TRANSCRIPT: Coming Off HRT with Vaginal Kung Fu
These kinds of stories are my favorite.
The ones that showcase the direct impact that being well-fucked, awakening your vagina and activating your sexual energy has on your life.
Milena had PCOS and was experiencing “peri-menopause” symptoms in her 30s.
She was, of course, bombarded with the allopathic narrative of “There is no cure for you. All you can do is learn to manage your symptoms with drugs. Forever.”
No thanks.
I’ll pass on the snake oil.
She found my work, and dared to believe that she could heal herself.
Or more accurately, that her vagina could heal her.
And it did.
*****
Women, starting at puberty, are told that the only remedy they have for everything from acne, to painful periods, to hot flashes in menopause is to take hormones.
Not learn the root cause of whatever is imbalancing their own hormones.
No. We would never to do that. But instead, foster a lifelong dependency and a belief that women are hapless victims to their own scary and impossible-to-manage biology.
Not my narrative.
Not my reality.
I prefer the idea and practice that I am in control.
I am deeply connected to my body and it guides me.
I listen to it and it supports me.
As Milena says in this episode, if we’re at war with our bodies, it’s because we started the fight.
I went through my life with easy periods. They became psychedelic portals for me. Times of altered consciousness when I could easily access other dimensions.
THAT is what they are supposed to be.
I did have intense PMS for a few years.
And then I became well-fucked. I did a deep dive into my own sexual shadow and learned to surrender at the deepest levels of my being.
The PMS went away and never came back.
I’ve apparently been through menopause.
But I wouldn’t know, because I haven’t had any kind of the laundry list of symptoms that we’re told accompanies this time of a woman’s life.
Not a single one.
The only thing that is different is that I don’t have a monthly bleed anymore.
And even that, I consciously stopped a few years ago because I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to have any more children.
Prior to that, I consciously controlled how often I would have my monthly cycle.
I extended it from once every month, to every three months to then every six months, using Taoist qi Gong techniques I teach in my Vaginal Kung Fu Salon.
We’re told that this is NOT in our control.
But it is.
So much of what we understand to be true, or feel victimized by, is sheer programming and brainwashing.
In Anami Land, we recognize that our bodies are holographic, moment-to-moment reflections of our states of consciousness.
In our all star interview today, Milena shares how she evaporated an excruciating UTI in minutes, by understanding the root cause of the “discontent” in her mind and emotions, that was registering in her body as a painful infection.
That’s life in Anami Land.
Harnessing YOUR OWN power to heal.
Moving from victim to victor in your own hero’s journey.
Milena All Star Interview
KIM: Welcome, Milena.
MILENA: Hi. Thank you for having me, Kim.
KIM: I’m so excited to talk to you about all these amazing shifts that you’ve had. Why don’t we start with what prompted you to engage in this work to begin with?
MILENA: I have followed you since the beginning of Instagram, if I remember correctly. But it was always just in the background. I think it was in 2023 that, all of a sudden, I got all this stuff and you were there. I said, “Wow, this lady really has got it figured out. I like how she talks. I like how she is no BS, gets straight to the point.”
And I started devouring your free content, from the first episode to the very last, within less than six months. I was listening to two podcasts a day, at least.
Then I had already made so many changes with just the free content that I thought, “If I do a salon with her, what’s going to happen then?” I couldn’t even imagine where that was going to get me.
I finally told my spouse, “Look, I’m going to do this. She only does this once a year, and I have to do this now because I don’t want to wait another year.” So I signed up for the first salon of the year, Vaginal Kung Fu. The rest is history. [Laughs]
KIM: I love it. One of the things that you shared that was huge, which I love that you’re an illustration of, is going off hormone therapy for “menopause.” I say it that way because I have such skepticism about the way menopause is framed in our culture as this illness, as a death sentence that all women are inevitably marching toward, and the only remedy, the only thing that will save you, apart from maybe working out and eating some higher protein, is hormone therapy.
Tell me where you were, what your experience was with that, and then how things shifted after getting into this work.
MILENA: As someone who has PCOS, my hormones were never quite where they are “supposed to be.” So I started perimenopause—if you want to call it that, whatever the diagnosis is—pretty early, in my mid-thirties. There was concern about my cycle being too long, even though my cycle has always been a lot longer, so I didn’t even see the concern in that.
But then my sleep started getting weird, and the hot flashes started. So I did have those typical symptoms that people talk about.
Progesterone cream was the first thing that was recommended to me. Every doctor told me a different thing about how to take it. To this day, I don’t know what the right thing is, and it really bothered me. There was a lot of gaslighting with doctors until I found an osteopath who was just a little bit more holistic.
Shamans and HRT in the jungle
Then I found you and your podcast. I’m very inclined to paleolithic stuff, back to basics, back to nature, and just live in harmony. I thought to myself, “Yeah, Kim’s right. If I go into the jungle and I find a tribe, I’m going to ask a woman, ‘Hey, do you have menopause?’” Because they’re going to probably look at you like—
KIM: “Where’s the HRT? Where can I get my HRT? Who do you get your HRT from? Does the shaman make HRT for you guys or what?”
