5 Ways to Become a Multi-Orgasmic Couple – Transcript
Coming Together. It is the holy grail for being sexually in sync for a couple, and it’s easy when both of you are having dozens of orgasms in a session. They are bound to coincide at some point or at many points.
In Anami Land, we are all about the more, the merrier. We don’t do one-and-done around here. The more orgasms you have, the more pleasure you build up, the more bliss neurotransmitters and hormones you stack. The more you connect and bond, the more cash you make, the more weight you lose, the happier you get, yep.
Orgasms are medicine. They bond you, they heal you, they rebirth you. Here are five ways to become a multi-orgasmic couple.
Number 1: Emotional vulnerability.
This is key to Coming Together. Your orgasms, at least the deeper, life-changing ones we talk about in Anami Land, are nothing if not a barometer for how open you are with each other. When your guard is down, you let each other in.
Our Well-F**ked All Stars, Chris and Sara, whom we will meet in a few minutes, talk about how this shows up for them in the relationship and in their bed. The more honest they were with each other, the closer they got. The closer they got, the more orgasms they had.
People don’t realize how much they live in a defended place. They make excuses for why they don’t have sex, why they aren’t connecting, why they’re unhappy. At the root of it is living with walls around your heart and genitals. When we take those down, everything changes.
Speaking of which, way number 2 to become a multi-orgasmic couple would be: Yoni and lingam massages, aka genital worship.
The fastest way to de-armor and resensitize your genitals is to touch and love each other on the regular. A staple in the Anami repertoire for couples is worshipping at the altar of pussy and cock. In my Coming Together for Couples Salon, I guide you through step-by-step yoni and lingam massage routines.
The difference between yoni and lingam massage versus a good-old hand job is that your intention is to heal, awaken, and activate. Most people have numb genitals, either through trauma, unhealed issues, or simply not exercising them. Vaginal and penile weight training, anyone? Most people’s genitals are frozen. They don’t realize just how much sensation and ecstasy they can actually have. So much so that you walk around during the day and your genitals are like electric receivers pulsing with euphoria. And yes, tossing off dozens of orgasms.
Number 3: Slowing down.
When people rush to the finish line in sex, this is an avoidance of intimacy. Even if it’s unconscious, they want the act to be over as soon as possible. Men who ejaculate in five minutes? Terrified of intimacy. Women who rely on quick, bust-it-out clitoral orgasms? Petrified of getting close and being seen.
Slowing down helps you to bridge your conscious and unconscious selves. Where previously you were checked out during sex, now you are fully awake. You are daring to open to each other.
When you open on this deep level, you access not only the full Orgasmapedia of bliss, but you open on a cosmic God-level as well. This is why, with the deeper orgasms, people use words like “transcendent,” “saw God,” and “I was reborn.” All this spiritual language because you access the divine portal of creation and get fucked open to God.
Number 4: Technique evolves into intuition.
In my salons, I give you advance practices in every area, from breathing to finger movements to sexual positions to Tantric and Taoist qigong exercises, on how to harvest sexual energy.
However, once you get to a certain level of mastery and confidence, your technical skill morphs into an intuitive dance. The highest-level sex is when you can read each other’s bodies and emotions. You anticipate what to do next. You know how to get them over the next edge.
This wordless flow takes you out of your rational thinking mind and into the zone where all your movements are guided from a higher level of sensual genius. You’re inventing new moves as you go. This is where we want to live. This is where the orgasms pop off like fireworks, and you unleash your creative sexual brilliance.
Number 5: Last but definitely not least, this is a relationship and sexual essential. Every single couple deals with this issue in one way or another. Polarity is the idea that sexual opposites attract. Ultra-feminine women and uber-masculine men want to fuck each other’s brains out. It’s primal. It’s archetypal. It’s chemistry.
When you have an effeminate man and a masculine woman, they don’t fuck. You might have mistakenly bought into some current programming and propaganda on what gender is, but the genitals don’t lie. Beta bitch, overly accommodating, apologetic men make women go dry, and extra controlling, belligerent, argumentative women make men go limp.
If you are wondering why you are at a stalemate in the bedroom and you haven’t thought about this before, here’s your answer.
I, personally, am attracted to mega alpha males, always have been. They stir up my loins watching them do anything because everything they do with a level of mastery and confidence is foreplay.
If you bought into some of the narrative over the past decades about how being gender neutral is the way to go, you can leave that all behind. I know it’s not working for you because, despite the allure to be politically correct—an allure I’ve never understood—the proof is always in the pudding, or in this case, in your orgasms and lack thereof.
In the salon, we celebrate the iconic differences that make it an orgasmic joy to be alive, and we love and adore them in each other.
I often give this example of seduction by a beta male. “Um, honey, if you weren’t, like, too busy later, if you didn’t have anything else better to do, I was wondering if, um, maybe you’d like to have sex? And could you sign this consent form here, please, if you don’t mind?”
Right. So the woman is going to make an appointment to get a fucking root canal because nothing is going to be worse than that—whatever that fucking was. Not an offer; it’s just an absolute guaranteed rejection and a no. [Laughs] You just made me go dry.
