How to Know if They Are “The One” – Transcript
First off, I believe we meet several “ones” in our lifetime.
I don’t believe in the idea that we have only ONE “twin flame” who is the mirror refection of us.
I think we have several.
People speak to different parts of us, they wake up and evoke different qualities IN us.
Here’s what I believe they all have in common.
1) You KNOW them. And they KNOW you.
Call it past lives or soul recognition, but there’s something both wildly attractive and incredibly familiar about them.
It feels like you aren’t just meeting for the first time, but meeting *again.*
I’ve felt it as a deep, ancient stirring within me.
There’s an ease, like a deep exhale—even while having intense chemistry—which I’ll get to in a moment.
And within that knowing is already a HUGE love and appreciation.
It’s embedded in both of you.
It’s easy to fall into synch with each other because it’s like you have been before.
In the beautiful words of Emily Bronte from the so-so Wuthering Heights remake I just watched on a plane:
“He is more myself than I am.
Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”
Out of all the wandering you’ve ever done through all of the universes, when you find them, something in you finally feels met.
Mirrored.
Seen.
It may be the first time in your entire life.
*That’s* how different it is.
Then all those terms like “soul mate” “other half” “twin soul” make sense because they help to describe this deep, immediate and instinctive “knowing” and understanding of each other.
2) Chemistry.
I’ve spoken about this a number of times in recent episodes, on how I believe chemistry is a GREEN flag.
The greenest flag.
Definitely not a red flag.
The “purpose” of chemistry is to draw you in and show you that there’s something to learn here.
The problem is that most people have no idea how to do “conscious” relationships and so they stumble and fumble and dump all their unhealed trauma in a pile at each other’s feet with no tools to deal with it all.
Right.
So this *could* be an amazing alchemical match—if you BOTH dove in, rolled up your sleeves and got into it—you could move mountains and self-actualize together.
But… if one wants to do that and the other doesn’t, then you’re doomed.
Or if you are both schlepping through a haze of your open and festering—or severely suppressed wounds—then you don’t stand a chance.
It’s not chemistry’s fault.
Chemistry did it’s job—it told you where to look.
Then it’s up to you.
But if you couldn’t “god up” – not man up, or woman up—but “god up” to fully reach for and get the prize…
Then stop blaming chemistry.
YOU backed down.
Or THEY backed down.
And that was your cue to leave.
*
Okay, so back to the FACT of chemistry.
Yes, I believe ALL the important ones have significant chemistry.
It’s going to blow you over in some way.
Sometimes I’ve felt it as an immediate “weak in the knees, heart pounding” adrenalin rush.
Other times, it’s like an electric shock.
A jolt to the system.
It halts you in your tracks.
There’s always a sign.
I’ve never created something out of nothing.
There is always SOMETHING to start with.
3) They see and bring out parts of you that no one else does.
For all the ages you’ve spent with the plebes in your lives, killing time, being around people for the sake of some kind of company, it all gets eradicated in this moment when you are truly seen.
This person perceives and adores qualities in you that go over everyone else’s heads.
When someone palpates your deepest and most valued parts—the things that you love and admire about yourself—you feel whole, because, well, now you can occupy these places that you maybe hid or ignored.
You feel alive in an entirely different way, because previously dormant parts of you have been loved alive.
You can dance all over the place and throw up your familiar defenses that would normally keep people out and divert them.
But this is child’s play for your person.
They see right through you and into you like no one ever has.
JUST THAT ACT ALONE, is a form of divine penetration.
Of being seen.
It’s soul food.
Because they see beneath your masks.
And in their presence your masks just fall away.
Even if you think you’re fairly authentic.
You’ll reach a level deeper into a true self you barely knew you had.
You feed each other.
You sparkle together.
When all these unseen, unhealed, unloved parts finally get illuminated.
And when I saw these “unseen” parts, I’m not just talking about wounds and darkness.
But your light.
It’s like your secret favorite places you go physically, energetically.
