TRANSCRIPT: FROM DIVORCE COURT TO 4-HOUR SEX DATES
In today’s episode we interview a couple who have had the most dramatic—and fastest—turnaround I’ve ever seen.
They were in a *beyond* sexless marriage.
They were intimate 2 or 3 times—a year.
In the span of a few hours they made the decision NOT to divorce, and instead came home and had sex for four hours in front of the mirror in their home office.
They did a massive 180 and they’ve been full speed ahead ever since.
It’s never too late.
If it’s possible for them, it’s possible for you too.
Two things made all the difference for them to bring their relationship back from the dead.
1) Fuck yes.
2) Letting their guards down.
The only acceptable answer to any invitation in your relationship is “Fuck yes!”
Want to go to this Tantra workshop with me?
Fuck yes!
Want to have a 3-hour sex date each week?
Fuck yes!
Want to talk it out and fuck it out and talk it out and fuck it out some more?
Fuck yes!
That’s it.
ANYTHING other than FUCK YES!
Is a no.
“I’m busy. I’m tired. We don’t have time. Maybe later. But…”
All mean NO.
The ONLY way you will EVER reach hallowed ground in your relationship, and all of the magical SuperPower Couple things I speak of—and our Well-F**ked All Stars speak of—is through the power and commitment of “Fuck yes!”
It’s the key that opens every door.
Even the slightest hesitation will pull you back and keep you from reaching these wild, transformative and magical places.
It’s “Fuck yes!”
Or bust.
The other key is: Surrender.
Opening up. Dropping your guard. Relinquishing your armor.
Gordon and Cate, who we’ll meet shortly, had been together for 20 years.
He’s 64, she’s 56.
With decades of baggage, most people have to fight their way through the layers of mistrust, resentment and history to recreate their relationships.
It’s a process.
But these two literally did that in hours.
And look, it’s not like they wiped everything out and ALL their work is done.
But to get to this immediate point of jumping off with a “fuck yes!” in their hearts and genitals—is pretty miraculous.
And now, in that state, with those two tools—they can do everything.
They are unstoppable.
WELL-F**KED ALL STAR INTERVIEW: GORDON AND CATE
KIM: All right, Gordon and Cate, it’s lovely to have you.
CATE: Thank you.
GORDON: Thank you, thank you. So blessing, a blessing seeing you and having a dialogue and **** [0:00:21.4]
KIM: You’re coming to us life from Australia in Adelaide.
GORDON: Yes, yes.
KIM: You have quite a dramatic turnaround, which I love, and I think will be inspiring for a lot of people. You’ve been married for 23 years, might be 24 by now, since you—
GORDON: 24, yes.
KIM: 24 years, right?
CATE: Yes.
GORDON: Yes.
KIM: Congratulations.
GORDON: Thank you.
All in: from divorce court to 4-hours of sex in the office
KIM: You said that on your 20th wedding anniversary, you were heading to divorce court.
GORDON: Yes.
KIM: I’ll ask about where you were and then what turned around and obviously where you are now?
GORDON: We were very religious and for those 20 years, 10-plus of those years, Kim, was a dead bedroom.
Sex 2-3 times a year
KIM: How dead? When you say dead, what do you mean by dead?
CATE: Very little sex.
GORDON: Very little sex.
KIM: How much would that be?
CATE: Maybe twice or three times a year.
KIM: Holy shit, okay. [Laughs] Dead and gone. Dead and buried.
GORDON: Yeah, dead and gone.
KIM: And what did you think about that? So two or three times a year, how did you then classify that in your minds about what that meant and what your relationship was? What was going on for you?
He was a two-pump chump
CATE: I thought, because sex wasn’t great anyway for me, so I mean, Gordon was what—
GORDON: Two pump chump.
CATE: Yeah.
GORDON: Really was.
CATE: So I was constantly disappointed and frustrated. I thought, well, I can do without sex. It’s nothing fantastic. I’m not really missing much.