Versus a confident alpha male who pins a woman up against the wall, spreads her thighs open with his knee, puts her arms and her wrists up over her head, forcefully slams into her, nuzzles his grizzly, stubbled neck into hers, and says, “Baby, I’m going to take you now, and I’m going to fuck the shit out of you.” Then tosses her over his shoulder and carries her off into the bedroom.
She will drop everything she’s doing. She will cancel any appointment, and she will follow you to the ends of the earth, dripping wet. Yeah.
Then you could have a woman who is, on the, let’s say, more masculine side, and just wants sex to get it over as fast as possible. “Listen, I’ve got stuff to do. Why don’t you just finish up and we’ll get on with it?”
Versus a woman who greets you at the door in lingerie and a blow job when you get home. Yes. Getting on your knees as a woman on the regular is actually going to make you most powerful. We, as women, get our power through surrender. This is how we activate feminine energy and flow.
Me getting tossed around by a wild and firm hand and body is one of the secrets to my success. Toss me, pound me, impale me, and soften me.
[Music plays.]
KIM: Today we are speaking with our All Stars, Chris and Sara. I will introduce them with words from Chris. He says, “I can orgasm without ejaculation dozens of times in our sessions. We had one four-hour session where she had 37 orgasms. The G-spot is my best friend. I cannot believe how it’s orgasm after orgasm. I fucking love the G-spot.”
Hello, Sara and Chris.
SARA: Hi!
CHRIS: Hello.
KIM: It’s great to have you guys, Well-F**ked All Stars.
CHRIS: It’s a pleasure to be here. Thank you.
KIM: So, I would love to hear more about the journey of where you were, how you came to find this work, and where you are now.
CHRIS: Since we started your work, we’ve had more sex than anyone we know. But it’s probably more like more sex than everyone we know combined.
KIM: I love that. Well done!
SARA: I’ll start by saying that before becoming more familiar with your work, Kim, I had spent a few years just doing general women’s health education for myself. I think along the way, Instagram probably led me to you.
Then, a couple of years later, I feel like I was just in the sphere for a while and learning my own body, so to speak. Then it wasn’t until a couple of years later that Chris—and I’ll let him tell more of his story—started to express an organic desire for deeper intimacy. Even his sexual appetite had increased so much.
I was like—ding!—“I think I know exactly what we need.” I had already been following you for a little bit. So we started looking more intently into your offerings, and it was just good timing for it all.
CHRIS: I feel like this changed our lives so much, and the work that you put out for free was so valuable that when she told me there was a course, I said, “Yes, let’s pay it.” I would pay for what we already learned in such a short period.
SARA: There was a seven-day challenge that you were advertising on the website.
KIM: Yeah, a sex cleanse.
CHRIS: Yeah.
SARA: Sex cleanse, yes. Yeah. We said, “Let’s do that,” and then it was just really wonderful timing for us. Yeah, it made saying yes to the course very easy.
CHRIS: Yeah. We’ve been together 14 years, 10 years of marriage. We were having sex like three times a week, 30-minute sessions, with her having a clitoral orgasm as I orgasmed, and we thought we were really good at this. I just had no idea. It was just scratching the tip of the surface.
Now, since May of last year, we probably average two-plus hours a day. Every day and still.
SARA: Going to bed early.
CHRIS: Rolling over in the middle of the night. We can’t keep our hands off each other. You should see our goodbye kiss every day. It’s ridiculously passionate.
KIM: A Notebook-style kiss? [Laughs]
CHRIS: Oh yes. Yes. I grew up being told that sex is wrong and evil and all that stuff, and I was always ashamed of my body. I wanted to have sex with the lights off and the covers over me.
Now, I am naked all the time. My neighbors say, “Put some clothes on.” [Laughs]
SARA: He tried to have sex with me on the trampoline the other day. [Laughs]
CHRIS: It’s just been absolutely life-altering. And thank you.
KIM: That’s amazing to hear. What was the catalyst? Especially you, Chris, it sounds like you had a lot of oppression from your upbringing. What were some of the key things that really shifted that for you and opened you up? Because that’s quite a dramatic change.
CHRIS: Yeah. Shortly before your work, I had a near-death experience, and I came out of it feeling energy that I had never felt before. I wasn’t even aware how much I lived in my mind and was disconnected from my body.
So that was part of my appetite increasing, and through your work and being exposed to breathing, I started to breathe differently, and I started to feel the energy differently. It’s so life-giving, and I just lost my fear of it and lost the judgment around all of it that I was taught. I think I just started to see the beauty in it.
We were just talking about how the physical sensation of sex is amazing. But what is even better is the intimacy and the connection. I told Sara the other day, I feel like when we are having sex, our souls are kissing and touching. It’s a deeper emotional connection. I think sex is an expression of love.
I think it’s feeling the energy that has been the game-changer for me.
KIM: Yeah. That’s interesting because I think most people just go through the motions of sex. There’s a reward at the end of a brief sugar high. You have a couple of minutes of pleasure, and that’s it. And it’s not even the tip of the iceberg. It’s such a shallow fraction of what’s really available.
