Lose Belly Fat Overnight with Orgasms – Transcript
KIM: Five tips to lose belly fat overnight. Are you ready for them? Well, here they are.
Have G-spot orgasms.
Have cervical orgasms.
Have squirting orgasms.
Have nipple-gasms.
Have anal-gasms.
Yep, that’s the big secret: Being well-f**ked and having deeper, life-changing orgasms is what is going to wipe out that extra weight. Here is why.
Belly fat is largely caused by cortisol overload. When you are in a stressed-out state for months or years, as most people are in the modern world, you are living off adrenaline and cortisol. The excess collects in your belly as that signature paunch.
When you orgasm, your system is flooded with oxytocin, as well as other feel-good hormones and neurotransmitters, such as dopamine and serotonin. The oxytocin acts as a counter to the cortisol and cancels it out. The more orgasms you have, the flatter your belly gets.
The deeper vaginal orgasms generate more oxytocin. More oxytocin equals more fat burned off. The vaginal orgasms, G-spot, cervical, ejaculatory, or squirting create much more oxytocin. In order to achieve these orgasms, you need to open and surrender. If not, you will not get there.
No amount of physical technique will take you over the edge if you can’t let go. All of that opening builds more oxytocin. In the quicker, bust-one-out-to-go-to-sleep kinds of orgasms, you still get an oxytocin rush, but it’s much smaller. Vaginal orgasms and even anal and nipple-gasms produce much more.
Your metaphorical baggage.
Deep, powerful sex is an alchemizer. It acts as a combustion engine. The road to these more profound orgasms requires that you be open, raw, vulnerable, and let yourself be seen. You cannot hide.
This is deeply healing and transformative. The internal work that it takes to get there burns through the dross of your past and your trauma that you carry around with you as excess baggage. Sexual energy is one of the most potent forms of energy that we have access to, and it is literally at our fingertips.
As we own and inhabit our sexual selves, we come into who we really are. The parts of us that weight may have helped us to protect begin to emerge. The things that we have stuffed down because we didn’t want to face are catalyzed into action, and we become stronger and more confident.
All of that registers in and on the body as our internal flab, and baggage is burned off. The pounds fall away.
I have worked with people who have done everything to lose weight. They had trainers, nutritionists, were extra-disciplined about eating and working out, and there would just be these extra 10 or 15 pounds they couldn’t seem to lose.
Then they would start having gourmet sex. The sex that I teach about is where we are being truly seen and fed and nourished. Our hearts and our genitals open, and we are being changed by the power of this deep, sexual love. The extra weight evaporates. You don’t do anything different; no changes in diet or exercise. You just got well-f**ked.
Deep, cataclysmic vaginal orgasms and powerful intimate connections and suddenly those abs are svelte and chiseled. It’s magic! Sex magic.
[Baseball cheer: Well-F**ked All Stars.]
KIM: Robin shares how she overcame cancer, her husband’s death, and metabolized all of that through her sexual explorations. This resulted in her dropping a whopping 60 pounds. It’s an amazing story and super inspirational for anyone struggling with the heaviness of their load and wondering how they can lose that extra little bit of physical and emotional poundage.
Welcome, Robin. I’m so excited to have you here with us. One of our epic Well-F**ked All Stars for the ages.
ROBIN: Yeah, thanks for having me.
KIM: All right. Let’s do a recap of your story. Where did you come from, and what happened to place you where you are now?
ROBIN: Well, in 2016, my husband and I got pregnant, and when I was 20 weeks along, he was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. I had to finish out the remaining pregnancy while doing his chemo appointments and oncology visits and his surgery to remove his cancer.
Our goal was to get him to see the birth of our child. His cancer was very advanced. He had what’s called peritoneal carcinomatosis, so his cancer had spread to the peritoneal lining, which is what encases all your organs from the outside in. His cancer was basically in the fluid around your organs, so it was touching his heart, his liver, his lung, everything at once.
We weren’t sure if he was going to live to see our son born, and he did.
KIM: Great!
ROBIN: Yeah. He had a 1% chance of making it to the one-year mark, and he lived 18 months. He died 20 days after our son turned one.
KIM: Wow.