Lost an inch in cock length from lack of use
GORDON: And for me, I just felt like a real failure because I couldn’t go past that two-minute mark. Oh, my goodness. And as a result of that, we were just like flat mates in the end. Did you know my cock lost an inch in length from not using? An inch! Can you believe that? I was shocked.
KIM: I can. Use it and lose it.
GORDON: And also, too, when I lost an inch, it even changed the shape of my cock. The head, it wasn’t as full as it normally was, because I’m 6-foot tall and the length of my penis was 6 inch, by 6-inch girth, which is a lot wider than average, and it turned to 5 and still got the 6-inch girth at the tip of it. But it was 6 inch all the way through. And 6 inch and then halfway just start to round in a bit. That’s what it’s like now.
But doing these—goodness, since doing the SMM, doing the cock exercises, the lengthening, it feels more fuller. It feels like the blood is there and the squeezing, it just feels fuller. It’s getting there, yeah.
GORDON: Anyhow, that, yeah, we were just frustrated, I guess, really.
CATE: I didn’t even like Gordon towards the end. I didn’t want—we went—he didn’t know—but I was well aware of how long it had been since we’d had sex, and it was 18 months and 6 days before we—we had gone without sex. 18 months and 6 days.
That turned around when Gordon told me he had made an appointment to see a somatic sexologist. I freaked out, I had no idea what that was and I was terrified, but I agreed to go along. When we walked in the door there she just sat us down and told us that nobody’s been taught how to—how a man and a woman should be together. We’re not taught how to communicate. How to put across our wants and our desires because we’re taught girls don’t do that. Girls don’t say that and you’re easy if you say that or do that. We’re told it’s creepy, but it’s not.
She just taught us how to be honest with each other without being critical and nasty and just being open and halfway through that session, I started to have hope for our marriage and by the end of it, I realized that I still loved Gordon and that night we went home and we made love for the first time.
GORDON: Yeah, then on our 20th wedding anniversary, I thought to myself, there’s no way I’m going to spend another 20 years like what we just sent.
And really, talk about alpha males, there was no alpha male presence in all of my life. But then I took up the alpha male. I took responsibility. I thought, “I haven’t given even 50% towards our marriage and that’s so bad.”
KIM: Wow, so you recognized that.
GORDON: Yeah.
CATE: He was very, very cautious. I knew he didn’t fully trust in me and in our whole marriage since that.
KIM: What do you think that was about? Not trusting you or trusting the marriage?
CATE: I don’t know whether it stemmed from his childhood and his mother was very standoffish, not loving or hugging.
GORDON: Not even hugging. Yeah.
KIM: Just some kind of reservations around intimacy overall?
GORDON: Yeah, definitely.
CATE: Yeah.
GORDON: Definitely, yeah. And so at first I thought, “Well, marriage counseling is BS, because all they do…”
KIM: Why did you think that?
GORDON: Because all they’ll do, Kim is just go round and round in circles, no actions taken. No concrete steps. And you’re dragging up the past as well. Tell me something that I don’t know that will fix my situation. That’s what I’m after.
KIM: Yeah.
GORDON: I was thinking outside the box. I’m just saying, it’s just inside here. I just believe that the universe is leading me.
But I thought a somatic sexology, they’re worth their weight. I’m just talking to search Google box, somatic sexology or sexologist here in Adelaide, got in contact she got back to us the every next day. Because we came and put—see the mirrors here? [Pointing behind him.] In the office here? We came here and we fucked for an hour-and-a-half, and I didn’t blow my load for an hour-and-a-half, until the hour-and-a-half. And I thought, “Wow! That is just freaking amazing.” We were just, “What should we tell her?”
And your suggestion, too, **** [0:09:54.2] in the front of them.
KIM: Was this after your first session with the sexologist?
GORDON: Yeah, after the first session.
KIM: So already, something got ignited.
GORDON: Yeah.
