TRANSCRIPT: Wet, Wet Menopause
One of the things I love most about my work is getting to dispel myths about sexuality.
“Periods are meant to be troublesome.”
“Childbirth is meant to be painful.”
“Men are afflicted by a serious disease called premature ejaculation for which there is no cure.”
“Libido dies after a couple of years of marriage.”
All lies.
One of the myths I LOVE busting the most is the idea that menopause is a time when women dry up.
They lose any and all sexual juiciness and must resign themselves to a life of perma-lube and Anne Taylor.
When women go through my salons, one of my most favourite things to hear back is how the women “of a certain age” are now orgasming, ejaculating and LUBRICATING ALL OVER the place.
Without ANY assistance from a bottle of lube or artificial hormones.
The typical prognosis for women once they hit their forties is that they’ll lose their libido, their lubrication and flow and will heretofore in the future FOREVER be reliant on a bottle of lube and a daily hormone regimen.
I mean, it’s quite a good business model if you can get it.
I often say that menopausal women are the cash cow of Western medicine.
Do we really think that nature is so dumb, that it made women’s bodies in such a way that they would be required to take outside medicine for half of their lives, just to feel good?
This is ridiculous. Total fucking bullshit.
In other cultures—especially non-North American ones—there are people who don’t even have a WORD for menopause, because it’s a non-event.
Women get older. They stop bleeding.
That’s it. End of story.
This transition time in their lives is easy and seamless.
So why is it an issue for some women, and in particular, Western, north American women?
1) Programming.
Even more than in Europe, aging in North America is seen as the enemy.
Rather than a time to be honored, when one has acquired wisdom and earned respect, getting older is the great marketing coup to acquire a new customer demographic.
From plastic surgery to injectables to hormones, it’s all geared toward reversing the clock.
Along with physical appearance, the menopause marketing is that women’s bodies pretty much collapse and can’t function at all without constant outside help.
From daily hormones for the rest of your life, to organ harvesting, they’ve got you covered. Seriously, western medicine is the biggest, legal, voluntary organ trafficking gig on the planet. Total snake oil racket with a very dark agenda.
Keep your organs. Toss the lube and hormones. You don’t need their quack medicine bullshit.
2) Stress.
Most people fuel themselves with coffee and cortisol.
They live in a state of constant stress.
IN women, if this has been an ongoing pattern, once they hit menopause, what ought to be an easy reconfiguration in the body, is now a taxing one.
All of their body’s energy goes toward making stress hormones, because the body thinks it’s in a perpetual survival state.
There’s nothing left over to generate their reproductive hormones. So they may experience menopause as a tipping point, and manifest some of the symptoms women talk about.
But let’s be clear: these symptoms are indicative of some kind of imbalance – not as a “normal” way of going through this part of a woman’s life.
It’s becomes “normalized” in the way that I talk about the “normalization of dysfunction” that is the very hallmark of Western medicine.
But it’s not “normal”.
Being dripping wet and giving your partner blowjobs all over the house and having sex twice a day and ejaculating across the room is “normal”.
At least in Anami Land.
3) Misuse and ignorance of what their own creative/sexual/life-force energy can do.
You hear me say this over and over:
Sexual energy is creative energy. This is the energy that creates new life.
IF you aren’t making babies with that energy, you can use it for feeling your life.
And if you are at the stage of your life where you aren’t making babies anymore, then you have even more of this energy available to you to channel into your life.
Spiritually speaking, women can use their sexual life-force energy——for ascension into higher states of consciousness.
That’s why you see a lot of description in various non-Western cultures about the wise woman, the elder shaman.
She now has even more access to these realms>
Isn’t it interesting that at the moment this happens, Western medicine/snake oil wants to interrupt this process by drugging up the woman, cutting out her orgasms – which are her access points for these energies.
This is one of the true gifts of menopause, that most women have no idea is available to them.
And, like with any energy, if you suppress it or don’t use it for its highest capacity, it will invert back on you and cause destruction.
4) These women aren’t sexually owning themselves.
The Anami Guarantee is that EVERYONE can.
At every age, and every stage.
All women can be salacious, ravenous, multi-orgasmic and wet, wet, wet.
Especially at menopause.
As one of our All Stars once said, she produces “tsunamis of lubrication”.
Another one says: “I’m wet, wet, wet, wetter than wet.”
And another one: “I’m dripping wet all over the place.”
