From Fighting to F**king TRANSCRIPT
If you aren’t f**king enough, or f**king well, you are going to be fighting.
I guarantee it.
It’s an irrefutable law of nature.
“If thou dost not fucketh enough, thou dost will be very angry and mean.”
Whether you’re in a relationship where the sex is infrequent, or subpar, and you are bickering and testy with each other.
Or, if you are single, and you create opportunities to yell at shop clerks and road rage at someone for not going fast enough on their way to the stoplight.
All of this is misdirected sexual energy.
Nothing more.
No one who is truly well-fucked has excess vitriol in them to lash out at other people.
Because it’s all been fucked out of them.
The way a torrential, wild, tropical storm comes in and washes away all the impurities, leaving the air clean and thick and sensual in its wake.
This is the energy you carry when you are well-fucked.
You flow. You glow.
They are too busy floating through life, showering love and kindness on everyone they meet, because their cup runneth over.
Specifically, their fluids and ejaculate are gushing out of them and raining juiciness, wit and joy upon the world.
Do well-fucked couples even fight, you ask?
Only if they’ve dropped off in their fucking.
Many a couple has shared with me that if they miss a beat in their sexual practices—let’s say a day or two goes by without them having sex—they’ll get bristly with each other.
And then, because they’ve been trained in the Anami way of the well-f**ked life, they quickly figure it out — “OH! We haven’t had sex since last night! That’s why we’re getting irritated with each other.”
And they get right on top of that problem and sort it out.
Your gourmet sex life has the ability to alchemize and evaporate your day-to-day challenges and issues.
That’s what it’s there for: as the ultimate receptacle for you to transform, heal, and rejuvenate each other.
If you aren’t using this container for what it’s meant to be used for, then all of that pent up energy has to go somewhere.
And, it will go everywhere,
Like a giant shitstorm volcano, it will erupt all over each other, on your children, on your work colleagues, on strangers.
Anywhere it can get some kind of mutated expression.
When really, all it wants to do is fuck each other senseless.
Senseless, meaning, your mind gets out of the way and you begin to operate from a much more intuitive, in tune, FLOW.
In the ZONE.
And that becomes your new life.
Your bed, your intimate connection was meant to be your sanctuary, recharging and recalibration station.
You tap back into that divine flow of the universe EVERY time you make love.
It’s the same reason why people fall in love with surfing and rearrange their lives to be able to surf every day – like me.
When you catch a few great waves and you align yourself and fill yourself with the life-force/source energy of the universe, you realize how it feeds you.
And you find ways to prioritize connecting to it.
So what gets in the way of that?
We do.
There are a myriad of ways we block our own flow.
Fear, resistance, not knowing what we don’t know.
Unhealed trauma. Programming.
Getting to the place of living in the Zone, in your sexual Zone of flow, means being willing to dive in and deal with whatever barriers you have placed—or have been superimposed upon you—that inhibit that flow.
In today’s all star interview, we’re talking with Premala and David.
Premala did WFW, then her partner David did SMM and she’s just wrapping up VKF right now.
At the start of the VKF salon, in one of our first group calls, Premala called in to ask a very serious question.
She was wet all the time, and soaking through panties and leaving puddles everywhere.
So wet.
So troublesome!
Such is the plight of the well-f**ked woman and couple.
Needing my guidance on how to deal with all the gushing fluids.
After our conversation, the group came up with the hashtag:
#belikepremala
She was inspiration for everyone.
And now she’s going to inspire you.
This story is even more preposterous when you hear where she came from and what she overcame to get there.
In this episode we talk about:
- Premala’s history of severe sexual abuse and her journey to become a well-fucked all star
- How they went from fighting to f**king and barely having sex in two years to now having it 3-4 times a day
- Fight, flight and freeze as responses to unhealed trauma
- Our lady of perpetual wetness
- Buying special towels for all the squirting ejaculate
- Both needing to work out to stay fitter for all the f**king
- Premala having the full range of Orgasmpedia in her repertoire: G-Spot orgasms for lunch, cervical orgasms for dinner
- Manifesting their dream lives from all the amazing f**king they are doing
ALL STAR INTERVIEW
KIM: Welcome David and Premala! It’s so great to have you here. So excited to hear about your adventures in the Well-F**ked universe!
DAVID: Thank you for having us.
PREMALA: [Laughs] Thank you for having us both.
KIM: Tell us about where you were in your relationship prior to embarking on this journey and then what happened. How were things for you, and what prompted you to think this was something you’d like to do some work on?
PREMALA: Where was I? Well, our relationship was on the brink of absolutely going sideways and apart. We fought a lot over the years. We’ve been married for 13 years. We’ve had a lot of upheaval. I knew I’d been sexually abused. I remembered in my early thirties, but I didn’t remember the details. And over the course of our relationship, I shut the door on anything sensual, sexual, intimate, completely to the point where I think we went two years without having sex. Well, it was forced.
DAVID: It was forced. Yeah, it’s not that we weren’t having sex—there was no spark, no fire. It was kind of like a man who is the desperate simp who just tries to get what he can and then is disappointed and unsatisfied with it because it’s not fulfilling. I wasn’t feeling loved, and she wasn’t able to express herself in any way, shape, or form. It wasn’t constructive. It didn’t really bring us together at all.
KIM: So Premala, would you say that was more obligatory sex, or were you actually feeling like you wanted to, but you just couldn’t find it in yourself?
PREMALA: I tried. But it was more like, “I’m married to this man. I do care for him, but I really don’t know how to express that.” And every time he touched me, I would just shut down. My whole body would shut down. Everything about him just made me feel filthy. The words that ran through my mind—I just was always dirty and needed everything clean. I have been diagnosed in the past with OCD. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, manic depression, the whole works. It’s just ridiculous.