KIM: You had hope, you felt reconnected, you felt seen, to be able to be with each other.
GORDON: Yeah.
CATE: There was a point toward the end of our marriage where Gordon would look at me, and I knew he wasn’t seeing me. Like his eyes, they just—I could feel he wasn’t seeing me, and that broke my heart.
We couldn’t even put into words what had changed. What had happened to turn everything around 180 degrees. It was like, “What happened?” It was incredible.
GORDON:
A life-changing Tantric retreat
Then saw this Tantric workshop, got in contact with the administrators. The administrator said it was sold out. I still didn’t take that for an answer. So then I just wrote them our story and the lady, Diane, who was the administrator, she took the story to her daughter and said, “Have a read of this.” Then the daughter said, “Mom, you have to let them in. You have to let them in.” So that’s how we got in the door.
And I’ll tell you what, that ran for six days. That was just…
CATE: It just changed our lives. It was incredible. I was terrified again because I didn’t know what Tantra was, but I heard all these strange ideas. Diane said I looked like a scared rabbit ready to run when I walked in the door.
GORDON: And three-and-a-half hours later…
CATE: Yeah, I was just—
GORDON: Tell her about the photo when she had the—
CATE: Yeah. She had taken a photo when I walked in because she said I’m bright, shining, open, happy. Yeah. Just changed our lives.
GORDON: Yeah.
CATE: And opened my mind. I did not realize this about myself, but I was very closed-minded. Very narrow. And that just blew my mind open. It was just incredible and it’s just been an amazing journey.
GORDON: But in that week, I fucked Catherine for four hours and twice in that week.
CATE: We had to stop because I was getting sore.
GORDON: She tapped out. [Laughs]
KIM: [Laughs] That’s pretty amazing. You guys going from a decade or two of minimal sex and then being able to just, right out of the gate, go on these multi-hour sex date adventures. That’s impressive.
CATE: Well, in the Tantra, Gordon was taught a breathing practice that allowed him to tamp down this—
GORDON: Energy.
CATE: Yeah. And recycle it and just keep going. That’s amazing.
GORDON: How to thrust, how to breathe, that I just felt strong as Knox. Honestly, I could’ve gone or eight hours if Catherine didn’t tap out. [Laughs] That’s how strong I was. It’s just fantastic.
And also too, Kim, it was the first time I actually surrendered to anybody.
CATE: Yeah. That was the biggest thing, the surrender.
GORDON: I surrendered to Catherine and little did I know—
CATE: That allowed me—
GORDON: To be more feminine
CATE: Yeah and surrender openly to Gordon.
GORDON: And also, too—like this is amazing, Kim—I spent, I don’t know, a long time, more than three hours, just—on that Tantric weekend—just being with Catherine’s body, I felt that if I go any longer, she’d levitate.
CATE: Well, I felt like I was going to.
GORDON: I didn’t know that, that she was feeling that.
CATE: My whole body was trembling, and I felt like if he keeps going, I’m going to leave the bed. It was incredible. I wish in a way that he had kept going to see what happens.
KIM: To see if you were going to do it.
GORDON: I got scared.
Seeing God during high sex
KIM: Well, this is the thing that happens, I think, in he deepest sexual encounters, is we do touch these cosmic energies. When we’re open and the premise is behind at least one of them in Tantra and Taoist sexuality, is that we take that sexual energy and we move it up the system from where it exists at a more base level and leverage it and move it up into the crown and turn it into spiritual energy and lifeforce energy.
So people, when they do that, they then often use terminology, spiritual terminology or “Leaving the body,” “Saw God,” “Felt at one,” all of these descriptions, and the big, big irony is that there’s such a massive effort to separate sex and spirituality as experiences in our world. That’s drummed into us everywhere all the time.
And yet, in the purest encounters, that’s what this is. These are deeply spiritual, transcendent, cosmic, lifechanging, rebirthing experiences that are of the highest spiritual nature when we have that purity and intention and really can tap into these energies.
