Fucking Is Better than Therapy – TRANSCRIPT
Fucking is better than therapy.
I would know. I’ve done a lot of both.
Save thousands of dollars and hours… and work it out in bed instead.
More effective, works faster and much better fun.
What is the purpose of therapy?
To confront your demons.
To be honest with yourself.
To alchemize your wounds and past pain into wisdom and pleasure.
Well, my orgasms do that.
My cervical ones do, anyway.
They have for years.
And the fact that they do is why I do what I do.
Everything I teach about sex and intimacy is guiding you to the place where you can be your own self-healer and master creator of your reality.
And you can get there through your vagina.
Specifically, through your vaginal—and especially—cervical orgasms.
The pathway to reaching cervical orgasm demands that we open.
We cannot fake it.
We are called upon to reach deep inside, to bare ourselves and to dive into the abyss.
I know it’s super trendy right now to, ahem, “journey” with plant medicine.
And look, whatevs.
But however you want to slice it, you are still outsourcing your power to an external authority or substance.
Even though you could get there on your own.
If you did the work.
Ram Dass even said: Drugs show you the mountain. But you have to climb it yourself.
No matter how much puking you do, that doesn’t count as climbing the mountain, kids.
Anyway, back to my vagina.
All the power is in me.
And in you.
The pathway to opening, surrendering—which really is the ultimate metaphysical, spiritual, most shamanic and “seeing God” quest of all—is to get out of our own way.
To let go of, and dare to release, the little self so that the divine may enter us.
Let ALL of it penetrate you.
And obliterate you.
I’m telling you, you can get there—and you can get farther and deeper—through your own sexual experiences.
Not a single drop of plant medicine necessary.
The journey to these deeper orgasms demands that we look in our dark corners and find the lies we’ve told ourselves.
Our justifications of victimhood and how this was “done to us”.
And that we take FULL and radical responsibility for our own lives and healing.
THEN will you reach these places.
If you build it, they will come.
Like I always say, sexual energy is life force energy—the energy that creates new life.
We can learn to tap into this power and use it consciously to build in our lives.
And also to heal ourselves.
I truly have worked through eons of stuff—and I mean eons—through my sexual explorations.
It felt at times like I was accessing deep, ancestral lineage trauma and expelling it out—by having hours and hours of cervical orgasms.
These kinds of orgasms—the kinds that change your life and rebirth you—are essential good-fuck medicine for all women.
Women often cry during these orgasms.
It’s a release. A massive release.
They often don’t know what the tears are for, and they don’t have to know.
All they have to do is open to that flow.
The release is happening from a cellular level, purging the old, and restoring the system, like a computer reboot.
Orgasm is actually a very deep, autonomic nervous system reset.
It resets your ANS better than anything.
I had an integrative doctor friend years back, who specialized in resetting the ANS, and he would say to me, “I wish I could just tell everyone to go home and have orgasms. It would make their healing go so much faster.”
I would assert that the most powerful healing only happens in deep, connected, surrendered, open sex—whether you are having it with yourself, or a partner.
My big barometric question is:
“Does sex leave you feeling energized, rejuvenated, transformed, ecstatic and like it changed your life?”
IF not, you are doing it wrong.
You can have sex in a way that depletes you.
Or energizes you.
I’m all about getting high through sex.
And if you are doing that, you are harnessing that super potent energy source that will enable you to do all kinds of things from manifest a new job, to a new partner and heal your body.
This is exactly what Alexa did.
She learned how to use this energy, consciously cultivating it, so that it became a tangible source of power, creativity and revitalization in her life.
Her story is mind and body-blowing and you can hear the well-f**ked radiance OOZE from her voice.
Hear how Alexa’s vagina helped her to:
- Go from being $34k in debt, to mega-prosperity and a TV show in the works
- Unleash her creativity: she picked up the songwriting and performing career she’d put on the backburner for years, using my Meditate, Masturbate, Create sequence
- Lose 70 lb in weight and emotional “baggage”
- Move from sexual shame and early childhood trauma to not giving a f**k, with utter confidence
- Heal her throat and vulva cysts—they totally disappeared
- Find God. In her vagina.