So yeah.
No problems there.
When women go through menopause and they are inhabiting their sexual energy and selves, they have the time of their lives.
Like these women are.
And, like Amber Jean is, our Well-F**ked All Star for today.
“I am JUICY….! Gushingly alive “down there.” Fifty-six fucking years old and wetter than I’ve been in decades. With the exception of anal sex, lube is no longer necessary – ever.”
She’s right on the money there! The only place I encourage the use of lube is for anal sex.
She has some other reality-and-allopathic-medicine-defying healing stories as well, such as:
1) She can now have cervical orgasms, even without having a cervix.
2) After a few weeks of doing the breast massage practices in WFW, she had two large lumps in her breast disappear that have NOT returned.
How’s them apples?
We’ll hear all about these experiences, plus how she went from having sex a few times a month to nearly daily sexcapades.
*** WF ALL STAR AMBER JEAN ***
KIM: Welcome, Amber Jean! Thanks for being here.
AMBER JEAN: Thanks for having me.
KIM: Let’s talk about your juicy menopause experiences. Were you having less juicy experiences before you began doing this work? Where were you and where did you come to?
AMBER JEAN: I went through some difficult years. I was struggling with a fibroid in my uterus. I was so sure that it could be healed holistically, and I tried all sorts of things. And in retrospect, I was looking for you. I just didn’t find you back then. This was in 2010.
I was able to, with all different modalities, like acupuncture and things, shrink this fibroid, but then it would grow again. I did diet. I did all sorts of things. It eventually became five pounds, the size of a football, and my uterus was the size of a five-month pregnancy. It was very debilitating.
During this time, sexually, I had all sorts of issues about my body with this blockage and pain, things like that. Eventually when it got to be so overwhelming, I finally succumbed to surgery, and I had a hysterectomy. I kept my ovaries, so menopause didn’t really happen until later. It was a couple years later that I started hearing about the jade egg and looked into it as a way of healing my trauma and my drama around the loss, which was really, really painful and huge.
Sexually, working with the jade egg and doing your Vaginal Kung Fu course followed by The Well-F**ked Woman—it was light-years difference. I don’t even want to think about pre-Anami days.
KIM: Were you using lube?
AMBER JEAN: Definitely, yes. My hysterectomy was 13 years ago—
KIM: How old are you now?
AMBER JEAN: I’m 56. In my late forties, with my girlfriends who were of similar age or older, it was just common knowledge among all of us that lube was accepted. I think it’s sad, but it just seems to be accepted by women that as we get older, we’re going to dry out.
KIM: Even younger. Women accept lube as being a normal part of a sex life, even in their twenties. Even when they start having sex. It might be emphasized more when you get older, but it’s still part of the narrative throughout all of a woman’s sexual experiences.
AMBER JEAN: Yeah, I would definitely agree with you. I think it was just talked about openly, and around my late forties, coconut oil was talked about as the healthiest alternative versus sex shop lubes or whatever, fake materials. Not only is it natural, but it’s also antibacterial, those kinds of things, so it’s good for you.
We commonly accepted and talked about coconut oil and one of my girlfriends gave me a little candle, a tealight, which you would use to heat butter up for a dipping sauce kind of thing. It was for my coconut oil. She used the same thing, so you could get it nice and warm. I live in Montana; it’s a cold climate, and I thought that was awesome. It was next to the bed, and that was just accepted as part of my sex life.
Another girlfriend, we were laughing, because she realized that when she would make breakfast on the weekends, her husband would get horny because she was cooking with coconut oil [laughs] and coconut oil had become such a part of their sex life that it would just turn him on. Yeah, that was just part of sex, lubing my body. But no longer. Absolutely not.
KIM: Okay. So how would you describe things now? What’s your relationship with lube if you even have one?
AMBER JEAN: Massage oil for massaging my husband’s body, but when it comes to my vagina, it’s just so luscious and juicy. I remember when I was in high school, it was called “you’d cream your undies” when you got horny or whatever. I cream my undies all the time now and it feels so good. I just feel like a vivacious teenager from the inside out.
KIM: That’s fantastic. How did that come to be? What were some of the steps that you took to get to this place of gushing juiciness? What do you think were some of the important milestones and tools along the way for you?
AMBER JEAN: Well, for me, definitely the jade egg. I had acquired one through Amazon. I had heard about it from here and there, but I didn’t really know what to do with it. It ended up in my underwear drawer.
