F*ck Them Until You Change Them – Transcript
I’m always talking about the transformative power of sex.
It’s where the whole “well-f**ked woman” and “well-f**ked man” memes comes from.
This is the idea that the changes and effects of really good lovemaking are written all over someone’s face and body.
And so are the bad ones.
It becomes so obvious that other people can see and feel them.
As a lover, it’s your duty to fuck your partner open.
To penetrate them (man or woman) so deeply, that they forget who they are, they drop all the preconceived, civilized notions of who they are, and a truer, deeper, more real and powerful version of themselves rises to the surface.
Fuck them until you change them.
If you’ve finished making love with your partner and they aren’t glowing, if they aren’t looking at you like you are some kind of messiah god (does this seem lofty? I promise you it isn’t), then you have further to go.
For women to reach the deep, internal, vaginal and life-changing orgasms, it can take time.
If her partner is ejaculating within a few minutes, she’s not going to get there.
The same thing goes for men.
Even though they might think they are satisfied with a three-minute pump, dump and schlump, they simply don’t know what they don’t know.
They don’t know that they are meant to feel like running a marathon after having sex, rather than needing a nap.
My big, barometric question is always: Does sex leave you feeling rejuvenated, energized, transformed, ecstatic and fuck-changed?
If not, you are doing it wrong.
My work is all about showing you how to do it right.
The beautiful thing is that the “fuck-changing” becomes effortless.
Meaning, you aren’t trying to “change” things about yourself; they just happen.
They are the natural by-product of good-fucking.
So what that means, is that the main thing you need to be focusing on is having epic sex.
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Of all the years—about 30—and all the different therapies—a shit ton—that I’ve experimented with over the years, none have changed me so quickly, so profoundly and so permanently as really. good. fucking.
The kind of fucking that replaces addictive behaviours, loses weight, turns anger into patience and depression into action.
It’s all possible. And it just happens.
I speak to my clients (and I know from my own experiences) that the stuff they’ve struggled with and applied so much willpower to—with no success—and tried so hard to fix with their minds and best efforts…all of that fell flat.
Until they got well-f**ked.
Being well-f**ked can be scary.
It’s primal and messy and wet and totally out of control.
And that’s when the magic happens.
To help create the kind of fucking that changes you, here are a few tips:
1) Know thyself.
A woman has to be comfortable with herself: her body, her ideas about sexuality, her own vagina.
This applies to men too: he has to seek out his own beliefs and blind spots in sex and relationships, and cultivate a connection with and ownership of, his own cock.
I have worked with countless women who haven’t spent much time with their vaginas.
I know my vagina inside and out! I’ve spent A LOT of time with that thing, and so have my lovers. 🙂
I have brought myself to each type of orgasm—clitoral, G-Spot and cervical and my lovers have brought me there too.
You have to explore it, understand what it likes and use it as your power source.
Many men are victims of The Come Fairy.
You know. She’s that little fairy that dances around and magically shows up when you are about to come and POOF! she waves her magic wand and all of a sudden you ejaculate!
Men need to build stamina so they can go the long haul to fuck-change women, and they do this through having a conscious cock.
One they are in complete control of, that is the ACTUAL magic wand that can transform him and his woman.
This is all about knowing and owning. You need to know and own all your parts—especially your sexual ones in order to harness your superpowers.
If you are dissociated from parts of yourself—including your genitalia, which are the essence of who you are—remember, all of your creative and reproductive energy is housed here—you can’t capitalize on your true power.
One of the best tools for reconnecting to your genitals is yoni and lingam massage.
These practices awaken numb genitals, help to release past trauma and energetic imprinting.
They bring sensation back, increase your sensitivity and wildly boost your orgasmic potential.
You re-integrate your genitals and inhabit them.
Check out my YouTube videos on this:
Pussy Shiatsu
Yoni Massage for Orgasms and Healing
Expert Penis/Lingam Massage
2) Penetration and radical honesty.
To get into the territory of transformational, life-changing sex, you have to be willing and courageous enough to go deep.
To expose yourself, and pry open the curtains that hide your partner too.
We all have them.
The best lovers softly—and sometimes forcefully—get us to open.
We do this for each other.
The penetration.
You don’t let each other hide.
You call each other out with love.