ROBIN: And in that time, especially from when my husband was getting more into hospice, my libido skyrocketed. Which I think a lot of people don’t expect, and they definitely don’t talk about it. Because I’m a mom and I have an infant, a one-year-old who is teething and colicky, and my husband is dying and in hospice. I don’t get to talk about how my sexual needs aren’t being met, because none of my needs are being met anywhere, and neither are my son’s, because he’s colicky, and everything’s hard. And none of my husband’s needs are being met, right? Because he’s dying. It was really just a cluster-f**k of emotion.
When he passed, I had a lot of energy, which I learned in your classes is like my sexual energy and my qi were reverberating through me, because what I learned is when you’re not dying, you’re living. You’re either living or you’re dying. Being around somebody who was dying 1% per day, I feel like it supercharged my body to want to prove that it wasn’t dying.
I feel like my libido went through the roof because I wanted to thrive and push away that feeling of death.
KIM: That’s fascinating.
ROBIN: Yeah. After my husband passed, I thought the best way to really burn that energy through my body was cycling 60 to 80 miles a week, and through grief, I went manic. I had all this energy that I couldn’t burn. Instead of trying to burn it that way, which wasn’t really working—I couldn’t really sleep—I wanted to look into squirting and having a different type of orgasm to gush it out of my body and release it in a more feminine way and lean into a feminine feeling instead of that masculine feeling, which is like fleeing, the fight or flight of cycling nowhere in my basement.
I looked up online classes, especially because I was a single woman, and I came across your classes. I found you on YouTube and Instagram.
KIM: I love that you had the insight, because it’s very perceptive that you wanted to process and release these energies in a way that was more feminine, rather than more masculine. That’s very profound.
ROBIN: Thank you. I also didn’t want to lean into it in the typical feminine way of saying, “Everything is fine. I’m just going to superhero-mom this; we’re fine. We’re not fine. No one is fine; nothing is fine. I’m actually manic. My sex drive is through the roof. My future feels like a black hole; it’s not fine.” So many people just want to throw themselves into work and become superwoman and start a business and whatever. It’s just so overwhelming.
KIM: Yeah. That’s so much to process.
ROBIN: I really just wanted to lean into the feminine, and you talk about that throughout your courses, about your divine sexual womanhood. That’s where I felt like the language identified what I was actually trying to find—who am I if I’m not these titles?
Which leads me into the next title that I got, which was 11 months after I lost my husband. I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. My doctors had a suspicion that I had it the month I got pregnant. I went in for my annual exam, and she noticed it in my throat, but I was pregnant, so I couldn’t have a biopsy or go under anesthesia and we just had to put it off and watch it during my pregnancy, and then, during my pregnancy, my husband’s cancer took priority. My cancer took a backseat. Then I had a baby and all the things, so I just really wanted to lean into my femininity and heal my body.
Another thing that you’ve talked about in your classes is your throat chakra and how you have to speak your truth. And if you can’t speak your truth, your organs can get cancer and get sick. I didn’t get to speak my truth as my husband was dying. You have to take a backseat and say everything is okay; I’m just trying to help my husband through this. I had throat cancer because of that.
Your course helped me to claim my voice, becoming a Well-F**ked Woman, to have the confidence and the audacity to show up to myself and my real desires and what I really want to say and clarify my voice and stand in my truth. It was a really life-changing experience.
KIM: That’s so beautiful. Share more about how that transformation happened for you. I really want to applaud you. I feel like a lot of people would try to suppress the sexual urges in themselves. They’d be in these times of their life that most people would consider serious and grave, so there’s no place for playfulness or sexuality, and they try to push that away, rather than really opening to that and using it as a touchstone, as a way to get deeper into and process and alchemize these experiences.
What was that journey like for you as you began more of the sexual practices and took that on? What did you notice was happening for you, emotionally and physically speaking, and how did that work for you when dealing with all the stuff that you were going through?
ROBIN: I think for me, the biggest thing was in my sadness and in my immense, heavy grief. When you try to share your story, when you have something really intense like that happen, you lose a loved one, or you get cancer, there’s a tendency to want to overshare. I did, at least. Some people don’t share at all, but I have a tendency of word-vomiting because I’m still processing what’s happening in real time, and it’s evolving as it’s happening.