In Australia, the doctors try to put all your information into their data and I refused the health system. I said no. I didn’t want to be labeled and put in a box, but I suffered from PTSD and was definitely triggered. Little things would just put me into a state, and I would be lost completely.
I’d have fits, and for lack of a better way of putting it, I’d throw a massive tantrum, which could really be quite violent in so many ways. Violent to myself, violent to him. I had no comprehension of what was occurring in my body at all. I’m trained scientifically. I have done work in that field, and all I felt was this overwhelming sense of shame and guilt and betrayal. I couldn’t put words to that, and I didn’t even know why until I remembered every detail of what had happened.
Then all I wanted to do was commit myself into an institution, be drugged, and fall asleep and never wake up. That was really what I wanted more than anything else. I got told that the only way to get into the institution was to try to commit suicide. Wow. Okay.
It has been an uphill battle trying to regain some level of control in my life and understanding and love. And David was always going on about Kim Anami. You need to do Kim Anami. [Laughs]
For over eight years, he has done that. “Listen to this podcast. Listen to this.” I said, “No. She says too many F-words. I can’t listen to that. It’s not right. I don’t like it.”
KIM: Wait, you said Australia. You’re in Australia. How are you not used to that by now?
DAVID: She just was a prude and had so much judgment and so much shame. She couldn’t even say sex. She’d say, “Hey, do you want to have … [mumbles] sex?” She would go to swear and there would be this apprehension, this pause, this drop of tone, and the volume would just plummet. And it was so much restriction, like she was in an internal prison. It’s been a very tumultuous upheaval in the unveiling of all of this.
When we first got together and had that honeymoon phase, it was wonderful. And as things were discovered and uncovered, it progressively got worse and worse and worse. We went to different sorts of therapists.
I remember, I think one had the title of sexologist. I said, “You need to go and talk to somebody.” She said no, so I said, “All right, I’ll go.” And eventually she came and there was benefit from it, but talking about things only gets you so far.
The circles that I moved in, there happened to be other people, some ladies, who did stuff along the same lines as you, Kim. We were in communication with them, and it just didn’t click for Premala. As much as I wanted her to participate in your work, I had kind of just let it go. The day that she registered in a program, there was no prompting for it. She said, “Oh, I just registered for this.” I said, “Oh yeah? We’ll see.” [Laughs] I was just so resigned.
Like she said, the relationship was going sideways. I guess it was because it was at a plateau. It was just in stagnation.
And after she started, we were in the process of moving, and the office was just this big open area. I walked past, and I heard her talking to a bunch of ladies about dildos. I said, “What the fuck is going on? For someone who wouldn’t say the word sex or drop an F-bomb … what the hell? Well, this is new. Let’s just roll with that.”
And then things just started to dramatically shift and there was no need for talking unless it was in hindsight. Like, “This worked, that didn’t work, I really liked this, I didn’t like this. I would like to go this direction.”
From what I understand as being a normal, healthy relationship, it just started to move in that direction. We realized, “Oh my God, this is how it’s supposed to be all the time. This is just the beginning.”
We’ve moved now, and we find ourselves in some precarious circumstances with regard to potential flooding and a lot of other issues that typically would have us at each other’s throats. We are at each other’s throats, but in a different way. It doesn’t seem to have fazed us anywhere near as much as it would before. Not to say that it doesn’t still stress us out and make us anxious, but there’s always room to put aside for love. We don’t do a monthly thing. We don’t do a weekly thing that’s structured. But we nearly do a daily thing, so I would say there is some degree of structure taking place and it’s amazing. It’s just a different world. It’s a different reality.
KIM: That’s wonderful to hear. Premala, what was the impetus that had you finally sign up for the salon? Because it sounds like you did it without even letting David know that you were doing it, and suddenly you were talking about cocks and dildos and cock sucking and whatever. He thought, “This is fucking great!”
But what was the push that brought you over the edge to committing to doing it?
PREMALA: Let me take two steps back here. COVID took place, obviously, and it shut so much down, and David stopped working. David is a remedial bone therapist. He stopped working in that field because he said he was not going down there. That was not happening, and he wasn’t interested in the whole conversation around who was pro or anti or any of that. People were going a bit crazy everywhere in New South Wales.
So he pulled back, and we started seeing the ridiculous mandates and people trying to force things. He went down the route of law, looking at the legislation. Now, my background is as an environmental consultant. And doing legislation and listening to all of that and having to converse with counsel, I was listening very clearly to what he was talking about, which was not legal, and he started this conversation. He did this course; he started running these programs himself. And in the program, the individual who is his mentor brings up the conversation about the distinction of man and woman versus being in the world of person, which is the dead and the legal.
I did his course and I got it: I’m a woman. It was a big shift. I’m a woman. “Oh my God.” I knew I had this physical body as a woman and I had attributes, but I’d never actually gotten what it was to be a woman until I did his course.
It was almost like this light bulb moment. We were in another course, which had to do with business management practices, and I was listening to somebody on there and suddenly your ad came on a week into the program. Your ad came on and I’d been looking at it and looking at it, and nothing. And then I saw it in front of me on the computer and I thought, why am I resisting something that I know is the next evolution for me? I literally felt it. I saw it and I said, “I’m doing that.” And I didn’t think twice. “I’ve got to do this now. It’s the right time.”
KIM: It’s so interesting that one of the avenues to open that door for you sexually and in your body was that acknowledgment of the truth. I know of which you speak, and it’s probably too much to summarize here on the podcast, but this distinction between natural man and woman and then the legal, imaginary, fictitious trap that most people exist within. Some of our listeners will understand exactly what we mean, and some will maybe need to go down a rabbit hole.