You hold each other down and love the fuck out of each other. And fuck the shit out of each other—and by this I mean headboard-slamming sex and I also mean that by fucking each other with intense love and admiration, you literally fuck the demons out of each other.
They just evaporate.
This is a quote from a Tantric text, that I love:
“Sex has the power of both illusion and liberation, depending on the participants’ degree of conscious awareness. Sexual initiation is the selfless bestowing of one’s sexuality on another.
When a person accepts a sexual act as a gift, exchanges take place on several different levels simultaneously.
There is a physical exchange and blending of secretions, a psychological exchange of life energies and polarities, a psychological exchange of attitudes, a Karmic exchange through a convergence of destinies—and there is a spiritual exchange, a communion between spirits.
On the highest level, all these exchanges add to the quality of the couple.
During high acts of Tantric sex, Karmas and unresolved personality conflicts can be totally transcended.”
3) Time and the 3-hour sex date
A lot of it simply comes down to the time you put in.
I’ll give you an example.
When I go for a massage, I always book 90 minutes – 2 hours.
Why? Because the first 30 minutes is me settling in, shutting off my mind and letting go of the dialogue in my head.
I’m sinking into my body.
After 30 minutes, I’m starting to arrive.
The same applies to sex and sexual play (not just intercourse).
The first 30 minutes is settling in, getting out of your heads, and your children’s heads, and your bosses heads.
And getting into your genitals.
Into the free flow. In The Zone.
If you quit before the 30 minutes are up, you’ll likely still be in your heads.
The free flow is where you can shut everything else out and just follow your deepest instincts.
You lose your inhibitions more and you get used to losing them.
Everything becomes intuitive and effortless and a dance.
My religion of the 3-hour-sex-date is all about expanding time and letting go.
You need this to nurture yourselves and create a sanctuary for the deeper stuff to rise to the surface.
4) Hit the edge and then keep going.
My life mantra is all about the idea that there is always another level to go.
In fact, that’s what “Anami” means in Sanskrit: that there is always another level(of evolution to get to.
Enlightenment isn’t a static destination, it’s always a work in progress.
So when you hit one wild, life-changing orgasm, keep going.
Hit the next one.
Sometimes we fear we may have reached a ceiling and that’s as good as it gets.
Nah.
It gets even better.
Have the courage to trust it does.
When you are too tired and think you just can’t go any further, just can’t keep your legs open wide enough, or propped up in that position from behind where your inner thigh muscles are creaking, keep going even more.
The gold is just beyond the spot you didn’t think you can get to.
This is also good training for your outer life, in receiving more and more and more bliss and abundance, orgasms and ecstasy.
More life-changing epic-ness.
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When I am speechless and drunk and saturated with good-fuck medicine, I’m a new person.
I radiate, I glow, I’m graceful and wittier and more eloquent than ever before.
Because I was fuck-changed.
When your partner is unusually kind and loving and pro-active after a great love-making session, it’s because they’ve been fuck-changed.
The world needs more well-fucked.
And you, my loves, can give it to them.
Today’s Well-F**ked All-Star Couple is Julie and Mike. They are in their fifties, scathing hot, and have been married for over 30 years—and the gifts keep on giving. They have totally revitalized their marriage, transforming their sex life and going from having sex about once a month to having it nearly every day, with all the benefits registering in their bodies. From weight loss to their orgasms, much more and much better, and their business upleveled to the max, their stories are amazing and epitomize the concept of “Fuck them till you change them.”
KIM: Welcome, Mike and Julie. I’m delighted to have you here.
MIKE: Thank you. It’s good to be here.
JULIE: Yeah. Thank you, Kim. We’re so honored to be asked to do this.
MIKE: Yes.
KIM: Well, you have earned your place in the Well-F**ked All-Star Hall of Fame. Thinking about someone to address the notion of “Fuck them till you change them,” you guys have tons of amazing things to share.
Let’s start out with a little bit about where you were and where you’ve come to be. What your evolution was.
MIKE: Like how far back? [Laughs]
KIM: Well, a summary of where you were when you came along and did this salon.
MIKE: We’ve been married a long time, over 30 years, and have had varying degrees of success in intimacy, physically and emotionally and spiritually through that. On the spiritual and emotional side, we started a program around 10 or 11 years ago that’s been really helpful to clear a lot of the things that we took with us from our family of origin, things like that.