MILENA: And the answer would probably be, “Oh, you mean the wise woman who sits over there and is the queen of the tribe? No. She does not have a patch on her back.” I thought, this is just so much programming, and I need to get out of this.
The only thing I still had was the cream, and I was tinkering with that and a lot of natural crutches. I had a lot of herbal stuff around in the house that was supposed to be supportive.
“I’m supposed to take care of myself, respect myself, and be well-fucked, and the problems are going to go away.”
When I took your salon, I said, “I’m completely going to detox from all this stuff. This is not how this is supposed to work. I’m supposed to take care of myself, respect myself, and be well-fucked, and the problems are going to go away.” And lo and behold, they did.
I stopped taking all this other stuff and had no more PMS. I don’t even know what other women were talking about. “It’s awful. I’m cramping and get so irritable.” I was saying, “Yeah, no, I don’t have that anymore. It’s not painful for me.” Because of you, Kim, that’s another thing I had to unlearn. The first two days are complete rest days, and they are there for creative work and all that stuff. But I don’t need a crutch. I don’t need to take herbs or painkillers or anything like that.
Hot flashes, irritability and sleep disturbances gone.
My hot flashes went away. Sleep totally changed. Irritability now isn’t a thing—unless I have FUKME. Yes, that happens. Now my husband says, “Do you have FUKME? When was the last time?” [Laughs] That is the only remedy in the house, having alone time with each other, and it solves all the problems.
I really don’t have any of the regular symptoms anymore that other women talk about when they have perimenopause or menopause. I’m in my forties now, and according to the doctors, I should be in full-blown menopause, but I’m not. I even had blood drawn to check again for some hormone levels. My doctor was on maternity leave, so it was somebody else, and she said, “Um, no. You are not supposed to take progesterone cream anymore. You’re totally fine. You don’t need any of that.”
Even the Western medicine doctor said, “No. There’s no indicator in your hormone levels that tells me that you need anything,” so I threw it all in the garbage.
KIM: Even the Western tests validated how you felt inwardly; they leveled out, balanced out. Your hormones seemed like they were in a positive, upholding place, and then that got affirmed through these tests.
MILENA: Yes.
KIM: I love that. Yeah.
PCOS remedied through using the jade egg
MILENA: Even with the PCOS, I always had higher testosterone, because that’s a side effect of it. I don’t have that anymore; it’s gone. It’s a normal level for a female body.
KIM: How would you describe your sex life before? During the times of having these symptoms and experiences, you took on the VKF work—and we’ll talk more about how that looked for you—and obviously there was a change.
How would you describe your sex life and your relationship to your sexuality before, which would’ve been in the midst of having all these symptoms, these expressions from the body, and then getting to a place where you didn’t have them? How did this shift look in terms of your sexuality?
Just “one of those people” with a low libido
MILENA: Libido was definitely low, and I’m not sure if it was connected to “menopause” because it had been low for probably two decades before. It has always been on the lower side.
KIM: Just curious, did you consider yourself to be a low libido person?
MILENA: Yes.
KIM: Just one of those people who doesn’t really need or want sex that much.
“Maybe I’m just not a sexual person.”
MILENA: 100%. I didn’t know what the craze was all about. And having an orgasm through intercourse was not a thing. I said, “So, I don’t know.” Even when we had these parties where ladies were, I don’t know, wanting to buy dildos or whatnot, I thought, “I don’t even know why you all want this.” I thought I was weird. “Okay, I’m just not a sexual being.” That’s really what I thought.
Only through the work in the salon—VKF—through the journaling and all that stuff, I came to the point of realizing, “Oh, I thought sex had to be performative.” Right. I’m doing a performance. This is not for me; this is to pleasure my partner.
That had been since my very first boyfriend ever. That was in my head. So after unraveling all that, lo and behold, come to find out, I was wrong. Very wrong. I am a very sexual being, and I have a very high libido. It’s just digging out all that trauma and whatever you want to call it.
“Now my husband can’t keep up with me.”
Actually, now I’m at an age where people say, “Oh, this is when your libido is going to go lower,” and no. My husband can’t keep up with me. There’s no such thing. Absolutely not.
It’s almost like I completely flipped to feeling like I’m in my twenties and not in my forties.
Excavating trauma to find gold
KIM: I love that. You talked about the work that you did to get to this place. Earlier, when we were speaking, you used the word “excavate,” and you said that was a real touchstone mantra word for you, so tell me more about that.
MILENA: Yeah, that’s my favorite word that you have used because I deeply, deeply feel exactly that word so much. You talk a lot in your work about excavating the programming you might have and the trauma.