But it’s interesting that within that, you found a lawful, natural establishment of identity that was so profound that it brought you to this place. That’s the very thing that most people are trapped by and have no idea is trapping them. There’s such a push right now to move away from the whole idea of man and woman. Like male and female don’t exist; there’s no such thing. That’s such gaslighting and utter bullshit, especially when you look at it in this dimension.
I always laugh. I feel like there’s one psyop after another, and people are just opening their mouths, “Ahh, come in my mouth,” with the next psyop. “Give me more. Ahh, if you come on my tits, ahh, give it all to me.” Hilarious, right? “I’m just being so virtuous.” No, you’re dumb as fuck.
Anyway, carry on. You took the leap, and you signed up. At that stage, you had this realization of your identity as a woman. It sounds like because of your history and the trauma you’d experienced, there was obviously this big level of disassociation. All the PTSD-type symptoms you describe, this was like the first step of embodiment. “I’m going to be in and own this body.”
Which again, I think is the opposite of what’s happening in all these circles of people wanting to cut their body parts off as an utter rejection of being in their body that’s now been normalized. Dysfunction has been normalized. Like it’s totally normal to cut off all your body parts. No, it’s not.
PREMALA: No. And it’s interesting because the thing that actually led me to get all of that was a realization. We got pregnant years ago and had a really bad miscarriage. David took me to the hospital and I was screaming, “I don’t want to go,” while I was going in and out of consciousness.
DAVID: It wasn’t a fallopian tube; she ruptured her uterus. She lost two liters of blood. She nearly died. It’s supposed to be keyhole surgery, and she ended up on the table for four hours and had a big C-section scar.
PREMALA: When I went in, the doctor said it was keyhole surgery and I said to him, “Fine, if that is the case, I’ll sign.” But I actually said, “I am not authorizing somebody to cut me open.” I said that, and guess what? They cut me open. But he came back, and he knew. He was the first individual I saw when I came out of the anesthesia and he said, “I saved your life,” and I said, “What?” And then I realized … “You didn’t…” My first words after I realized that were, “You did not have permission for that.” And he said it again, “I saved your life.” It took me four or five years to realize that incident was tantamount to me being raped again, like I had been as a child, and that really triggered so much because I didn’t authorize that. I didn’t consent to that, and he took something that was mine. It was my life; it wasn’t his. All he cared about as a surgeon was the statistic of that individual lying on that table. He didn’t give a damn about me.
I’m actually starting to realize this fully—it was not just a physical cut. He cut through all my fields, all my bodies, and I’m healing that through the work you have created, Kim, doing the egg practice, having sex with my husband. But it’s not sex—making love to him on a daily basis. By doing all of this, I’m healing my auric fields. I’m allowing it. Every time I come, every time I have this sense of buildup and orgasm, it’s like the big bang all over again. It’s like my body repairs itself and goes out into the next field and into the next field and into the next field. I’m closing all the fractures that have come due to all the pain and suffering that my body has taken on in this lifetime and potentially many other lifetimes.
That’s how I feel right now. That’s what this work has given me access to. It’s allowed me to talk to people. It’s given me the ability to see. And to think I came from a space where I couldn’t even have him touch me. I was completely shut down, to where we couldn’t even be close. I think to myself now, “How the hell did we even manage to stay together?”
I just discovered yesterday from my husband that he actually fell in love with me very soon after we got together and he was heartbroken because his teacher, who was doing all the work with the qigong and megong, told him that I was so scarred, David shouldn’t invest his time and energy. And the poor man broke, but he still stayed with me.
DAVID: He was probably right. [Laughs]
PREMALA: [Laughs] But he still stayed with me. Now I’m eternally grateful for whatever he’s given me, but also for the fact that he has been so persistent about you.
DAVID: Eight years, Kim.
KIM: Eight years, wow. Are those little breakfast notes at the table beside your porridge? “Here’s a Kim Anami podcast episode”?
DAVID: I would just leave browser windows open on the computer. The subtly manipulative things that one can do.
KIM: Maybe subconsciously it started to sink in. You’d just let the podcast play and she’d be hearing it somewhere.
Tell me more about how you opened sexually. Premala, where were you before in terms of your orgasmic potential and where are you now?
PREMALA: When I first met David, we had incredible sex. It was wonderful. It was amazing. It’s interesting because I was in control. It was all from the masculine. It was all directed by me. It was completely me doing certain things and managing it.
Now, over the course of our relationship, David has always said, “I want to go back to that,” and I’d say, “No, I can’t let it go back to that because it doesn’t fit. It doesn’t feel right.”
Then when I did Well-F**ked Woman—
KIM: Can I interject for a moment? Does that mean it was more performative for you when you say you were in the masculine?
PREMALA: Do you want to try this one?
DAVID: Sure. Well, she would say that where I wouldn’t, because that’s not what was going through my mind at the time. But she was a professional performer anyway. To an extent, you could say that she was somewhat acting because she could control that.
PREMALA: Very much so, yes. It was performative. I don’t even know how to explain it. I think back to it, and I say, “It had to do with me. I never surrendered; I never let go.” It just did not happen like that. It was just sex, and that was it. I cared for this individual. I wanted to be more, but I didn’t know how to tap into anything about being a woman. I didn’t know any of that.
DAVID: It was all compartmentalized for her, but she wasn’t even able to articulate that.