I guess we heard you on somebody else’s podcast and thought, wow, this is interesting. And as we learned more, we decided to take the Coming Together Salon to help us grow in our intimacy.
JULIE: Thanks, Mike. I’m going to back it up a tad before that to go into just a little more of our history. We met when I was 18 and we were in college. We both had a really strong upbringing, a strong religious faith. In fact, we dated a whole year before we even kissed, and that first kiss was so amazing! I can still feel it and remember it.
We made out a lot, but we waited until marriage to have sex. We had some good times. Mike was an Ironman triathlete, so there was some time in there when I was more interested, and then he was more interested. Then we had three kids, and then we had quite a bit of family drama. And then menopause, which was very difficult for me. I didn’t know that I had so much trauma from childhood.
KIM: When you say that, do you mean that during menopause, that was revealed?
JULIE: Thank you for asking. Hot flashes every two hours, maybe all day long, and so much trouble sleeping. Kim, I’m really like you. I’ve been there and done that with pharmaceuticals and had decades on antibiotics, so I’m done, and I didn’t want to take anything. I did take melatonin, jars full [laughs], to help some, but looking back, my difficult periods were just trauma in my body.
KIM: Right. Then you got into challenging menopause.
JULIE: Not orgasmic, not any lubrication at all. Everything I read said, “Well, that’s supposed to be expected at your age.”
Anyway, we did our spiritual growth and recovery as a couple. We started praying most days, and every day we were praying for physical intimacy. When we heard you, the way you talked, the way you valued this, it wasn’t just sex that gets geared up and, I don’t know, performance. We just both felt in our hearts like this was it.
KIM: The fact that I also marry the sexual and the spiritual was a language and framework that resonated with you, since you were on the path.
JULIE: Right.
KIM: Yeah, I love that.
JULIE: And also, your take on gourmet sex, because our sex had really gotten to be, “You do me/I’ll do you, that’s good,” maybe ten minutes. I think we had heard at church one time, if you’re having sex less than ten times a year, it’s dysfunctional. I remember one year we said, “Let’s try and get ten in this year.” [Laughs] That was actually good encouragement, but yes. Then we found you and everything started to change.
KIM: Okay, great. What were some of the changes that you noticed in your sex life, and then how did those changes reverberate into your outer life? You said that at one point, having sex ten times in a year was a goal. Is that correct?
JULIE: [Laughs] Yeah.
MIKE: Yeah.
KIM: Right. And now you’re having sex at least three to four times a week and sometimes seven days a week. That’s a big change.
MIKE: Yes, it is.
JULIE: We know how happy Mike was. [Laughs]
[Laughter]
JULIE: Yes. If I’m ever having trouble sleeping, I have permission to wake him up in the middle of the night. It doesn’t make me tired, and I used to be so picky about my sleep.
KIM: Right. Yeah. Excellent.
MIKE: Yeah, I think that as we went through the salon and worked through some things, we heard some of your stories—and they’re great—about some of the folks that switch-flip. I think it was during the course of the salon that things changed as we digested the material and learned through it; we had worked through a lot, and we had a lot still to work through. What we’ve come to discover is just how our intimate, emotional relationship manifested itself in the physical relationship.
When the window is not clean, then there are blocks in our physical relationship. They can be physical blocks, like my ability to be aroused or Julie’s ability to be lubricated. We’ll notice, “Hey, you know what? Something ain’t right here that we’ve gotten used to.” And as we’ve seen the physical relationship blossom more, it’s given us the opportunity to work on some things and do it more quickly. There were times that we started off, “Hey, we’re going to get physical,” but something was there, and we ended up talking for the sessions, which was ultimately a good thing.
KIM: You recognized that something was hanging in the ethers, and it was interfering in the space. Because now you have this language of understanding the importance of clearing space and resolving that emotional or energetic stuff between you, and you opted to actually address that instead of just trying to force the sexual contact. Recognizing that, A) It probably wouldn’t work that well; and B) It might not be as good unless you cleared the space first. Correct?
MIKE: Right. Absolutely. I think it has really helped us to get into dealing with it right there. It’s really saved us a lot of pain and suffering. Because usually in the past when something like that would happen, we would probably sense that we didn’t really have the framework. We’d either, like you said, force the issue and Julie would say, “Okay, I know he wants to do it,” or we wouldn’t, and it would be like, “Ah well …” There would be that stone in the shoe, right? It’s hurting you, and you can’t get it out, and it allows you to go ahead and take care of it right there.