And here’s the thing: I came into your work and was thinking to myself, “This is going to be easy. I don’t have any trauma. I was never raped, never had any abuse happening to me, so this is going to be easy-peasy.” Totally wrong. No, no, no. Everybody has something that they have, and it doesn’t have to be one of those drastic things, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need to work through a lot of stuff.
I realized how much stuff there was, and I really did, like I told you earlier, feel like I was the Mediterranean Sea and we were excavating with big, heavy machinery to find Atlantis.
That really was what it felt like. I could physically feel inside my heart that there was something that I needed to bring out. I had to dig through all these layers and years and decades of negative thinking, negative self-talk, programming, trauma, whatever experiences had left their mark. It was just layer after layer after layer.
The thing is too, when I did the salon with you, I thought it was going to be this nice, upward trend. But it was like this. [Making a roller coaster motion.] You’re on a high, and you think, “Yeah, I’m through, I got it,” and then you find another block and realize, “Oh …” You’re working on that one block that you just discovered for a week or two, and then you go down another layer of excavation in this whole thing of the Mediterranean Sea.
That wasn’t always fun, but it felt liberating. It was so incredibly liberating to know that these things are not a part of me. They are not me. They don’t make me. I can get rid of them. Then, discovering my true self underneath all those layers and my potential. “Wow, I’m a sexual being. I actually have a very high libido.”
The VKF salon as a sex cleanse
That really was only because I did the salon. All your free stuff was already life-changing, but the salon really went so deep into those layers. It was like a cleanse to get all this out. I was very dedicated to that work once I figured this out.
I did the things, even the stuff where I thought, “Hmm, I’m not really a fan of journaling, but okay, I guess I’ll do it.” Now, journaling is my favorite thing ever.
I need prompts, and it was just a perfect prompt to really question beliefs that were not my own and get rid of them.
And all the healing modalities and things where you think, “Maybe this is going to work.” You sit there and have a complete sobbing spell for like an hour, and you cleanse yourself with that. You say, “This is amazing. This has never happened in therapy or with any meds or herbs or other meditation.” I have done a lot of things. I’m very open-minded, but your work completely knocked it out of the park.
KIM: I love hearing all that. What do you think the difference was in this work versus other things that you tried?
MILENA: I think, first of all, it was the combination of things. You are a genius. I really don’t know how you came up with the stuff. It is the combination of the things and how you put them together. The journaling questions alone are so profound, and they are the perfect questions to get to the bottom of things. I have never seen anything like it.
The healing modalities, the meditations, all the things in the salon really build on top of each other; however, you cannot pick and choose. You cannot sit there and say, “Oh yeah, this meditation, I like. I’m going to do this, but I’m not going to do the other five.” That’s not going to work. You have to do all of them. They flow together and work together.
Yoni massage to release energetic issues
Yoni massage was a huge deal for me—the issue was in the tissues, and I had trauma stored in certain parts of my genitals. I would completely burst out in tears, not because there was pain, but because there was something lodged in there that needed to come out, and then memories came with it, so I knew what it was.
Then I said, “Okay, I need to write this down, and I need to work through it. The only way out is through.”
Then I would tell my husband all these things that made me cry, and he’d say, “Okay, thank you for telling me this. How do you feel now?”
Evaporating a UTI instantly with VKF tools
Actually, I have a story for you. We went on vacation, came back, and I had a raging UTI. It was right at the tail end of VKF. I said, “This is insane. Where is this coming from?” It was so bad that I was urinating blood. I usually do herbal remedies, but this time I said, “Okay, I think I need a prescription for antibiotics.”
Got the prescription, and I said to my husband, “I think I know what this is.” There were some memories and some trauma coming up, and I didn’t work through it correctly with journaling and talking about it and all that stuff. I said, “I think it’s stuck.”
I sat him down, and mind you, I was urinating blood at this point. I was in major pain. I sat him down and told him all this stuff about all these past experiences that I thought were causing this. He said, “Okay.” There were tears.
About two hours later, there was no more blood in my urine. I was completely pain-free, and I hadn’t even taken one antibiotic. My husband picked up the prescription and said, “Well, now you can choose what you do with it,” but I said, “It’s gone.”
I cannot make this up. I cannot hallucinate that I’m urinating blood in the toilet and show him and hear him say, “Oh my god.” He’s my witness. It’s not that I psychologically envisioned the pain or something. No, no, no. It was just that the trauma that was stuck was causing this. I had to get it out of my body in order to be cured. It was insane.
What is my body trying to tell me? vs. let’s medicate this thing and ignore//override my body
KIM: That’s beautiful. I love that you then, after doing this work, had that perspective to ask inwardly, “Okay, what’s going on? What is my body trying to tell me?” Rather than just thinking, “Oh, here’s that thing that I get sometimes. I take these medicines and then essentially suppress it.” Because these so-called medicines are just pushing the symptoms, the memories, and the experiences back down into the tissues. We might think that we’ve healed. At least we’ve fixed the symptoms in the moment, but we haven’t gotten to the core issue.