I got used to trying to share my story and having people say, “Oh, you’re too much. That’s too much.” I’d say, “Sorry, but this is happening in live time.” To the response of, “That’s too much,” I’d say, “Sorry, that was Tuesday. I’m just catching you up. I didn’t pick the hard route. I’m just telling you, we’re still getting bad news.”
The only thing that helped me with some of the shame of people telling me that my story was too much was to show up for myself. I felt like, in the quiet of my own home, when you talk about how you don’t need a lover to have gourmet sex, and you don’t need a lover to have the best sex of your life, I was mad at that statement.
I said, “Yes, you do! And I lost my person, but goddamn it, what if I don’t? What if I can do it myself? What if I can have these experiences in a safe and loving environment where I’m not exposing myself to, like we talked about before, a sexual trauma or maybe sexual assault, because I just go out looking for it?”
When you talk about that with other people, online dating sites, I have no idea what sexual situations I could find myself in.
I wanted to love my inner child. I wanted to make sure my inner child felt seen and heard, and I am the type of person who, when there’s a lot of pain in my life, I want to be held. Which is weird, since I grew up with a lot of emotional neglect in my family, and so I didn’t have a lot of support as I was going through these things. The only way I could do that was to support myself. You provided the conversation of, How do you feel about that, and, Are you even wet? Do you even want to show up to things that you get wet about? I said, Man, what is that? Who am I without these titles? I said earlier, if I’m a cancer survivor, and I’m a widow, and I’m a single mom, who am I outside of all those titles I don’t even want anyway?
What if I’m a beautiful, sacred woman with a beautiful sex drive and I still get to live a full and abundant life? If I heal myself through sexual touch and the orgasms that you talk about, different positions in the Tao can heal different elements in your body; no one can ever take that away from me. I can’t say, “Hey, a new guy came into my life and, because of new guy, I’m this woman now.” No, he didn’t. No, he f**king didn’t. No one came to save me. I showed up for myself, and I had to champion that like therapy, I guess.
KIM: That’s amazing. I love how you articulated all of that and how that’s what came to you, that you are showing up for yourself. What you said about who you are, minus all these labels and identifiers—I just love that.
What happened then? You started to presumably self-pleasure and self-massage and experiment with your body and had some of these orgasms? What did you notice begin to happen and change for you?
ROBIN: I had a lot of mental stuff to overcome. I had a lot of what I didn’t want coming up. I don’t want to have to do this alone or be by myself. When I could overcome that voice of, “Well, this is what I do have,” it was an honor to walk through that experience with my husband, an honor and a privilege that I got to carry on his legacy with his child. If I had a good marriage and I was well-loved, who am I going to be separate from that?
I learned all sorts of things that I hadn’t been able to do in my marriage. I had never learned to squirt, and you address that in your courses. For a while, I had a partner after I lost my husband, and every single time we would have oral sex, I would squirt up a storm. We had to get those pads that you put down, pee pads. Oh my god!
KIM: I love it when I hear the troubles that some of these couples go through, like excess liquid in the bed. “What are we going to do to solve this problem of ours?”
ROBIN: Oh my gosh, I thought, “Pee pads? That’s weird.” Yeah, because I started to squirt every single time I had oral sex, which I didn’t even know was a thing. Then I started to feel concerned. “What if every time I have an orgasm, I squirt this big of a mess? We’re going to have to pick our locations very carefully, right?”
KIM: These are some of the things that happen with prolific squirters. I tell you. I hear this a lot. It becomes a thing. You have to think about it.
ROBIN: Now you can’t just have sex if you make a puddle.
KIM: Or a lake.
ROBIN: Yes!
KIM: I’ve had people who had to convert their bedrooms from carpet to hardwood floors so they could deal with that particular situation.
ROBIN: That’s awesome. I recently got a waterproof blanket.
KIM: There you go!
ROBIN: I haven’t had a partner to use it with, but I got a whole tarp for my bed because those waterproof pads only work so far.