KIM: Yeah. Definitely. There was a comment that Julie made that I love. You say, “I’ve done much trauma work, and my husband’s cock has seemed to be the tool to bring me into a whole new freedom from my PTSD.”
JULIE: Yes. It was there all along and I didn’t even know it.
KIM: The best tool ever.
MIKE: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
JULIE: Yeah. So we’ve had some major trauma releases with that. Just backing up a little, like what Mike was saying, there was a lot of stuff hanging in the ethers and it really showed up in my body. For him to take the time and the consideration to say, “Okay, you’re not lubricated. There’s something going on,” really moved me out of that shame feeling, feeling like something was wrong with me, which is so common with trauma, and into full love and acceptance.
Even if we didn’t end up having sex, we counted it as bliss and joy to work these things out. Just like another thing you said, Kim, that it’s not all about the orgasm. But did you want me to talk about that? Trauma releases? Some of that?
KIM: Well, first, I just want to acknowledge it’s really beautiful what you said; if you were about to have sex and you weren’t very lubricated, Mike would actually pause and take that in, instead of just handing you a bottle of lube, which is the standard advice. Ninety-nine percent of people would do that and advise that. But you paused and said, “Well, okay, something deeper is going on here. Why are you not wet and what can we do? What can we do to get there or to figure out what’s going on behind that?” I love that that’s become your modus operandi now.
In terms of trauma release, whatever you want to share, you’re welcome to or not. I think for the most part, just the notion that your sex life and his cock and that energy of alchemy has been the thing to help release and liberate some of that stuff and mobilize it for you.
JULIE: I might share a little bit if that’s okay.
KIM: Sure.
JULIE: When we did yoni massage for the first time, that was excruciating for me on so many levels. Mike’s a really nice guy, and with my history, I wouldn’t want to make him unhappy, but I had to speak up and say, “I’m not comfortable with that,” and it was just like, “Oh, okay, let’s try this.” So my trust just kept growing, and I just kept opening.
But he would do a finger in the vagina and move it around like a clock and press really hard, and some of the points that he would touch would burn like fire. He really learned that he could feel something in there too.
The thing that still lubricates me, to where it’s running down to my knees, is his cock, and I love it. It’s soft, but it’s firm, and I feel like with the lingam massage, he’s also released a lot of tension in his cock.
When he started going deeper with his cock and the more my vagina woke up, the more I felt, but there would be really tender places, especially going deep. He would be thrusting and all of a sudden, I would flinch, like PTSD, or just like anybody might flinch. I’d say, “Hold me deep, babe,” and he’d take that big cock and just spread it into that tight place. I’ve had physical numbness go through my hands. I’ve had sobbing, nasty, snotty, cry, cry, cry. I feel the sadness start to come up.
And the thing is, I think he likes it. [Laughs] It arouses him. And then certain places that he’ll get his cock, it’s almost like it’s got a hex on it to relax.
KIM: That’s gorgeous. I love how you described that and the intimate communion and healing power of your cock and your connection together to help loosen and activate some of these old wounds and bring them up to the surface to be healed and released. That’s beautiful.
That’s really the point of it all. That really is the crux right there, or one of them, I’d say. The purpose of our sexual connection in a conscious relationship is to provoke each other in these ways or create a safe enough container for these things to rise to the surface and let them go and then be transformed. That really is the microcosm. Then the macrocosm is fuck them till you change them.
MIKE: Yeah. And on my side, I experienced so many things, because there’s a tenderness to it, a huge tenderness, and yet there were times I heard Kim in my head saying, “When they start crying, it’s time to fuck ’em harder.”
JULIE: [Laughs] Yes, that was good.
MIKE: And there were times I did that, but a lot of times it was just, as Julie said, the deep hold and the press. There were times that she liked a tight press on the rib cage, like a security press. Just to have her releasing in so many different ways during sex and during such an intimate time—if I thought about it too hard, I’d be overwhelmed, but thankfully you talked a lot about it and said, “Hey, this can happen, and this is not uncommon.”
