If you want an Anami-style injection into your love—and especially dating life—this episode is for you:
10 rules for dating Anami-style to become a dating god.
Stake your claim. Choose. Plant that flag.
The best pickup line I’ve ever heard
Filler and fluffer dating vs. finding “the one”
When to text, call or get on a plane
Meeting people in the wild
How much to talk about your exes during dating. Or ever.
Shoot your motherfucking shot
Finding gods and goddesses in Anami Land. And by “goddess” I mean a super powerful, mythologically beautiful and wise creature. Not Mrs. Roper doing a cacao ceremony with her middle-aged divorced friends on a Friday night. I officially reclaim this word that has been bastardized (what’s the feminine equivalent of a bastard? Is it a bitchtard?) to denote cheesy-as-fuck and restore its former status as a superior, elite beyond-human. So there, cacao bitches. Get your own word for being slovenly, overweight and whining about menopause. Because it’s definitely not “goddess.”
Want to meet gods and legends? Come to the Anami super power couple training academy in Anami Land. Your odds will be much higher than out in plebeland.
We’ll be opening our private, exclusive Anami Land membership community very soon.
Meet high-level, Anami-esque friends and lovers.
Anami is, after all, the land of the gods.
Go to kimanami.com/anamiland to signup on the waitlist and be notified of when we open the doors.
To be honest, I hadn’t really known what was going on in “modern dating” until recently because:
I’ve never dated. So you know, whatevs.
Most of my relationships have been unconventional, and they’ve started unconventionally. So they fall out of the normal parameters of “dating” or what people think it is
We fall madly in love from the start and we just get on with it.
And that’s what we’re going to talk about.
I think my “success” in dating comes from the fact that I’ve never done it.
Every time you lie and you think you’re so clever because you think you’ve gotten away with it; the truth is, you’ve never gotten away with a single lie.
Okay, maybe sometimes you do.
Meaning, you lie and you get yourself into—or out of—a particular situation.
So if you are lying to people you are in relationship with—or want to be in relationship with—you’re shooting yourself in the foot.
Because they’re going to clock your lies.
And instead of starting with a clean slate, and building trust with each other, you’re actually contributing to the demise of your relationship before it even starts.
The places where you “remain mysterious” are your day-to-day struggles and challenges.
At least initially.
You aren’t hiding them, but you are also communicating that YOU are capable of solving your own problems.
You aren’t looking for your partner to be a mother or a father or a babysitter.
You retain mystery in not sharing the tedium of your day:
“I was at the shop and I was going to pick the navel oranges but then I thought oh maybe I’ll try the Valencia but you know I realized I hadn’t had any grapefruits in a while.”
Who gives a fuck. Keep it to yourself.
But… tell the truth and express how you feel about the person.
THAT is insecurity. This is stupid human behavior.
Be a god.
Don’t man up. Or woman up.
GOD UP.
3. SHOOT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SHOT
The idea of “the pickup line” has been immortalized, because in some way, that’s all it takes.
All you need to do is crack the door open.
You don’t *need* the perfect line.
If you come up with one, then bingo, great.
But… it has to be relevant to the moment.
So that way the other person knows it was off the cuff.
One of my favorite “lines” is anything showing a man’s stamina.
“I’m an ultramarathoner. A long-distance runner. An endurance athlete.”
Duly noted!!
The greatest, in-the-moment line anyone ever used—and to call it a line, does it a disservice, because it was a stroke of genius—was when a man I’d met briefly earlier in the day, later paddled up to me in the surf and said:
“I’ve already got your name tattooed on my body.”
And he did.
He had both his siblings names inscribed on him, in Sanskrit, no less, and one of his siblings had my name.
I’ll fly across continents and toss caution to the wind.
Because boldness is everything to me.
Courage. Strength. Serious outrageousness.
4. STOP DILUTING YOUR ENERGY
Stop fucking around with a bunch of randos you don’t really care about; whether you are literally fucking them or just “texting” them or you have your “roster”.
Whereas now, when people are all available online, maybe the sense of urgency and “catching the moment” is less pressing.
People don’t really jump in and “shoot their shot” in a meaningful, powerful way.
Instead of smashing it in that ONE moment you’ve got, they dilly dally, they fuck around, they talk AROUND the truth, the attraction and no one really knows what the fuck is going on.
Psyche yourself up to be ready for anything, anywhere.
Strike up playful conversations with people when you’re out in public.
Practice doing it. Even if you aren’t attracted to them.
Just start doing it.
Even as you’re walking your dog, or in a store lineup (if anyone goes to stores anymore).
Compliment someone’s dog, or their outfit, or their hair or ANYTHING.
Everything I’ve read lately about the dating world is on how people have “app fatigue” and “dating fatigue” and pessimism overall.
Whatever’s been happening over the past decade doesn’t seem to be working.
We’re seeing a massive push now for people wanting In Real Life experiences with each other.
Live events.
And we’re part of that.
We’re bringing back our in-person retreats and will be planning all kinds of events.
We’re launching our online membership site platform for people to connect virtually, but then we want to bring these connections in-person so we can meet and adventure together.
9. TALKING ABOUT YOUR EXES AND YOUR UNRESOLVED TRAUMA AND YOUR “NARCISSIST” FORMER PARTNER
I’m always kind of taken aback when people do this.
Like. Why??? .
Why do you think I want to hear all about your exes?
You can DUMP ALL OVER THEM AND THEY HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU BECAUSE IT’S THEIR JOB and when you’re done you don’t have to ask “And how are YOU doing?”
Nah. It’s ALL about you.
And you ought to get some insight and healing at the end of it.
So DON’T talk about your past partners. Ever. No need to.
Maybe briefly in passing if one of them is the mother or father of your children.
But if you do, talk about them in a legendary sort of way.
A phrase or two that describes the best parts of them as a poetic and heroic tribute.
Because IF you had children with them, at some point, they were the love of your life.
DO NOT bitch and moan and complain about them. EVER.
If you are tempted, get thee to your therapist and dump it all there and don’t come back until you can actually speak about them in the positive.
I did an episode recently about the people who go around all day, every day blaming the “narcissists” in their lives for their woes, for how much they were hurt. Blah blah.
No one gives a shit. Therapize that stuff until you stop your whining.
Learn from it. Become wise and superior and alchemized.
That’s hot.
And lastly:
10. Assume the best will happen because you are an awesome and lovely fucker who deserves deep love and radical, life-changing, seeing-God fucking
When you have an interaction with someone and you aren’t sure what’s going on and you find you have choices to make:
See if you can clear it up in real time. With them.
Choose the narrative that frames them as having the best intentions
Choose the narrative that frames you as being an amazing person.
I realize what I’m saying could be misconstrued to mean I’m condoning bad behavior and the rationalizing of it.
