what I want, taking the time to get ready, rather than be seeking and searching because you are not ‘whole’ yet. You need to fill yourself up first, rather than looking for someone to do that for you. When money allows, I look forward to one day taking your courses. <3