Even though you said that you guys were having regular sex and pretty good sex, or decent sex—maybe not with the comparison of, okay, here’s what’s available now—but still, by anyone’s standards, pretty good. Then, to reach into this whole other universe; there’s this big secret and shroud hanging over the whole sexual sphere in this realm. It’s such a secret. All the censorship that feels like it is simply to keep that information from people of what the true depth and power of sex really is.
CHRIS: Yeah, absolutely. I think I have an example that you’ll appreciate. We’ve been sleeping in the same bed for 14 years, and we fell into a routine of hugging and holding each other for a few minutes, and then we’d roll over. “All right, time to go to sleep. You stay on your side of the bed; I stay on my side of the bed.”
I’ve always teased Sara that sometimes she cocks her head back and breathes on me, and I say, “I can’t breathe your exhaust. Turn away or don’t breathe on me.”
But since we’ve done this intimacy work, we can hold each other physically all night long. And I inhale her breath. I can’t get enough of her. I want to breathe her. I want to smell her. It’s intoxicating. I want to kiss her. I want to touch her. Our hugs, it’s like I’m squeezing her until we become one person.
And I’ve never experienced that, but I say, “I can’t get enough. I want to hold you. I want to touch you all night long.” And we have. We sleep like that. It is such a big change.
I think that’s a good example of what’s going on emotionally.
KIM: Anything you want to add to that, Sara? That was beautiful.
SARA: Yeah. I think that captures it really well, as long as we’re working on semen retention. We have come from a place where I was reliant on a clitoral orgasm for my own pleasure, and that was just a quick one-and-done, intense, fast experience.
So over the last year of doing this work, since the Coming Together Salon, my experience has evolved. This experience has evolved into a try not to rush. And then it’s also to open myself up to the experience of a slower surrender, where I can then experience the waves that follow. The waves of various multiple orgasms in that session.
That’s why I say “we” are working on semen retention, because it is an experience of slowing down that has been so rich for both of us.
And if we have a really intense, fast experience together, he’s more susceptible to coming during sex. And the aftermath doesn’t have the same afterglow. There are a lot of factors there, but it’s just been a fun contrast to learn.
CHRIS: It definitely takes both of us, and I appreciate that work. The semen retention is going well. I made it three weeks and then three weeks and then three weeks, and I’m almost to the three-week mark again, and I’m going to make it a month. I’m going to make it a month, Kim. [Laughs]
KIM: When you say you’re going to make it when you’re practicing the semen retention, does that mean that you’re choosing to ejaculate? Or you feel like you get to a place where it’s hard and it feels like you can’t control it, even though we all know that you can?
CHRIS: Yes. I’ve got a lot of control over it. One time we were having a wonderful session, and she told me that she loved me. It was the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard, and that pushed me over the edge.
So when she says that it’s “we,” we’re practicing this, and she has to help. I’ll say, “Sometimes you’ve got to tone it down a little bit. You can’t be the full sexy Sara.” We’ve learned that going slow helps.
I think the reason she told that story is because if I lose my semen, we’re not holding each other all night long.
SARA: That’s the afterglow. Yeah.
KIM: So you feel a withdrawal energetically? Like you want to withdraw?
CHRIS: Yeah.
SARA: I think there’s an environment of emotional safety, but there’s less of that physical drawing inward. It’s just more the energetics of it. It’s more like we’re done now, yeah.
KIM: Yeah. And I think that’s a dynamic everybody experiences who’s not practicing really conscious control. With men, there’s a sense of abandonment, pulling the rug out from under the woman, and the couple, the end result is feeling less close and connected afterward. Like there’s been a severance. A stopping point.
Men who are practicing conscious control and being aware of semen retention—it’s like a hill—we don’t ever descend from it. We keep climbing the hill, and then the mountain, and we might plateau and take a bit of a breather, but we don’t fall off. We don’t go back to ground zero.
It’s interesting that you guys are sensitive to that and can really feel it happening.
CHRIS: Yeah. Again, sex for me, I think I’m beyond my own sensation, and I’m really sensing the energy in her body. That has been so beautiful because it keeps me moving all around her and not just staying in one spot. I’m not too focused on what I’m getting or what I’m feeling. It feels like there’s this energetic dance going on.
Honestly, it’s just more fun not to stop that dance and to keep climbing the mountain. Semen retention has led to way better connection and a way better experience. Sometimes we choose to have an ejaculation, and we can celebrate. It’s beautiful.
KIM: Even when you choose to do it, do you still feel that slight drop in the connection after?
CHRIS: Not as much. It’s hard to continue kissing. It’s hard to hold all night long. But when it’s a choice I made, I think the emotional connection stays the same. It’s something that we can celebrate instead of feeling that disappointment, like it used to be. “Aw, I didn’t want to do that.” I like it when it’s under my control.
KIM: Tell me about these internal orgasms.
CHRIS: I wanted you to know that I’m having them, and it’s beautiful, and I’m trying to feel the energy. I do feel the energy moving around my body and I’m breathing. But I haven’t been able to take it all the way into my head and have that explosion. I haven’t had it cause tremors all over my body.
