HOW TO MANIFEST YOUR DREAM PARTNER – TRANSCRIPT
Everyone wants to know:
How to find the one!
First off, I don’t think there is just ONE person in a lifetime we’re meant to be with.
I believe there are several “ones” and depending on what we have to learn from them, and how willing we are to grow at any given time in our lives, we meet people who stimulate and challenge us and then they may or may not be around for the long haul.
So let’s presume there are several “the ones” out there waiting for us.
How DO we find them?
How do we draw them into our lives and our hearts and our beds?
How do we find the people who will be most suited to us, who will match us and also help us reach our next stages of evolution?
Again, there is a presumption that we want all those things — especially the growth part.
Because honestly, most relationships are not committed to growth and evolution, they are committed to stagnation.
And so, most people are attracting partners into their lives who by default.
Meaning, whatever unconscious programming and habits and even trauma that is operating in their energy fields, that’s the signal that is being broadcast, and drawing in someone who is on a similar vibration.
You know how people often repeat the same type of partners and behaviours pattens in relationships? A woman might have a penchant for alcoholics, or a man might keep meeting “women with financial problems”?
Well, that’s the unconscious at work, magnetizing based on your current state of consciousness.
You’ll hear me talk a lot about the concept of “clearing our blocks”. I also call this “demon hunting” — when we consciously set out to examine our dark sides, our unresolved wounds from the past, look at our patterns and commit to changing them.
When we do, we uplevel ourselves.
We release the defence mechanisms and adaptive personality traits we have taken on to survive, or to keep stuffing down the things we don’t want to look at.
We clear our slates. We pare down to reveal our essence, before we took on conditioning, programming and trauma.
And then we amplify that.
We embody and practice living in alignment with the truth of who we are, and the highest versions of ourselves.
And THEN we attract from that place.
We put ourselves out into the world, heart first, truth first and the world brings back to us the people and opportunities who reflect our inner nature and highest selves.
The shortcut to finding and inhabiting your true self is by connecting to your sexual energy.
Think about it: Your sexual energy is the genetic blueprint for who you are. The more you inhabit it, the more you embody your authentic self.
You start to effortlessly add and subtract things and people from your life, and your words, choices and actions are more in alignment with your truth.
When people are serious about drawing in new love, I encourage them to embark on a rigorous self-pleasure practice, to explore ways to amplify their feminine and masculine energies, and clear any blockages they have to fully owning and expressing as sexual beings.
As you clear out your old baggage and interferences, that make it harder for people – and the right people – to find and really see you, the signal you broadcast becomes super clear. And you magnetize in your vibrational match.
Then you meet people at the supermarket, in an elevator, at your gym and walking down the street. The only thing you need to do is get yourself out into the flow of life, to immerse yourself in the things you love doing and you will attract the person who is a perfect match for you. It will be easy for you to find each other.
You are wearing your well-f**ked energy, which is the most attractive thing you can put on when you go out the door.
You show up as YOU, with clarity and confidence and openness.
I have countless stories from women who began their self-pleasuring practice in the Anami style: Meditate, Masturbate, Create or through using their jade egg for ONE DAY and they go out the next day in sweats, no makeup, not looking for anything or anyone, and guys come up to them at the gas pump, or run across the street to ask them for their number.
That energy is so palpable, that people are drawn to it like moths to the flame.
In today’s all star interview, I’m talking to Freya. She took the Well-F**ked Woman Salon a couple years back and has had a radical transformation, going from being sexually numb to ejaculating all over the place. I interviewed her earlier this year on her experiences with squirting, which you can find in the episode entitled 9 Steps to Make You a Squirting Master.
I wanted to bring her back on to share on other aspects of her transformation, including finding her voice as a poet.
And… how she attracted in a beautifully matched life partner. She has an incredible story that begins with one of her epic poems.
Freya All Star Interview
FREYA: You’ll catch my third eye. I’ll ovulate so hard I have to change my pants. I’ll have sea boughs for hair; you’ll be made of oak bellies and restored antiques.
On our first date, you’ll pack 20 liters of kombucha, ask the earth if she is indeed flat, and feed me grapes, ground beef, and God.
I’ll say my vagina comes with a disclaimer. Have you read the fine print, devotion or death? You’ll crack up and pack your bags for a 10-day pussy pilgrimage, nestle your head in Magdalene’s portal, and linger to inhale holy notes of ocean, bacon, and fireweed honey.
Your body will reach past my cervix to show me the universe. I’ll be your first filling meal in 10,000 years. You’ll be my favorite wool sweater on a chilly fall morning.