You want to take them there. They love and appreciate them too.
They see the secret things in you and the world that you also see.
Like your own private language.
Before, it was just you seeing the world or even yourself in this way.
And now someone else does too.
4) The love is unconditional and more accepting
Even their flaws seem beautiful to you.
I realize this might not hold true forever; especially if the relationship starts to break down.
But at least initially—and perpetually if you master this conscious relationships thing—you accept and love everything about them.
Their strange habits and idiosyncrasies become endearing and fascinating.
Even when you’re angry or fighting, you find yourself smiling and in wonderment at “who is this person and where did they come from?”
5) You bend time and space when you have sex.
So I don’t know if this applies to non-Anami sex, because you know, I don’t have that.
But when you’re together sexually with your person, time goes by in the blink of an eye.
Hours and hours.
Of melding, falling, blending and truly coming together in every possible way.
I emerged out of these encounters dazed. Brilliant.
Oozing beauty.
And NOTHING CAN FUCKING TOUCH YOU.
This is where the idea of the Anami 3-hour sex date came from.
Once you start to have them, you never go back to short-lived sex.
All that does is guarantee a short-lived relationship.
The time-stopping, the sense of sliding into another dimension with each other is beautifully described in one of my favorite poems in the universe:
You Have the Lovers by Leonard Cohen.
Here is an excerpt from it:
In the bed the lovers, slowly and deliberately and silently,
perform the act of love.
Their eyes are closed,
as tightly as if heavy coins of flesh lay on them.
Their lips are bruised with new and old bruises.
Her hair and his beard are hopelessly tangled.
When he puts his mouth against her shoulder
she is uncertain whether her shoulder
has given or received the kiss.
All her flesh is like a mouth.
He carries his fingers along her waist
and feels his own waist caressed.
She holds him closer and his own arms tighten around her.
She kisses the hand beside her mouth.
It is his hand or her hand, it hardly matters,
there are so many more kisses
You cross time and space and dimensions and universes.
And then you build them.
Together.
6) Feeling territorial.
I’m not normally a jealous person.
I know what I have to offer, and I’m confident about that.
But.
I remember being on a trip with my man and he’d been arranging everything with this woman at the resort we went to.
I had this feeling, it was rather unfamiliar, when she’d told me how much she’d been speaking to him.
It took me a minute to figure it out.
It was jealousy. Or territorialism. Or something like that.
WE ought to feel a degree of possessiveness and territorialism with our partners.
Otherwise, do we even care?
The feeling was unfamiliar because I realized there had been men I had been with where I *cared*, but maybe I didn’t care THAT much to feel that protective of what we had.
If they’d walked, or I’d walked, so be it. Whatevvs. I’d get over it.
This was different.
It was like a piece of my soul that belonged with me.
And I felt very protective over IT and what we had together.
“He’s mine. This is mine. Hands off.”
I think this is totally normal and even abnormal if it does’t exist.
This is different from insecurity and fear of abandonment.
That’s our own stuff to be reconciled.
I believe it’s a natural urge to protect what you love.
I also think it’s a very accurate litmus test to how much you actually, deeply care.
7) Life gets more playful with them.
Small, random things—everything you do together becomes fun.
That same sexual and emotional depth you share permeates into everything and makes it all THAT. MUCH. MORE. INTERESTING.
Maybe because you are so fully seen and met, that your defenses fall away and you approach the world without your guard up.
You let everything in.
You’re so much more open to what life brings you.
Bruce Lipton talks about how in his observations in the inner workings of cells, a cell is either in:
1) Protection
Or
2) Growth
It can’t be in both at once.
So if you are in protection, you aren’t growing.
When you feel connected and melded and like you have each other’s backs, you can relax.
Your walls are down with them, and then they come down everywhere.
Your experience of life is entirely different.
And GUESS WHAT??? You can stay there.
This isn’t just the ”initial stages” of “falling in love.”