When you talk about the difference, and what I would see as the difference in my work, it’s that I’m committed to helping people get to the core issue. There is always a core issue, an injury, a trauma, that’s the precursor to any of these difficult or painful symptom expressions.
And I don’t let people off the hook. That’s the thing; if you’re a wellness warrior, your commitment has to be, “There is a solution. There is an answer. It’s up to me to find it.” Rather than, “Oh, I can take this medicine suppressant,” even if it’s on the “more natural side.” It’s still having the activity of suppression, usually.
I use herbs in acute situations as well, but I’m also really committed. I don’t take painkillers. I’m really committed to, if there’s pain, I want to open up to it and see what it has to say to me.
I love that you were able to do that and have this immediate transformation where the holograph of your body registered that shift so quickly and profoundly. That’s amazing work.
Half-ass vs. whole ass
MILENA: Yeah. It was almost supernatural. It was crazy how it would immediately just switch off afterward. But it really is important that when you do the salon, you have to do the work. You cannot do half the work. You cannot cherry-pick. You have to do it in its entirety, because that is what it’s designed to do; everything works together.
When I talked sometimes to my fellow VKF ladies and there was somebody who said, “Yeah, I’m not seeing the result that I want,” I said, “Okay, have you done this, this, this, this?” Usually there would be a couple of no’s in there. I said, “No, you cannot skip those things. You cannot skip the healing modalities. You cannot skip the meetings.” All these things, you have to do them, and I said, “Once you do them, then reflect back on, ‘Did you miss something? Did you really go all the way?’” Because you have to.
During this time, I was breathing and living Kim Anami. From the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed—and I think even in my dream state, it was probably there. I always had something in my ear. I was always listening to something. For the instructions we got, I even made a spreadsheet. I remember people asked me, “Can I have your spreadsheet?” I told people, “Look, I will share the spreadsheet with you, but don’t just go through the motions so you get your little checkmark on it. You really have to get into it. Don’t half-ass it. You have to get into it.”
That was very helpful, and I still use that to this day. To this day, I will do my massages and my egg-ercises. That’s what I call them. Even my kids say, “Oh yeah, you’re doing your egg-ercise.” They think it’s funny.
Sometimes my husband wants to have people in our bedroom to show them something that’s in the closet or whatnot and I say, “You know my egg is right there charging. Just giving you a heads-up that if somebody asks, ‘What’s this?’ you can say, ‘Yeah, that’s for my wife’s egg-ercises.’” [Laughs]
And I tell everybody about it too. I learned so much from you and even the people you connect with in your salons. It’s like you can heal almost everything with this stuff. You don’t need to pop pills the entire time.
The whole menopause thing, a lot of my friends ask me, “What did you do? What do you mean you don’t have any symptoms?” I’ll say, “Come over here, and let me talk to you. Let me tell you how you can become a Well-F**ked Woman.”
KIM: Amazing. You mentioned before that you looked at sex performatively. How did that change? Most women, I always say, have numb vaginas. When you try to entice them into sex, they say, “Well, why would I? I don’t even feel anything.” Even if they’re not fully conscious, that would be their experience. Since the vagina is numb, it’s not really generating much pleasure.
The life-changing power of vaginal orgasms: G-Spot, squirting and cervical
It’s like, “Okay, I’m facilitating this for my husband, and then maybe I’ll get a clitoral orgasm at some point,” but they’re not fully enjoying and getting the depth of what I talk about as some of the biggest transformational tools for women, which are vaginal orgasms. G-spot, squirting, cervical orgasms, these are the orgasms where that deep transformation happens, and they’re really one of the most important tools that women have access to. And again, they’re free. Right here on our bodies.
Tell me about the evolution from numb vagina and clitoral orgasms into full-blown, life-changing vaginal orgasms.
MILENA: Yeah. I’m very passionate about this now, and when somebody tells me, “Oh yeah, it’s just a clitoris and just clitoral …” I get angry. I get so angry. “Tell me you’re under-fucked without telling me you’re under-fucked.”
Moving out of performative sex
Performative has always been a thing because what I got, even as a teenager, was, “You need to be good in bed,” and I didn’t even know what that meant. As a woman, what does that mean? As a man, it’s easier to wrap your head around that.
Then I just got stuck in there to make sure my partners had pleasure, and I thought I was not that important. I thought there was only maybe the whole manual stimulation of the clitoris—otherwise, the men were meant to have pleasure.
I am very, very blessed to have a husband who is extremely dedicated to making sure I am actually happy and have pleasure. But before him, I didn’t have that. I never had someone who did that, but also, I didn’t know better.
Transforming that, again, was different layers of your program. So once you do it physically, through the egg, through the yoni massages—I think the yoni massages were really one of the most important things for physical change, just because that trauma was in there. The issue in the tissues was numbing everything. Which makes sense, because we don’t want to feel pain, so it’s better to numb everything, so we don’t feel that trauma. That needed to come out.
