Podcast – Toss Your LUBES
“You’re always wet.”
This is one of the things my lovers have said to me most often.
They aren’t used to touching a women and she’s already dripping wet.
It’s normally something in the past that they have to work at to create, or need to squeeze out of a plastic tube.
Most men and women have been conditioned to think that lube doesn’t actually come from inside a woman’s vagina!
Me and several thousand vaginas are here to tell you that you’re wrong.
Lubrication definitely comes from vaginas.
Kung fu vaginas, anyway.
Women in their natural state of voraciousness— which truly is the natural state of every woman— are juicy, succulent and wet, wet, wet.
They flow. They gush.
A woman lubricates and swells just by hearing her lover’s voice.
Even the thought of her lover causes a rush of blood —and wetness—to her vagina.
Just like every other message that your body gives you, your lubrication, your wetness, is a great metaphor.
What does lubrication tell us?
I am ready, open and want to be penetrated.
By cock. And by life.
Wetness is the vagina’s way of saying:“Hey! Come on in! We’re ready for you!”
If that isn’t happening, the answer isn’t to slather on the lube, which I consider to be the female equivalent to Viagra.
The answer is to find out why the juices aren’t flowing and to get them flowing again
This applies to ALL women, at every stage of their lives
Whether you are a post-menopausal woman, a woman with a new baby, or someone who has relied on their bedside lube for years, just to make things easier.
In this episode, I’m going to talk about why you may not be as wet as you’d like to be, the connection between lube and the American Dream – yes, really — and why to toss your lubes and how you can become a juicy, wet, wet, wet, wetter than wet, woman. who gushes as a normal state of being.
One of my big “rules” for sex is that I don’t use, and suggest that other women do not use, vaginal lubricant.
“But Kim! I’ve hit menopause! I need lube!”
“But Kim! I’ve just had a baby. Surely I must need lube.”
Nope. The Anami Guarantee is that at any age and any stage, women can be gushing wet.
This tends to be a controversial issue for two main reasons:
1) People are trained to ignore their bodies’ messages.
2) The demise of the American Dream.
We’ll get to the second point shortly, but as to the first one, the idea of NOT listening to our bodies is something that is reinforced culturally, all over the world, and especially in Western medicine.
I look at the body, and our sexual expression, as a metaphor for how we live.
If you are juicy and flowing in bed, you are juicy and flowing in life.
If you are dry in bed, I would say that there are areas in your life where your “flow” has also dried up.
You might feel exhausted, or like you are pushing a boulder uphill to get things done.
Lubrication is our most pure expression of openness and readiness.
It’s message is:
Enter me. I’m ready.
If a woman is NOT ready to be entered, she won’t be wet.
It’s that simple.
Most of us, however, have been trained to override the communication from the body.
Instead of listening and interpreting for information and guidance, we just steamroll ahead.
In the vernacular of the moment, where everyone is so concerned about “obtaining consent’ fo everything, then by that same logic:
THE ACT OF USING LUBE IS DENYING CONSENT FROM YOUR VAGINA.
Your vagina is saying no.
But you are forcing it to do something it clearly doesn’t want to do.
I’m the only sex coach I know who doesn’t consider lube a girl’s best friend.
On the contrary, I consider it her adversary.
Because EVERY time you override your body’s messages, you move further and further away from your own truth.
The more you do this, the less in tune you become with your body, your sexuality and your orgasm.
Over time, your body will stop communicating with you, or its voice will be so quiet you just won’t hear it anymore.
It will be replaced with numbness and dissociation.
And then you’ll need even MORE lube.
The “enter me readiness” that I spoke of may be physical and it may be emotional.
If a woman is with a man whose foreplay technique consists of, well, nothing, then she’s not likely to be wet.
Or if there are certain sensual acts she likes that aren’t happening, she may not be wet.
She may just need more time.
Or, she may be emotionally blocked.
Emotional blocks can be longstanding. Like unhealed past sexual traumas.
Or they can be recent, like an argument that wasn’t fully resolved earlier in the day.