KIM: I think it’s that way for many people, and especially women people, because I think this idea of surrender—which applies to both men and women, but archetypally even more so, I think, for women—the sexual entry point isn’t valued in our culture. Isn’t valued in the world. The idea of surrender, of opening, letting go, being vulnerable, letting go of control, is actually a way to be in more control ultimately.
But in terms of your own autonomy and centeredness within your being, it can be a very scary place. I think a lot of people adapt a veneer, a persona of performing, of acting. Even the idea of faking orgasms or faking pleasure or just not being honest. Going through the motions because that’s what you do and there’s a certain obligation to be sexual, but there’s not much going on underneath that.
I like that you were aware of that and said, “I don’t want to just go back into performing. I need to find this from an authentic place within and then move forward from that place.”
PREMALA: Yeah. When we first got together, we never needed to use lube. I’ve never been one to use lube or anything artificial. Couldn’t even go down the route. That’s how bad the trauma was. I couldn’t even go down the route of getting a vibrator. For me, it just felt wrong to do that.
I could have gone without sex for years and it would have been fine. I wasn’t searching then. I could’ve meditated my life into oblivion, is how I put it, and it would’ve been fine. Except I like men, and I like the company of men, and specifically I love my husband, so it made it a little bit hard.
As I journeyed with the course, what took place was a realization that there was an opportunity for me to discover myself on another level.
In The Well-F**ked Woman course, I hadn’t been there the first week, so I had to catch up. I caught up really fast and you were talking about self-pleasuring and doing all that. I said, “What the fuck am I doing? How am I supposed to … what?” I had never, ever looked at myself like that or stuck a finger in there. And it’s really fascinating because we were in an old bar in New South Wales near the water and one of the things we did was go for a walk every day near the water. I went for a walk, and I found this rock which was shaped like a dildo for the G-spot. I found this on the oceanside and stopped.
I picked it up and said, “Oh, I’m going to use that.” And it’s interesting because that actually let me feel myself. Because I couldn’t allow myself to finger myself or do anything. It felt odd. So I started with that, and then that led to me being able to touch myself and feel it. And then in the G-spot Salon, David actually fingered me—
DAVID: I was waiting. I was ready.
PREMALA: And he gave me this massage and this internal massage and it just blew my brain. Oh my God. I said, “Is that a G-spot? Oh my God, I didn’t even know that existed. What the—okay.” And that’s when he said, “Okay, you need to feel it,” so I actually felt it and I said, “Oh wow, that feels like this,” and that led to me being able to feel that part of me. My finger is not long enough for my cervix. But I have my husband, so it’s fine. [Laughs]
But the journey was basically one step at a time. And then when you talked about surrender, I said, “Surrender? How does that look?” And I just kept saying the words, “I surrender, I surrender,” every time we would do something. Dave would come at me, and he’d want to kiss me on my neck, and I’d think, “No, don’t go there, don’t do that.” And then I just thought, “Surrender. Let it happen, let it happen, let it happen. It’s all good. I’m surrendering, I’m surrendering.” And I would just realize, “Wow, that’s really nice. I feel really loved when that happens. I feel quite safe.” That was my big thing. I felt safe.
It tipped over from feeling safe with him to realizing, actually, my safety comes from me because the moment I feel safe from me and I can hold my own, then I can let go completely and I don’t have to control any narrative because now I know that I’m having fun.
It was quite a journey to be able to let that go. It still happens sometimes that these walls will come in and almost shut me down and I have to breathe. So now if I’m doing the breathing and I visualize that, I just allow my whole body to open up and I can feel my body, instead of contracting, is expanding out.
I’ve realized that, for me, is a critical part because I’ve contracted my whole life to stay small, to stay protected, to stay safe. But in effect I’ve actually inhibited my expression of me. I actually have not been safe, and I’ve pushed everybody away. And no one’s actually gotten to experience me. I know I’m a powerful woman, but I’m the kind of powerful that people end up getting so scared they have to run the opposite direction.
I’ve had these stories running in the background and now I’ve just said, “No, I’m opening up.” Once I finished your course, I said, “I’m not wearing pants unless I go out to do physical labor or work in the garden or something. Then I’ll wear pants. But I won’t wear underwear or a bra.” I’ve gone out and bought dresses. And I’ve allowed my hair to grow again. I’m not cutting it. I’m just letting it grow. I’ve got a little bit of lipstick and a little bit of makeup but nothing huge; otherwise, I generally don’t wear anything.
And the number of things that, in spite of the chaos, have taken place in our life has been phenomenal. We’ve joined a different nation in Australia. It’s something that is totally out of this world. It’s one of the fascinations in this country—well, it doesn’t exist in Australia, but it’s the original indigenous people—so we’ve joined that and we’re doing work with them. It just has opened doors upon doors upon doors. It’s unbelievable, the number of doors.
KIM: Wow, that’s unbelievable. That’s so incredible to hear. David, would you share your side of that journey as well? You watched her diving into this work; perhaps you were surprised at first and then excited. What was that like for you? And then how did you support her on that journey? Because obviously you knew that she had this history of trauma and perhaps even programming, which we all have, some of us more deeply than others. How did you see your role to help facilitate that?
DAVID: You’re saying from when she participated in Well-F**ked Woman? From then on?
KIM: Yeah. When she started the journey of, “Okay, I’m going to go down this path and look at these things and aim to shift.”
DAVID: Initially, it was making sure that she had time and space for herself. It had been such a sensitive subject for such a long time, and then she finally decided, “I’m doing this.” And when Premala gives her word, it’s a guarantee she will do it. Her word is her bond.
And so I said, “Oh, okay, this is happening, and this could turn out really, really good or really, really bad.”
So it was really just providing a space and just listening for what she needed.