We’ll have our own spines, always.
You’ll come home with a moose strapped to your longboat back and a fistful of goldenrod in bloom. I’ll be waiting with a glass full of still-warm raw cream and no underwear.
You’ll grab my ass every day until we die.
You’ll ask me to color outside the lines for you. I’ll trade my blood for paint.
Your leather hands will soften every tension I didn’t know had taken refuge in my tissues.
You’ll have arms that invite me bigger with every embrace.
You’ll bleed joy out of your eyes without a single ask of the outside world.
I’ll try too hard to be angry, to throw my bricks against your body, and you’ll say, “My love, bring it all. Let me be the belt sander to your hard corners.”
You’ll be the trickster to my truculence, and I won’t have to ask if you love me.
We’ll embrace every night weighted down with blankets woven from bird skeletons and rainbow ends, a mountain valley, and his Amazon river.
We’ll laugh so hard they threaten to send us to the insane asylum.
You won’t sweep me off my feet. You’ll simply get on one knee, take off my plastic shoes, and patiently teach me how to fox walk through the forest until the birds begin to call us by our first names.
Our love will be a cell-by-cell nervous system reset. No big bang necessary, just the universe making sense of itself.
We’ll both arrive with our own trusted counsels to hold us through it all.
There will be a home. You’ll build it.
Our bovine kin will always let down more milk for me, but the pigs will like you the most.
Children? Perhaps. Time? We will give each other time and truth.
I’ll never wonder if you have the courage to stand beside me when the world asks the hardest of questions.
My love, what will you need from me?
KIM: Freya! That is such an epic poem for the ages. Tell us about it.
FREYA: I think that the story begins quite a few months before I actually wrote that poem. In November last year, I was just coming out of a breakup and a lot of heartbreak, and I really wasn’t looking for a relationship because I had just gotten out of two really serious, beautiful relationships.
I was just coming out of that heartbreak and, very unexpectedly, had this emergence of poetry and this flood of creative expression.
I really wasn’t looking for a relationship. It wasn’t in my mind. But then, the last week of November, I had this really odd experience where every time I would kind of slow down or sit at a traffic light or have a still moment, I could just feel his presence. And I kept having the thought, “He’s here.” I could really feel him, and the thought was, “There’s nothing for you to do. You’re going to meet. It’s all…” It was a very, very calming feeling and really weird. That’s not a normal experience for me. [Laughs]
I remember sharing it with a friend of mine, and it was such a beautiful conversation; it really had this almost psychedelic energy to it. She read me this old journal post of hers that she had written before she met her partner, and it really spoke to how I was feeling. One of the lines, I remember, was, “He’s waiting but not standing still.” And that’s kind of how I felt, like we were both coming toward each other, but not quite yet.
Then the very next morning, I wrote a poem about this man, which isn’t the poem that I just read to you. It’s a different one. One of my COVID poems had gone a bit viral on Instagram, and a man reached out to me. I had taken a course with him, which is the only reason I responded, because I get a lot of weird messages on Instagram, as I’m sure you do.
KIM: Mine are like, “Hi, dear.” “Hi.” “Hi, dear.” “Hi.” “Hi.” Yeah, delete, block. [Laughs]
FREYA: There is a lot of that or asking for my OnlyFans account. I get that pretty often as well. [Laughs] I joke a lot that I would have such a good side hustle of an OnlyFans account, but it’s just against my values. What can you do? [Laughs]
Anyway, I connected with this man, and it was so serendipitous. We really connected in all of these different ways, and it was really fun. Right away we were FaceTiming. He lived in a different country, and by the second time we talked, I said, “I don’t do long-distance anything, so if you want to really give this a try, you have to come here.” Basically, I said, “You can come; otherwise, I don’t really want to talk.”
This was peak COVID time, and we were obviously both unvaccinated. He said, “Okay!” [Laughs] That sort of sparked this whole very fun, bizarre month and a half where he sold his boat and rented out his house and bought this stunning van. We were getting to know each other, and again and again, all these serendipitous things were happening. I said, “Okay, I guess I’m just trusting this bizarre, ridiculous thing. This man who I’ve never actually met is going to get into the country somehow, while neither of us is actually allowed to travel.”
It really sparked this desire to go internal, to do this epic demon-hunting, as you say, because I thought, “Okay, if he’s coming all the way here, I need to match that.”
KIM: To get my house in order.
FREYA: Yeah! And I knew that there were lingering pieces from past lovers and past relationships that I had to release somehow if I was going to move into another relationship in integrity.