And then our ability to talk afterward, too, and say, “Okay, what was that? What happened?” And Julie explaining and going through it really brought us closer together and made it more intimate and more purposeful in some ways.
KIM: Yes, using it as that alchemical transformer that it is, rather than just a stress release or an escape.
Julie, you’re 56, and you had said, “My vagina had totally dried up. Now I am wet, wet, wet.”
JULIE: [Laughs] Yes.
KIM: You regained your wetness through the process naturally.
JULIE: Well, I did the salonette with the egg and that made a huge, huge difference. And now I’m wet all the time. I tell Mike, “I’m ready anytime, except when I’m late for work.” [Laughs]
MIKE: We like alternative stuff, try and be healthy, and eat the right things, but I don’t think we knew until going through this the transformational change that can happen physically after a certain age; it has been amazing. Like we talked about earlier, we had long periods of time where sex once a month was a score. Just having that availability—it makes me think of the work that we did on polarity. I think that’s so important, and you’re so right on with that and the things that you say; it’s just such truth.
Having that polarity and the availability and surrender of Julie brings out the best in me. And the desire to rise up and connect with her is important and part of that whole thing of just being ready all the time. Candidly, it’s a dream come true, right? I didn’t think we’d ever have it.
Just to be able to be at this level physically at this age is nothing short of a miracle. I just have to say that, I guess.
KIM: I love that. You were talking about the concept of polarity, the archetypal feminine and masculine energies at play in the relationship. And I know, Julie, you had mentioned that it had been very life-changing for you to be able to really open and surrender and trust and let go of control. And making that connection, as I do as well, that the level of surrender that we have and experience really helps us to open and surrender to God, to spirit, energy, universe, whatever you want to call it. There’s this massive parallel there in that opening.
Is there anything more you’d like to say about that from your perspective, Julie?
JULIE: Well, as we were starting in the salon, it was “enh, enh, enh.” It always seemed like there was another door we needed to open. Mike suggested that I need surrender to surrender, and I didn’t take it well.
KIM: You didn’t take it very well? Is that what you said?
JULIE: Right. I said, “I frickin’ am surrendering.” We had a sex date, and I just decided to totally surrender. Not have other suggestions, not take over, and even if it wasn’t really comfortable—I would always say if it hurt—just let it happen. And I did and I said, “Whoa!” It was very exciting.
Now, we can show up for sex—and he does a lot of work out in the land, so he’s got very strong, strong hands—and I’ll look at him and he’s looking at me, and he’s like the doctor. He knows just what I need. He knows where to touch me, where to squeeze me. I’m like, how did you know that I needed that? And he says, “I don’t know.”
I think that just kept opening the door, that polarity. Just being feminine and totally letting go. I’m still working on it, but I really like it now.
KIM: Right. It can seem on the surface that it’s about giving over power and control, when really, on a deeper level, it’s about finding it. We’re just letting go of the ego and our defenses to access our core self, which is love. We’re most in our power when we’re in love and vulnerability.
Excellent. Let’s hear about other changes that you noticed. You guys have talked about having more energy, being able to miss hours of sleep when you’re having sex, and then even awakening refreshed and sleeping better when you do sleep. Let’s hear about that.
JULIE: Well, I can see that the shape of my body keeps changing. My tummy’s a little flatter, more toning in my neck, more plump in my face. I have gotten a lot less Botox [laughs] and maybe don’t care quite as much about that.
I think we both had great success in our businesses. I can stay up pretty late having sex and not be tired at all the next day. I think one thing, too, that was a deep desire and prayer of mine was to somehow really show Mike how much I loved him. Because I always felt like I was falling short. In retrospect, I was, but we both were not to blame. And he smiles so much now. I see his teeth because he’s smiling.
Also, just an aside, I figured out another thing that I had a big question about, which is how can I really show him that he’s my biggest treasure and the most important person in the world to me? I figured it out because he told me, and it’s to drop his pants and suck his cock. And he means that! So when I want to say it, I’m like, “Come here,” and I’ll suck his cock. That says, “You are the most important person in the world to me.” That’s a lot of security and a good feeling for me to know that.
And to your question, too, the energy from it allows you to do more of what you really want to do.