I don’t know if she was in the midst of the program or if she was near the end, but she said, “I think you should do the men’s one.” I said, “Okay!” [Laughs]
So I was ready to dive in straight away.
KIM: After years of urging or suggesting or trying to coax her into doing this work, you mentioned earlier the word “resigned.” And then when she did it, was it easy for you to have faith or be open? Because some people build up a wall, I think, after there’s been a lot of resistance or stagnancy. They’re there, but they’re not there. They’ve kind of shut down already.
Were you able to be open? You said that her word is her bond, so you obviously had the sense that she would follow through on doing this, but what was happening with you internally? Did you let yourself be hopeful and excited? Did you say, “Let’s wait and see”? How did you feel?
DAVID: I think I’m a pretty stubborn guy, so if I get hold of something, I typically don’t let go [laughs].
KIM: That comes in handy for vaginal orgasms.
DAVID: This is also true. I was resigned, and I think I just held my cards close to my chest. I had no attachment to her results because we’d been through so much and we’d tried so many different avenues. And I just knew this would be it. “This will be it. Here’s the magic.” I could just hear it.
I think I had gotten to a point of acceptance of, “Well, this is just how things are right now.” I didn’t allow myself to get excited when I knew, “Oh, she’s made this commitment,” because I think I had so many expectations that, to an extent, I would’ve sort of choked opportunity and possibility and suffocated things. So I said, “Oh, this has to be treated so preciously.”
I had to keep as open as possible but not be attached to anything. I wouldn’t say I was resigned. I would say I was very incentivized; this was a really important thing. I would say I was really tired because of what we’d been through for so many years. There was so much trauma and so much upset.
As patient as I used to think I was, when you’re attempting to deal with something for years and years and years, it wears you down. And I was pretty worn to the point where I was polished shiny. But I think once she got into it and I heard those conversations, those conversations that looked light-years away, which all of a sudden had just started taking place, I was probably shocked in a good way.
And then going through the Sexual Mastery for Men, it was surprising how many internal conflicts came up for me as well.
KIM: Right. You took the SMM course, and then what were the changes and shifts for you?
DAVID: I think actually keeping me in my body to begin with. Just becoming aware of what goes on with a woman’s body. I don’t remember which week it was, but you emphasized before you enter a woman, she should be dripping wet. Because if she’s wet, then yes, you can have sex.
The sense of being connected and letting go of an outcome of orgasm, letting go of an outcome of performance, just letting go of so much. And just being in your body, making sure that she’s in her body and that she’s ready to receive you. When she was wet, her body was saying, “I want you with me now.” Then my body would respond, “Okay, we can fuck for a long time now.” Where prior to that, I would think, “Well, she’s not ready, but I’m going to enter anyway and I’m going to last five minutes.” Because it’s almost like there’s this communication that’s taking place between the bodies.
So not only are you not ready, “Oh, well, I don’t want to inconvenience you; I’ll get this over with quickly,” in addition to, “Well, if you’re not turned on, then you don’t actually want me. You don’t desire me, so I’m not loved! My body doesn’t want to be here. It still wants to be with you and to express that love and that pleasure and that joy, but on a physical level, it’s actually not being reciprocated.” It’s not that she doesn’t want to; it’s just that we’re not in our bodies and we’re not present to what’s going on.
I think a lot of what would be considered as premature ejaculation is because the whole interaction is done in a premature manner. When things shifted, I really got present to that Taoist metaphor of, “Women are like water; men are like fire.” You have to have enough fuel to get that fire cranking. And if you don’t, you will burn out like a match.
That shifted things so dramatically. Specifically during intercourse, your cock gets this fullness and it’s relaxed at the same time and there’s this hypersensitivity that I’d say a lot of guys have with the anticipation. They’re just overexcited because, “Oh, she’s going to touch it! She’s going to touch it!” [Laughs] That dissipates and instead it becomes, “I’m just here.” It’s almost like it is my mission for her to be fulfilled and for her brains to be exploded because it’s a medicine.
I get to administer that, and it’s reciprocal, and it completely transforms the interaction afterward. It’s almost like this whole experience where we used to have so much argument and upset was actually the presence of passion that was expressed in a destructive manner.
When that can be brought to the bedroom and expressed, it’s creative, not destructive. I just remember you saying, “You know when your woman nags you? It’s because you haven’t fucked her properly.” That is so true!
All that runs through my head now is, “Oh no, she’s carrying on about this; we need to go upstairs. She needs some medicine.”
KIM: She needs some medicine! I love your recognition because I think that even when a woman is in that naggy, bitchy framework, you’re thinking, “Well, the last thing she wants is to have sex.” And consciously, perhaps that is true, except that underneath the surface, what she really needs is to have sex. But she’s gotten so used to that framework of pushing you away. Pushing away her partner. And then the partner responds to that push. He gets irritable, and like you said, there’s this fighting energy that then becomes habitual and all the sexual energy gets channeled into fighting rather than fucking. And then we can step out of that with the awareness of, “Oh, she just needs to get really well fucked. She needs my cock in her throat.” That’s the workaround here.
When people go through my work and they start to have that vocabulary, they recognize, okay, this is just misdirected sexual energy. This is warped sexual energy. We need to redirect it and give it its pure, natural expression, and that’s the way home.
PREMALA: Absolutely, yeah. He has, on occasion, turned around of late and said, “Do you need to get some?” And I’ll say, “Yes! Please. I need that.”
DAVID: Or it’s just over the shoulder and away we go, no questions asked. But there still needs to be some degree of relatedness. If there is an issue, it needs to be cleared before that’s a possibility.