CATE: Yeah.
GORDON: Yeah. Because the woman’s a portal. The woman needs to guide the guy. And did you know, in the Tantric retreat, I went through an actual, physical, spiritual portal? Then had my eyes opened. I’m walking from one to the next and I remember sharing to her, sharing this with a mate in one, and he said, “What was it like on the other side?” I said, “Forget what was on the other side, just imagine the beauty crossing from one realm to the other and just seeing that barrier and just crossing it over.”
But after several months, finally said that if you can express what you’ve experienced with your words, you have not lived.
KIM: That’s what poets are for. Poets get a little bit closer. The role of poets in society in culture is to get a little bit closer than the average person.
GORDON: Yeah. Yeah.
KIM: Yeah. All of that is fantastic and then how did you find my work?
GORDON: Also, too, Kim, I must say, that in the Tantric retreat, you really hit home how a well-fucked couple should be. In Tantra, in the first Tantric, we found our real deep love for each other that consumes us, but we weren’t necessarily taught that this is what normal marriage should be like. We had three hour, two hour sessions, and the most we’d fucked was four. Four times in a day and minimum an hour.
CATE: That was before work, between shifts.
GORDON: So how I came to you is because I felt a bit of a letdown because we have to stop because of work. I noticed, too, that Catherine puts a lot into her job and sometimes she comes home exhausted. Then the sex began to taper and then within myself, in my mind, I started to think, “Can I really get it up?” I started to doubt my own abilities.
Then I thought, “I’ll go and see a doctor,” but **** [0:22:14.3] the allopathic way.
KIM: What do you mean—hang on—so you were wondering whether you could get it up?
GORDON: Yes.
KIM: But you were. Were you having erectile issues?
GORDON: No, no. Not since then, no. No. There was a time it wasn’t as frequent the sex either, was it? You know?
CATE: Yeah. And he lost confidence in his ability to get an erection and keep it.
KIM: But you were performing fine at the time?
GORDON: Yeah.
CATE: Had been, yeah.
KIM: But what, did you just buy into some narrative that you’re this age and this is what’s coming for you?
GORDON: Yeah, yeah.
CATE: Yeah.
GORDON: Yes, exactly. Yeah.
CATE: He was told at his age it’s just normal.
KIM: Sure.
GORDON: Even went to a urologist. I just thought he was a lazy fucker, but only wanted him to do—he said, “Oh, your results are fine, just put you under the pills.” Which is Cialis **** [0:23:25.3] brands, and Viagra or Cialis ****
KIM: Just because you’re a certain age, not because **** [0:23:32.6]
GORDON: Yeah, exactly. And then also, too, because the mastery of non-ejaculation, I’ve done that. And sometimes I even had a full-body orgasm. Oh, goodness. And I was in her, too, when I had that full-body orgasm.
I heard this sexologist talking about you and she said how you life weights with your…
So I looked up and I saw photos of you and then I went to your website. And then unbeknownst to me, it was within a couple days before you were going to close the SMM Salon.
KIM: Right.
GORDON: But what caught me about the SMM Salon was because I wanted to get back the confidence and the other—my other thing was to master non-ejaculation. Fucking get this down pat, I will be right. Then a couple of days, I was in. That’s how I came.
KIM: Love it. Love the decisiveness about that.
GORDON: Yeah. And you know, the whole thing, too, about decisiveness, Kim, because we went to the Tantric retreat a second time, apart from myself, all the other participants, the women are the ones dragging the men into it. I’m the other way around. I feel very pleased with myself that I’m leading Catherine. I’m just taking the reins and just even throughout the day, I’ll find something to try to get you to expand your mind a bit more **** [0:25:59.1]
CATE: When I was worshiping him the other morning, and he was doing his dick breathing, I watched his balls go in and out. It was like, “What is happening here? I saw your balls going in and then…” [Laughs]
KIM: Ball breathing.
CATE: This was amazing. It was like a ballast. It was incredible.