KIM: Don’t tell me what you haven’t done. Just tell me how good they are. You don’t have to minimize.
CHRIS: Well, it’s a lot like having a regular orgasm. My cock will pulse, and it feels like I’m spewing inside of her, but I’m not. I’m in control of it. And it’ll pulse eight, nine times and then stop. I feel the energy go down just a little bit. But I still have my erection. I didn’t lose the semen. Then it’s another round.
I’m almost totally in control of when it happens. I can do that dozens of times in our sessions. We had one four-hour session where she had 37 orgasms. The G-spot is my best friend. I can’t believe how insatiable she is, just orgasm after orgasm. I just fucking love the G-spot.
KIM: Hers or yours?
CHRIS: [Laughs] Hers. We haven’t found mine. We’ve looked for it. [Laughs]
KIM: So she’s having 37 orgasms, and when you then are having your internal orgasms, how many do you think you’re having? Which is continuous.
CHRIS: I’m really in control of it. I can almost have it whenever I want, and I try to time it for when she’s having one. Or when I feel like I’m getting to a 9 and it’s getting close, it’s a way to let some of the energy out. Then afterward, I can continue to last longer. I don’t know, dozens for sure. Yeah.
SARA: Yeah, even in a session where I’m having 37, you’re probably having 10 of your own climaxes.
KIM: Fantastic. Any other gems before I hit stop and you pelt me with some more? [Laughs]
SARA: I will say this. Yeah, it’s all coming out now. [Laughs] I think there’s a portion of the salon that was just this really wonderful celebration of the penis. A celebration of the cock. Maybe it’s woven throughout, but I think ever since the salon, it’s been so much more fun to enjoy the form and the experience of the Tantric experience of really celebrating this man’s cock.
I can’t express it. I think I’ve always loved him, and I love the sensation of feeling the cock and enjoying sex, but there’s a whole other quality. We’ve joked that I might say good night to Chris and then say good night to his cock. It’s this whole other being that I get to celebrate and enjoy, and I think it just enriches the whole exchange.
CHRIS: It does. And I get to say, “I’m up here, Sara. Up here.” [Laughs]
KIM: Look here, not here. Right. [Laughs] I love it.
CHRIS: And we’ve come up with fun pet names for our genitals, which has been good. This is a safe space, right? Should we just share?
SARA: [Laughs]
KIM: Sure.
CHRIS: I call her pussy the “well spring palace.”
KIM: Beautiful.
CHRIS: And she calls my cock “Congo.”
KIM: Love it.
CHRIS: Can I explain why?
KIM: Sure.
SARA: It might be a bit dated.
CHRIS: We were just looking into average penis sizes, and in America, it’s five and a half inches. But my penis seems to be from the Congo because it’s the same average as that. So we’ve had a lot of fun with that. [Laughs]
KIM: That’s great. Yeah, I was looking at that chart recently.
Sara, you’ve had the pleasure of G-spot and cervical orgasms. Explain more about that.
SARA: Yeah. I was just recounting before our call what it felt like for me early on in the learning process, accepting that a clitoral fast was going to be better for me long term. What I experienced early on was that some sessions would really lack any climactic experience because my body was so wired for that clitoral orgasm.
A fast was really important for me. I knew that early on. But when that melted away and we could appreciate the exercise of really coming together in the intimate space and being exploratory and creative, it opened up everything.
In fact, I was really surprised by how much we were ready to do anal play and incorporate that into our practice early on. That helped because it offered this other avenue of pleasure that we had never experimented with before. It broke open the exploratory seal, so to speak.
Then we could come back, over several sessions, and practice G-spot technique, and I could relax into the process, just reorienting to a new sense of pleasure. The slower waves that come with the G-spot, say, nowadays they don’t come on as slow. They come on pretty fast, actually.
But reorienting to this new way of pleasure, and the return on that was just so much more expansive than that clitoral orgasm experience, because before, when I relied on that clitoral orgasm, once it happened, it was over.
But then that G-spot and deeper cervical orgasm was the ultimate reward. Just to be able to experience those same things over and over and over in a three- or four-hour session is so rewarding that I’ll never turn back. Now, I feel as if we can be so creative that the clit comes in sometimes into our play, but it’s not a priority anymore, and it’s so liberating.
KIM: Excellent. So what do you feel like those deeper orgasms do for you?
SARA: With my yoni at the epicenter, I feel like each wave creates this circle of sensation. These tingling feelings and goose bumps go down the leg, up the torso, and across the arms. It’s like this radius, radiating out from the center. Every wave just gets more intense, wider, and expands every time it comes. I feel as if what we’d normally do is open up in that experience to several G-spot waves before we go for a cervical orgasm. Every wave creates an opening in my body and my energy field for a deeper connection.
Especially if he’s entering with his cock, I feel that every wave is opening and softening me further and further and further. For me, personally, that’s a gratifying experience that I never really knew all the way, when I was reliant on a clitoral orgasm. It’s just been really rewarding to feel that experience in my body of opening and softening, opening and softening.
