When we speak of a person’s libido, we typically think of how sexual they are. What kind of desire do they have?
Most people also tend to think of it as a random thing that you either have or don’t have.
Something you were born with.
Some people have a high libido and others have little to no libido.
Here’s where I come in.
I believe that EVERYONE naturally has a high libido.
They have to!
If our libidos are tied to our reproduction, to the survival of the species, then it makes sense that everyone would have one.
The idea of some people having a high libido and others not, and that’s just the way it is, also fits the allopathic narrative of you NOT having any control about what goes on in your body.
You are just the hapless victim.
Or, maybe the Libido Fairy came along and waved her wand and gifted SOME people with a salaciousness but then skipped over you.
I totally disagree with this notion.
EVERYONE can have a voracious sex drive.
If it’s not apparent, then it’s just buried under any number of blocks, beliefs and traumas that have happened to a person.
This is part of the Anami Guarantee that EVERYONE CAN.
Every person has a ravenous libido.
It may just be obscured and hidden under the surface.
Let’s say you grew up in a religious household where sexuality was shamed.
Do you really think that you’d emerge with a healthy relationship to your sexuality?
Or is it more realistic to think that you would have spent years trying to suppress it, even unconsciously, in order to conform to the messages you were receiving?
Women receive this message big time: they are allowed two choices sexually: virgin or whore.
Most opt for virgin. They close down their sexual natures to avoid judgment and vitriol.
Have you ever noticed how when women get insulted, they’ll often be called “sluts” or “whores”?
It’s become this general pejorative term to squelch the sexuality of women.
I don’t believe that women are any less sexual than men—they’ve simply received much more discouragement and shaming around their sexuality.
So they are less likely to think or even feel that they are sexual beings.
It’s been programmed out of them.
Or, if someone has any kind of sexual trauma or wounding in their past, that’s likely to shut down their sex drive.
And frankly, a LOT of people are in this category.
Because the TRUTH of what sex really is, has been muddied over and hidden through the millennia—and I talked about this at length in my Censorship of Sex podcast episode a couple of weeks ago—people’s sexual expressions are so often very mutated.
And they become destructive rather than pro-creative, as they are meant to be.
And I mean pro-creative, as in generating new life—not just baby life, but in everything that you do.
Another thing that can happen in relationships—and often does—is that a couple starts out hot and heavy.
You’ve heard—or maybe even told—the stories: They spend the first year or two years having sex everywhere. In the car, on the kitchen counter, all day, every day.
And then the drive fades away.
A woman client of mine had this familiar story. She’d been in a relationship for six years. For the last three of those years, she’d had very little desire for sex with her partner, even though things had been great initially.
I asked her what happened at the three-year mark.
She said that was when some significant issues had come up in the relationship, and they had never been fully resolved. She still held resentment about what had happened.
And surprise, surprise, she’d had a “low libido” ever since.
So was it THE LIBIDO FAIRY??? Did she come along and PING!!!! just take away my client’s libido?
Or was the disappearance of her libido tied into the fact that she really didn’t want to have sex with her partner any longer because, she didn’t want to have sex with him any longer!
That there was so much unresolved stuff in the relationship, that it had stained their connection and their desires for each other.
You get a point if you go with the latter as the cause.
People often don’t make the connection.
They chalk up the diminished sex drive to time, familiarity, children, whatever.
Those aren’t the culprits.
I know plenty of couple with decades under their belts, 60-hour work weeks and lots of kids, who are still hot for each other.
When you address past issues and make an effort to continually keep the space between you clear and open, your libido will rise up again.
Flow begets flow.
Overriding your body is another action that can result in a diminished sex drive.
Let’s say this client kept forcing herself to have sex, even though she didn’t really want it, and her body wasn’t feeling it.
She’ll likely need to use artificial lubricant to even have sex, because her not-turned-on vagina won’t be generating its own fluids.
The more she does this, the more she doesn’t listen to her body and her vagina, the more disconnected she’ll become.
The issue will get worse.
For men, the overriding can often come in the form of porn-induced masturbation.
Rather than a natural source of stimulation, they are giving themselves a hyper-sexualized, lust-infused, fake version that is setting their bodies up for dopamine addiction and depletion.
The steady rise of Viagra use is linked to a top cause: excessive porn use.
Their natural libido goes down, as their testosterone production goes down.
So how do we revive the libido? And bring it back to life?
1) Clear your blocks.
You’ve heard me talk about this all the time. It’s the running shoes analogy that I’ve mentioned before.
All humans were born to run. What has messed us up over the years is… wait for it… running shoes.
There has never been a shred of evidence to show that running shoes, with all of their pseudo-corrections, have ever benefited us.
On the contrary, they have messed us up.
Our bodies, knees, feet know exactly what to do. We’ve been running—and fucking—since the inception of our species.
Any injuries or interferences have been layered over what we already naturally do.
So we remove them.
Much of my work is about this—finding and clearing away the debris that has accumulated over time.
This can be incidents of sexual abuse to unhealthy relationships to limiting beliefs we have internalized about sex.
2) Kickstart it.
Get in motion.
Just do it. 🙂
Start having sex, whether with yourself or with your partner.
Commit to a 30-day sex challenge. I have a YouTube video on how to set this up, but really, it’s as simple as it sounds:
Have sex every day for 30 days.
Then you’ll harness Newton’s Second Law of Motion: That of momentum: Once an object is in motion, it stays in motion.
Unless you are so blocked up, that you need to go back to step 1, and clear your blocks.
For many people though, the act of prioritizing sex and committing to it, sets in motion a new habit and pattern in their lives.
Their bodies and brains get so high from all the sex, that they now crave sex as a way to experience daily ecstasy.
And… who wouldn’t want that?
3) Boost it.
I believe that the source of a low libido is mental and emotional. I don’t buy into the idea that there are just certain times during a person’s life—like during part of their menstrual cycle, or in middle-age or after having a baby—that they “naturally” have a lower libido.
I DO think that after a while of making certain choices or getting used to a way of existing, that these patterns become cemented into the brain and body.
So, we give the body a boost while doing the internal emotional and mental examining.
I’ve created a line herbal tinctures—my SEX NECTARS—that are scientifically proven to do exactly this.
They are formulated with high-quality, super-potent herbs known for their libido-boosting effects.
We have a male and female formula, as well as a tincture to help mend broken hearts.
Yes, there is a herb out there meant to address and help heal break ups!
Our male and female blends both contain organic saffron—which is probably the most powerful libido booster—and mood booster—on the planet.
It’s been the subject of countless studies as an aphrodisiac and also has rivalled Prozac in clinical trials for its anti-depressant effects.