GORDON: And yeah, there’s a big, big—with women that men don’t make enough noise. I love making noise.
CATE: Yeah, I love that.
GORDON: It helps regulate my system. Regulates everything within me to keep going.
KIM: How did your relationship with your cock change that?
Tossed the Viagra and Cialis
GORDON: I went cold turkey on all various medicines and took about eight weeks. I’m circumcised and I have got feeling in there.
And it wasn’t until when you said porn cuts you—I’d never heard this ever before until you said it—cuts your heart from your cock. And because I had abused it, I just started to be really nice to it.
KIM: What do you mean you’d abused it?
GORDON: In a sense to restrain it a lot and just didn’t give much thought to it. Didn’t even know that it had its own veins. Didn’t know any of that.
I start just feeling it all over that. Just play with it and—
CATE: Love it.
GORDON: Love it and just continue rather than—even **** [0:30:48.2] just imagining it being really being and just worshipping it and just loving it. I imagine there are a couple more inches than what it is now, even to 8 inches. I just physically try and imagine it as that way. Just being erect.
KIM: Great. Okay. And then how about your relationship with your yoni, Cate? You had a numb yoni and you guys have been working a lot with yoni massage and lingam massage. How did things shift for you?
Jade egg for vaginal numbness and articulation
CATE: I’ve been using the jade egg and even this morning I was clenching one side and then the other. I asked Gordon, “Can you feel that?” when I was doing it and he said, “Yeah.” I was thinking the other day it’s going to get to the stage where I can play the flute.
Also, I could feel his lingam in me. I could feel it when he was touching it. Not just entering but I could feel it in me. I think that’s the first time I’ve actually felt it because my vagina was so numb. Yeah, that just blew my mind. It’s like, “Wow, I can feel you.” I just felt like my yoni was embracing his cock. It was amazing. I could just feel it all.
GORDON: Feel it touch the cervix?
CATE: Yeah, because Gordon said sometimes when he enters, it feels like he’s entering a cavern. Like it’s a big, wide cavern. But this time it felt like the inside me was embracing him.
Healing each other during intercourse
GORDON: And another thing, too, the other thing happened about two or three weeks ago, she came when I was in her, twice. It just felt so wonderful to hold space, hold that space for her and just—because I could feel the walls just clamping and **** [0:35:20.0] and it was just beautiful. Yeah.
CATE: That was amazing. That really—that’s helped me, I guess, emotionally and I just feel lighter and more open because I forgave myself, I forgave my mum, my father, Gordon. I grew up in a very—I had a very abusive father. Typical religious background. I had a lot to release in doing that. I think it helped me to open up even more to Gordon, forgiving him for the hurts and everything throughout our marriage.
Yeah, it’s just been incredible. It’s really amazing stuff.
GORDON: Even this morning, talking about how I was just—after our lovemaking or massaging her yoni—
CATE: Yeah. There was a sore spot and I said, “Just hold it there. Hold it. Until the soreness went.”
GORDON: And she said, “I think it’s cleared.”
KIM: Fabulous.
CATE: Yeah. It’s just being present and being aware I think.
KIM: It’s great to see where you are in your journey. It’s so impressive to be at your stage of life and do this complete 180 turnaround and elevation.
GORDON: Yeah. I realize that we’re very rare. Most of our friends, other people that we know, they just think—they had to believe it for themselves.
CATE: Yeah.
GORDON: I think you’re lucky—
CATE: Yeah, but they don’t believe it can happen to them.
GORDON: And you just got to put that work in and just be the alpha and lead. That’s how I wholeheartedly believe is just because I was able to believe that men surrendering—
CATE: Yeah, because I was ready to walk.
GORDON: Surrendering in Tantra and we both healed each other and still are.
KIM: I’m curious though, like for you, Cate, when you said you were ready to walk, because it sounds like both of you, very quickly, were ready for this. Like so many people, there’s so much years of buildup and unresolved stuff that even the idea of changing and trying to open up enough to move forward is too much.