There’s such a direct connection between that physical body opening and softening and the opening and softening of my own heart space. My own emotional body. Ultimately, these waves and the practice that we do together, as a woman, I just find a softer, more tender part of myself in life, alongside the practice that we do together. That’s just another element of the reward of this work.
CHRIS: I’ve seen you laugh and cry.
SARA: In sex?
CHRIS: Yeah.
SARA: Yeah. We’ve had some more intense moments where it felt like a really deep emotional release, especially in a cervical orgasm. Again, every wave feels like an opening and a surrendering and a softening. I know of a few occasions in particular where I could almost imagine my heart snapping open and almost like a maniacal laughter. I’ve described it as ancestral grief or ancestral rage that comes with these more intense orgasms.
I call it ancestral because I have this worldview that this expression that’s coming out is not mine. It doesn’t have words. It’s like an expression coming from past lives. Ancestral doesn’t have any explanation in the real world, and it might come out as a scream or deep tears that, again, don’t have any words, or just maniacal laughter. I’ve experienced that as well.
And when it’s over, it’s like, “Wow! What was that? A psychedelic experience. I don’t know, we just went somewhere and now we’re back.”
[Laughter]
KIM: Yeah, fantastic.
SARA: Glad you brought that up. [Laughs]
KIM: What’s that?
SARA: I am glad he brought that up because I had forgotten some of those experiences.
KIM: Yeah. Chris, is there an equivalent to that for you? When you’re riding that edge and you’re not ejaculating, what’s going on? Are you having similar kinds of deep psycho-emotional experiences?
CHRIS: No. I’m a little jealous. Maybe that will happen in the future. I think I’m just happy. [Laughs] This is what life is supposed to be like. It’s like the world makes sense, everything just fits, and I feel like I can do anything, and we’re right where we’re supposed to be, doing what we’re supposed to be doing. I just have that sense of peace. Yes, this is how we’re supposed to be connecting.
But I haven’t broken down crying or laughing or felt ancestors. Yet. [Laughs]
KIM: What else has happened as you watch this elevation of your sex life and you’re having hours of sex a day? What are the flow-outs into your outer life? What do you see change and transform?
SARA: Can I start with that?
CHRIS: Go ahead.
SARA: I’ll start with the heavier piece. I think the more intimacy we cultivate physically, the more it demands that we clear the glass and continue to practice radical honesty. That can put some burdens on our interactions, but it’s ultimately rewarding because we’re achieving an accountability in our relationship that matches the physical intimacy that we practice.
I do want to start with that. We’ve had some big truth conversations. If it weren’t for the years of being together and establishing emotional safety with one another, I don’t think we would’ve had the container to traverse the radical honesty that we’ve expressed with one another.
I would say that would be first.
CHRIS: Yeah. Well, I made a career change since we started doing this. I am 5’3” and 44 years old. I developed a passion for playing and coaching basketball. I’ve become quite the player and coach. I hit 94 out of 100 free throws the other day, which is elite-elite. I’m coaching a minor league professional team now, coaching some of the best players in the city we live in.
They’re really responding to my energy well, and I think a lot of it is because of the work that we’ve been doing here. I’ve always been a very confident person, but this is a whole different confidence that comes from having this intimacy with Sara. It translates directly into my career that way.
KIM: Fantastic. But you were in quite a different career before?
CHRIS: Oh yeah, totally. I’ve owned nine businesses. I was a business consultant, and I had a major hip injury, so I wasn’t very mobile. I had a lot of pain in my physical body, and I think this work helped to release tension in my hip. Now I can run and play basketball for hours with young men in their twenties, and I can beat them sometimes, which is fun.
KIM: [Laughs] Would you say that basketball is more of a passion? Like your true expression?
CHRIS: Yes, absolutely. Sara teased me when I was a business coach. She said, “You’ve been coaching basketball even when people didn’t play basketball.” Because I’d be telling these business owners, “Oh, on a fast break, this happens, da, da, da, da, and this is how it applies to your business.” And they’d say, “Okay.” [Laughs] “I don’t play basketball, but that makes sense.”
SARA: Yeah. I would say in the 14 years that I’ve known Chris, when we were first dating, we would go to NBA games in the city where we lived, and it was just always this cute hobby. But at the time when we met, we had corporate careers we were pursuing, and we even worked together as business consultants.
And all the while, Chris would have to get away, watch his NBA games, and talk about basketball sometimes, and it was just this very back-burner interest.
But in the last year, I’ve seen that shift into, “I think this is a dream that I have to go after. I have the skills, and I feel as if my whole life, I’ve been accumulating these concepts in order to prepare me for leadership in this field.” I’ve never seen him take it seriously or really believe in it as much as he has this year.
I would echo the same for my own creative passions. We’ve always been good workers and work well together, but this year it’s as if we’re both pushing against edges we’ve never pushed before. Believing in ourselves in ways we’ve never done before.
Everything else was just mitigating risk and making good choices financially, but this year, it’s been almost reckless abandon. Just really believing in our own power. If that makes sense.