It’s almost like the subtle communication starts to become more prominent. Now, we hardly argue anymore. It’s been so transformational. When it does happen, we’ve got so much more time, patience, and ability to let it go and get complete with it; it’s just much more water off a duck’s back than what it was historically, where it would linger. Now it’s so different. It’s a different world.
KIM: The vaginal orgasms, the G-spot stimulation, the cervical orgasms—how has that been going?
DAVID: The first time she had a G-spot orgasm, we had to buy these special towels to lie on because we had to change the sheets all the time. So now we’ve got to be strategic about it.
PREMALA: We change the sheets once a week. It’s interesting, the whole thing. The vaginal orgasms, the G-spots are phenomenal. “Oh my God, holy moly”—sometimes it’s almost to the point that I forget to breathe because I am in such a hyper state and I’ve got to tell myself, “Keep breathing, keep breathing.” I do the breathing and it calms it down a bit and then it rises even more, and it just keeps tightening.
Sometimes I can’t even get to the bathroom because there’s so much wetness. I’ve had to put tissues around the place to make sure that I can actually wipe myself because it’s literally down my thighs. It’s ridiculous.
As far as the cervical orgasm goes, the first time I had one, I cried. I literally cried and cried because it was an opening. And then I have this really interesting thing that happens to me where I start laughing. A lot. A ridiculous amount of laughing. Stupid laughing. I can’t believe how much laughter there is, and sometimes I can’t stop. He just says, “Enh, she’s laughing,” and he keeps moving through it and just keeps working me for whatever it is, and it just keeps happening.
The cervical orgasm, sometimes because we’ve been at this playfully, where it’s been ongoing through the day, when he ends up actually fucking me, it’s like I hit that spot of a cervical orgasm so fast because it’s been building and building and building; it might be the third or fourth time we’ve had sex in the day and that’s when I actually hit it.
It’s like my body is just building this—
DAVID: It’s primed.
PREMALA: —energy. [Laughs] Yeah, primed. To have this—
KIM: Did you say the third or fourth time that you’ve had sex during the day?
PREMALA: Yes.
KIM: You guys are delightfully making up for lost time?
PREMALA: Delightfully.
DAVID: We have a commitment.
PREMALA: [Laughs] We do have a real commitment because I’ve discovered, oh my God, this is so much fun. I love having it in me. I want that. I’ve always had a yuckiness about it, the whole OCD thing. I’ve never been able to go near anything wet or slimy, so I couldn’t give him a blow job. Every time he’d say, “Can you go down on me?” I’d say, “No. Why? What for?” And it just would make me uncomfortable.
Now, I do it as much as I can. I try my hardest. I’m still getting over certain things. It took a while for me to get the whole deep throating, I’m definitely getting there, and I figure if I practice, that’s the best way. It’s to the point where I’ll set it up where I want to have him lie on top of me. I’m lying back, and he can navigate it. I find that a really big turn-on. Holy moly.
We’ve had anal sex once and we’re still in the exploration of that, but yes, sometimes it is three to four times a day where it’s just fun activities. It’s not five minutes, but it’s not hours and hours. But if we do have sex, it’s 30 minutes, 35 minutes, and then we’ll stop and pull back instead of allowing the orgasm to fully take place.
By this stage, I will have already had a G-spot orgasm and some other levels of feeling like my body is filled, and then he pulls out, and then we do it again, and then we do it again. By the time evening comes and we do it one last time, I hit that cervical orgasm to the point of, “Oh my God.”
KIM: Yeah, this approach of using simmering sexual encounters as a type of foreplay. You’re obviously having sex and intercourse and having different levels of orgasm, but it’s building to a higher and higher crescendo by the time you’ve hit the third or fourth experience. I think a lot of people maybe aren’t aware of this idea of Tantra, the expansive orgasm, and what I talk about, the sexual simmer. They have this very delineated start, build, contraction, orgasm, decline of energy, and that’s it. Rather than this experience where you build, you plateau, you build, you plateau, you build, you plateau, and you never really have to drop off. You’re living at this level I call the sexual simmer of an 8 or a 9 all the time.
As you say, then these orgasms are much more available to us because we’re not starting from cold to get to boiling. We’re starting at a high simmer, and going over the edge at that point is really easy.
PREMALA: Yes. That probably is why I’m perpetually wet, because I am perpetually in this state. It’s the littlest thing sometimes …
KIM: The littlest thing like what?
PREMALA: Oh, the littlest thing, like sometimes when David will just slap me on my bum as I’m walking past and it’s almost like I’m going to come right there.
KIM: Didn’t you have a problem, Premala, where you wanted to not wear panties but then you found that you were getting wet all over the place, and so you had this dilemma, “How do I not wear panties when I’m wet all the time?”
PREMALA: Yeah. I just thought, “Enh, I’m not wearing panties.” And then you said, “Okay, wear some panties and take a pair with you if you feel like that.”
I tried it and all I could feel was my panties hitting me, and I just felt uncomfortable. It was like I wasn’t available. I felt like I’d shut the door. I don’t know how else to explain it. I went back to not wearing them. If that means I just carry a bit of tissue with me, I’ll carry a bit of tissue with me wherever I go and that’s fine.
Doing the VKF, I’ve actually been able to contract and hold myself a little bit more in and that’s helping me. I know I’m wet, but it’s not dripping down my leg.
So that’s a good thing, so there you go. Do the VKF because that gives you the physical capabilities of knowing what’s happening in your body.
KIM: I love it. David, Premala has shared these great breakthroughs and ascensions in her sexual evolution and transformation. Do you have anything else that you’d like to share from your perspective that has happened to you on your sexual journey?
