TRANSCRIPT
Many people have misconceptions about what BDSM really is.
For anyone who doesn’t know, BDSM stands for:
Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission / Sadism & Masochism
Even me, before I learned about what it was, and how deep it could be, thought: “oh, whips and chains!”.
And, like with anything, there are superficial versions of it, and there are deeper, sacred and sophisticated versions of it.
Just like how I teach about sex.
i would say that the most “junk food” version of sex is to jerk off to porn, racing to the finish line of the goal of just having an orgasm for stress relief or to you put yourself to sleep.
The gourmet sex version, that I teach, is about having sexual experiences that take you to heights of ecstasy and bliss, give you orgasms that last for hours, and through that you are transformed.
You become a better, more self-realized of yourself.
It’s the same in BDSM.
The deepest themes for me in my BDSM exploration have been playing with surrender and control, and with archetypal feminine and masculine energies.
Especially now, when there is a massive push to “gender neutral’ everyone, I’m passionate about the opposite: appreciating and celebrating the uniqueness of masculine and feminine energies, rather than trying to eradicate them and pretend they don’t exist.
To each their own, and I respect everyone’s right to their own choices.
But that means you also have to respect mine.
Instead of villianizing or marginalizing people who are quite happy to be male and female, and enjoy masculine and feminine energies, these (cough) preferences, are afforded the same dignity.
The hottest sexual chemistry and couples who can’t keep their hands off each other, generally have exaggerated feminine and masculine energies at play.
Archetypically speaking, feminine energy is softer, open, receptive, and embodies the spiritual notion of surrender. The goddess archetype.
Masculine energy is more active, achievement-oriented, driven, takes charge, makes things happen. The warrior archetype.
We all have these energies at play.
For the most part, women inhabit feminine energy and men, masculine energy.
A decade ago, 50 Shades of Grey became an unstoppable, worldwide hit.
Why is that?
Because on a primal level, women want their men stronger than them.
They want a man who can be the protector, who can stand his ground, who exudes power and confidence, is dominant and can take the lead.
And… men enjoy a woman who can truly open herself, trust and fully surrender to him. She can go with the flow.
The massive outcry of women and their gushing pussies, reading and masturbating to that book and begging their husbands to manhandle them and take charge, tells you exactly what’s been missing between couples for decades.
A return to the primal energies we, as animals, naturally inhabit.
And that turn us on.
BDSM gives us a chance to explore and play with these themes, to experiment, try them on, and bring dormant parts of us to the surface.
We can also do this through role play.
Meaning, we play the part like we mean it.
We dive into being uber-dominant or uber-submissive, and let all of the things we dare not do in real, polite society, emerge.
The longer we immerse ourselves, the more reality-changing it can be.
That might be half an hour, or an evening or even a weekend.
In doing this, we invite our shadows out to play.
“Shadow work” is becoming more and more popular these days.
This idea stems from Carl Jung’s work and his reference to the so-called “dark” or unexamined places in ourself.
These are some of the things he had to say about the “shadow”:
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
“Everyone carries a shadow and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”
“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”
“In spite of its function as a reservoir for human darkness—or perhaps because of this—the shadow is the seat of creativity.”
Our fantasies, our secret desires, are often suppressed parts of us that we are afraid to bring forth.
When we liberate these things, we then are able to integrate them and all their hidden gifts into us.
We know ourselves—darkness and light.
WE become whole.
And through that, we become un-fuck-with-able.
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Approaching this kind of experimentation with an attitude of: ??Fun and play. Be outrageous. Have fun with it. Let yourself go wild. This is your arena and opportunity to let things and parts of you out that you generally keep caged up.
Consciousness. I recommend embarking on all these adventures clean and sober. You have to earn your way into these states of consciousness. No cheating. Otherwise they can become more superficial, rather than deeply transformative.
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Here are some scenarios that are BDSM “lite”.
Something I discuss often with men, is how they “initiate” with their women.
Do you “ask permission” to touch or kiss your woman?
Or do you seize her?
At the moment, I’m applying all of these ideas to people in established relationships, not necessarily in early dating stages.
Women want to be “claimed” by their men. Not asked for consent.
***** KISSING SCENE *****
Another example of how to experiment with the man taking more control and the women relinquishing it, could be setting up a date where the man makes all the decisions.
He chooses what you do, where you go, what you eat.
And as the woman, you let him. You PRACTICE giving over the reins. And letting him take them.
***** DINNER ORDERING SCENE *****
And you can reverse the roles.
For a man who is in his head all day, it can be a welcome relief to have his partner take charge and give the orders.
Especially when he’s been very naughty.
**** DINNER ON THE FLOOR SCENE ******
You can have A LOT of fun with BDSM and role play.
And bring out and integrate your shadow self at the same time.
You can use it as a way to ignite the chemistry between you.
Or to make sure you get properly fucked.
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In my Coming Together for Couples Salon, we explore the dynamics of the divine masculine and feminine, and how to amplify these in your lives. I also walk you through how to incorporate some erotic BDSM techniques into your repertoire, to exaggerate these dynamics and give your secret and client parts a voice to express.
You can sign up for the Coming Together salon and view the free video series via the link below.
Come one, come all!
