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What Everyone Gets Wrong About the Clitoris

I am forever coming across articles that talk about women’s orgasms, or rather, a woman’s orgasm. As though there is only one.

And then I get confused. Because I wonder, “Are they talking about clitoral orgasms? G-Spot orgasms? Anal orgasms? Ear-gasms?”

I never know.

And the authors of said articles don’t seem to know either.

Presumably, they are talking about clitoral orgasms.

As these seem to be the most common female orgasm, and the one most likely to show up in a lab.

However, the clitoris is just the tip of the iceberg.


The clitoris most people know and love is a tiny button on the external vulva which is full of pleasure and swells with touch.

The clitoris is part of a larger system of nerves and tissue which makes up the entire “clitoral bulb,” which wraps itself around the entryway of the vaginal canal, like a wishbone.

This is where things start to get good.

Inside the vagina.

Just like an iceberg, the external clitoris is only 10% (or less) of where female pleasure lies.

I often say that the clitoris is good for a warmup, a teaser to the main event.

But make no mistake, the true pleasure and power of a woman’s sexuality, and the kinds of orgasms which change her life, are located inside the vagina.

I guarantee you that.

Beyond the clitoral bulb, which covers just part of the vaginal canal, and is thought to house the legendary—and far more profound—G-Spot, is a treasure trove of sensation, depth and rebirthing potential.

I use the phrase “Pandora’s Box” to describe vaginal potential. A wild, mysterious cavern which houses transformative potential.

Don’t get waylaid by the clitoris. It’s almost like a detour.

It’s not your final resting place.

This is why so many women are lackluster about sex: they’ve only ever had clitoral orgasms. Or someone told them that the clitoris—not the vagina itself–is the pleasure source for women. And they believed it.

While clitoral orgasms are fun, kind of like eating a chocolate bar, they aren’t life-changing or life-sustaining.

They aren’t nourishing, gourmet food.

You need to go into the vagina for that.

The vagina demands that you open, surrender and fully let go to experience what it has to offer.

After my best, most cataclysmic, sexual experiences, I am glowing. I radiate peace, ease, love, confidence, and beauty. I feel like a new person. I am reborn.

My vagina does that for me, not my clitoris.

The vagina demands that you show up. Deeply.

When you are entered deeply, you have to let go deeply. You have to pull down your walls, open your legs, open your heart and let someone penetrate the deepest parts of you.

The journey towards doing all of those things internally—meaning your internal, emotional landscape—will reflect physically.

When you are vulnerable and soft, your vagina will be too.

When you tune into your own rhythm and flow, your vagina will be wet and flowing too.

When you open energetically to receive your partner, to receive desire and love, your vagina will open too.

It will swell and suck your partner right up.

The keys to the kingdom, or queendom, are found inside.

So in the land of vulvic map-making, the gold is deep within.

Don’t get waylaid by the first bit of glitter you see.

While it can lube up your journey a bit and prepare you for things to come, keep going.

90% of the Titanic-altering power is much further inside.


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How to Be a Well-F**ked Woman FREE video series.

This series is a preview to the upcoming How to Be a Well-F**ked Woman salon, which begins in mid-August. In it, we’ll be exploring deep into vaginal territory. The salon includes work with the jade egg, Orgasmapedia—everything you ever wanted to know about female orgasms—and much, much more.

Check out the free preview series here.

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