In Alexa’s words: ”I would say 100% that the course that I did with you recently, and just your work in general, was a catalyst for healing for me in all levels of my life.”
ALL STAR ALEXA:
KIM: Welcome, Alexa. So excited for you to be joining us!
ALEXA: Thank you, Kim, for having me. I’m really glad to get to talk to you.
KIM: Let’s hear where you came from, where you are now, and all the transformation that happened in between.
ALEXA: So, my journey with this work started probably a year ago. I was in one of the lowest places in my life. COVID had happened. I had a newborn baby, and my career and my relationship were just at a standstill, or even at a negative, honestly.
I was doing this cord-cutting meditation one night, where I was releasing a lot of past emotional things. The next morning, not only did I feel lighter, but I was randomly on my phone. I never listened to the podcast, but somehow, your podcast ended up on my phone, in my to-watch list, or to-listen-to list. I had an intuition to click on it, and everything that you spoke about so resonated with me on a core level that I immersed myself in your videos and in your podcasts. Anything I could devour online, I did.
I started applying all of the free content to my life. I even ordered a jade egg. The one from the Salon is exceptional, especially in comparison to the one I was using in the beginning.
KIM: That’s good to hear.
ALEXA: Yeah. I’m a musician, and I was a songwriter growing up and all through my life. And COVID was just an absolute standstill for musicians. And then I was pregnant during COVID, and I was almost $34,000 in debt before I began your work.
KIM: Wow. Wow.
ALEXA: And when I tell you that is completely healed, I could cry right now. It’s been life-changing.
Throughout this past year, I began to apply the principles that you spoke on. It works if you do the work. And I showed up every day and did the work. It was amazing to me how much I shifted in my own self, and how much my relationships, not just with my husband, but the other relationships in my life, changed. It’s like I grew a backbone. [Laughs]
I didn’t realize I had a boundary issue. I didn’t realize I wasn’t utilizing my voice.
And so much of my life shifted because I shifted internally. I would say 100% that the course that I did with you recently, and just your work in general, was a catalyst for healing for me in all levels of my life.
KIM: That’s amazing. When you say you showed up and did the work, what did that look like for you?
ALEXA: I just applied everything that you mentioned doing, from self-pleasuring every day to the jade egg work to breast massage to yoni massage to really just going through it, rather than avoiding it, as far as the emotions that were coming up, and the things that were previous blocks.
I began to really filter my life of all dishonesty. There was a podcast I listened to that you did about the power of speaking your truth. I never lied necessarily, and I never did anything dishonest, but I didn’t share my true passions or my true wants or my true needs with my husband or my family members and friends.
I wasn’t showing up as myself. I was being a version of myself I thought people really wanted from me because it was a role I was so used to playing. I really came out of that role and discovered who I am.
KIM: That’s so beautiful. I love what you said about doing these practices, but then you also mentioned the emotional work, and I love what you said about the dishonesty. Because that, in some ways, is really the crux of everything—if you can identify your truth and then speak your truth.
And also what you said about boundaries is huge. You’re putting that creative power out into the world to make your universe a reflection of your inner self. If we can’t get to that place of expressing it or articulating it, or even knowing what it is, then our lives are not an expression of our truth.
ALEXA: 100%. Having a sex date with myself or having these times where I was utilizing self-pleasure and exploring my own sexuality brought me face to face with the things I had to unearth that I had not dealt with.
For instance, I realized that I had so many little traumas. Individually, you can deal with them, but when they layer on, layer on, and layer on, they become huge blocks and walls to really expressing creativity or joy.
It sucks sometimes to cry, but I know it’s releasing. I know that it’s healing. I used to avoid negative emotion rather than release it, and now it does feel pretty fucking good to cry. [Laughs]
KIM: How would you relate this journey and the unearthing of these things to your sexual exploration? Did you just find in revving up this sexual energy that may have been lying dormant in some fashion that it was helping to catalyze these things and bring them to the surface?
ALEXA: Oh, 100%. It was also this aha moment for me because I was sexually exploited at a young age, for instance. I wrote my first song when I was eight years old, and it went on to be a platinum hit in Brazil. I was a multi-platinum songwriter and had a few number ones by the time I was 13, and I tied with Michael Jackson as the youngest songwriter to be with a publishing company.