How a control freak surrenders
However, mentally, that was a very big chunk. Because right when you started talking about surrender, I said, “Oh, that’s going to be rough. That’s going to be so hard.” This whole yin-yang thing was very, very hard for me. I was very much in my masculine. I was a total control freak.
Control freak was my middle name, really. It was a nickname that people gave me. People always said, “Yeah, she’s super go-with-the-flow as long as everything is going her way.”
I knew that was a big boulder for me in the Kim Anami way, which I had to face, and I really had to focus on that a lot. Everything that was focused around letting go, surrendering yourself, surrendering to your partner, surrendering to the moment. All of that stuff, I think I tripled down on that, on that homework, because I knew that was going to be very, very difficult for me.
Lo and behold, doing the work, I finally was able to let go. I think what you said was ‘create that void.’ So when I step back, I create a void and he steps in. Our whole dynamic changed. It was magical. Even people around us said, “You two are like two teenagers all over each other the entire time. And he is such a gentleman, and you’re so soft with him.” Yeah, I went from always being control-control to “Flowy, flowy, flowy, everything is okay, I’m flowing.”
When I was younger, I was very much flowing. And then when I grew up, I turned into—maybe out of necessity, I don’t know—that hard, yang energy, not really female-female.
That right there was a huge awakening of my vagina. Just to let her be that beautiful flower that she is. I remember yoni gazing, saying, “That’s easy for me. I’ve always had a mirror down there.” I was so curious, as a child even, I said, “Yeah, I want to know what this looks like.” So that wasn’t strange for me. But to actually gaze at her and talk to her and tell her she’s beautiful and that I love her, that was like saying that you love yourself in a more intimate way.
When you combine all these layers between the physical work on your body and then the mental work to clear your mind of all that was stuck, that’s when everything starts to wake up. The end goal was always the cervical orgasm, because everybody says it’s the Holy Grail.
KIM: I say that. I’ve been saying that for decades, and now people are talking about it suddenly. There are also still naysayers out there saying, “Oh, that doesn’t exist. They’re all clitoral orgasms.” But now a few people have come over to say, “Okay, cervical orgasms.” No one said this 10, 20, 30 years ago. Anyway. I say the Holy Grail. Other people are now echoing that.
MILENA: Yeah. When we moved to the US, my first American gynecologist, I will never forget that she said, and I quote, “You don’t have any nerve endings in your cervix.” Now I say, “I beg to differ.”
What I had was G-spot and all these other zones. All of a sudden, I said, “Whoa, what’s this? Put your finger back there, what is this?” It was almost like treasure hunting [laughs] in there.
Squirting is not pee! Ask anyone who has ever squirted.
Now there is squirting involved, and for everybody who says it’s pee, by the way, it’s not pee. Please don’t say that.
KIM: Tell me you’ve never squirted before without telling me.
MILENA: Yeah. Or made your woman squirt before. We had to get one of those waterproof blankets. My husband got all excited, of course. He felt so accomplished and so happy. “Oh my god, she squirted.”
And then, I think a couple of months later, it went across the bed and he said, “Whoa! There’s always another level to go. Kim Anami was right!” [Laughs] I said, “Yeah, we’re going to make it across the room one day.” It just does not stop evolving.
At first it took, I don’t know, maybe 40 minutes to get there. Now it’s like 15, maybe, to get to full-body trembling, where I don’t remember my name.
I was joking the other day,
“I don’t understand the noises that are coming out of me.” I have never heard those before. It’s like an opera singer is in the room.
It’s just a beautiful thing that we went from numb vagina to not a nook and cranny in there that’s not awake, but it did take physical and mental work to get there.
KIM: Beautiful. I love it, squirting across the bed and the room. All things normal in Anami Land.
Lubrication went from the Sahara Desert to major waterfalls
Tell me about your wetness then, lubrication. Because another big so-called symptom in these years for women—and some women, their entire lives—is this idea of needing a bottle of lube to have sex. What happened for you there in terms of your lubrication?
MILENA: It went from the Sahara Desert to some major waterfalls. It’s a night-and-day difference. But I think also that has something to do with that constant simmer that we have with each other. It doesn’t really ever go away. I’m never at a point where I say, “Yeah, no, I don’t want to have sex right now.” There is, “Oh, let’s work on the simmer a little bit more,” maybe, but it’s never zero. And therefore my lubrication is never zero. There is no pain. There is no dryness. Some people say intercourse is painful when you’re in menopause. No, it’s not. It shouldn’t be because the only time the wetness changes is when I’m ovulating, when the texture just changes a little bit.
But other than that, it’s always well-moisturized. Let’s just call it that. [Laughs] It is very easy to get it to the point where it is just gushing. My husband says, “It’s Niagara Falls down there again. I don’t have to do much, and it’s like, ta-da, there it is.”
And that wasn’t the case before. We had lube. We still have lube, but now we use lube for other things and not because we need it.