I was looking for someone to help teach me. And looking online, you can go down the rabbit hole and just hear and see all sorts of things. Some of it resonated; some of it was like, “What? Really? Just stick it in and your dream life will be good?” I don’t know, just crazy.
KIM: Stick it in, walk around the house, do it while you’re vacuuming. Sleep with it inside of you. I know, all of the weird wrong advice that people get given online.
AMBER JEAN: Once I started the work with Vaginal Kung Fu, I just kind of wanted to lift weights and get good—but it’s not just about technique and just pumping weights. There’s the whole spiritual and the relationship with self and the feminine.
Doing some of the initial things, the breast massage, but also just going in with my own fingers—I didn’t think of myself as somebody who would be resistant to that, but honestly, that part I wanted to be lazy about. Lift weights? Okay. But going inside, I thought, “I want my husband to take care of that. He can do all that. He can make that part feel good.”
That was one of the ahas and one of the big shifts for me, going inside, learning how to embrace, learning to love myself, learning to find beauty in my parts, both inside, outside, breasts, all of that. It was huge and major and keeps deepening for me in a beautiful way.
KIM: The self-knowledge and self-love, especially the essence of you, your genitals.
AMBER JEAN: Yes, especially that. And you know, after I started doing the work—and I don’t know if that’s even a fair word, because it really is the play.
KIM: The play, yeah. Whenever I say, “the work,” I kind of shift it to the work and the play because I’ve realized it’s not quite accurate.
AMBER JEAN: I was very sensual and sexual as a young person. I think it was smothered and squeezed and stomped and fretted out of me. And to embrace that and bring that back in.
And of course, my husband has been super welcoming, and he’s been encouraging all along. He started really early on, as I was doing this work, commenting on how healthy and how beautiful my pussy looked and how it changed. I loved hearing it, but I have more recently just really come to own it and feel it and believe it and just love being attached. I breathe from there a lot and I grab myself sometimes, just for that. Just out of that pure, “Mm!” [Laughs] It’s so good.
KIM: Beautiful. That’s such a huge piece of what I see as being key to women having pleasurable and lively menopause or postmenopausal experiences where they really own their sexuality, own their pussy. The way you describe it is a very good description of ownership and multidimensionality. But that’s the key, and so many women are disassociated and cut off and then that atrophy shows up in the tissue. That level of disconnect shows up, and a disconnect can even show up to the extent that people get things cut off. They’re so cut off from their own sexuality and the body parts that they get removed. Then they can start, as in your case, that reclamation process back to owning. I think it’s an essential part of healing after a process like that.
Because we get questions all the time when I talk about cervical orgasms. Women will ask, What if I don’t have a cervix? And I say, “Well, you can still have a cervical orgasm even without a cervix,” just like Amber here, which we’ll talk about in a moment. But there’s also all the healing and integration work that’s required if somebody has that kind of procedure; there’s some level of underlying disconnect and disassociation and lack of inhabiting of that energy that needs to be bridged and healed for someone to integrate that procedure.
Maybe someone like you, in their later years, you come into the sexual work after making a decision like that. Or many women just don’t know what they don’t know, and they go ahead on the advice of their physician, and they do these things, some of them more electively than others. They just casually remove these parts.
Then the work becomes, well, what were the issues in our tissues, as Wim Hof says? What was going on there that led to that happening?
You are such a great example because you now have cervical orgasms without having a cervix. Tell us about that, because I’m going to be pointing a lot of women toward this episode to inspire them and let them know what’s possible.
AMBER JEAN: Oh yes, definitely. Well, just to reiterate again about the issues in the tissues, I intuited that before I had the hysterectomy. For years, I just felt like there was something amiss and there was some way to heal it. I just didn’t come across the kind of beliefs and coaching that you offer the world. I so wish I had, and that’s why I’m here talking today.
It’s just heartbreaking, but I have girlfriends who have diagnoses and they don’t want to talk about it. Others are hungry for it, and they want to hear, and they believe the same way. For sure, I had issues, and those issues led to having that blockage. Through working with you and the things that I’ve learned in these processes, I’ve been able to heal those issues that were present before I had the hysterectomy.