KIM: That’s amazing!
ALEXA: It’s amazing how tuning in and tapping into that at a young age and being so curious opened up my world to creativity. Creativity just funnelled through me.
I grew up in Utah, and as I got older, the shame around sex was insurmountable. I shut down totally, and I had so many female issues. I didn’t even get a period until I was 20 years old, because I had so much blocked stuff.
Doing this work and going back and healing those things that I didn’t even know had happened—it’s just amazing, the act of tapping into my sexuality and recognizing that’s the same energy as creative energy. That’s life-force creation. That’s what beats our hearts when we’re babies, you know?
It’s been amazing to empower myself in that sense, and really, now I’m at a point where I beat the drum of this all day long. All my family members know, all my friends know; it’s something I am just like. Everyone needs to do this, to utilize the power of their own bodies, of their own inherent gifts.
KIM: That’s amazing. I love all of that, and you say it so well.
What were some of the specific areas where you noticed shifts happen in your life, from your body to your health to your marriage? You mentioned the debt that you wiped out. Can you walk us through some of those changes?
ALEXA: Oh yeah. For sure. I’ll start with my body. In the past I had an eating disorder, and getting pregnant was really tough because there was a lot of body stuff coming back. I gained 90 pounds. I am not kidding.
After I gave birth, I was breastfeeding, doing all these things, and I couldn’t get the weight off. It was just stuck. I realized through doing your course, wow, those tears that I never expressed were stuffed into my tissues, and I loved how you said your issues are in your tissues.
As I began to really go within through self-pleasure and to let myself journal or write or do these things afterward and really tune in to that, the weight started falling off. I have now lost nearly 70 pounds, and during the course, I lost about 18.
In the salon you have a clearing of growths meditation. I was doing that constantly, doing the yoni practices, and I noticed that I had a Bartholin’s cyst. And during my pregnancy, I discovered that I had cysts on my throat, and they were constantly looking at them and screening, making sure it wasn’t affecting my thyroid levels. That’s the only reason I knew about them.
I had such a decrease in the Bartholin’s cyst. I think I sent you guys an email the day I found out. I went to my endocrinologist, and they did an ultrasound on my throat and found out that not only was my Bartholin’s completely gone, but my throat was totally healed.
It was eye-opening to me because I brought that up with the women in the course, and one of the people said there was a throat/vagina connection, and I was astounded when I saw what vocal cords look like.
KIM: [Laughs] Right!
ALEXA: It floored me. I was losing it laughing because I realized, “Of course! Of course this is all connected! Of course I’m being able to express myself by going within and by utilizing what generates this creativity and utilizing what expresses creativity via the vagina and the throat.” No wonder! It was just this aha moment for me, but it was so funny. I laughed my ass off after the whole thing because not only do we have the capability of healing these things, but our bodies are messengers, and they’re speaking to us constantly. It was telling me that I had blockages. I had emotional blockages, and as I did the work, they cleared.
KIM: You mentioned earlier about your voice and speaking your truth and setting boundaries and all that throat stuff. There’s the irony of you being a songwriter/singer, but there’s still another level for you to go in that expression.
ALEXA: Oh, 100%. And that was one of the things I really loved. I began to adopt your philosophy of Meditate/Masturbate/Create. I would apply that every day. I just followed your lead as far as how you said you would go to your computer and just write, write, write.
I didn’t know what to do afterward, so at first, I started coloring mandalas just to choose something to be creative in. Then I was urged to start writing and journal, and that led me back to songwriting, which I had really shut down, due to a lot of disappointments and things in my career. It was amazing to reconnect with that space within myself. That three-step process—wow. I still use it every day, and it works.
KIM: [Laughs] That’s amazing.
ALEXA: Chanting Hu is great. I learned a lot about vocal toning through this whole thing, and that’s a principle that a lot of vocal toning teachers use. I feel like it strengthened my voice, and it’s something I now do before I perform live, which is great, because, oh my God, I’m performing live again. I haven’t done that in three years! It’s amazing.