I think I had a real shift in how I was relating to that at the time. I think before, for many, many years, I was not being committed and was only half in. I’d say, “These are their demons. These aren’t mine. That’s for them to go off and deal with.” All of a sudden I could see so clearly my responsibility in it and my own demons and the ways that I was participating; these games took two to play, and I was getting a lot out of the super high and then the comedown, and not being fully met. I said, “I’m not doing this anymore.”
Also, I had just found this amazing port key in poetry where I could access parts of myself that I couldn’t access with normal words or normal reflection and self-inquiry. There was just something about writing in this way that allowed me to be brutally honest about what was going on inside of me and to make it bigger, I think, to see it clearly.
I kind of had a bit of a poetry exorcism. I was just writing all these poems about different men in my life. Some of them I’ve shared publicly, and some of them I’ve only shared with the men. I just imagined I was going to carry this stuff around forever. All of a sudden, it was gone, and there was just this beautiful grief, but also the joy [laughs] of finally being released from these things.
KIM: That all happened for you through poetry?
FREYA: It was all through poetry. I think it might be sweet to read one of them.
FREYA: This one was me processing this relationship that had gone on for so long. There was always this feeling of, “Wow, maybe not. Now’s not the time, but when we’re 80, we’re going to get together…” One night I just birthed this out of me.
I find that, a lot of times, writing happens to me like that. I’d been wrestling with this for years and years, and then, all of a sudden, it just released.
I’ll be an old hag, and you’ll be at the door naked.
I’ll burst into flames or dust or one million broken-winged butterflies.
I’ll open my mouth to tell you to fuck off and find your tongue already reaching past mine.
I’ll kick out my 500-year-old husband and howl Hail Marys as I crawl inside you.
I’ll reincarnate as teenage Freya, masturbating in the spare bedroom shower while I thumb your initial into the glass.
I’ll go down on you, god on god.
I’ll let you tattoo my vagina.
I’ll wear my nice underwear, the one without holes.
I’ll ask if your mother died peacefully.
I’ll tell you that your father really was proud.
I’ll check the time on your phone as an excuse to see your screensaver. Hello, grandchildren. I’ll wait for you to tell me what her name was.
I’ll have a heart attack the moment we finally fuck. You’ll perform cardiac bypass surgery without anesthesia, and we’ll keep going.
I’ll let the devil touch my third eye.
I’ll never ask God for anything ever again.
I’ll open the book I published with your name on the cover and recite 300 poems without taking a breath.
I’ll cook you something my mom used to make. We’ll talk about her.
I’ll ask if you know what blank’s doing.
I’ll decide if gray hair suits you.
I’ll laugh because the apocalypse didn’t happen, and the grooves you left on my body are still there.
I’ll cry for my vagina.
I’ll put a no-trespassing sign at the gate by a three-legged guard dog, and we’ll never leave the bedroom again.
I’ll reach under my dress to see if my pussy remembers you after all these years and accidentally drown in the ocean she named blank.
I’ll sit on your lap and write a novel about your life.
I’ll demand you explain how much you love me in the form of an interpretative dance.
I’ll put a salve on that scab you still have from the last time I saw you.
I’ll scream the right name in bed for once.
I’ll gouge my eyes out so you can finally see yourself through them.
I’ll show you every place another man has touched me.
I’ll make love to you 666 times, and then we’ll die Shinju style and become rainbow bodies so they can never find us.
I’ll make you come so hard you invent a time machine and arrive at my door 60 years earlier.
Don’t bring flowers.
KIM: [Laughs] Beautiful! Such a wonderful poet.
FREYA: Thank you. It felt like taking a shit [laughs] that had needed to come out for 10 years. There was just this feeling of, “Oh God, thank you. This is no longer inside of me, and it’s being released.”
Yeah, I shared that because I think it was so important. All this was going on, kind of like getting on my knees with a toothbrush and cleaning out my insides and seeing all the ways that I was participating in creating these relationships that were beautiful, but not all in.
I really got to this place where I was only accepting a full yes. [Laughs] Like Jesus’s Mary Magdalene, kind of all in. I was all I was here for. And I wasn’t just saying it. I really had gone inside and matched my internal state with that statement.
Then this man drives up and magically gets into the country, and again, it was serendipity after serendipity. I got really sick the week that he arrived, and he got here, and it was a no. I said, “What the fuck? This makes no sense.” But it was so clear in my body that it was just a no. That was very challenging to have to communicate, given all the circumstances—
KIM: Yeah! I sold my boat, left the country, traversed dimensions to get here, and what?
