Your Libido Is Your Barometer
Your libido tells you everything.
It tells you how connected you are to yourself, to your partner, and how excited you are about life in general.
Jung and Freud expanded on the term libido to mean not just your sexual drive, but how you show up and give your gifts to the world. Jung referred to it as how we individuate in the world.
This fits with how I see our sexual expression as being the very essence of who we are.
When your libido is shut down, it isn’t random. It is the product of something.
1) If you are single.
How sexually connected you are to yourself? Are you sexually active? Even if you aren’t in a partnership, you can still connect to and harness that energy.
I often speak about how some of my most well-f**ked periods in my life have been when I was single. I had a regular self-pleasuring practice and I harnessed my sexual energy, meaning, I consciously channeled it into my life and my creative projects.
Use it or lose it!
2) In a relationship.
A woman client of mine had been in a relationship for six years. For the last three years, she’d had very little desire for sex with her partner, even though things had been great initially.
I asked her what happened at the three-year mark.
She said that was when some significant issues had come up in the relationship, and they had never been fully resolved. She still held resentment about what had happened.
And it had dampened her libido ever since.
People often don’t make the connection. They chalk up the diminished sex drive to time, familiarity, children, whatever.
Those aren’t the culprits.
I know plenty of couple with decades under their belts, 60-hour work weeks and lots of kids, who are still hot for each other.
When you address past issues and make an effort to continually keep the space between you clear and open, your libido will open up again.
Flow begets flow.
I talk about techniques to do this in the Coming Together for Couples video series.
3) Overriding your body.
If you have a history of ignoring your body’s messages, like having sex when you don’t actually want to, your body will eventually shut down.
I see this a lot in women who have sex when they aren’t ready and slather on the lubricant to make themselves up for it.After a while, the vagina just says “no.”
All the time.
Or, when men are overstimulating themselves with porn, they disrupt the normal flow of dopamine in the brain and body, which distorts their sexual expression. They may have potency issues.
4) High cortisol.
Your libido can also be affected by adrenal fatigue. If you are in high gear all the time and stressed out, it will take its toll.
Ironically, one of the best ways to wipe out cortisol, is with a strong hit of oxytocin. And where do you get that?
You guessed it, an orgasm.
It’s all a vicious cycle though, because not being connected to your partner, bickering and fighting because you aren’t having sex, will create more cortisol, etc.
The message of your libido is that you need to back up and take stock if it isn’t raging.
5) You aren’t being true to yourself in your work.
I mentioned the connection between libido and your true nature, your gifts. When you are tapped into this and living a life and vocation that is in alignment with your deepest self, your libido is high.
When you aren’t honouring that, or are doing work just to pay bills, your libido, your erection, your juice for life, will wither.
This is another crucial piece that people miss. Even if you can take small steps to begin doing things that are a greater reflection of who you are, your libido will perk up.
Your libido is your oracle.
Listen to it.
Image: Valeria Lazareva