DAVID: I’m actually very surprised how comfortable I am with absolutely everything. There are still areas we have not ventured and I’m sure that I’ll reach my limits eventually, but I can’t think of anything additionally. I would say that it’s systematically penetrating all other areas of life. Since we’ve moved, I don’t know if it’s just that we’ve come to an area where there are like-minded people, but we’ve probably made more friends in the last five months than we did where we lived seven years prior.
And all of a sudden, regarding work, there are all these amazing opportunities that have just manifested into my space. My wife needs to keep having sex with me every day because whatever is going on is going to transform the way that we make money or manifest wealth or anything along these lines.
There are two really big projects that I’m involved in, and they’re kind of hindered by the weather right now because we’re still at the tail end of the wet season and a lot of it has to do with infrastructure projects. But I just can’t believe the opportunities that have presented themselves in such a short period of time, whereas before it felt like I was in a drought for years and years and years.
It still hasn’t come to complete fruition, but just the impacts have been astounding. And that has to be relevant because the timing is perfect. It’s all happened at the same time.
KIM: Well, you just mentioned a drought that’s been happening for years, and now Premala is gushing like there’s no tomorrow.
DAVID: Absolutely! [Laughs]
KIM: And watering and fertilizing all of these projects with her vagina. So it does sound very connected.
DAVID: Well, I guess following from that then, with regard to the male practices, I didn’t even realize that initially I would always be thinking about sex to get turned on, as opposed to being able to just be present with myself to get hard, to do the practice.
There was always something external, and it didn’t even cross my mind that was the case. I don’t know if I interpreted it wrong, but I recollect you saying, “Just do the practice. Maybe use something that you’ve done with your partner as an instigator to turn you on and fire you up, but otherwise, try and self-generate.”
I think it was a bit confronting to think, well, this is my body, this is my vehicle, and external things have control over me as opposed to me being able to generate that in myself. It was quite confronting, and I was quite down about it. How the hell do I not think about something else and stay hard for 40 minutes to an hour if I’m trying to do self-pleasuring practice to build endurance and to discover all the different layers of sensitivity and the different feelings and stimulants that one can have?
Even how unconsciously I would do things, the mind would drift off and think about completely irrelevant things. I think it’s one of the complaints about sex; not being present to what’s going on whatsoever and thinking, “Did you bring the dog in the house?” [Laughs] The guy’s just pumping away absentmindedly.
It was almost like having that experience by myself. It blew my mind during the practice to realize I was avoiding dealing with whatever conflicts were there.
Just do the practice. Just do the work. Yes, you need to be in your body and be present to what’s going on, but forget about your past, forget about anything that hasn’t worked. Forget about anything that has worked. Just drop it all and just do the practice. Your opinion is irrelevant because if it was relevant, you’d already be a stud and you’d be out there smashing women for hours. You wouldn’t need to do the practice.
KIM: Have you been able to keep up with Premala in her new awakened state?
DAVID: She asks me to stop. She says, “I can’t do anymore.”
PREMALA: Because I know I’m about to go over the edge, and I don’t want to.
DAVID: When she’s getting up and she can’t stand properly and her legs are shaking, it’s enough. There are times where I’ve failed and I’ve been taken over the edge, but that’s always part of learning. Otherwise, no. I can keep up, no problem.
PREMALA: He said to go back to doing exercise, and I have.
DAVID: You mean cardiovascularly? [Laughs] We just burn out. I have to start to lift weights to work on my arms, my glutes. My ass, my glute muscles burn out.
KIM: You guys are training so that you can have better sex.
PREMALA: Yes!
KIM: You’re going to the gym; you’re doing more cardio to have better sexual stamina.
DAVID: I’m using sex as the excuse for cardio, but definitely working on the muscle injuries.
KIM: I love it.
PREMALA: I needed to work my quads so that I could actually hold certain positions and not get tired. One of the biggest changes that has occurred for David in the last few months is that he’s actually reached out to other men and asked for help. He has never had other men in his life the way he has now. He has a circle of men he’s working with. That has never happened before. It’s always been women that he’s worked with.
DAVID: Yeah, it could be, I think, an environment change, but also the field that I was in was dominated by women. I struggled to ask guys for help, but now, whether it’s doing some work on the property or just having a really open and frank conversation, I can say, “Help me. I have a problem.”
KIM: Excellent. Premala, are you comfortable sharing some of the things that you said your grandmother said to you?
PREMALA: I can share that. I’m more than happy to. When the abuse took place, it was family-based abuse, unfortunately. Not my mom and dad, but yeah. I was a kid, and it wasn’t just me; it was me and my brother. But when my grandmother walked in and discovered what was taking place, you’d think as a grownup that you would know the individual who was doing it to these kids was wrong. No, she made me, being the elder of the two kids, wrong. And she basically said to me that I was a devil girl. I deserved to be punished. I was absolutely filthy. I was six years old. I didn’t know any different.
She kept going on about it, and then she picked me up and pulled me into my mom and dad’s room. I was actually bleeding down there, and she said, “You deserve this. This is what happens when you misbehave and you’re a filthy girl. You don’t deserve any love.” And then she said that I had to keep it a secret because if I didn’t, then my father would leave my mother, and I would destroy everything and it would all be my fault.
And then she walked out of the room, and I was left there crying. She told us to keep it a secret, so it became a secret. It was completely shut down. I had no idea where my brother was at that point. And then it all disappeared into oblivion until it woke up again.
KIM: Wow.