All of these things—ANY kind of internal resistance—will show up as a lack of flow and juiciness.
The internal, emotional dams must be released first for their physical waters to flow.
It’s that simple.
Slathering on lube is not the answer.
Although it IS the answer if you happen to own a lube company.
Someone sent me a link to a recent post from Naomi Watts, the actor, who has apparently started a line of female lubrication products.
Naomi’s whole selling angle is:
“Dryness! Let’s talk about it! Don’t be ashamed of it! It’s totally normal. In fact, let’s celebrate dry vaginas!!!”
And then she goes on to quote internet troll and Queen of the Underf**ked Orcs, Lady Valdemort, who blames “the patriarchy” for why women aren’t wet enough, and how apparently the most empowering choice is to slather lube on your vagina and force it to have sex.
Oh, the idiocy.
FYI most lube contains a soup of carcinogenic chemicals that never ought to go inside a woman’s body, let alone in her vagina—one of the most absorptive places IN her body.
I would never put the mix of stuff in Naomi’s concoction anywhere NEAR my vagina, beyond the issue of it being lube, which is a no go for me, anyways.
But it’s the snake oil, quackery I take issue with:
“Hey hoe, there’s no shame in being dry”.
We have this huge psyop right now in our culture, of celebrating DISempowerment and victimhood.
Wearing it like a badge of dis-honour.
People getting patted on the head for NOT trying, NOT achieving, NOT taking personal responsibility for their health and their lives.
Whatever happened to the American Dream of YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TO???
Yes, you can have a gushing vagina if you want it!
Some of you might be too young to remember that America was once a place, where this kind of empowerment was a value and emblematic of what America stood for.
You don’t have to settle for life of Anne Taylor and lube.
You can have it all.
Minus the snake oil hormones and vagina creams.
Menopausal women are allopathic medicine’s biggest cash cow.
Did you know that OTHER CULTURES DO NOT EVEN HAVE A WORD FOR MENOPAUSE?
This is a manufactured condition in Western culture, and in particular in North America.
Not so much in Europe, and certainly not in developing countries where they haven’t received the marketing memo that women are supposed to hate their lives and vaginas after age 40.
Then I was sent ANOTHER article this week.
Apparently the New York Times magazine cover article was a story about how hormone treatment used to be thought of as the best thing for menopause, and then there was some silly study that highlighted the dangers of hormone treatment.
But now—rest assured—that study talking about the dangers was just wrong and hormones are totally cool, and every woman ought to be on them.
For those of you who don’t know, the Pill, and hormonal birth control is considered to be a GROUP 1 carcinogen by the WHO-re.
In the same class as asbestos and radium.
Do you ever wonder why women who have been on the PIll for 10, 20 years have trouble conceiving after?
And for some magical reason, need to get IVF?
Anyway, in my world, the Anami Land of Orgasmatopia, where EVERYONE can, we don’t need hormones and we don’t need lube.
I see these as Band-Aids only and dangerous ones.
The reality is that YOU have ultimate control over your body and YOU can alter and optimize these things.
I”m in my early 50s now, and if there is such a thing as menopause, it has gone by unnoticed.
A few years ago, I intentionally stopped having periods.
I decided I wasn’t likely to have any more children, and so I consciously stopped them.
And for the 20 years prior to that, I’ve been controlling the frequency of my periods.
Meaning, I chose to have them every 3 months and sometimes every 6 months.
Things that are thought of as out of our conscious control and part of our ANS—Autonomic Nervous System—are actually within our control.
Yes, it takes a certain level of mastery, like Wim Hof swimming underwater in the Acrtic, to set world records, and climbing Mount Everest in a pair of shorts– or Kim Anami controlling her menstruation, but it can be done.
This is something I teach in Vaginal Kung Fu.
You have the power. Even more than you know, or you’ve been taught.
Your body is meant to be a lubricating, orgasming and ejaculating bliss fest.
If it’s not right now, then there are things you can do to bring it back online.
Starting with your lubrication.
Here’s how to lubricate from within:
1) Get a strong vagina.