KIM: I love that. That’s very well said and inspiring. The freedom and how you described the anal play, breaking through these previous taboos and new experiences, is reflected in your outer life as making it easier to push through limits that may have held you back before. Where it becomes really easy and natural.
CHRIS: Yeah.
SARA: Yeah, definitely.
CHRIS: It’s definitely impacted our polarity. I wanted to thank you for several things, but the polarity was one thing that was really good for us. My masculine side, I think I’ve been told by people to basically tone it down my whole life.
KIM: Tone down your masculine?
CHRIS: Yeah. I think I’d been pushed to be right in the middle. “Just be in touch with your feminine and your masculine, but really don’t show either one. Just be in the middle.”
I’m a conflict-resolution guy. I’m really good at negotiating boundaries and challenges in relationships. I’ve just thrown some of that to the side and almost gotten into fights with people because I just feel more passion, mostly on the basketball court.
But it’s been a lot of fun to just let that out a little bit and be a little more assertive. It’s fun to watch how people respond to it.
Then I’ve seen Sara become more feminine, and it’s created a real attraction. It’s been beautiful. I wanted to thank you for that part of your work.
KIM: Well, it’s a really key part of the work. It’s a theme that’s at play in every single relationship, and most couples know it. They feel it, but they don’t have the vocabulary for it until we name it as polarity. Women are meant to be more feminine, and men are meant to be more masculine. We can play and go back and forth a bit. But essentially we’re happier, there’s more chemistry, and we’re in balance. It’s natural harmony. It’s yin and yang. It is the way of the Tao. We live in a polarized universe. We’re here to explore those polarities and not shy away from them and try to neutralize them.
It is usually a really big theme, and I’m really glad to hear that because it’s something I do speak about, this vilification of the masculine these days, this movement toward gender neutrality and wiping these things out. Trying to pretend they don’t exist. It’s lying to people and trying to program them to get rid of these things and not value them.
So I love hearing that you’re both embracing them.
SARA: Yeah. I was raised by two single moms who, I’m sure, experimented with their relationship in the years they were together. But these strong women taught me to be tough. “We don’t need those men.” I learned how to change oil in a car before I could drive. There was this really strong second-wave feminism culture in my home growing up. It was a strange contrast to encounter while going to a somewhat conservative Christian church at the same time.
So there’s a nice taste of repression and toxic masculinity in the female body. I think Coming Together, meeting Chris in my young adulthood, our relationship has been a really interesting reconciliation of that.
Then this full permission, starting with the Coming Together Salon, to practice radical polarity, where I’m wearing dresses every day with no panties, and I’m noticing how wet I am all the time, ready anytime for us to get together.
That was so playful, and it really opened me up to a whole other sphere of expression. It just seems as if this modern Western world I grew up in didn’t give permission for that. Like that’s a luxury you don’t have, to act like a fun, flirty female.
It was just a really fun game to play. I think it’s directly fed into my own creative work as a writer and even how I relate to other women who run in circles; it’s just completely different knowing that I can lean into a more feminine quality in my life.
KIM: Lovely. So is there anything else that you guys would like to share about your journey and transformation?
CHRIS: Definitely. She’s started squirting every single time now. It’s like she’s in total control of it, and I wanted to share that as the man who gets to experience that, I feel like she marked her territory when she squirted on me. I felt like we bonded, and I felt more like hers than I did before.
KIM: Wow!
CHRIS: It was a really powerful experience. She explained that when a woman takes on a man’s semen, you might feel a bond that occurs. So having the ejaculate from a woman go onto me and in me, I think I got to experience a different connection, and I wanted to say how wonderful it is.
KIM: I love that insight about the marking of territory because that’s what happens with animals, right? When they spray.
CHRIS: Yeah. It felt good to be sprayed.
[Laughter]
KIM: With the waters of life.
CHRIS: Yes, yes.
KIM: Anything else?
CHRIS: I’ve got an interesting story. I had almost a vision, I guess you’d say. I’ve always pictured the divine energy as masculine, and this divine energy took form as a woman, and it was wild when that energy started to flirt with me and started to tell me that sexual energy is from the divine and it’s good.
Then I felt like this divine energy wanted to go down on me. I said, “What is going on here?” Then I felt enveloped in this love, and then it was like she took form as a woman and told me she loved me, and I just lost it, crying. So that’s maybe the experience that Sara has had in bed, and I just felt like, wow, at everything.
I have so many questions spiritually. I have no idea what’s going on. But I’ve changed my language. I’ve started saying Goddess instead of God, and I started saying, “Oh my goddess,” instead of “Oh my god.” I feel like because of this sexual work that we’ve done, I’ve fallen in love with the divine feminine and with feminine energy.
I don’t know if other people have similar experiences, but this has just made me damn near worship Sara, and it’s been very expansive and made me appreciate the lover and the mother. Women.
SARA: And I remember when you came to share that experience with me over the course of a few days, and you said, “I want to share that this happened to me.” I remember your hesitancy. I can imagine that it was a relief. Maybe you were fearing judgment or whatnot, but I remember when you told me, and it just seemed like it was a beautiful way to orient to self, your sexual desire, and I think you were afraid that I would feel jealous about it.
