9 Signs of a Conscious Relationship – Transcript
What is a conscious relationship? It’s one where both people see their connection as a vehicle for their growth, evolution, and becoming the best versions of themselves.
Contrast that with how most people see their relationships as places to hang out in. They get comfortable, take each other for granted, hide from each other, and settle for the consolation prize of at least not being alone.
Most relationships are a pledge to stagnate together. If you aren’t growing, you are dying.
In a conscious relationship, we know how to transmute our emotional and sexual energy into rejuvenating, healing, and procreative power. We realize that our relationship, and specifically our sex life, is the engine that fuels our entire lives.
Lastly, you fuck each other open to God.
Sign number 1: The first sign of a conscious relationship is honesty.
Honesty is a fucking rush. I don’t know why people are so afraid of honesty. Lying is boring. Lying is like cheating on a diet. Who are you actually cheating? Honesty is daredevil stuff. It’s brave hearts, fierce eyes, and “Fuck you, this is who I am, and if you like it and love it, we will be solid forever.” It’s throwing it all out there because who you are is too valuable to be compromised for some stupid lies.
If you’re a real thrill seeker and adrenaline junkie and like to live your life at the edge, try honesty. It is a wild aphrodisiac. Nothing gets a pussy wetter and a cock harder than real, raw honesty. Nothing breaks down barriers like telling the truth.
And if being truthful leads you away from someone, they weren’t going to take you anywhere anyway. They were a waste of time. Your relationship would have died a putrid, foul, rotting death if you fed it lies and half-truths.
Rumi says, “1000 half-loves must be forsaken to follow one whole heart home.”
Or 1000 half-lies must be forsaken to follow one whole heart and conscious relationship home.
Radical honesty is a way of life.
Sign number 2: We will fuck a lot, and we will fuck profoundly.
Sex is the glue. The daily sex prayer. Sex is your church, and you go there often. If not every day, then almost every day, and sometimes you pray several times a day.
The Taoists talk about the importance of morning and evening prayer. Making love in the morning to connect and fortify yourselves against the day ahead, and again in the evening to wrap up the day, ground, find your centers, and send each other off into the dream states in bliss.
A conscious couple knows that their bed and each other are where they go to recharge and rejuvenate themselves. Like air, like food, like water, they’re necessary sustenance for their relationship and for them as individuals, giving their gifts out into the world.
Sign number 3: Saying yes to growth.
Both people have a fuck-yes consciousness. Would you like to learn Tantric sex together? “Fuck, yes.” Would you like to give each other hour-long lingam and yoni massages tonight? “Fuck, yes.” Let’s commit to having a nonnegotiable three-hour sex date each week. “Fuck, yes.”
In a conscious relationship, the only acceptable answer to an invitation to grow and try something new that could only benefit your connection is “Fuck, yes.”
Dragging your heels, having to be talked into things, and pulling teeth to get your partner on board to grow and evolve is a dead-end relationship. “Fuck, yes,” is the only acceptable answer. Period.
Sign number 4: You love each other’s genitals like crazy. Like crazy in love.
[Singing] “Your love got me looking too crazy right now. Your pussy got me looking too crazy right now.”
Your partner’s genitals are the essence of who they are. If you really, truly, deeply love your partner in the surrendered, gourmet sex way I talk about, you will also be madly in love with their genitals. Obsessed. Salivating over them.
The amount of adoration you have for their genitals is the barometer and depth of your love. The more you love and adore their yoni or lingam, the more you see them at the deepest possible level and reinforce their beauty and uniqueness.
Hard-core genital love is a reflection of how deeply you have surrendered to them, where their genitals become like a separate entity. I have a relationship with her and her pussy. I love him, and I love his cock.
Sign number 5: You see issues as opportunities for growth, rather than reasons to create distance.
Every person and every relationship will have challenges. This is to be expected, and the whole point of living life on this planet is to be challenged, to rise to the challenge, and grow stronger through it.
It’s like challenging a muscle. It cannot get stronger unless you increase the load and stimulus over time. So challenges are inevitable.
A conscious couple realizes this and, instead of resisting these moments and shrinking from them, they dig into their tools and their Anami toolbox, and they face these opportunities head-on. And by conquering them together, they will grow even stronger.
Sign number 6: Connecting dates.
As an extension of the radical honesty policy, the couple makes time to clear the air and keep the flow of communication going. After all, emotional flow leads to sexual flow.