The number one physical reason for lack of easy lubrication?
Having a weak vagina.
Circulation = lubrication
If you don’t regularly work out your vagina, just like any other muscle in the body, it atrophies.
A strong, healthy vagina has lots of blood and oxygen flow and this has a direct impact on your ability to lubricate on demand.
I have watched countless women—and especially menopausal women— regain their wetness in weeks, simply by starting a vaginal weight lifting practice.
To show you, these are some comments from vaginas in the Well-F**ked Hall of Fame:
“An increase in wetness to tsunamic proportions!” – one of my all time favourite quotes
“Wet, wet, wet! I am 100% wetter. My husband is a happier man!”
“I’ve been doing the jade egg exercises and my vagina has come alive! I’m wet all the time now, I’m loving giving a hand job with my vagina, and I have G-Spot orgasms when having sex. I’ve been with my partner for 18 months and before I started VKF, I only had 5 orgasms with him, and they were all from oral sex, never from penetration. Now that my vagina is alive, I’m having orgasms almost every time he touches me.”
The vaginas speak for themselves!!!
Plus, with a strong and re-sensitized vagina, a woman wants to have more sex.
Because who wants to have sex with a numb vagina? When you can’t even feel anything???
The more sex you have, the more “in play” your vagina is, the more responsive and alive it is.
Your increased libido and desire from better, more pleasurable sex means that you get wet —more and faster—because sex is so much more enjoyable.
2) Listen to your vagina
Lubrication is the barometer.
As I said earlier, lubrication is the indication that a woman is ready for sex
Emotionally, psychologically and physically—everything shows up in bed and in your body.
Meaning, if you had an argument at breakfast and you haven’t resolved it yet, that can show up as lack of lubrication in the woman, or a weak erection in the man
If you have long-standing unresolved issues in the relationship, your vagina will be likely be on lockdown.
It won’t lubricate on-demand.
You’ll think that you have a “low libido” because you don’t want to have sex.
If a woman is ready in every way:
Emotionally, she feels open and connected to herself, her vagina, and her partner
Physically, she is warmed up and has had enough foreplay to be wet
Then she’s wet.
It’s really. that. simple.
Apart from having a weak vagina, this is THE most important factor in women lubricating.
As a great rule of thumb—or pussy—only enter woman once she is dripping wet.
I was working with a couple who had been together for 30 years.
She was post-menopausal, and had bought into the notion that “after a certain age, women just dry up”
As I worked with them to strengthen their connection and clear any blocks in their space, her natural lubrication returned in full force
She was texting me that she was leaving puddles of gush all over the place
She hadn’t been that wet in years
No hormones, no diet or lifestyle changes— just going deep into the relationship and cementing the connection
Do the inner work, and the lubrication comes from within.
3) Diet, exercise and hydration.
I see these elements as playing a supporting role, not the primary one.
Meaning, having a healthy, clean, organic, whole foods diet, exercising 5 times or more a week and staying hydrated—all of these things keep your vessel clean and clear, and allow your hormones and neurotransmitters to flow optimally.
But even if you are doing all of these things, and NOT strengthening and listening to your vagina, I could still see lubrication being an issue.
Wetness is as an inside-out job.
Meaning, if you don’t tend to your inner self, and your inner vaginal self, all the water in the world—even high-quality, structured, fresh mountain spring water—isn’t going to get you wet.
True wetness comes from within.
My Vaginal Kung Fu Salon, is the “Everything you need to know about your vagina but were never taught” class that helps you bust through all the vaginal myths and misinformation.
In it, you’ll learn exactly how to use the jade yoni egg, including guided mp3 weekly exercises, as well as emotional and energetic healing practices that help with everything from creating joyful periods and menopause, to awakening your vagina and libido.
You’ll learn yoni massage and breast massage techniques, Taoist qi gong sexual mastery practices and how to give your partner a hand job. With your vagina!
All this and more!
The salon closes for registration on February 3rd and after that, it’s gone until 2024.
Go to Vaginal Kung Fu.