KIM: For places where we don’t naturally lubricate. Yeah.
MILENA: Right.
KIM: For anyone who hasn’t got that, we’re talking about anal sex. [Laughs]
MILENA: Which is funny, because obviously I recommend you to my closest friends when they say, “Oh yeah, anal, no, that’s not for me.” “Yeah, do Kim Anami and then talk to me again in two weeks and tell me again that’s not for you.”
The constant simmer between a well-f**ked couple
KIM: For anyone listening, the idea of the constant simmer is in the Anami vocabulary. It means that you’ve got this perpetual hum of erotic energy between you. It never drops down to a zero. I say people ideally are simmering at a 7 to 10, meaning there’s always the sense of attraction between you. You could just drop trou, as they say, and get into it because you’re already warmed up. You’re so connected. I say that’s connection to the self—because you have to have that clarity within—and then connection with your partner.
I’m all about extended foreplay, but it becomes less essential because you’re already living in the simmer. You’re living in a constant state of foreplay with each other. That becomes your default setting.
Okay, you’ve got this perpetual wetness. You can slide easily into this connection. And then you mentioned before having that whole sense of flow. I think about the lubrication flow and the orgasmic flow being really epitomes of feminine epicenter expression.
How did that look in your outer life, where you say that you were exhibiting more masculine qualities? How did that connection look like with these feminine organs, your feminine essence? How did that begin to look on the outside and how you were in your day-to-day life?
MILENA: I think the hardest part for me—and that was actually part of your salon—was, well, if I don’t have control, who does? How can I give this up?
Surrendering and letting him lead
And then learning, well, first of all, you have yourself. You’ll always have your back. You have the universe, or God, or whatever you call it, that has your back. And if you have a partner, they have your back as well. It’s not just falling into the ethers. I had to really give it up to that. I am very spiritual and religious at the same time. Not everybody can put those two together, but I do. I have no reason when I’m looking back at my life and what God has done for me to doubt or to hesitate or not to trust. Why do I do that? It’s cruel, from my side, to not trust when there has been so much evidence that the universe is not going to let you fall ever. They have never done it, so why would they do it now?
It starts with the little things. In traffic, I would get really worked up about this person in front of me not moving. Now, if they’re not moving, I know there’s a reason for it. I’m not supposed to be on that next road. This is probably protecting me from something, right?
Now, when we go somewhere, like on a date, I’m probably not even going to ask him where we’ll go because he’ll say, “We’re going to leave here at 4:30.” Sometimes I ask him, “What should I wear?” and he tells me, and it’s beautiful.
Sometimes I grieve, Kim, the time when I didn’t do this because of the energy I wasted being in control and worrying about everything. It feels like I just shut off my brain and flow. I just do what I’m being told to do, and it’s a beautiful thing and everything works out fantastically.
From hustle to flow
Things come to me more easily. I don’t have to hustle for it so much anymore, and I feel that. When I start to get into my head, and I go out of my flow and into that rigidness, I create blocks for myself. Things start to not work anymore, things go wrong, technology doesn’t work. But as soon as I give it up to the greater power and say, “Yeah, whatever happens, happens,” things work just fine.
Vaginal orgasms train you to to let go and surrender
Everything is well-lubed and well-oiled. It’s like clockwork because I’m letting go. I’m letting things happen the way they’re supposed to happen. That did take a lot of effort,
but once you’re in that flow, it is easier to stay in it than to get out of it.
You have to psych yourself out of that flow, really.
KIM: Or become under-fucked. I would say that one of the biggest therapeutic benefits of the deeper vaginal orgasms is that in those moments you have to really open yourself and surrender. The more you practice doing that, the more it’s like training.
Then you go out into your day-to-day life, and it becomes easier. You get faced with an obstacle, and you either put on your armor to fight or realize, “Oh, there’s another way. I can relax and open and let go and let that divine flow start shaping my life.”
I think that’s why they’re so essential for women. They help us tap into that feminine energy and way of living so much more easily. It becomes second nature.
MILENA: Yeah. Even with my children—I have teenagers—I started saying, “Yes,” “Okay, yeah, sure” way more. Then we have all these cool experiences together that would not have happened if I said, “No, I don’t want to do that right now. I’m tired,” or “No, no, that’s too much money,” or “No, that’s too late,” or whatever. Now I say, “Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah.” Everything is yes.
We have more sex when we need more money
That’s the other thing, money. I still can’t wrap my head around it, but it just keeps coming in. Every time I want to say, “What about the budget?” I realize, “No, no, we flow. There’s always going to be enough. There’s always going to be enough.” Then there’s a check in the mail out of nowhere. I tell my husband sometimes when listening to those podcasts, “You know, sex and money, they’re connected, so let’s do something before a big decision or a big meeting or something,” and it always works. It always works beautifully. It always turns out to be very beneficial for us, and it always gets us to the next level. It’s just a beautiful thing.