CHRIS: I wasn’t sure what the hell happened. Is this an imagination thing? It just happened. I’d never had anything like that before, but I can only credit it to getting into some of these energetic places, and I guess I feel a little more spiritual than I did before and don’t really know what it all means.
But yeah, I was definitely hesitant. “Are you going to think I’m crazy for saying this? Is God a woman? Is God both? Is there a God?” I don’t know. [Laughs] It’s just something that didn’t happen before we dabbled with all this stuff.
KIM: Well, I often use the phrase “the psychedelics of sex.” The ancient practices in Taoism and Tantra used sex as a ladder to attain higher states of consciousness. They could leverage this energy to propel them up and elevate with it.
When I say that, it’s not just pretty poetry; it’s literal truth that women have it through their cervical orgasms. They have that channel that goes up from the cervix, up through the heart, up to the crown, and they often use words that are akin to people describing spiritual experiences. Many women will say they felt like they saw God. They have these full rebirthing experiences.
Men, I think, through sustained pleasure, not just bailing out quickly but being able to ride that edge for longer, that’s what helps to propel them into these states of consciousness. They’re building and cultivating that energy, and then it pushes them into these other states.
CHRIS: Wow. Thank you. That feels a little bit more normal now. [Laughs]
KIM: Oh, totally. The truth of what our sexual experiences are meant to bring us is this self-propelled, altered state of consciousness and awareness, where most people out there are seeking drugs or alcohol to take them to what they think are higher states of consciousness. I think they can get a little ways with those tools, but for the most part, the beauty and the magic is that we can do that ourselves.
What I referenced earlier is a deliberate effort to shroud people from the magic and the power of their sexuality; this is another part of that equation. We have the ability to spiritually liberate ourselves through the recognition that we have this power, this freedom, and this multidimensional awareness that we can begin to consciously access at any time.
We’re using our sexual energy in this more directed, conscious way, which is the opposite of what most people do, which is unconscious. Escape, unconscious, unplug, check out, going through the motions, there but not really there, there in body but not really there in heart or spirit. All of these things, like the mention of ancestral trauma clearing or deep energetic, emotional, and spiritual healing going on. Having visions. These are, to me, all the highest aspirations of conscious sexuality and what we can all achieve if we are cultivating these things.
CHRIS: Thank you. Well said. I have one more thing, if you have time for it.
KIM: Sure, yeah.
CHRIS: I want to say thank you for getting into the techniques. I’m 44, and I’ve never had a single person in my whole life talk to me about sex or about any technique or anything. It’s led to a comfort level that allowed me to trust myself and realize that I actually know what to do, and she knows what to do. We just trust it.
Now we’re sucking on each other’s toes and arms and pulling hair and biting, and it’s like there’s just no limit to the pleasure. It’s become a beautiful dance. I didn’t know we could be this sexy and stay in that erotic arousal state for so long, and I didn’t know how healing and giving it could be. I just want to say thank you.
I’m sure you had to push through a lot of resistance to take this as public as you have. I’m really thankful that you did, Kim. It’s changed my life. Thank you.
KIM: Well, that’s very heartwarming to hear. Thank you. My hope is to ignite in people that recognition of what’s already within them. If I can hold up a light to that, my belief is that we are all creatively and sexually brilliant and geniuses, but that knowledge has been smothered over. It’s been conditioned over. It’s been traumatized over.
The irony is that the best healer is our sexual energy. It’s so powerful, profound, and cleansing. It’s so rebirthing and rejuvenating that if we can tap into that energy, it’s the very thing that will bring us back to center and then bring us into that innate knowing of how to be the most amazing, perfect lover.
Sometimes I balk at teaching technique, and I do throw some in there, in some areas where I think, “Okay, this will be helpful.” Because I don’t know that you can really teach somebody how to dance. You have to teach them how to become uninhibited enough to listen to the rhythm of their own body and the rhythm of the universe and interpret that in their own way. That is the key to being a brilliant dancer.
You can go out and see these choreographed pop singers and stuff, but I couldn’t imagine watching a show like that. I’ve never been to a show like that, and I don’t think I ever would go, because I just find it so fucking boring to see them do the same moves over and over and over again.
So you can go to a dance class and learn that, and look, having a few moves that you can throw into the mix is fine. That’s okay. But ultimately, you don’t tap that genius until you’ve done that inner liberation, where then your own unique individual expression and brilliance come out completely unfettered, without reservation, and begin to direct your entire life.
SARA: That is so beautifully said. I’m glad you said that because I do think that after relying on a technique for a little while, it didn’t take long for us to experiment with other things.
Something we rely on a lot lately is something we came up with, where I hum when I’m going down on him or giving him a lingam massage. I can actually press my mouth up against tension in the groin or even on the cock, his balls, or anything down there that I feel tension. I can actually just press my lips and do the humming action. There’s such a wonderful synchronicity between us, and the physical vibration of that space helps break up tension.