FREYA: Yeah! But it was just what was true, and it was such a mindfuck for me, because I said, “Can I trust myself?” I always have followed this thing that hasn’t made sense, and it’s always worked out, but what the hell? [Laughs]
I just sort of surrendered. I was happy with my life. I wasn’t looking for a partner. And I was still feeling the heartbreak from my most recent breakup.
Fast forward a month, I went to a woman’s circle with a few of my friends, and we did this candle ceremony to invite more love into our lives. I’m not a very woo-woo person, so I said, “Whatever.” [Laughs] Cool. But I didn’t take it that seriously.
Then, on the drive home from that circle, one of my friends said something to me that just opened everything up. Because before this, I thought, “I can’t manifest a partner because I don’t even know what I want.” I was so murky around that. I had no clarity around what I wanted, and she said, because she was also grieving a relationship ending, “I’m just so proud of how close that was to exactly what I want.” And that gave me so much permission to think, “Yes, I’ve had all these really beautiful relationships, really wonderful men, and so much of what I do want is actually what I’ve already experienced.”
I think it was the next day or the day after that I wrote the poem that I read at the beginning here. It just came through, and I think there’s something so potent in the power of poetry to manifest things in your life. Because it acts as a different part of you, and you have to go into the heart of the desire and describe it in a different way than just, “I want a man that makes me feel happy.”
KIM: Right. Almost like a melding of the conscious and unconscious. It’s a way to bypass some of the conscious mind and pull from the unconscious and mix them together.
FREYA: Yeah. And you’re really getting into the frequency of what the thing is.
And while you’re writing it, you’re so in the energy of what that would feel like in the body. That is so powerful when it comes to manifestation.
KIM: Yes! Yeah, the key.
FREYA: Yeah. Honestly, I didn’t think that much of it. I wrote this poem, and I said, “Well, maybe in a few years.” I wrote a poem about an archetype, so maybe in a few more lifetimes or something. [Laughs]
Then I shared it on my Instagram the next day, and I think there’s something even more potent about that because now thousands of women read that poem and felt that feeling in their own bodies and had life project that out there for them as well.
Then I just went on with my week. On Wednesday, I had an interview for this project called Confessions of a Nourished Woman with my friend, Katya Nova. After we finished the interview, we were just catching up because the last time we had connected, I was heartbroken. She was telling me all about her Bumble dates and how fun they’d been. I said, “Okay, I’m not about to meet my partner, but some good loving would be great right now.” [Laughs] I was so against dating apps before this, but I said, “Whatever my discomfort around it, it will be good to go into. It’ll be a hilarious experiment.”
I got on Bumble. She said, “Freya, you should probably tone it down a little. You’re a bit intense.”
KIM: That was her advice.
FREYA: [Laughs] So I went on Bumble and sort of half-assed my profile.
KIM: And this is a date? “I’m a sedate woman. Are you interested?”
FREYA: Exactly. The photos were an expression of who I was, but the bio wasn’t. I think I wasn’t really clear if I was on there to find my partner or to have a good time.
It was so funny to me because Bumble tells you what your most liked photo is, and it’s the one of me milking a cow. It was just so funny that was the one [laughs] that kept coming up.
Yeah, so I was messaging with some men in very Freya fashion. It turned very quickly into a consciousness-raising activity, because I was asking the men if they were vaccinated. That was my first question.
And when they asked, “Well, why do you care about that?” I have this poem called “Booster Balls,” which is a very spicy poem about my opinion about all that. I would send it to them because they had no idea. They said, “Well, yeah, I’m vaccinated. Why do you care?” I said, “My fertility,” and they said, “What do you mean?” It turned into this hilarious thing where I wasn’t going to go on a date with any of those men.
KIM: The clear litmus test. Yeah.
FREYA: You can get sucked into this vortex of swiping. I said, “I fucking hate this. I’m doing one week, and then I’m out of here.”
Then on Friday morning, I wrote this poem that I call “The Sex Poem.” It’s this really fun poem about sex. I shared that on Instagram, and I shared that I had joined Bumble. And some women said, “We really like Tinder. It’s grittier in there.” I said, “Okay, fuck it. I’m already doing this; I’ll get on Tinder, too.”
I got on Tinder, and my profile was kind of intimidating. I think I said, “I’m your dream apocalypse partner, organic livestock farmer, traditional birth attendant,” and some other stuff. And then I said, “Un-vaxxed men only; no booster balls. Freya is the goddess of love, fertility, and sex, and war. I’m not for the faint of heart.” That’s what I said in my dating profile. [Laughs]
KIM: Amazing! Wow! Do you have a photo of that?