But yeah, you cannot have G-spot orgasms or cervical orgasms if you don’t know how to surrender. You need to let go. Because surrender also means you are completely vulnerable. You need to be yourself. You need to open yourself up and be fully you and be fully seen by your partner. That can be really scary, but since we are doing this work and doing this with each other, it’s just like Anami; there is always another level to go, and we find these highs.
A perfect yin/yang symbiosis
It’s a beautiful state that we live in, and our partnership has completely changed into that yin/yang and this beautiful symbiosis of hard and soft and action and pause. It’s just very happy. We’re very, very happy together. I am happy with myself, he’s happy with himself, but we’re also happy together, which is how it was supposed to be. The sky is the limit, really, with all this work.
KIM: Your husband and you—I love what you said about using your sex life as a tool for abundance and for activating even deeper flow and financial and opportunity flow. Using your sex dates, using your sex life. So tell me about that.
The legendary Anami 3-hour sex date
MILENA: At first, I think everybody has the same thought when they hear about a three-hour sex date; the first question you have is, “What are we going to do for three hours?” [Laughs]
But when you take your time, time really does fly. It’s not just the sex, it’s the connection. You have to have that connection with each other, and you have to have that time to just shut everything off. There’s nothing that exists anymore but you and your partner.
Yeah, we do this. People say different things. One says it was the blow job. The next person says, “Oh no, it was anal,” or whatnot. We say, “Yeah, okay, we’re just going to try it, and whatever floats our boat that day is happening.”
I think it just maybe enhances that flow state for him and me, where this abundance can actually find us, and it can actually come to us. It’s just like when people are stressed. What is it called, the nocebo effect? If somebody says, “Oh, this is not going to work, it’s not going to work, it’s not going to work,” your cells harden. I envision that when the outside of your cell is hard, nothing can come in.
That’s the same thing that I see with abundance. If you’re hard and you’re constantly stressed and you want to be in control so much, things can’t reach you. Abundance can’t come to you. You can’t be showered with it.
But if you’re open and you have your arms out and you’re just waiting till things fall from the sky, that’s when things come to you, because you need to be open to it.
Sometimes we plan something real quick when something comes up that’s important. Sometimes it’s not three hours, but sometimes it’s not going to be a quickie. It’s going to be longer. It’s a dedicated time. We just really enjoy exploring ourselves, and again, whatever feels good that day is going to happen, but it happens with intention. It happens with integrity, and it happens with complete devotion to each other.
There is not going to be sidetracking; there’s not going to be a phone in the room. It’s not dinner or a movie. No, no, no. It’s you and me in the bed. Of course, we set the mood a little bit around the bedroom too. That is a sacred space. But it’s the dedicated time that gets us really hard core into that flow state then, where both of us have that surrender state. It’s almost a refresher of, “Oh, remember, we’re in Anami Land.”
Breasts increasing more than a cup size
KIM: Beautiful. You had some growth in your breasts, speaking about feminine outward expression. Tell me about that.
MILENA: Yeah. I have always had small breasts. I don’t know whose genes those are. I’m the only one in my family who has small breasts, and I’m very pear-shaped.
Whenever I lose weight—and that’s another side effect of Kim Anami; you get very, very healthy—my breasts would be the first things to go. That would be where I lost weight first, very sadly for me.
But with Kim Anami, the opposite happened. I would lose weight, and I would get fitter, but my breasts would grow. I thought, “How does that work?” But then it’s like what you say, if you pay attention to it, well, that’s where growth happens.
And I am religious about my breast massages. I will not let them go. To this day, they will always be part of my regimen. I love your breast oil; it’s amazing. It has become a routine. There are different strokes and different things I do, but all of a sudden I’m realizing, “Wait a minute, I have cleavage. Where is this coming from?”
I would put on certain things that I had, certain clothes, and all of a sudden everything looked different on me. Even my husband said, “There’s that hourglass thing going on right now. You’re so feminine; your whole body is so much more feminine.” He saw the changes, and he sees me every day.
I think it might have been even more than a cup size. There’s a huge difference. The shape changed, and they’re very perky. Again, they don’t look my age. They look very young, which is great. It’s very weird for me now, after such a long time on this earth, to look in the mirror and see, “Oh yeah, look, I have boobs now.” [Laughs]
Weight loss from trauma shedding
And no surgery, no nothing. I don’t need pads or anything. That feels really good. I lost a bunch of weight with your work. I think it was just really letting go of that trauma that weighs down the body.
KIM: I love hearing that. Yeah, I talk about that a lot, how the baggage of our unprocessed stuff lingers on the body. And people will even have a healthy lifestyle and diet and exercise, and there will be just a certain amount of weight that stubbornly doesn’t move on them. Then they do this inner work, particularly the sexual work that seems to act like this internal combustion engine, and then it just breaks down all that stuff, and it evaporates. People lose weight in opposition to the laws of what we think of as calories in, movement in, weight off; it defies that, and then the weight is gone because they move the internal weight.