So when you talk about your friends or whatever, it’s like I think the overwhelm gets to them. Like it just seems like so much. Yet both of you seemed really able to just switch on at least enough to move forward. I always say that the only acceptable answer to a question in a relationship is, “Fuck, yes.” Like, “Let’s do this.” And you both seem to have that even though you had decades-plus of blockages.
GORDON: Yeah.
Past issues and resentments evaporating almost instantly
CATE: Yeah. Well, I think it’s because I didn’t think about it. I didn’t go over it in my mind. I didn’t think about all the hurts, the betrayal, the resentments, the pain. I didn’t think of any of that. I just looked forward to see what this could do for us and even by the end of our first sexologist appointment, I couldn’t remember some of those first hurts, those resentments. I couldn’t remember what it was that Gordon had done that had hurt me so much.
And I think having just let that go allowed me to move forward. Yeah. And I think maybe a lot of people just hang onto that, but to move forward, you’ve got to let it go. Yeah. That’s the only way I can explain it.
GORDON: And if we look back in our lives, there are little signposts that we still loved each other. The journey.
KIM: Gordon, you mentioned the alpha energy idea, and you were able to lead through this. Cate, do you think that was part of it, too, that when he took the initiative—
CATE: Oh, definitely, yeah. If he hadn’t have done that, I would’ve left. There’s no doubt. The only reason I hadn’t gone at that point was—get this—is because I had signed the lease just a month earlier and I thought, “Why did I do that? If I hadn’t signed it, I could go.” But because I was legally bound to stay for another 12 months, that was my thinking, I thought, “Okay, I’m stuck for this moment.”
Then the following month he came up with the somatic sexologist. Well, that just changed everything. Everything just fell into place. But if I hadn’t of signed that least, if that lease hadn’t come up, we wouldn’t be together now. Yeah. And I’m so glad it did.
GORDON: We’re in love and we’re at 24 years now.
CATE: Yeah. And what did I say? Four years reawakened. Yeah. So over 20 years of sleep, 4 years reawakened.
KIM: Amazing. Beautiful, I love it. Thank you guys for sharing all of this.
GORDON: Just a real privilege to have you guide us, as a mentor as well. And now, we just—
CATE: We’re in the way. We’re showing our friends that it’s possible. And showing our children. Yeah.
GORDON: That was the first thing they noticed was that—
CATE: They noticed. They were saying, “Divorce him, Mum. Divorce him.” Yeah. And the children were miserable because I was miserable. And they noticed the change straightaway and they changed. They became happier, calmer.
GORDON: More confident.
CATE: Yeah. And our relationship has affected them in ways we didn’t realize. It’s amazing. It’s incredible to witness.
KIM: How old are they?
CATE: One is 20 and 22. They were what? 16 and 18 then.
GORDON: 18, yeah.
CATE: And for years, the youngest had been saying, “Divorce, divorce, divorce.” And she hated her father because of the way he treated me and now their relationship with their father has turned around as well.
GORDON: That’s what gets me is the balance towards the feminine is just shocking. It hurts me that I treated Catherine that way and that was part of me taking responsibility that I hadn’t really shown her and she deserves it. She deserves everything that I can throw at her. That I haven’t out from that stage.
CATE: He was never physical with me, but the verbal and emotional abuse was certainly there.
Staying together “for the children”?
KIM: Interesting what you say about the children because I talk about that a lot, that the children are a reflection of the coherence within the couple. There’s this old idea of staying together for the children, which I’ve never supported.
CATE: That is so wrong.
Children reflect the parents’ relationship
KIM: Because the children feel everything. They are this immediate holographic reflection. Like some things might be more obvious to them, behaviors that they witness. But even if they don’t see things, they feel it. They are totally by osmosis absorbing every little shift that’s taking place and they know it. And then I think it’s worse sometimes when they don’t see it so obviously because it’s like a form of gaslighting. They can feel the reality but they’re not seeing it, so they’re kind of confused by it.