Then the hysterectomy happened, cervix no longer, and so at the very beginning of The Well-F**ked Woman, when you spoke of cervical orgasms, I just wanted to cry. I just cringed and the guilt door slammed, and I said, “I knew it! I should’ve …”
One of the wonderful things about working with you is we have a chance to ask you questions directly. On one call I asked you, “What happens if you don’t have a cervix?” When you said just like a soldier or someone who loses a limb, it’s like a phantom limb, it still can exist energetically, that made so much sense to me. It was all the permission I needed. It was like you just gave me the magic potion to believe and to know that I could. And thank God, because yes, the cervical orgasms are out of this world. They’re more otherworldly and have a sensitivity, and it’s taken a while. It wasn’t instant; it wasn’t overnight for me, but it’s so worth it.
Just a couple days ago, I had a cervical orgasm just using my jade egg and energetic work and it was so beautiful to feel that level of connection to myself, to my body, to my cervix. I feel energetically like I have a womb, and that creative part of myself is really strong. When I visualize, I envision my womb.
KIM: What do your cervical orgasms do for you?
AMBER JEAN: What do they do for me? They’re very spiritual. My whole vagina is very much in that juicy, feminine, watery flow, in a powerful way. To describe it, it would be almost like a mountain lake. The G-spot orgasms are like the waves on the lake, and they can be lapping the shore and the vulva can be involved and it can be that sort of subtle nature and then they can be bigger, more tumultuous.
Then the cervical orgasm is like deep depths connected to the waves. It’s this connection that’s very much of my body, but also beyond my body. It can be solo or with my husband. With my husband, there’s also been that connection. It’s like we’re both in the lake. And we’re beyond the lake. It’s really hard to describe, I guess.
KIM: And in terms of bliss and pleasure and physical sensations, how does that feel?
AMBER JEAN: Scrumptious. I can’t imagine life without it. It makes me so sad to think and know that I might have missed this. I might have totally missed all of it if I hadn’t taken these courses and done this work. I see and feel so strongly that more women need to know and believe and dive in and enjoy. Live. It’s like living fully.
KIM: Essential medicine.
Speaking of your husband, you went from having sex a few times a month to having nearly daily sexual adventures. Tell us about that.
AMBER JEAN: Well, once you have a taste of a good thing—I mean, it’s just so good, Kim. Why wouldn’t you?
KIM: But you had kind of a dry time where you weren’t having sex very often. How did you go from not having sex very much to then having sex daily?
AMBER JEAN: Well, I think it mostly had a lot to do with me getting more sensitive. He was always willing to assist in whatever way possible and has been amazing that way. Just helping me work through the tightness around my cervix. I’m so aware now that if there’s something stressing my life, or there’s something between him and I, there’s almost a tight ache. It’s like a muscle that needs to be massaged or, you know, that would benefit from a hot tub or that kind of a thing. I can feel that, and I just know by listening that it’s time.
It might not be on a daily basis, depending on what’s going on, or if we’re working through something especially stressful, then I can feel it there.
KIM: Right. So you’re sensitive about some issues in the tissues, because they register there. And the sense that they need probing and penetration and illumination, that can all happen from a divine cock and your own attention there.
AMBER JEAN: Yes, yes. And his tongue or his fingers and all of it. It’s become, for me, this place I tap into constantly. Way more than once a day. When I need a bit of grounding, I live very much in the woods and in the wilderness. That’s a big part of my life, being able to breathe in energy from the earth, but my vagina and my womb are a huge part of that.
And even before starting something daunting like a really particularly steep ice climb on a frozen winter day in Montana, I can be warming up my hands and all geared up and ready to go and then I’ll take a breath from there and bring it up through and back down again and—boom—and just … you know? It’s a tool we have. It’s the best tool. It’s like the golden key.
KIM: The energy source to plug into. You also had a very positive transformational experience with breast massage. What happened there?
AMBER JEAN: Yes. The breast massage is something that’s become daily for me. it’s a wonderful way to start the day. No matter how tired or sleep deprived, it’s like the easiest thing for me.
I had a couple lumps in one of my breasts. One of the lumps grew to the size of a walnut very rapidly. The specialist said that they were just cystic and nothing to worry about, there was fluid in them. He said that they could be removed, but women who get them tend to continue to get them, so if I removed them, they might come back.
Right after that diagnosis is when I began the breast massage. Within less than a month, both of the cysts disappeared totally. And I’d had them for quite a while.