MILENA: Yeah, we had, I don’t remember, I think it was a G-spot orgasm, and it was the first time ever where I don’t know what happened, but it felt like this bubble was coming into my face from all the way down, and I burst out in tears. My conscious mind was almost turned off, but the only thought I still had in my conscious mind was, “Oh my god, I need to tell him not to stop because if he sees that I’m crying, he’s going to freak out.”
He thought, “Oh no!” I was screaming at him and sobbing. It’s weird because you want to ascribe a human emotion to it, but I don’t know if I can because it wasn’t just joy, and it wasn’t sadness; it was something totally in a realm that I can’t really put into words.
Literally losing belly fat overnight
Then the next day, I was four pounds lighter. Who loses four pounds overnight? That was cathartic, and something was dislodged and let go of, whatever it was. I don’t know and I don’t care. It doesn’t matter what it was, but it’s gone now.
KIM: I love that. Lose four pounds overnight via sexual catharsis. [Laughs] I made a parody video of that on YouTube a few years ago. There are all these “Lose belly fat overnight” videos, right? And I said, “Actually, I can do that. We can do that through catharsis and excavation. You really can lose belly fat overnight, literally by working on it all night long.”
Is there anything else that we haven’t covered that you’d like to share about your experience?
MILENA: First of all, I tell everybody to do your work. The salons. The gateway is, yeah, sure, go and get all the free stuff. There are so many beautiful podcast episodes out there and YouTube videos, so do it all.
But the next level is the salons, and you have to do the work. If you do the work that you are being told to do in the salon, it’s out of this world. Our life now versus our life five years ago is not even close to being the same.
Our kids tell us “You look like two horny teenagers!”
We were on the brink of divorce at one point. Now, our kids tell us all the time, “You look like two horny teenagers in the kitchen.” It doesn’t stop. We adore each other, we really do.
But it’s also really good, even when you’re single, because you start loving yourself. You start respecting your own body, and then your body works with you, not against you. That’s the kicker. When bodies work against you; you probably started it. [Laughs] You probably were mean first.
That’s what your work changes so much, and I wish that everybody would know about you and would do the work with you, because holy shit, our world would be a completely different place if people would step into their own power. Because that’s what that is. Knowing what you can do and what your body can do is absolutely amazing.
I really appreciate what you do. You changed our lives.
KIM: I’m so glad to hear that, and kudos to you because as we’ve been saying, it takes a certain self-discipline and dedication to really devote yourself. To believe that it’s possible. Which is why I’m so loud about The Anami Guarantee that everyone can. Everyone can heal themselves naturally. Everyone can hit these high-level sexual experiences.
First of all is just having faith that you’re not the only one or some special exception to the rule. “Okay, so other people can do that, but I can’t.” Then buying into the possibility that, “Yeah, everyone can, including me.”
Then, like you’ve said several times, show up to do the work. Everyone is at different places in their journey in terms of the amount of truth they want to take in. The amount of “roll up your sleeves and get into the mire.” Like you say, the excavation of stuff.
But that’s the true path to transformation, and so whenever I hear of someone having this level of transformation, I know that they’ve done that work. You’re a living, breathing, radiating, holographic testament of it. So, well done.
MILENA: Yeah. It is life-changing. Like you always say, Anami means there’s always going to be another level. There’s always another layer to go. You’re never stopping because the sky is the limit. It’s just going to get better from there.
I’m excited about what’s to come. Even my husband woke up at five in the morning just to do that stuff before going to work.
Either you do it, or you don’t.
KIM: Yeah, yeah. You guys did VKF, or you did VKF, then WFW, and then he did SMM. So you nearly had a full year of Anami. You got on that train, and you didn’t look back.
MILENA: Yes, yes, we did.
KIM: Well, thank you so much, Milena. I’m really glad to hear and share all this with everybody and so excited for everything that you’ve seen happen.
MILENA: Thank you, Kim.
***
My legendary Vaginal Kung Fu Salon opens for registration on January 14th.
In this 10-week online salon, I’ve compiled the best of my 30 years of sexual and vaginal experience (!) to take you over the edge into a lifetime of bliss.
We cover everything talked about in today’s episode, from yoni massage to how to use the jade yoni egg, to activating your feminine energy as the receiver in your life—all of which bring you into your creative genius.
You’ll learn:
- How to have a toned, orgasmic and ecstatic vagina;
- How to channel your sexual energy into creative power
- Step-by-step instructions for your vaginal weight lifting practice
- My guided routine for giving yourself, or having your partner give you, a healing and activating yoni massage.
- How to give your man a hand job. With your vagina.
Go to kimanami.com Look for Sexual Savant Salons and click on Vaginal Kung Fu to get on the waitlist and be notified of when we open the doors. In the meantime, you’ll receive my free masterclass: Manifest Men, Money and Miracles with Your Vagina.