Then to hear what you said, that when you began to shift, you could actually see the difference in them. Even the idea that they would have more confidence because your connection, the strength of that bond, is what gives them strength and fuel.
CATE: Yes. And a sense of security.
Well-f**ked parents are superior parents
KIM: Yes, completely. Yeah. The better sex a couple is having, the more secure and confident their children will be. That might seem like a strange or, “Can we even think that?” Like, yeah, we can. Yeah, actually we can. Because A) They know that their parents are in tune with each other. That relationship is solid. If they’re having great sex, they’re solid as a couple.
But it’s also beyond that. It’s an energetic strength that the couple is now, as the nucleus of the cell, that they’re projecting out into every other life form around them, especially, more than anything, their children. And the children are then fully nourished, strengthened, supported by all of that. Then the opposite happens when that’s not there. It’s like the rug being ripped out from under them and falling in space.
I see that correlation all the time when the parents are not in sync and that’s when children are acting out, that’s when all kinds of behaviors come up, and then immediately when the parents are in sync, the children are living such a more balanced and harmonious life.
CATE: Yeah, definitely. I have to say that at work this week, I was leading with my boobs.
KIM: Oh, tell me about that.
CATE: [Laughs] Back straight. Which when you put your chest out, your back goes straight automatically, so you’re walking upright. I was aware of that.
KIM: What did you notice through that?
CATE: Just confidence. And I just felt good. Whether anybody else was aware or not, doesn’t matter, but I was. Yeah. I’ve got a friend at work, she asked me last week, “How was your weekend?” I said, “Oh, it was really good because we have quite regular sex.” And she said, “Oh, of course. Of course.” [Laughs] I said, “We had a quickie before I came to work this morning.” She said, “Oh, yeah, of course you did.” [Laughs]
KIM: So is she saying that like she knows you have a lot of sex and she’s kind of teasing you?
CATE: Yes. I’ve told her stuff and try to point her in the right direction and encourage her. But yeah, she can see how good it is for me. I’m not afraid to talk about it.
GORDON: Last week Kim, it was amazing **** [0:51:02.9]
CATE: Yeah, complaining that I need to be well-fucked.
GORDON: More anal then.
CATE: Yeah. I love that.
GORDON: Catherine says that it should be prescribed that all women to have their ass all massaged regularly.
CATE: Why, yes. He could open a business doing perineal medicine. [Laughs] It’s amazing! I’ve had anal orgasms and they are incredible. Absolutely awesome. Beautiful.
KIM: How do you feel after you have the anal orgasm? When you go out into the world?
CATE: Just like I could float! [Laughs] Like I could float. It’s just like, “Wow, wow.” If they knew, if they knew that you could orgasm by your anus…
KIM: You can find God up there.
GORDON: We do now. [Laughs] Exactly, too right, yes. Exactly.
That person really needs a cock up their ass
CATE: I can look at people and say, “They need to be—they need their ass fucked.” [Laughs]
KIM: One of my favorite things that happens with well-fucked couples is now they have this language and barometer when they go out into the world. Something happens, they have an encounter, they see someone who’s grumpy and they’re like, “Aw, under-fucked,” or “Oh, well-fucked.”
GORDON: Yeah, yeah, that’s right. It opens your eyes, doesn’t it, Cate?
CATE: Yeah. Yeah.
GORDON: Who is going on.
CATE: Yeah. It feels so privileged and so lucky that—not only that we’re going on this journey, but we survived 20 years of crap to get here. We survived and it really is mind-blowing that we have. It’s incredible because lots of people would have given up way, way sooner.
KIM: Agreed, yep. And might not even make that turnaround. Like I said, I think you had a very fast turnaround and a lot of obvious willingness to do that and go for and put in the work and play.
GORDON: Yeah.
KIM: Well done.
CATE: Yeah.