KIM: That is amazing. You had a lot of amazing, squirting experiences. Overall then, I know that you’ve talked about when you did start dating again and you had new partners, you had a very open, voracious attitude and energy. At least one man I remember you talking about said, “Whoa, are you even real? How is this possible? This amazing, beautiful woman loves sex.” What was that like, when these guys couldn’t believe it and asked, “Where did you come from?”
ROBIN: Yeah. You talked in class about iron-cock somebody. Who was that for you?
KIM: Yes. Iron-Cock Ross. And his legendary skills, yep.
ROBIN: Yes. I had an ICT, Iron-Cock Tyson. He was a fireman, and he was delicious. He was 6’7” and all the wonderful epic things. Literally the rescuer.
I went to this fireman auction after I had finished your course, and I was just on fire there. There were all these men being auctioned, and you always talk in the courses about freeing your boobs and not having to wear a bra all the time. Shake ’em. Play the game. If men invented the game, play the f**king game.
Here I was, and it was like we were in the lion’s den. Firemen were being auctioned off. It was just a wonderful time. I picked the cutest guy in the bar, and my friend said, “We have to go give that guy your number,” and I said, “No way! No way!” and she said, “Yeah way, we’re going.” She’s a high-paid escort, so she’s ballsy. Not me, but she said, “Girl, we need to get you laid, come on.”
So she walked up to him, and we ended up hitting it off, so I gave him my number. We had this wild time for two months. My sex drive was through the roof. I had to ask my vagina, “Does he make you wet? Are you interested?” And the answer was, “F**k, yeah.” It wasn’t “No,” or “Maybe.” It was a “F**k, yeah,” for me. We had gourmet sex every single time, three hours at a time or four hours at a time at his place or my place.
He would just tell me, “Girl, you are exhausting!” I said, “First of all, you’re welcome. Second of all, we don’t have to have sex every time. You know? If you’re tired, we don’t have to have sex.” And he looked at me and said, “F**k you, yes, we do. How dare you say that to me? Don’t act like I can’t handle it.” I said, “Maybe you can. If you can’t handle it, that’s also okay; we can rest.”
He just didn’t really know how to handle me, so yeah, he looked at me and said, “You know, you look real, and you feel real, but this can’t be real. People don’t have two-hour sex sessions and squirt all over the place and keep maintaining that level of sex drive.” He kept feeling like, When is this going to go away?
That’s just how we were. He was the best partner I’ve ever had. We were a ball of flame. We were together only two or three months, and then he had some things that he was going through, so we went our separate ways.
But that was definitely my greatest compliment. It made me wonder, do you go to the fire department and tell them that your new girlfriend is too exhausting for you because she wants to have too much sex? That just sounds like a problem other people are wanting to have.
KIM: Yeah. You guys had so many problems, like having to deal with wet sheets and water all over the bed and his exhaustion levels because you’d keep him up.
ROBIN: Yes. He had to shampoo his couch, and he was upset that his cushions had his come on them because it went over his head, and that was still somehow my doing.
KIM: Gosh, I really feel for you. I have so much compassion for what you’ve gone through.
ROBIN: Right. I told him, “Just go to the men at the fire department, and they’ll talk you through it.”
KIM: Tell them your problems. Yeah, tell them what’s going on for you and see if they can help you out.
ROBIN: Maybe they can up your stamina by just working you out a little harder. [Laughs] I’m pretty sure he also got in the best shape of his life in that two-month span.
KIM: I’m sure he was forced to with your stamina. I’m sure you just pulled it out of him.
ROBIN: Right. And the longer I was with him, the more sculpted my body got. It was just such a good way to lose weight and to shape my body because the more I was with him, the more I was working my abs and my thighs and my ass. I would just feel so confident.
This one time, when we were on his couch and I straddled him, he just looked at me and said, “You are …” and paused. I thought, “Oh my.” And he said, “… so beautiful.” I just felt so vulnerable because I was on him, in front of him, on his couch, naked, all these things. That compliment has just stayed with me because it was such an intimate moment, and to be complimented when you’re so vulnerable and wild really set me free in a way.
By the time we were done, I had a four-pack. If I leaned back, I’d say, “You can see my abs, and I have a little bit of a V-line.” My body just started to mold into this woman. You talk about a woman who looks well-f**ked; you start to get a really shapely figure, and I was confident and strong, and it was just a fiery time in my life.