KIM: That’s incredible. How did the shift happen in your work and finances? Was that through you getting back into performing? How did you find that manifested in your work and cash flow?
ALEXA: It opened a part of me that was creative to where I was creating again, and that was generating opportunities in and of itself, along with interest from my end. “Oh, I’m going to put this out,” or “Oh, I’m going to reach out to this person,” or “Oh, I’m going to go for this and this and this.” I had received this idea a while ago, during one of my meditations. I had never acted on it, and it was this concept for a TV show. And I am happy to say that utilizing these practices every day gave me the faith, courage, eagerness, and inspiration to just fucking do it.
Now, I have a full-blown TV show, where we are in the preproduction phase. I have a production company, and we are going to the networks in about four weeks for the pitching process. We are filming the sizzle reel, and I have some of the biggest songwriters signing on to it, as well as some big artists. It’s all under NDAs right now, so I can’t give away the whole premise of it, but for the last six months, it’s just been taking off on a whole other level that I never expected.
It really came through because every day I would do this practice, and I would meditate on it, and then I would self-pleasure and then act on it. I had the courage and the inspiration combined, which was something I had been missing for so long because of how much I had blocked within me.
KIM: Alexa, you’re blowing me away right now! This is fantastic!
ALEXA: Wild! It’s wild! It’s like my voice opened up to be able to speak to the universe again, to be able to place orders, to be able to just communicate, not only with my own heart but with whatever people consider God to be or love or the universe or Allah, whatever you call that life-force energy.
I used to feel at a young age that I had this strong connection with myself and with life at large, and through doing this work, I reconnected with that. It brings me to tears. I’m so grateful to you and this work.
KIM: What you’re saying essentially is you found God again through your vagina.
ALEXA: 100%. [Laughs] And it’s even made me ask the question, who is God’s mom? It’s really shifted not only my perspective on things, but reconnected me with the essence of how it feels to be held by the universe and supported in what I’m doing.
KIM: Yeah. Like making love with and to the universe. It’s so beautiful. What would you say in relation to your sexuality and your lubrication, your vaginal power, your marriage?
ALEXA: Ever since the jade egg work and what it brought up for me, like being able to cry emotionally, I have been able to lubricate. Now it’s interconnected, and it’s constant. I don’t feel like I did before, where I was like an old lady shrivelling. [Laughs]
I feel excited about life, and my body tells me that I’m on point with that. Because even if I don’t recognize it emotionally right away, my panties will say it. [Laughs]
KIM: [Laughs] Yes! The vagina talks.
ALEXA: I recognize that my marriage is this mirror of me, and who I was showing up as in my marriage was reflected in my husband. By doing this work, not only was I reconnecting with the playful, the silly, and all these things, but
I feel like I became more attractive to my husband, as well as braver and bolder, saying these things that I needed to say or talking about things that we had swept under a rug. There weren’t necessarily any big things, but it becomes a layer of deceit when you stop living in full honesty because you fall into patterns.
And it just fucking shook our relationship and woke us up. For instance, we’ve never done getaways or had time just for us. I’m so excited because in August, his mom is flying in and watching our daughter for a few weeks, and he and I are going to take off to a cabin in the mountains and follow suit from some of your other podcasts.
KIM: With these epic sex weekends, yeah.
ALEXA: Absolutely, yes. I can’t wait. We were in a rough place, and I had to have faith that by shifting and healing and opening myself to these different aspects of my sexuality, either he was going to follow suit and we were going to grow together, or I had to be okay with walking away if it didn’t happen.
I think that’s the scariest part for a lot of people when you start this work because you recognize, holy fuck, “I am this sentient being,” as you put it, and I have power within me, and desire and passion and all these things. What does that do to my life, and what does that do to the people around me, and how can I maintain these relationships when I live so small within them?
That was a scary question to ask myself, and then I just realized, you know what? If love is truly unconditional love, I’ll be loved through it, and if I can’t be loved through it by someone else, I’m going to love myself through it. Loving myself through it was amazing because it was an invitation, in a way, for him to get to know me on deeper levels and for me to get to know him as well. We listened to podcasts and applied certain things together.
We have so many stairs to climb, so many new places to experience together, and that’s the exciting part. Rather than looking at it as a challenge, like I did in the past, it’s now an opportunity to go deeper, as you say.