If you are using Anami-style tools, your default state becomes openness and a raw heart AND THIS IS WHERE WE LIVE NOW.
8) And of course, if it’s not a fuck yes, it’s a no.
When you know, you know.
It’s a certainty. There are no questions. Or doubts.
I’d describe it as “quiet confidence.”
For me, from the moment I laid eyes on these people, I knew.
People make a habit of rationalizing lukewarm “maybes” in their lives.
Instead, start to live with the faith, self-love and courage that you are allowed to have “FUCK YESes!”
In everything.
Make a habit of rejecting the tepid, the “talk yourself into it” in anything.
The clothes you buy, the home you live in, and the humans you inhabit and who inhabit you.
You will know them by the “Fuck yes!” they elicit.
You won’t have to talk yourself into it.
Aspiring to mediocrity is a bad habit.
Aspire to god-like status instead and assume it’s coming for you.
9) It’s mutual.
You’re both wildly, intensely into each other.
It’s unstoppable.
They can’t keep away from you and you can’t keep away from them.
They’d move mountains for you and you for them.
There’s no guessing and wondering how they feel.
It’s so obvious how smitten they are with you and they have no desire to hide it.
It’s more about “how will we navigate this thing, this collision of worlds and make a life together?”
Not: Do you like me? What are these mixed signals that I have to decode?
Nah.
The truth of your connection was established from the first moment.
The rest is just planning.
And because of that:
10) All the games are gone.
Games happen when people hedge their bets and aren’t honest.
Or when they are dating filler or fluff.
Then it all becomes so hazy and complicated because one or both people don’t *really* want the other.
So games come in as a stalling mechanism.
Diverting away from the truth about what this really is.
But when you both really want each other, like I said before, you move toward it and make it happen.
You aren’t second guessing text and calls and what you say to them.
You don’t have to.
Because it’s impossible to “cringe” someone who really sees and gets you.
You’re free to be vulnerable. And let it shake you to your core.
In fact, that’s the only way you’re going to win.
If you try to play games, it’ll slip through your fingers.
11) It’s all alchemy baby.
There is but one true purpose in love:
Alchemy. And Self-actualization.
That’s it.
With the most significant people I’ve ever been with, I am constantly changed.
Alchemized into higher, better, more beautiful versions of myself.
I become calmer, more refined, graceful.
Maybe because they see all of me.
And pronounce it sacred.
My face changes.
It shape shifts and becomes more radiant, with no extra “beauty treatments.”
My body changes.
It sculpts itself differently, even with no change in my fitness routine.
Everything becomes more self-realized.
Apropos of nothing except…good lovin’.
You see it in them too.
They become objectively more gorgeous.
Because you loved and adored every ounce of them, and they you.
And now all of you shines in a way that become iridescent.
Your glow—the infamous glow of the well-fucked woman and the well-fucked man—begins to guide your life.
Stepping out ahead of you in every situation, radiating your most lustrous god self out into the universe.
You start occupying the highest in yourself, and others see you and interact with that part of you.
Because that’s who you are now: YOU.
The you-est of you.
***
Free and clear of all the haze and blocks and diversions you used to throw in front of you to prevent you from being seen and known.
And now.
Because someone sees and knows it all.
You’re free to be all of it.
And it’s not that you can’t get far on your own.
You can.
But you’re going to get farther, faster and deeper when you find this person.
They accelerate your growth and your healing.
At least if you have the Anami style tools to use with them.
**
To meet and be around like minds and souls IS a rarity.
That’s why I created our Anami Land community.
To up everyone’s chances.
To create a rarified group of higher-level bodies and minds to hang out together.
Because I don’t do small talk.
I do big, deep and meaningful talk.
If I can set the tone of the dinner party, then it’s the going to be best dinner party anyone has ever been to.
That’s what Anami Land is.
The place to go deep and find others who want the same thing.
Friends, lovers, companions.
It’s all here.
Anami Land, the community is now open.
Come to kimanami.com/anamiland to check it out and enter if you dare!