It’s just been so fun to come back to. I think we have found that uninhibited way where sex itself is a creative act where we just come up with anything. There are so many combinations to play with. It never ends.
KIM: I’m glad to hear what you said that the techniques can be a starting place if you’re feeling unsure or lack confidence in new territory. It gives you something to hold onto and a starting place. Then, once you develop, you say, “Oh, this works. This is having an impact. She or he is really enjoying this.” Then yes, you can build on from that and come to your own inner direction more and more.
CHRIS: Yeah. And your analogy of dancing is perfect. I think the technique just gets you moving, and then you’re more likely to feel the rhythm once you start to move, instead of sitting there frozen. So thank you.
KIM: Yeah. My pleasure. Anything else? Any words of parting wisdom?
SARA: I think I’ll just say for any men or women who are in the beginning stages of their exploration and feeling unsure, or like I said in the beginning, just noticing some perfectionism coming up, treat yourself with some compassion and just keep showing up.
I think I needed to hear that early on, especially while waiting for the right response to the G-spot techniques or whatnot.
KIM: When you say wait, you mean patience, right? Persisting with practicing and the technique and putting the time in, but giving yourself compassion to be patient. “Okay, it hasn’t happened yet, but we’re going to keep going.”
SARA: Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Compassion and patience. That was the main lesson for me early on. Thank you.
CHRIS: Yeah. And Kim, you say that every woman can have these orgasms. And I’d say to every man that you can be and are an incredible lover. Trust yourself. Respond to the energy. Go slow. Take your time and enjoy it. And breathe. Oh man, breathe.
SARA: Breathe. [Laughs]
CHRIS: Especially if you’re practicing semen retention.
KIM: Breathe, motherfucker. Wim Hof.
CHRIS: Wim Hof, yeah. Breathe, motherfucker.
KIM: You know what you say about the slowness—it’s funny. When you look at movies or TV shows and you watch people having sex, it’s generally quite fast and furious. They have to pack in a whole encounter in 30 seconds, which also programs people to think that sex lasts for 30 seconds.
But I think in that slowing down, you allow the time and space for that intuition to emerge. It’s like if you’re searching for the words to say in any situation and you pause and take a moment and collect your thoughts, then it comes.
But if you never give that space, you can just rush forward and never get a deeper truth. Never have that space for that to emerge and guide you.
I love that that was a big part of your process, the slowing down, because I think that’s a beautiful way to let that inner guidance emerge. You otherwise could just blow right past it and default into habit, default into, “We’ve done it this way before,” instead of daring.
I think it’s actually courageous because in those moments, you have to pause and realize, “I don’t know what direction I’m going to go.” Instead of just going forward, you pause and put yourself on that precipice of, “Okay, universe, body, self, which way do I go?” and allow that to come in.
CHRIS: Yeah. I think there’s an intimacy that comes with being naked for hours and hours with someone that you just don’t get if you rush through.
KIM: Yeah. Exactly. That’s why I’m such a proponent of the three-hour sex date. It’s not dinner, it’s not a walk in the park, it’s not a movie. It’s three hours of being naked with each other in some touch capacity. And when you do that, that’s when the magic happens. That’s when you get past your inhibitions, your fears, your mind shuts off, your distractions, and you can fully unwind into the moment and let those things come up.
And it’s like a workshop, an arena, where you’re allowed to experiment, and you’re allowed to go off-course and do things, because it’s not crucial that you get to the finish line in 20 minutes. Like we have a goal. We have 20 minutes before the kids get up or whatever. Instead, you’ve created this infinite portal in which to find yourselves and experiment.
CHRIS: Yes.
SARA: Yeah, well said.
KIM: Amazing. Well, thank you both so much for sharing and giving us an insight into your process and your relationship. It’s great to hear about your epic sex dates and daily sexual adventures [laughs] and different orgasmic experiences. Thank you for sharing.
CHRIS: Our pleasure.
KIM: Everything that Chris and Sara spoke about is available to you too. I guarantee it. Every couple can be having hours of sex, energy sex, multi-orgasmic sex, 20-30-40-orgasms-in-a-session sex and be turned on by each other for decades. It’s the Anami guarantee.
I walk you through how to get there step by step in the Coming Together for Couples Salon. This is my ten-week online program for couples where you learn everything from how to have wild, ten-hour-long Tantric sex to how to communicate from the heart and genitals to achieve deep vulnerability, step-by-step guided yoni and lingam massage, techniques to achieve all the deeper orgasms in women, G-spot, squirting, and cervical. Achieving superstar stamina in men, being able to have full control over when you orgasm, or if you do. I will also teach you how to orgasm without ejaculation and feminine and masculine polarity to amplify these energies in your life and bed. This is the secret to the hottest and lifelong sexual chemistry.
To sign up, go to KimAnami.com/lovers. Today is your final day to register for 2025, then the salon is gone again until 2026.
If you’d like to go deeper into all things orgasms, sign up for my free Orgasmapedia Series, where you’ll learn about nine different types of orgasms everyone can have. Go to KimAnami.com and you’ll see the sign-up there. Come one, come all.