FREYA: I do, yes. I can share it.
FREYA: Yeah. It just came through me. “This is what has to be.” This was around noon. And at 3:00 p.m., I had done some swiping, and I got a message from Matthew. His message was, “You seem like a total badass. I’m all in. When can I meet you?”
I remember getting the message, and I didn’t know which profile it was attached to, but I had such a grin on my face because the energy of that message made me think, “That’s what I’m here for. The all yes. The unwavering yes.”
In my past relationships, when they ended, I said, “Do you have any idea of what you’re walking away from right now?” [Laughs] I see that with my friends, too. Men are being wishy-washy around them, and I’ll say, “Do you see how fucking cool she is? She’s not an average woman. What are you doing?”
He sent me this message, and I responded, “It’s true. I am a badass, and whenever you want to come visit…” I had set my radius really wide, so I had no idea where he lived. And he said, “I’m 40 minutes away. What are you doing tonight?” [Laughs]
I said, “Okay, I’m free.” He ended up driving into town, and I remember sitting in my house at the time, just waiting. I’d never been on a Tinder date before, and it was during COVID, so there was only one place in town we could go. I said, “Everybody there knows me, and I’m not bringing my first Tinder date there.”
KIM: Everybody, meet… [laughs].
FREYA: [Laughs] Yeah. I said, “As long as you promise not to shank me or rob me, you can come to my house.” And he said, “I promise.” [Laughs]
So he showed up, and it’s funny because a friend of mine had actually set me up on a blind date a while back, and he also came over for dinner. Before he came over, I kept having this vision in my head of what he would look like, and it totally wasn’t him when this man came for dinner in November. And then I opened the door to Matthew, and that was what I was seeing back then.
I opened the door, and we had the funnest night. We were laughing for two hours straight. It was just so fun, and everything was aligned. It was so easeful but also very electric.
So that night ended, and I was tired. I had to go to bed. I texted my best friend and said, “I want to marry him and have all of his babies.” [Laughs] That’s completely how I felt afterward. I-couldn’t-sleep-that-night kind of feelings.
I invited him out the next night to the one place in town that we could go. They had live music, and it was a really big event. It was funny because all of my friends were going to be there because it was the only place in town that we could go. My dad was coming in from out of town because in the town that he was living in, there was nowhere for unvaccinated people to go, so he would sometimes drive in to have live music and go out for dinner.
Also, my most recent ex was there, so on our second date, Matthew just got fucking thrown at all these people in my life. He handled it with such grace, and he’s just this beaming ray of joy. It was such a fun night.
He went home because he brought a friend, and so nothing happened, and I went home too. He was leaving town on Sunday. So if I hadn’t joined Tinder on Friday, we wouldn’t have met, because he was moving away.
KIM: Oh wow.
FREYA: Everything was so perfect, and I said, “Fuck this. I’m driving out there.” So I drove out and saw him, and we walked around the farm for quite a few hours. I’m very skilled at avoiding first kisses, so we just talked and talked and talked until there was nothing to do; we had to kiss. [Laughs] We did, and I’ve never felt that kind of electricity that’s also met with so much love at the same time. We had to keep pulling away and just laughing at this thing. “What is this? This is so wild and unanticipated.”
I also read him that poem after we kissed. Because, getting to know him, he is every single line of that poem. Exactly. It’s so bizarre.
He was leaving town that night, and I had to go to a thing in the afternoon, so we didn’t have much time together. He was making a pit stop at his cousin’s house that was a few hours away, so I went back home. And then I voice messaged him that night, “I need to see you again to make sure you’re not an apparition.” We had planned to meet, but it was a few weeks out because he was going home. I said, “I need to see you. Could I book an Airbnb tomorrow night where you’re staying right now?”
He said, “I would be elated for you to do that.” That was what I wanted. I wanted the immediate yes.
KIM: No game playing. No, “It’s cool for me to wait to respond to your text,” and all the typical advice and norms that are part of “modern dating life.”
FREYA: Exactly. And there was none of that. He was just all in. I’m not even sure I can articulate how much that allowed my nervous system to relax. The fact that he could meet me in that way and be unwavering and be completely unafraid of me… [Laughs] I’m a big woman, so it takes a lot to be able to meet that.
It was just so good. Then I got up in the morning and booked this beautiful Airbnb. I was moving out of my housing and back into my van that day, and I remember I saw 1111, 111, 222, every single number as I was driving out there.