In Anami-speak, we call these dedicated times for truth-telling connecting dates. We set aside and even schedule times throughout the week to sit down and get deep. These aren’t discussions about chores, children, and the admin of your day-to-day lives. They are times to clear any recent or longstanding backlogs of things unsaid, issues left unresolved, and have it out.
These talking dates inevitably lead into sex dates because when we are raw and open and vulnerable and remove any energetic barriers between us, the clothing barriers magically also get removed, and our bodies collide in a seal-the-deal love handshake that deepens our bond and connection.
Sign number 7: You are lovers, not buddies.
The chemistry is real and palpable and plentiful. There is no lackluster love here. You have so fully and deeply opened to each other that there are no walls, no barriers, and you live in a state of rawness. When you are in this state, you are inexorably magnetized towards each other.
One of my favorite quotes of all time, which describes how we cope with living perpetually in this raw state, is by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who wrote one of my favorite books of all time: 100 Years of Solitude. “The anxiety of falling in love could only find response in bed.”
The idea that passion can be sustained for decades and lifelong is a daily reality in a conscious relationship. You continually put in the work and the play to bolster your connection and keep you buoyant, living in a constant simmer of emotional openness and sexual arousal.
Yes, you can still be very close to your partner, but the point is that this chemistry can seep into every part of your lives, and this fire carries you.
Sign number 8: Extended sex dates.
You know that all the alchemical magic of harnessing your sexual energy happens in longer sexual encounters. Orgasmic enlightenment is not found in five minutes of intercourse. It’s cultivated over longer, spacious adventures that allow you to open, unwind, and really settle in.
A conscious couple makes time in their schedules for weekly extended sex dates. I suggest three hours a week, three-hour chunks of time, which are nonnegotiable and set in stone. This is not a dinner, a movie, or a walk in the park. It is three hours of just sex.
When couples first come into my work and they hear this, it seems impossible. “You mean intercourse for three hours straight?” Yeah, maybe. “How will we find the time?” You make the time.
Once they try it out and they trust me and they get into the flow of it, they see how these encounters feed and lubricate every other part of their lives. Suddenly, you have more patience, creativity, and flow. Things that seemed like problems yesterday dissolve effortlessly today. You have the intuition, the wherewithal, and the creative gumption to get things done.
Because truthfully, nothing is a match for the radiance and collective genius of a well-fucked couple. You become unstoppable. Because you make time to go back and sync yourselves up with the rhythm and creative flow of the universe, which you tap into at your genitals.
Sign number 9: You forego destructive habits.
A conscious couple relinquishes things that are distractions and lower their state of consciousness and enable them to check out. Rather than being able to check in and stay connected to each other. Things like television, weed, alcohol, and social media scrolling. Habits that numb you out and create dissociation. They place a barrier, even if it’s a subtle one, to deeply connecting to your partner.
These often become addictive patterns that fill space in your mind and energy field that could instead be filled by cock or pussy and transcendental, life-changing sex.
Once you cultivate the sweet spot with your partner, you want to, and can, live there with ongoing conscious awareness. This means that if there are habits you’ve developed over the years that take up space, you’ve released them. Truly, once you’ve hit the highs you can get to with psychedelic sex, all your drug experiences will pale in comparison.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t drink or smoke weed. I don’t. But if these practices take up a lot of your time and energy, they often become substitutes for depth and intimacy in your life. You could easily spend an hour on Instagram that could’ve been spent in an hour-long 69-date. Which would you rather? I know which I would rather.
If you want to make space for more love, depth, and conscious sex, look honestly at where else you allow yourself to be distracted in activities that lessen rather than strengthen you.
The Coming Together Couples Salon, my premiere program for how to create a conscious, intimate relationship, opens for registration in the middle of April.
In the salon, you will learn all things Orgasmapedia, from full-body and energy orgasms, G-Spot orgasms for her and him, to cervical orgasms and supercock stamina building so he can get her there.
You’ll receive tutorials in Tantric breathing and energy exchange practices, yoni and lingam massage how-tos, and sexual reflexology maps and sexual positions. This is the ultimate Kim Rx for healing and rejuvenation.
How to take your relationship from stagnancy or “We’re just such good buddies,” to headboard-slamming, three-hour sex dates-are-the-stuff-of-life, long-term passion, and connection.
To be notified when the salon opens and take part in our 7-Day Sex Cleanse for Couples, which is a free offering where you will receive daily emails, challenges, and home play assignments to do together, go to KimAnami.com, look for Sexual Savant Salons, and then click on Coming Together for Couples. This also gives you a taste of all things Coming Together.