MIKE: Sometimes that’s in relationship, being nicer to Julie. You’ve got more energy and ability to do that. I think part of it is just because you’re not preoccupied or thinking about—there’s a real tangible way. She’s showing, “Hey, you are the most important thing.” You’ve got to honor that. You’ve got to rise up to that. It gives you—I don’t know so much as energy, but motivation. You want to be the guy that she thinks you are. Because she’s always saying, “Oh, you’re my biggest treasure,” and I’m thinking, “Man, you’re pretty poor then. You need more than that.” But she means it. It challenges me to rise up to that and gives me the energy to do that.
I think that translates to the external world in a different motivation. Because at least for me, as a guy, I provide for the family. I’ve got the mortgage and responsibility and all that. But now it’s more of a rise-up motivation, and the energy is there to back it up.
Julie and I are on the same page, yet she’s much more in tune with it. But we’ll have a good night and then next day something will happen, and she’ll say, “See? See? Told you.” Something good financially, some win, a deal that comes through. But she’ll say, “See? It’s because we had sex last night.” I’ll say, “Well, I don’t know if you can totally correlate it that way, but I do see what you’re saying.” It is an attraction thing, yeah.
KIM: You mean that the energy that you generate becomes magnetic and you draw good things to you in your outer life as well, as a result of cultivating this beautiful, creative, life-force energy in your intimate time together?
MIKE: Absolutely. Well said.
JULIE: Just to add to that, I think it’s greatly affected our grown children to see their dad so happy, and they can tell. I’ve talked really openly with my daughters and just opened a closed door for us. I think what you said, Kim, about talking with kids, even though they’re adults—I’m an open book and open door to talk about any of these things. Because I honestly didn’t really know how to have sex until I did this workshop. Well, we did have kids, but …
[Laughter]
KIM: Well, I love that attitude and openness; even if your children are grown, you’re still their parents and your energy as a couple, as their parents, as the unit from which they came, is still really vital to their well-being. I love that that keeps flowing and that you’re really open to having those conversations and sharing what you’re learning as you’re going. I believe, not just from a practical, talking-about-things perspective, but even energetically, the things that we do to heal ourselves as parents are transmitted energetically in the field to our children.
All of this work, someone might think, “Oh, if only we’d done this earlier.” Whatever, it doesn’t matter; you’re doing it now. Those benefits are still paying forward in the behavior that you model to your children, the energy they feel around you, the security that builds for them, and even that transfer. It’s a healing idea that we talk about, but in the field. The field around us and in the ethers; it’s still being given to them and benefiting them.
JULIE: Definitely.
MIKE: One of the things you said is really true—it could be particularly my personality type, but it can be tempting to think, “Well, why didn’t this happen a long time ago? What happened? We’ve missed out on so much.” But it really helps you be in the present and to think, “Hey, we’ve got it now, and we can have the benefits and the joy of it now, and share the joy of it now.” Anyway, you said that, and it resonated, so thanks.
KIM: You’d also mentioned Mike has started a new job and is “leading forward with strong leadership and confidence and a strong cock.” [Laughs] Share a little bit about that.
MIKE: When I’m talking to somebody and they’re coming back negative or something is wrong in a work situation, I think, “They’re probably not well-fucked,” and it gives me a little compassion for them in a weird way.
But yeah, like I said before, it gives the motivation, the energy to want to continue to rise up. I’ve had reasonable success and failures in life, but since this, it’s been energetic. I think it was one of those times when we had had a good night, and the next day I got a text from an old boss. “Hey, man, what are you doing?” I told him what I was doing. He said, “Ever thinking about making a change?” I said, “Well, what you got in mind?” And the result was this job I’m working now.
It’s been very positive in terms of environment and comparatively to what I’d been doing prior. I think that it has helped having Julie so physically with me. I never doubted her emotional commitment in terms of, “Hey, we’re going to be together.” But her being physically with me has helped me be more self-confident in a way that is not overbearing, if that makes sense. In my younger days, I might have been more aggressive and more “take it.” But now, I think it’s more measured out and peaceful. I think a lot of that comes from the centeredness of our relationship coming out of the sexual part.
JULIE: It’s like a real warrior—strong, powerful, but conscious, thoughtful, kind, merciful.