We had dinner with his cousin, which was fun. There was something really sweet about getting to see him around someone who he’d grown up with. I got to see how fun he was and what a good person he was, and I got a little bit of his past history, too.
Then we drove out to the Airbnb, and there was a rainstorm. It was dark, and the woman who hosted the Airbnb was standing outside. She had this beautiful, glorious, blonde, curly hair, and she was just standing there waiting for us. It was perfect. All the sheepskins and the record player and the beautiful view. It was exactly the place to be for our first night together.
It was a funny first night because we started kissing and making out again, and I had to keep stopping. I’d never felt that kind of energy in my body before. It was so much to hold. Pretty early on, I said, “I can’t have sex with you tonight. We cannot do that. This is too much.” [Laughs] That was good to get out of the way.
You speak about keeping the glass clear, and I think for those first few hours, there was a lot of stuff on the glass, but it wasn’t bad things; it was just we both already knew this was it and that we were going to spend our lives together. It was so clear, but it’s kind of an insane thing to say to somebody on your fourth date.
It took us a little while to be able to say, “Are you feeling the way that I…” and really reveal that to each other.
We spent the night together, and I think we got maybe a couple of hours of sleep. Then I had this inspiration at three in the morning to do this little ceremony together. I had actually gone to the store; my friend had bought some candles that we did that original circle with, and I bought two more of them.
Matthew was down to do that, so we put on music and lit both candles. I read him the poem again, and then two other poems that I had written that I realized afterward were about him. We both very spontaneously spoke our intentions for our relationship and a blessing and just sat there until the candles had burned out. We slept for a few hours, and then we got up at dawn.
When I read him the line that says, “And I’ll never have to ask if you love me,” it was 4:44.
Anyway, we got up at dawn, and we hiked up the mountain behind the place we were staying and dug a hole and buried this piece of paper. I think we said something and walked away. It was this very funny feeling of, “I think we just got married.” [Laughs] We had this beautiful ceremony. I could never have pictured it three days before, but there we were.
Then he left for Vancouver, which was five hours away, and I had to stay for the week. That whole week, so many bizarre things happened. I was in the café, writing him a poem, and I overheard these women talking about the goddess Freya. I said, “What the fuck?” I went over there, and it was these two older women who had coffee there every day. One of them was clearing out stuff and had this pendant of the goddess Freya. She had decided today that she was going to give it to her friend. [Laughs]
I said, “This is ridiculous, so absurd, and so cool.” Then right after that, I decided I needed to integrate how wild it was, so I went to see a friend of mine who does a form of bodywork called Bowen Therapy. I have had chronic right-side tension my whole life. It used to be excruciating and interfered with my life. I’d done a lot of work, but I’d never been able to release that tension.
I do self-massage every single day, so I’m really, really familiar with how my tissue and my body feel. She worked on my scar, and a lot of people have worked on it, so this was just a regular session.
Then the next morning, I woke up and was doing my normal bodywork or self-massage practice, and I said, “What the fuck?” My right-side tension had just gone. It was gone. It was nowhere. I’d had it for years and years. So many people had told me, “It’s your masculine side; you’re too masculine dominant,” and it was just gone. It was so crazy.
Back in November, when I had the feeling that he was here, whoever my partner was, and the day I wrote that little poem, that was the day he moved to where we were living. So many crazy things happened.
We went to Vancouver four or five days later. The first day I was there, I met all his family. They were having a family dinner, and I just met everybody. It was really, really sweet, and we had so many funny bird interactions. Dating Matthew involves being followed around by eagles. We were coming out of downtown Vancouver in my big Ford Econoline van. I was driving, and all of a sudden, I looked over, and there was this bald eagle flying at window height beside Matthew for a solid three or four seconds, and then it landed on the side of the road in downtown Vancouver. It was so crazy.
Then a couple of days later, we were at the beach, and I was having a beautiful time. I remember getting overwhelmed by how epic this was. I didn’t know if I could hold this. I went and sat by myself and thought, “I need help. I need to know that I am supported in this.” I came and sat back down with Matthew, and right away, this eagle flew right over us and circled around us. I said, “Okay. Fine.” [Laughs]
Then he asked me to marry him ten minutes later. I said yes, and so much has happened since then. Maybe three and a half months into our relationship, we’re getting married in two months. I could never have imagined how magical and good and easeful it all feels. I never wanted to get married. I am a very responsible person who would wait multiple years to know for sure.