KIM: Go deep or go home! Go deep and come home. [Laughs] It’s all so epic. I’m so proud of you and your full dedication. The way you committed to these practices every day and to Meditate/Masturbate/Create every day and just sat down at your computer. You just started coloring in mandalas because, “Okay, I’m going to do something that’s creative to channel this energy.” That’s what I tell people—just go do something. Just do something and know that you’re taking that energy and funnelling it into whatever it is that you’re doing.
ALEXA: 100%. Even simple things like organizing or cleaning up my house or whatnot—it’s almost like I have this amassment of creative energy. I am songwriting again. I’m painting again. My marriage is in a good place; my career is taking off. I’m in TV! I’m performing again! I even started a blog! Even with organizing my home, I’m super into feng shui and design. Wow! It just doesn’t end.
And it’s exhilarating. I feel intrigued by life again, and I feel this insatiable excitement. It’s not all the time. I’m not living on this manic high or anything like that. It’s a calm presence of myself in my own energetic space, and it’s just me listening to intuition, feeling this eagerness to explore what is calling me, expressing myself through that. So it’s been awesome.
KIM: The way you describe it is this beautiful reconnection with that life-force energy. One of the biggest messages I try to communicate to people is that our sexual energy is life-force energy. If you remove all of the religious and moral taboos superimposed on top of it, it’s just life-force energy.
If we’re connected to it, we’re revving it up, inhabiting that energy. The result is an enlivening in everything that we do and a deeper connection to life itself. Everything that you’re saying so reinforces that.
ALEXA: Right. I’m getting more and more to that place of not giving a fuck. I’d say I’m pretty far into that. I have now had purple hair for a year, and I feel great about it. In any corporate situation or any kind of thing, I am supported by that higher, benevolent present that is everywhere. It is life. It is the heartbeat of life, and it is life-force, creative sexual energy.
I feel like I’m still scratching the surface of it because it’s only been one year. I liken utilizing the jade egg and these different techniques to learning piano. You have this music inside of you that you so long to express, and you feel like you’re stuck at times because you have this inner song that you want to sing or play. And in the beginning, you’re just learning what the notes are. You’re just familiarizing your fingers with the keys. You’re just discovering how to play chords, how to connect chords, how to really establish that mind/muscle memory, and how to do the smaller things with music.
That’s how I felt with the jade egg. At first it was just, “I want to play this music, or I want to have these orgasms, or I want to have this grand theme,” but you’ve got to start with learning the keys, learning your body, learning yourself, and relearning yourself. Getting past the years and the layers of numbness, the checking out, the disassociation, the leaving your body.
There’s so much I healed from, even having an eating disorder in the past—which I didn’t even recognize at the time. It probably emerged for me when I was young because of covering up sexual shame and things of that nature and needing a sense of control over my life. Because I was too young to understand, and I was shoving it down. And this has really healed a lot of that.
The jade egg work has been amazing. It was slow in the beginning, just like learning piano, and I can’t say I can play a full-blown Beethoven piece now, but I am getting there. And I am now in a place of just loving the work because I recognize the connection with the results.
KIM: That’s all so amazing. I love the way you describe all of those things. The ownership that you take, you can feel, through hearing your voice, the joy and happiness of the process.
The proof is in the pudding. All you need to do is commit, and soon it all takes on a life of its own because the body and brain get positive reinforcement that this feels good. Then your life starts to get that reinforcement back to you when opportunities start coming to you, and things start to change without you having to try hard to change them. The real work is being done on yourself, in your body, in your sexuality, looking, as you say, at these things that come to the surface, this emotional work, and then that translates into these outer events totally changing themselves.
ALEXA: Yeah, definitely. And it’s also brought up certain reactions. I’d say even the “negative” I look at as a positive because it’s confirmation that something’s changing within me. For instance, being from Utah, there’s a very tight lid on sexuality and what other people think, how we dress, the color of hair. I’ve had at least four sit-down conversations, and rather than having this cowering feeling that I might have had a few years ago, I have a backbone now, and I said, “Thanks for your feedback. Now I’m going to give you some feedback. Go fuck yourself. [Laughs] And I mean that in the nicest way possible because, truthfully, you really need to be enlightened. So when I say go fuck yourself, I mean go get enlightened.”