Just going back to the issues in the tissues, there were issues there. I don’t have great big breasts. My mother had small breasts. She had seven sisters who were really voluptuous, and my mother ended up with breast cancer. I just really feel like how we feel about our breasts, things that have been handed down, perhaps ancestrally, also with my mom and the shame and the small breasts, and then myself, small breasts. They grew, there’s that. [Laughs] I mean, they grew just through the breast massage.
Then we were married and I didn’t take any lumps to my wedding. Then a couple years later, there was a really tough period with all sorts of things in life and I wasn’t doing the breast massage consistently. Things were more detached. It was just a tough time. The lumps reappeared just for a short bit. Because as soon as they did, I said, “Ah.” So I dived back in with the breast massage, adding lots of love and light, that kind of thing, and I haven’t had them since.
KIM: And that’s interesting to hear you using their reappearance as a message. As information that, “Okay, I need to put attention and love here.” Because my view is that even if someone elects to remove something from the body, I think things come back because the root cause hasn’t been addressed. Someone hasn’t gone to the deeper levels of healing. It’s like pulling something out at the root and getting rid of it. Otherwise, there could be multiple surgeries and different expressions in the body.
Did you come to a different place of breast love through doing the massage that then changed the relationship you had with your breasts?
AMBER JEAN: Yes, definitely. And like you said, the issues in the tissue and the trauma and then the healing. It’s like as I get more advanced, with each breakthrough, then I find other layers of healing that need to be done, and my body will tell me.
KIM: Right. What kinds of shifts have you seen in your outer life in your creativity, abundance? What have you noticed in that way that I talk about when a woman, or a man, is really inhabiting their sexual energy? Not only does their sex life improve, but they start to see these expressions of growth in every part of their life. So what did you observe?
AMBER JEAN: Well, definitely the amount of openness and juiciness and surrender and connection that I feel. I’m an artist, my studio life, my work, the courage, pushing the edge. Even climbing for me and the other adventures that I do. I can have a much more centered courage, much more willingness to push that edge, which I believe is where most creativity comes from. It’s like this back-and-forth dance between the two, where I can just feel, when I open up and have that full expression sexually, sensually, energetically, spiritually.
KIM: Yes. What message would you give to women who are at the cusp or full in menopause or past it? What would you like to say to them? What would you like them to know?
AMBER JEAN: It’s never too late. I can’t imagine not having accessed this level of juiciness, this living-ness. It’s just something that radiates because of all of this. I want everyone to experience it. I know there are women way older than me who have come into this lovely juiciness through this work as well. You don’t want to miss it.
KIM: What advice would you give them?
AMBER JEAN: What advice would I give them? Well, if they’re thinking about your courses in particular, it’s a no-brainer. For me, honestly, one, it was a big financial commitment at the time. And I had never done anything quite like that online.
But you have this satisfaction guarantee, and that was the kicker for me that allowed me to say, “Well, if it doesn’t work …” You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
KIM: Amazing. Is there anything else that you’d like to add?
AMBER JEAN: Just deep gratitude. Deep, heartfelt gratitude for the work that you’ve done and for the ways that you’ve expressed in the world, and how many women you’ve turned on to this art that we’ve forgotten, that’s always been there. An art that I think once we remember to remember, feels so right and good. I’m deeply appreciative. Deeply.
*******
Bookmark and send this episode to anyone who is telling you that menopause is a legit reason for not lubricating, orgasming, or having an off-the-charts sex life.
There is a cornucopia of come available to you.
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My How to Be a Well-F**ked Woman Salon opens for registration in two weeks!
This is my 8-week, online signature salon for women that shows you how to be well-fucked at every age and stage, including menopause,
We cover much of what Amber talked about:
- Breast massage to tone, lift and enrage the breast as well last holistic breast care practices
- Natural hormonal balancing.
- Living a life with no lube – except for anal play – then you can lube it up!
- Well-fucked menopause
- How to have the deeper Vaginal orgasms: G-Spot, squirting and cervical
- My cock whispering secrets to ecstatic blow jobs, deep throating, anal play and manual techniques to bring him to his knees
- How to surrender and activate your feminine magnetism
- And much more!
Go to kimanami.com, click on sexual savant salons, look for How to Be a Well-F**Ked Woman. You can get on the mailing list to be notified of when the salon opens for signup, and in the meantime you can take the “How Underf**ked Are You?” quiz and watch the WFW free preview video series.