KIM: I think it’s like that well-f**ked energy. That self-confidence, the love that we open ourselves up to, and we’re truly seen and cherished and adored and all of that together, plus all the biochemical hormones and transmitters that are flowing. All of that combines into this shaping that we could not possibly get anywhere else.
I’ve noticed that after the most profound lovemaking times, my body just comes into itself. It comes into its own perfect, sculpted shape that I never could’ve possibly done in a gym or in Pilates sessions. It does great things with those activities, but there’s another level that it emerges with from really profound sex.
ROBIN: Right. For a while, I was looking at, “Okay, Robin, what body type do you want?” I went to this Olympic page and looked up Olympic volleyball players and soccer players and long-distance runners, gymnasts, and each body type—to be a gymnast, it’s short, stout, broad shoulders. Volleyball is long, lean, thin.
I said, if I’m going to pick up a sport, something to become obsessed with, where do I want to put my time? I thought to myself, if I could pick a body type that I really want, strippers got a lot going for them. They have fantastic bodies because they’ve got to work the whole thing.
KIM: Yeah! Right.
ROBIN: I feel like it’s that same Well-F**ked Woman vibe, that confidence, the way they can walk, the way they can own it, the way they own it in front of other people, the way they’ll show everything they have, like there’s nothing to hide; they’ll own you—you’ll pay them for it, but you know it. That confidence was just so alluring when I felt like so much of my identity was either forced upon me or taken from me. I wanted to own my power and have confidence in my femininity, the way that sexual energy allows.
Really, just harnessing my femininity in that sexual dance or sexual touch, being open to that touch, and even opening up my breasts. That’s another thing that you address in class—wearing lower-cut shirts, not wearing underwire in your bras as much, not necessarily wearing bras as much, and just opening your femininity up. Put your shoulders up, pick your boobs up, perk your chin up, and show off your femininity.
Right after breastfeeding, you’re supposed to cover up, and you have to become this blob of a woman; you lose your ambition or your sensuality, and if you have sensuality, you’re shamed for it.
I was just so tired of everybody telling me who I was or who they thought I was. “Aren’t you supposed to be sad? Aren’t you supposed to be grieving? You have cancer; maybe you should rest.” I said, “F**k you! I am who I say I am.” If I’m horny, that’s fine too. If I want a partner, that’s fine too. If I feel sexy as f**k, f**k you, let me out. Let me out of this cage that you’re putting me in.
I think freeing myself helped my body change shape, and your famous line is, “Who you are in bed is who you are in real life.” That has become a deep mantra in my experience through sexuality. When I became freer in bed, even with myself, to allow myself to squirt alone, I think that’s part of what also helped sculpt my body. It became who I was in bed and in real life.
KIM: That’s amazing. I love how you’ve said all that. You had quite an epic weight loss. Apart from the sculpting and the chiseling and the four-pack, you lost a heap of weight.
ROBIN: I did.
KIM: How much?
ROBIN: I think I was at 217 and got down to 160. So 217 was my max weight when I was nine months pregnant. Then, after pregnancy, I lost the weight, yeah, down to 160 was as skinny as I got.
KIM: Amazing.
ROBIN: You talk about the importance of feeding your body well and not feeding it as much junk food and doing the exercises that you were providing. You talk about looking down at yourself and your self-actualization and smiling on your body and thanking it for bringing me through everything I have been through.
Trying to protect my body by bringing good things in. If you have a happy button during such a shitty time, you should push your happy button. If I can push my happy button as much as I need to and get real sunlight and eat healthier foods that have higher vibrations, who could I become? That is what felt really empowering to me.
KIM: It sounds like it was who you were originally, but that became amplified, the not giving a f**k what other people think and their impacts on you, despite all these personas that people have very clear ideas of what that should look like. You said the grieving widow or the victimized cancer patient. And you said, “No, I’m not taking on all of that. I’m going to alchemize and move through this in my own way.” For you, a big piece of that was, sexually speaking, that you moved through that by leaning into and really embodying and exploring your sexuality.