But it was just so obvious that this was what was meant to happen. I hate shopping, and I went looking for a wedding dress. I just wanted to walk into a store and have a dress have a tag on it that said, “Freya’s wedding dress.” The day that I went shopping, trying to find a dress, it was the first one I tried on, and I said, “Yeah, this is definitely the dress.” [Laughs] Things like that just keep happening.
That’s the story of the poem that I had no idea was actually about Matthew.
KIM: Yeah. When we talk about the art of manifesting, it’s generating a mold. You have a cake mold, you put it together with your imagination, and then the universe fills it.
I love that your poem was this mold extracted from your unconscious, from your higher self, and all of you put together and evoked this person and drew him to you. It’s such an epic story.
FREYA: Yeah. It still feels quite insane and is a lot to open to. I think that’s so much of the work. It was two years ago that I took Well-F**ked Woman, and I was at the end of a six-year relationship that had gone stale. I was trying to find the courage to leave it. My vagina was dead [laughs]; it was totally shut off. I had no ability to open. I was very rigid.
I think that doing all of this work and having my pussy come back to life and learning how to soften my body was so much a part, too, of what created this whole situation where I could hold so much beauty. I could not have been in a position to meet this two years ago when I took the program.
KIM: What was the relationship between that and your sexual expression? And as that became more enlivened, what result did you see in your creativity?
FREYA: I think they’re directly related in so many ways, and the piece that I think feels most present to share right now is what it takes to have a really intimate, alive, healing, sexual relationship. At least from what I’ve experienced, so much of it is baring yourself, being fully seen, and being able to communicate with a lot of clarity. Having so much practice being really seen, having no constriction in sex, just being as loud as I wanted, and ejaculating as much as I did gave me a blueprint for being out in the world and sharing my poetry and art. It gave me a trust in that and in myself. It gave me a real ability to hold myself so that I could be out and receive all of the craziness that you do when you’re online.
The more that I have these amazing sexual experiences that I never thought were possible for me, the more I get surprised all the time. In sex, I said, “Whoa! I can have that too?” I think it’s the same with my art. “Whoa! All of a sudden, I can write poetry out of nowhere. I never read poetry. I’ve never studied poetry; it just happens.”
It’s so intricately woven for me, so directly tied. People often ask me, “Can you teach a poetry workshop?” I say, “I don’t know what I would tell you to do except to touch your body and go have some good sex.” [Laughs] Because I know nothing about poetry structure or any of those things; it just sort of happened. I think it’s because of my focus and practice and devotion to my body and to coming back alive again.
KIM: That happened in a short period of time from when you ended that relationship. You said that either in leaving that relationship or when you came out of it, you did the Well-F**ked Woman Salon. There was all this stuff that you’d been shrouded under; you were emerging out of this chrysalis. That’s a lot of progress in a very short period of time.
FREYA: Yeah. I’ve been reflecting today, knowing we were going to do this; I remember listening to your podcasts for the first time two years ago, and you did something to me that I couldn’t avoid [laughs], even though so much went against a lot of what I believed at the time.
I remember listening to the women share in your podcast and thinking, “I fucking want that, you know? [Laughs] And I’m not settling for this. I can’t. I refuse. I am going to do what it takes to experience that.” I didn’t have an Instagram page at the time. It gave me the courage, hearing these other women’s stories, to know it was possible for me, and it was just about doing the work. It all unfolded so beautifully from there.
The truth is, I’m not crazy diligent. I don’t do the jade egg every single day. For the first months, I was really diligent. But then, as I had new partners in between, my practice became a lot more with them. There were places where I was super resistant.
I remember before meeting Matthew, when I was kind of in that in-between time, I was not self-pleasuring. I kept thinking, “As soon as I start self-pleasuring, I’m going to meet someone.” Because it happened to me all those other times. After I broke up my long-term relationship, all of a sudden, I was meeting these beautiful men.
KIM: You’d self-pleasure, rev that energy up, and that would go out there as this frequency into the world. Then they’d respond and come to you.
FREYA: Yeah. I think it started to clear all these blocks that I had. Every time that I ejaculated across the room, it was clearing it all out. [Laughs] That’s kind of how I imagine it.
I still feel like I’m at the beginning. I haven’t had a cervical orgasm. I haven’t had a lot of what I know is possible. That’s still all coming. At the beginning, I said, “I’m here for the cervical orgasm. I’m going to experience that.”