Surrendering and vulnerability as a man
GORDON: Thank you. Thank you very much. I think surrender is a big part for me—
CATE: And surrender isn’t about giving up, it’s about opening. I think when you say surrender to men, sometimes I think they have that giving up—
KIM: A white flag.
GORDON: Yeah.
CATE: Yeah, yeah, but it’s not that at all.
KIM: It’s dropping your guard, right?
GORDON: Yeah, yeah.
KIM: It sounds like you’ve both been quite good at is you’re dropping your guard, you’re opening up, you’re letting yourself be vulnerable.
CATE: That’s it, being vulnerable.
KIM: That’s the only, the only thing that’s going to be the catalyst for any kind of transformative sex, healing sex, rejuvenative, lifechanging sex. The only thing that’s going to move the needle to get it there is that surrender and letting someone into you.
GORDON: Yes.
CATE: Yeah. And being vulnerable and letting go of control. Just that’s it. Just letting go, being vulnerable, being open. Because there’s something very sexy about a man who is vulnerable. It just lets you—I think it makes you feel more feminine.
GORDON: That’s what burned me out was little did I know that Catherine found our edge. I just sort of went, “Wow!”
CATE: Yeah. Because for 20 years, he had had his guard up.
KIM: That’s where all the magic is. That’s where it happens.
Age 64, the plan is to “fuck until the day I die”
GORDON: Yeah, just the fact, too, Kim, in June of this year, I’ll be turning 64. And so much of my married life should have been golden, but it wasn’t. And I’m thinking—and then that’s why most men think they’re coming towards twilight years, not many—
I want to keep on going this way. I’m so hungry, so thirsty for this stuff and that’s why I love doing what I do and just to keep it going.
CATE: Fucking until the day he dies.
***
What to take from their story
- Dramatic change is possible at any age and every stage.
This is The Anami Guarantee.
People come into my work in their late teens all the way through their 80s.
Is it amazing to find and practice these ideas from the start?
Sure, obviously.
But not many people do.
It takes most people some meandering around before they finally make it here.
The reason I connect you with our Well-F**ked All Stars is to show you that if they can do it, you can do it.
these things are possible for EVERYONE, no matter where they are in terms of their own chronological age or the age of their relationship.
2) Your power lies in “ALL IN”
Not 50%. Or 80%. Or 95%.
But Fuck yes, I’m ALL the way fuckin IN.
“Fuck yes” is an art form.
Your heart. Your genitals. You lay it all on the line.
The deepest transformation happens HERE.
In this vulnerability.
It’s the ONLY place where it can happen.
If you’ve got FUCK YES! and openness, all things are possible.
On that note, the Coming Together for Couples Salon is OPEN!
10 weeks to gourmet, life-changing sex!
In my online signature program for creating conscious relationships and quantum sex, you’ll learn:
- How to have multiple, full-body and energy orgasms
- Sexual reflexology of the yoni and lingam
- My prescription guide for different sexual positions to heal various ailments
- Tantric and Taoist techniques to harness your sexual energy and use it for healing, rejuvenation and creative genius
- Supercock stamina techniques for men
- Amplifying masculine and feminine polarity to increase your chemistry attraction: going from buddies to headboard slammers
- And all my secrets to coming together
To signup, go to kimanami.com/lovers
The salon begins next week on April 16th.
**
Gordon and Cate also mention a Tantra retreat they went to that was pivotal in their growth.
As you likely know, I’m ALL about extended sex dates.
I recommend couples have weekly, minimum 3-hour sex dates—yes that’s 3 hours of sexual play in ONE date—and then ideally a sex weekend every few months and then a full-on sex week away every year.
Having uninterrupted time and space to really go deep with each other fuels and quantum leaps you in ways you can’t even imagine.
We’re bringing our Anami multi-day sex retreats back onto the calendar this year.
To get on the waitlist and be the first to know when the dates and tropical locations are announced, go to kimanami.com/retreats