ROBIN: Yeah. Exactly. I wanted to see, Who am I? Like you said, from the inside, because of that theory that you get cancer because you don’t use your organ in a specific place, if you trap your breasts or you trap your cervix. I thought that same thing about my throat. If I’m not speaking out for who I am and what I really want, it’s interesting, because maybe that organ died too, and I did what I was told, like I was the good girl or the nice girl, and that didn’t get me anywhere. I kept ending up in situations where I didn’t really want that either, and that’s not really who I was.
I definitely had some negative feedback from my family. “Well, you’re bitchy now.” I said, “Bitchy? I’ve been widowed. I’ve had cancer. I’m a single parent; none of my needs are getting met. I’m not just a single parent. I’m the only parent.”
KIM: Right, yeah.
ROBIN: The amount of stuff that I have to get myself through on a regular basis, I just crave eye contact with another adult. I just crave being held. Bitchy is the least of my concerns.
To be able to just speak up and say, “No, stop! Stop forcing these ideas on me or telling me what I must want or telling me how I must feel. I tell you, I feel great. I want to go on a date this weekend, or I have time off and I’m going to spend it at the beach doing nothing.” We have a nude beach out here, and I spend a lot of time out there just to let myself be seen for who I am now that these things have happened to me; it has just really helped heal me. For a while, I lost a lot of friends. I morphed into this new woman whom I had to embrace.
One friend in particular, we went to a wedding. We went to a thing where you try on all the dresses. Say Yes to The Dress. I was encouraging my friend to get this really sexy, lacy dress. It was elegant, beautiful, and it was the most expensive dress. It was so beautiful on her, and I was really verbal about it. I told her, “You look beautiful. You should get that dress; it’s so wonderful.” All these things.
My other friend gave me a hard time, and I said, “Sorry, I’m just not very censored,” and she said, “Yeah, clearly.” I just thought to myself, Why are we censored? Why are you asking that of me? Why can’t I cheer her on in that sexy dress? Why can’t I encourage her to be this beautiful bride who isn’t ultraconservative but wears something that’s got a really low back? Girl, you look like a f**king queen, but I can’t drop the F-word if there are too many Christians around or whatever.
There were a lot of growing pains in that season of my life, even when I was becoming this warrior of a resolute woman. I still received a little bit of, “Shouldn’t you be a little quieter, a little smaller? Let Katy decide what she wants.” I said, “Girl, of course I’m going to let Katy decide what she wants, but she looks like a f**king queen in that thing! Girl, go big or go home! That’s all I’m saying. I’m not telling her what to like or not like.” I just wanted more audacious friendships. More gourmet women cheering other women on to just open up.
KIM: And to reflect what was happening in you.
ROBIN: Yeah.
KIM: As you’re busting out of these restrictions, you’re feeling more open, and you want the people around you and the situations around you to be in the same place, rather than these old vestiges of who you might have been. In those situations, did you feel confident to keep going or just let that stuff slide off you? What was your process moving through that?
ROBIN: A little bit of both. I think, as I was shedding the body-shaming thing that women do, I would encourage my friends through that. Some of them would say, “You know, we’re not supposed to … I don’t know about that … What if my nipples show through my dress if I don’t wear a bra?” “Who cares?” They’d say, “Oh, I can’t, and I shouldn’t.” “Says who? Let it out. Quit body shaming. Free yourself. It gives me permission to show up for who I am too. Or if I want to show up like this and you feel shame showing up without a bra under your dress, then what am I? Make it stop.”
Sometimes I would get this feedback that was just overwhelming, like a heavy coat. I just wanted to take it off. Sometimes I also have to know that’s just where they’re at on their journey, and they can’t allow that freedom.
It’s just a little bit of cognitive dissonance, I think. Compared to how much growth I had, which my friends did not have, and they aren’t taking your sex class at home in their Christian marriages. I was the widow who was taking a wild sex class, learning how to give hand jobs with my vagina! And I didn’t know how to have those conversations with my Christian friends who had one partner and one marriage. I was just outgrowing who I used to be at such a rapid rate.
KIM: I love all of that. This freedom with your body, like you say, overcoming any of this body shaming, and it sounds like you had this very open, putting myself out there into the world approach. You’ve talked about the connection between your voice and your throat chakra, but it also sounds like there was this corresponding idea with your body between opening up and letting yourself be seen.