KIM: Beautiful. I love that, and I love your story about how you had a great sexual experience and the next day you got a phone call that changed your life and put you in another direction and a more aligned one. Because that’s one of the big messages that I give out; through connecting more deeply to your true sexual energy and power and inhabiting that and cultivating that energy, we become more in alignment with our true, authentic selves. If there are ways in our outer life where we’re a little bit out of alignment or we’re working a job that’s maybe not the full expression of who we are, those things start to come into alignment naturally. You didn’t go out and say, “Oh, it’s time for me to find a new job.” You just got a fucking phone call.
MIKE: Right.
KIM: [Laughs] Like I say, it drops into your lap because your lap is what attracted it.
MIKE: [Laughs] Right! I like it.
KIM: You also had a comment about your breasts, Julie. Is there anything you’d like to share about that?
JULIE: Well, yes. I have feeling again in my breasts, and I’m doing more work with that in Vaginal Kung Fu. Breast massage, just a release of a lot of scar tissue. I think their shape is much prettier. I like the way they fit in my clothes better.
I was just telling Mike yesterday, now I feel like they’re yearning for him. They want to touch him, they want to be touched, and I’m really starting to feel that connection between the breasts and vaginal awareness.
KIM: Beautiful. I love that transformation.
All right, we’ve covered a lot of territory here. Is there anything else that you two would like to share that you feel like we haven’t touched on?
JULIE: I was thinking of just our progression; we’re talking about Mike’s cock, and he’s grown so much in stamina, and in my deadness, in my vagina—I don’t know. He just didn’t jump off the bat having a rock-hard cock for hours, and I didn’t jump off having a really wet pussy, but it happened over time. We feel like we have a long way to go, but we’re progressing at the same rate.
Even when we have a sex date that’s just “enh,” I appreciate that Mike will say, “You know, this is exactly the way it’s supposed to be today,” and just that fullness of patience with each other and with our bodies. I think for our sex life, it’s been really important for me to also do individual work on myself.
MIKE: Yeah. As I said before, the transformation for us has been miraculous, and I think there is divine in it. We’re, as Julie indicated earlier, people of faith, and it just centers so much in that and complements it and is totally in line with it.
I think that the physical piece was a spoke in the wheel that was missing for us, or shorter than all the others, and as we have been able to come together and work through things physically, it really has helped every piece of our relationship. The emotional, the spiritual—it’s allowed us to really come together in all those areas even more than we were. We had a good relationship before, and it’s becoming even greater. I’m just so, so thankful.
I’m also thankful to you, Kim. Your work is a godsend. It’s remarkable, and we appreciate you so much. I was in the gym one day listening to a podcast and you were a guest on it. I said, “That’s interesting.” And one thing led to another, and it’s deeply impacted our lives.
Like I said, I didn’t think that we would ever have this, but it’s very accessible. You have to do the work, but if you do, there are rich, rich rewards and intimacy in the relationship.
JULIE: If I could add one more thing, Kim, one of our first assignments was to sit down, look into each other’s eyes, and breathe.
KIM: Yep.
JULIE: One thing I’ve learned from this work is to slow down and feel. I teach yoga, but this is at a whole other level.
When we did that, I felt something awaken in me. It was hard for me, wasn’t it? [Laughs]
MIKE: Yeah. The first time you said to do that on that podcast, I said, “Hey, let’s do this,” and we set a time limit—
JULIE: I said, “Can we start with two minutes?”
MIKE: No, it was one minute.
[Laughter]
JULIE: All of a sudden, I just wanted to touch his arms. Last week I was just really stressed. I had a lot of deep stress in my body and I didn’t want to do my egg work. We’ve got some wonderful meditations in Vaginal Kung Fu, and I made myself do that, and I was so energized. “Okay, keep doing this, slow down, be still, go inside and really feel.”
KIM: Love it! So how do other people react to you? Do other people notice and observe the change in you? You mentioned something about people telling you how good you look. What do they say to you, and then what do you say back to them? What do you tell them is the reason why you’re looking so good?
JULIE: I have had a lot of people say, “You look so pretty.” Then they’ll say, why? And I’ll say, “Well, I’ve had really increased intimacy with my husband.” I tell some of my close friends, “Look, start having sex with your husband and try this out. It’s a little out there, but it’s going to line up with your heart calling you.” Usually, as I progress in speaking to people, I tell them about your work, Kim.