KIM: [Laughs] Oh, that’s hilarious.
ALEXA: I realize now, rather than being such a dig or such an unfriendly term, “go fuck yourself” is one of the nicest things we can bless someone with.
KIM: Right! “Here’s the answer.”
ALEXA: Yeah. “Here. Go find enlightenment.” [Laughs]
KIM: [Laughs] “I’m going to give you a shortcut to fix your whole life. This is it.”
You’ve covered a lot. Is there anything else that you’d like to add?
ALEXA: I’m very excited because I have a daughter, and I think that it’s given me a new perspective on how I want her to grow up owning her sexuality and loving herself and really never losing touch with that. Because at the heart of it, it’s really innocence. It’s innocence, and it’s who we are. I just look at how she loves her body and is so content with her body, and I feel this recognition that I can save that in her by not passing down the shame. By working through my shit now so it doesn’t go onto the next generation.
I’m excited about that. I feel more energized being a parent. And I just feel this sense of hope now for my own daughter, for her growing up differently than I did.
KIM: That’s beautiful because that’s one of the big ways that we do it. We do our own work and, through osmosis and through that ancestral lineage, energetically, we pass on something different to them. They absorb something different. Because they absorb our unresolved traumas, and they absorb our power and strength as well. The more of that we can give them, the better.
ALEXA: Oh, 100%. I remember listening to one of your podcasts where you talked about how when you heal yourself, it goes up the chain that’s been passed down and heals all the way through the ancestral lineage. I’m finding that with my own family, and it’s amazing. It’s the same principle—when one forgives, the whole situation is blessed.
And that’s kind of how I feel about doing this work. I know of rapes or things that were taboo in my family, kept secret, or people were in such shame, and that shame causes growths. I’m fortunate mine were just cysts, but in other people it can show up as cancer. I feel like doing this work and utilizing the sexual energy really heals at large, and that’s such a blessing.
I am so grateful to you because I am amazed at the incredible courage you’ve had to share your own story. Because this is the truest work there is. This is who we are.
Also, your course is beautiful. All the videos are so vibrant. I was engaged the whole time and had this sense of hope. Even if I got to a place where I felt like I hit a wall or thought, “Maybe I’m not doing this right” or “This isn’t working,” I felt so drawn not only to the presentation of how you did the entire salon, but to your embodiment of it. I just want to say thank you.
KIM: Aw, that’s so lovely to hear, Alexa, and thank you for sharing all of this. These All Stars are intended to be beacons of hope for people to realize that no matter where they are, these things are available to everyone. Thank you so much for sharing all of this.
ALEXA: Of course. I’m honored. Thanks for having me! It’s been a lot of fun, and I’ve loved being able to share all this stuff with my girlfriends. I wouldn’t be surprised if your next enrolment has quite a few of my family members or friends. I’m very excited about it.
KIM: Awesome. I look forward to meeting them.
The WFW Salon is open for registration now. The doors shut on July 8th.
In my 8-week online program on how to live, love and orgasm in a female body, you’ll learn:
- How exactly to use your sexual energy as a creative power source to manifest whatever you want in your life. Like Alexa did!
- Self-pleasuring 101
- My Orgasmapedia of all the different vaginal orgasms and how to get there: G-Spot, cervical and squirting
- Breast massage to tone, lift and enlarge the breasts
- Cock whispering secrets from yours truly, the “cock witch”
- Accessing your divine feminine to magnetize opportunities and abundance to you, rather than having to slog to achieve things
- And much, much more!
The Salon only runs once a year and then it’s gone until next summer.
Each week you receive new video content and then we follow up in a few days with a live Q+A call. The call times are varied to accommodate worldwide time zones, and if you can’t make a call, you can always pre-submit questions ahead of time to be answered. You’ll receive access to my private Anami Inner Circle forum, and we have weekly group breakout calls where you can interact with other salon attendees.
This is the only place I interact with people these days, where you can receive direct coaching from me in the weekly calls.
See you inside!