If I think about weight as being a protective mechanism, excess weight, often for women, is a fear of really being seen and of being really sexually as big as they want to be. By putting extra weight on, they hide that part of themselves, and they maybe reduce the amount of attention that they might get. They’re deliberately doing that, or at least unconsciously.
As you started to come out, what was that like for you in terms of owning your body, and then also, that correlation with the weight dropping off? Do you see that all having worked together in your process?
ROBIN: Yes. Before we started this interview, I told you that it took me a while to find women I respected and, in my journey, I had a lot of male guidance. My therapist was a male, and I just didn’t really respect women.
The guy who was mentoring me said, “What is it about women that you don’t respect? I want to encourage you to go inward, because you are a woman. What does that say about you? Let’s explore that.” The two women I focused on were you and Brené Brown.
The other thing that helped me —the reason I’m bringing Brené Brown into this —is that my tattoo here says, “Just show up.” Through my journey, she talked about how you have to own your story, or you spend your time hustling for your worth outside of your story. You’re always saying, “It’s not my fault. It happened to him, or I was a mom, so of course I gained that weight, or I had cancer.” I could spend all this time talking about how it’s not my fault that I got cancer; it’s not my fault I married this guy who was sick—we didn’t know he was sick, whatever.
Or I could just say, “Well, f**k.” With chaos theory, it just f**king exploded. I don’t know.
She talks about writing a letter, giving yourself permission to make others feel uncomfortable.
Just two weeks ago, I went to a Marriott. I bought a neon-orange thong, a one-piece, on Amazon. I had it delivered, and I wore a neon-orange thong for the first time in a public place. To just allow myself to be seen, to show up for myself; this is what my body looks like. These are my mom boobs and my mom body.
If I make other people uncomfortable, I give myself permission to do that. If there are people who want to look at me and say I’m a size 12/14 and I shouldn’t be in a thong bathing suit, that is their deal. Because I’m getting ample feedback that I am doing just fine in my bathing suit, and I had to thank my body for birthing a child and for getting me through this grief and for being as sexy as it is.
I think, to answer your question, I really had to just show up for myself, regardless of how I felt, if it was true or not, if I was worthy or not to be dressed like that in public or accepted by other people, is beside the point because I already faced my greatest fear twice.
KIM: Yeah. Fabulous. Is there anything else that you wanted to add to round out your story that we haven’t covered that you think is important for people to know and be inspired by?
ROBIN: The one thing that we didn’t really touch on is that I think men and women need to think about grief in terms of sexuality now more than ever. I think a couple of years ago, when I took your class, widowhood wasn’t really a topic that was on the table, and now, I’ve been widowed for five years. It’s been five full years. With the suicide rate where it is, I think we should encourage more people to talk about grief and sexuality because grief always wins. People will either end up harming themselves or getting involved in other addictive behavior, or making high-risk choices to burn adrenaline.
I think, as women, creating a sacred, sensual place where we can heal our bodies by dealing with our grief, we just become whole in a way where we don’t take it out on other people.
Like you said, instead of having the title or the label of, “If you’re going through grief, you should—fill in the blank,” I think we should have more freedom to go deeper in our bodies and experience more internal pleasure and internal dopamine, and internal juicy, gooey, goodness.
KIM: Beautiful. I love it! Well, thanks so much. I love your story and totally salute your courage and strength for going through all that and really coming through the other side in an epic way.
ROBIN: Thank you.
KIM: For my full Orgasmapedia on how to have all the different types of orgasms, check out my How to Be a Well-F**ked Woman Salon. I walk you through the essentials of G-spot, cervical, anal, and full-body orgasms. Plus, anything you need to know to become a Well-F**ked Woman. From Self-Pleasuring 101 to breast massage to lift, tone, and enlarge your breasts, to the very best manual and oral pleasuring techniques.
Fantastic Robin. I lost my wife last year and and I did something similar. I am not quite there with the weight loss though.
The most important thing is to listen to your own body and not to other people.
As for the mess when you are squirting, what is the mouth of your partner for?
That should reduce the mess quite a bit.