KIM: Excellent. Mike, you already mentioned that you’re using the filter of are people well-fucked or not when you interact with them. This is hilarious because so many people come into contact with my work and that becomes their new lens for looking at the world. Somebody is angry, someone cuts them off in traffic, and people just say, “Oh, they clearly are not very well-fucked.” [Laughs]
Have people made comments about a difference in your appearance and your energy? And same thing, what do you tell them?
MIKE: I’m probably not as bold as Julie in saying what it is, but I’m thinking back to a fishing trip with some buddies that I did right at the end of the salon. They all said, “Man, Thorn, you’re looking good.” I’ve known them a really long time. I said, “Well, let me tell you what’s going on, guys.” I don’t know if they’ll ever do it, but a few of them took your name and website, and time will tell. But yeah, I thought of that in particular when you asked that question. They definitely mentioned that things were looking good. I don’t know that guys really say that much, and they did.
KIM: And your body has changed. Julie, you’ve mentioned that, and you, Mike, have you had a shift in your body’s appearance or weight loss?
JULIE: I did have a lot of weight loss at first. Well, maybe two or three pounds, which I wasn’t really trying to lose. I think I’ve heard you say this, Kim—I am not going to the gym and doing 500 front lunges, but my buns are really toned. I just feel so happy about it, and I feel good when I’m naked. I’m almost 57, and I shouldn’t feel that way, but I do. I love my body, and I like being naked with Mike and everything. I like everything about my body and that’s amazing.
KIM: It is amazing.
JULIE: [Laughs] It is, I know. I don’t mind getting older.
KIM: I think that what happens too is we’re so infused with inhabiting this beautiful, ecstatic, blissful, love energy that we’re creating in our body, and we feel that, and we wear that, and I’ve noticed it in myself. And I hear this from other people: The body begins to re-sculpt itself of its own accord. There’s this metaphysical idea that our body is a reflection of who we are and our state of mind, our thoughts, our feelings. If we’re so much more full of bliss and positivity, our body starts to change, regardless of how we’re eating or going to the gym.
Those things are all important. They are still a big part of my life. But I’ve noticed that in those moments of deeper intimacy and connection, my body changes of its own accord. It becomes this holographic reflection of what’s happening inside of me.
MIKE: Absolutely. As Julie said, she teaches yoga, and one of the things she’s really an expert in and teaches a lot is posture. I’ve noticed that my posture is straighter and better and easier—because having good posture is not necessarily an easy thing. But I think that’s one of the ways that I’ve experienced some physical transformation.
KIM: Right. Where you’re naturally holding yourself straighter because you are feeling more in alignment with your true self.
MIKE: Yeah, absolutely.
KIM: Great. Fantastic! Thank you so much for sharing your world with us and giving us a look inside. All of this just helps to shine a beacon of light for other people to know that this is possible for them too. I so appreciate you guys’ openness and vulnerability and sharing.
JULIE: Thank you for having us, Kim. We continue to look forward to taking more of your workshops.
MIKE: Yeah, Kim, thank you. I don’t know exactly what led to you doing this, but it’s amazing. We appreciate you taking the risks that it took to find your calling. It sounds like you are doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. So thank you for stepping out and doing that.
KIM: That’s really lovely to hear. I really appreciate that. Thanks, guys!
JULIE: Thanks, Kim.
KIM: Beautiful! That was so lovely.
**
The Coming Together Salon is all about the art of the Phoenix fuck-change. How to have the sex that changes your life and brings you daily good-fuck medicine, wildly ecstatic orgasms, and a deeper connection than you ever thought possible, both with yourself and your partner.
In this salon, we touch on every aspect I’ve covered in today’s episode, including guided, step-by-step lingam and yoni massage, clarity, and communication techniques. How to build stamina and become a marathon fucker for men, and how to achieve the deeper vaginal orgasms for women. My secrets to marathon sex and getting high via your three-hour sex dates, and much, much, more.
To check out the free preview video series for the salon and to sign up for the course, go to KimAnami.com, look for Sexual Savant Salons, and then click on Coming Together for Couples.
I wish more women complaining that their men are not (good, rich, loving, caring..) enough, could read this post and take it to heart. I love reading and listening to everything Anami, you are doing such an amazing work for a better humanity. I am currently single and using this time to binge watch (and do the work) all your videos, so I’ll be able to attract a well-f**ked man!
A great post without any doubt.