PREMALA: It woke up with my brother a lot earlier in life. This is how stupid the system is; this is part of the reason that scientists in the world, the medical world, are a lot of rubbish. The medical field is a load of rubbish. Because my brother woke up to this. He shared it with my mom and dad. Papa never said anything wrong; he actually wanted to know what was going on. My mom said that would never happen. I didn’t know because I didn’t remember. My brother was 16, 17 years old.
Anyway, when he got to university and this was still bugging him, he failed his first semester. They told him to go see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist put him on huge amounts of drugs on a constant basis, cycling through three different types of drugs and diagnoses. That eventually led to my brother having a heart attack and passing away.
And the psychiatrist told us that my brother must have had sexual deviancies in himself and was thinking he was gay because he was thinking about a man. I thought, “Are you insane? Somebody comes to you with sexual abuse, and you tell them that they’re …” Yeah.
KIM: Wow.
PREMALA: Yes, it impacted me a great deal and it shut me down. I was 21 when that happened. I felt completely responsible for it. I only realized years later that I took it on as my fault because of what had been spoken to me by my own grandmother all those years ago. She told me it was my fault. I was responsible for this. She told me I was a whore, and I was filthy, and I was dirty. It kept playing again and again and again throughout my entire life to the point where I never wanted to have kids because I thought I would fuck them up and make a mess of things. So every time I got pregnant, it would end up getting aborted, or I’d end up having a miscarriage of some nature because my body just rejected it.
Yeah, I totally stuck to that one for myself. I just shut the door on life and didn’t know why I was shutting it until I woke up to the memory of it in full technicolor. And then I just wanted it to shut down.
So I am very, very grateful for this work, for what you do, for how you say what you say, because if we don’t take ourselves seriously and we don’t take responsibility for our own healing, then we are doomed. Because there is no way they’re going to help you heal. They’re just going to perpetuate it to keep feeding the system.
KIM: Thank you for sharing that. I have such compassion for your story and admiration for your strength. And just sadness and shock for the gaslighting. The level of gaslighting from family to institution, and then the impact of that. The impact of that level of trauma and gaslighting that led your brother to his death, and then the repercussions in your own life. And then for you, by whatever grace, to find a pathway out and through, to have the courage to walk that path, is incredibly inspiring.
Then to hear the context of your history and lay that against your sharing of PTSD or OCD or even the word filthy being uttered by your grandmother and leveled at you and the way you described your feelings of things being unclean.
We just see how much these traumatic events can affect us. There’s always a way out, but yeah, it becomes a lot fucking harder when you’ve got people deliberately sending you on detours and gaslighting and lying to you and throwing you in different directions. When you actually get a realization, you think, “Okay, I’ve seen it,” and even then you’re not done. People and institutions are still trying to send you in different directions. It’s a maze, and it’s a miracle and such a testament to your strength and courage that you made it through that. Then you guys have created this incredible relationship and this thriving, wild bond where your sexuality has become your salvation.
I think that’s one of the hardest transitions for anyone to make who has had any level of trauma, whether it’s the programming that we get or much more significant and deeper trauma like what you sustained. To make it through, to believe this thing.
I honestly think that’s why sex is weaponized so much, because it’s such a wild 180 to see that this thing which was so injurious can be your salvation and your transformation and your pathway to yourself and to God. Because it’s a huge thing to overcome to rewire that in ourselves. Bodily, sexually, spiritually, psychologically.
I really salute your courage and tenacity and self-love to have come to these places. I thank you both so much for letting us into your world to hear this, because it’s so powerful to hear that triumph.
PREMALA: Thank you. It is tenacity. It’s a ferocious need to be free in myself and completely whole. For me, it’s really simple. I’ve had trauma, and in the world we live in, I don’t think there’s anybody that hasn’t had some level of trauma. It depends on the extent and on how much we wish to see it or see ourselves as victims of that trauma and whether we are entitled to all of it or not. That’s a whole layer of conversation.
But when you realize that the trauma has happened and you can choose to live your life powerfully and not be at the mercy of it, that’s where the shift, I think, occurs. That’s when you can take back your life for yourself. I would never have guessed. The saddest part for me is the trauma that I have experienced is generational.
Nobody has dealt with it completely, to closure, to completion. I believe we live in a time where that is the opportunity we have with people like yourself who are willing to go down an avenue and share the information you have gathered over your lifetime. Sure, there’s a stigma, but it doesn’t matter. The stigma is always going to be there. But are you going to put that relevance to it and/or are you going to step up and say, “My expression of who I am today is going to be determined by me, not by anybody else. Not by what has happened to me. Not by what can happen to me but by me now”?
I would encourage anyone who listens to this to do the salons. Don’t just sit on the fringe, saying, “I’ll do something.” Do it and actually throw yourself into it. Make it your life’s mission because this is your healing. This is your medicine. Don’t expect someone out there to come with some solution in a bottle. Your medicine lies in your hands. That’s how I would look at it, and I think that’s what has given me the strength to get up every day, face what I need to face, and keep moving forward.
KIM: Beautiful. I love it. Thank you, Premala. Fantastic. Thank you both. I so appreciate you sharing your story and evolution with us.
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How amazing is their story?
Hearing Premala go from what happened to her from where she is now?
So inspiring!
I love being able to share these stories with you to show you that wherever you are, there is always a solution.
If you show up, commit and put in the work and the play.
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Speaking of which! The Coming Together for Couples Salon opens for registration next week! This is my premier online program for showing you how to come together emotionally and sexually.
IN the meantime, you can sign up for a free 7-Day Sex Cleanse. This mini-program starts as soon as you register for it. You’ll receive an email each day with a lesson to view and then assignments which will be a blend of emotional connection exercises and Tantric practices.
Go to Coming Together for Couples and you’ll find the signup for the Sex Cleanse there.