Now, I know it’s going to happen, but I don’t care. I have so much fun, and I’ve never had such beautiful sex. It feels so different from what I imagined it to be. It feels so wholesome. [Laughs] I’ve had these beautiful experiences with Matthew, and we’re both just grinning at each other. [Laughs] It’s so sweet, and it’s new for me to feel so intellectually in line with someone and have my heart and my pussy open at the same time. The kind of sex you can have from that place is so different. It has such a different feeling to it.
KIM: What would you describe that as, and what does it do for you in the world?
FREYA: Oh my gosh, it’s just so pure. The word that keeps coming up is wholesome.
KIM: Well, whole, all of you. You just said it, right? Intellect, heart, and pussy. Whole.
FREYA: Yeah. Just the joy and giggling and crying. It’s all there, and I think that piece has really come with Matthew. There is no question; he is unwavering in his love and support for me, and my body has changed in response to that. I really have felt, especially in my pussy, a complete undoing of all this tension. I just feel I have a new body in a lot of ways.
My left nipple has been mildly inverted all my life, and it’s always felt there was scar tissue or adhesion. That’s just disappeared. It’s just gone.
It’s all these totally unexpected things. It keeps getting better. We were just talking this morning about how much more we can both hold now in terms of pleasure and love and intimacy. It keeps getting bigger because we’re getting practice at holding wider and being more open.
I’m about to get married, and all these people are coming, and I’m kind of terrified and also so moved. Because it’s in Vancouver, where his family is, so my thought was, “Oh, it’ll just be his family and my mom, because no one is going to drive that far,” but all these people from my life are coming. I said, “Oh my God, I’ve really got to practice being open to receiving all of that love and witnessing.”
I feel somehow on the other side of the last, lingering shreds of the restriction and the shutdown. The story that I was a very rigid, unemotional, contained person is disappearing forever.
KIM: That’s amazing, and I love hearing about the stuff that registers in the body because I think it’s such a tangible example. You have all these other changes and reverberations that happen in your life.
But when we have that magical mix of deep, gourmet sex, heart, soul, vagina, mind/psychospiritual connection, it moves everything, and the effortless way in which it creates change in our life is stupendous. I watch people sculpt new bodies. They don’t do anything different with their diet or exercise, but their body gets all chiseled and sculpted because the person they are is now fully inhabiting that body. The body changes to accommodate more of who they are.
And the things that were blockages or stuck energy—whoosh—they just get flung out as well, expelled.
FREYA: I don’t think I can express how sweet it is to feel this at home in your body. I had an eating disorder and was completely shut off from my body and said, “I never need to have sex again.”
It’s the thing I feel most proud of, and it’s this thing nobody else sees. It’s me who feels this, but it’s the everyday devotion and showing up for myself to release all this stuff and to feel soft and landed in my body.
It doesn’t end; it’s just this beautiful forever practice.
KIM: Love it! Is there anything else that you want to add?
FREYA: There is no price I feel I could put on how I feel now in my body. It was so worth it to trust that part of me that knew what you were saying was true, even though I had no experience of it in my own body. I just followed that yes, and then I’d follow another yes and another yes, and sometimes it didn’t make sense. That whole thing that happened with this other man over Christmas was almost this little side quest on the journey that I thought was going to be the thing, and then it wasn’t.
But if that hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have unveiled all these other blockages. So just keep on trusting the thing that doesn’t really make a lot of sense a lot of times.
It’s possible for you. All of this. Because I was the woman who was listening to this podcast and saying, “Oh my God, those women sound amazing.” [Laughs]
KIM: I want to be an All Star! [Laughs]
FREYA: [Laughs] Yeah! Totally.
KIM: That’s beautiful. I’m so honored that you shared your story and evolution, and your poetry is just stunning. I hope you publish a book and people can enjoy it.
FREYA: Thank you. It feels so full circle to be sharing with you today.
You can find Freya on instagram @freyakellet, where she posts her poetry and no holds barred spoken truths.
The Well-F**ked Woman Salon opens for registration next week! In the salon, I show you how you can be well-f*ked, whether you are single or coupled.
In the Well-F**ked Woman, we explore:
- Self-pleasuring 101
- How to use your sexual energy as the ultimate healer and cleanser
- Harnessing sexual energy as s creative power to manifest what you want in your life, including a new partner
- The Anami Orgasmapedia – how to achieve the deeper vaginal orgasms: G-Spot, cervical and squirting
- Breast massage to tone, lift and enlarge the breasts
- My cock whisperer tutorials on all things manual and oral pleasure for your man
- The connection between sex, creativity and money. More sex + better sex = more cash.
- And much more1
You can check out the free preview video series and take the quiz to find out just “How underf**ked are you?”.