Gourmet Sex – Transcript
Gourmet sex!
I often talk about how your intimate relationship is either feeding you or draining you. That, more than any other part of your life, has the power to uplift, or it sucks all the life out of you, just like food. You can eat food that’s nourishing and energizing and build a better mind and body, or you can eat food that provides a quick, addictive high, and then you crash.
You feel tired, groggy, and irritable. You reach for it, even though you know it ultimately doesn’t make you feel very good. You reach for it because you don’t know it’s possible to feel so much different and so much better.
The effects of eating like this over time lead to health problems galore. Gourmet sex is when you bring all your deepest parts to the table. Your heart and your genitals.
Emotionally, you’re open, your guard is down, you speak your truth, and you let your most authentic self rise to the surface. You let yourself be seen.
This is deeply surrendered, letting-go-to-the-core type of sex. It’s the kind of sex that changes who you are and allows the most truthful part of who you are to come out. It’s the kind of sex that makes you play better music, keynote with more confidence, and be more loving and patient with your children. You wear the radiant glow of a well-fucked person.
When I meet couples, I can tell whether or not they have a vital sex/love connection in their lives because I can read in them when they’re tapping into the potency and the fire of their sexual connection, or they’re not. They’re lively and vital and radiant and happy and easygoing, or they’re contracted and they’re bickering and fighting, and they just have this very kind of hostile energy, even if it’s subtle to them.
When they’re harnessing this energy, they’re letting the world see how well fucked they really are. They’re in tune with each other, and the hum of their sexual connection is palpable and electric.
If they’ve minimized their sexuality, then they’re sapped of vitality and wilting like a dying plant. They may bicker a lot, or they’ve just neutralized any chemistry that’s going on between them.
They’re antagonistic at worst, and they’re good buddies at best. Meaning, “We have such a good partnership.” Yeah, but they’re not really having any sex.
Even if people are having frequent sex, there’s a difference between gourmet sex and junk food sex. One of the biggest things that I’m most passionate about in my work is teaching people why their sexual energy is so important to the relationships, their lives, and how to use it.
You need two things for gourmet sex: emotional openness and sexual vulnerability. In other words, you need to be getting naked on both levels.
A direct study from 2013 found that a whopping 96% of men and women said the top factor for great sex was being emotionally connected with someone. 92% of the 1,000 people surveyed also said that seeing their partners vulnerable was a turn-on.
To define it, emotional openness is when you really let your guard down. You let somebody inside of you. You let them see your light and your dark, and you readily admit all the fallacies of your human ways. Sometimes it’s awkward, and we might have this instinct to paint a better-looking picture of ourselves. Yet the truth is, we’re more attractive, more loveable, and more fuckable in our vulnerable states.
I remember being about 20-something and coming off a very drunken evening, back in the days when I used to take such things, and I was sitting with my very new boyfriend at the time by the ocean. I was pouring out my flaws and my struggles, which seemed really monumental to me. We were far enough into the relationship that it was time to share these things because not to would be dishonest and could create blocks, but not so far into it that I wasn’t sure that he’d be scared off.
After letting it all out, I felt really cleansed, but I was also a little bit nervous, because what was he going to do? So I asked him what he was thinking, and he said two things that to this day remain some of the loveliest poetry someone has ever uttered to me.
“One,” he said—and he said it like that, with numbers—“You are very strong.” And two, “You’d be easy to love.”
I just melted, and I loved him even more for seeing the deepest parts of me and accepting them.
Sexual vulnerability has a few levels to it. There’s an aspect of it that means really owning your sexual self, and that’s not easy to do in this culture because everything is so vilified and made into taboo around sexuality, so you have to consciously work on it.
We grow up denying and obscuring our sexuality. It’s a challenge to get over that.
You have to feel comfortable with your body. You have to be willing to really expose yourself. You live in your own skin. You’re not dissociating from sensations or body parts. You’re really there.
You have to be willing to let someone see just how deeply you desire them. How hard your cock gets when you walk into the room, how wet your panties get from a telephone conversation. You need to let your body speak without censorship.
You want someone to see how humbled you are by their beauty. Often, this is the hardest thing of all to do, to show that your heart is so raw. Because when your heart is that raw, that is when your cock is the hardest and your pussy is the wettest.
Even though I always talk about the importance of honesty and vulnerability, I was pretty blown away to see the results of that study in the high nineties, affirming this is what people really want and crave. When we’re honest and really admit it, we all want the same thing, which is to love and be loved.
Opening up to that love is what really leads to the hottest and most gourmet sex.
Coming Together is coming! Check out my free video series with hot tips that you can practice tonight in and out of bed with your partner.
For more gourmet sex and orgasmic enlightenment, subscribe to my YouTube channel.
