Podcast – Dickmatize Your Woman
The urban dick-tionary defines “dickmatize” as:
“To mesmerize or enchant a woman with your sexual prowess.”
I’d add to that, the noun of being dickmatized:
To be smitten and obsessed with dick. You’ll do anything for that dick. You’ve been put into a trance by…good dick. Happy, starry-eyed, blissed out, hypnotized by you and your come and your sexual powers. Example: “I can’t stop thinking about Mark and his cock. I’m obsessed. I’ve been dickmatized!”
Guys, how can you tell if your woman has been dickmatized?
Here are the sure signs. If she has been dickmatized correctly…
- She’s always grabbing your cock and dropping to her knees to admire it. Up close.
- She wants to have sex constantly
- She doesn’t nag you and is never freaking out or stressed about tiny, insignificant stuff
- She texts you eggplant emojis and hot photos all day long
- She’s happy, blissed out, goes with the flow and is a genuine and constant support in your life and work
- You wake up to her mouth around your cock
- She is gushing and coming, and having all kinds of multiple, vaginal orgasms on the regular
- When you’re out and about, you spot her across the room and she’s staring at you with starry eyes, a smile on her face, eyes only for you, involuntarily spreading her legs, or opening her mouth, and unbuttoning her blouse, or lifting her skirt
- She gushes about you to her friends
- 10) She gives you sexy nicknames like “Cock of the Century” and “God o’ Cock” and xxxxx
Gentlemen: you, too, can become a master dickmatist!
Back in the day when comedians could be funny and politically incorrect and wild, there was Eddie Murphy.
If you haven’t seen his Mr. White series from SNL back in the day, it’s genius.
One of my favourite parts of his Delirious – or it might have been Raw – standup specials was when he talks about how when you really, really fuck a woman open and she’s shaking and she’s been brought to her knees in the best of ways and she’s awestruck.
And he’s like “Whose pussy is it?”
“It’s your pussy!” She sobs…
“Whose pussy?? Whose pussy is it?”
“It’s your pussy!!!!!” She still sobbing.
He nailed what it’s like to fuck a woman into oblivion and she’s shattered and so, so open, so surrendered, a Slave to Love in the most wild and delicious of ways.
Like I say, if after fucking her, your woman isn’t looking at you like you are some kind of legendary sex god sent from the heavens to deliver her, you have further to go.
Because the goal is total fuck annihilation.
If you’ve ever brought a woman to that place, you know exactly what I mean.
And as a woman, if you’ve been brought to that place, you know exactly what I mean.
And if you’ve never been to that place—man or woman—well, let’s just say that this is the holy grail of your sex life.
In today’s interview, we have Jeff. He and his partner Jen have dove into all things Anami and have taken all my suggestions to heart and genitals.
From the Anami staples of 3-hour sex dates to sex weekends to vaginal orgasms, superstar stamina and making more cash than ever, they’ve now got it all.
Jeff is also one of those Anami Ambassadors who is always active on my Instagram comments, encouraging people and answering their questions.
When you know, you know!
We’ll talk especially on how his wife went from being a woman who was held back by religious and cultural taboo, and who is now, in his words, an insatiable sex monster.
WELL-F**KED ALL STAR JEFF:
KIM: Hello, Jeff, it’s great to have you.
JEFF: Hi, Kim. Happy to be here.
KIM: Let’s talk about the process of dickmatization. Tell us the story and evolution of your relationship to becoming a well-fucked couple, and especially a well-fucked man.
JEFF: What we have now is I’m married to a porn star. I don’t know how else to say it. She’s an insatiable monster that I’ve created, and I guess I do get to take credit for creating this, and she’ll tell you that too, but it was always there. I just didn’t know it. She lets me lead and if that’s not supposed to come out, it doesn’t.
I’ve been with my wife, Jen, for 29 years. This is our 29th year. I’m 49 years old and so is she. We were 20 years old when we met, and we’ve been together ever since. We kind of grew up together, I guess, or at least entered adulthood together.
We’re both also from the punk rock community from the 1980s. We have a really colorful past, she and I. She’s from Los Angeles and I’m from New York. And we’re in New York now.
We’re Gen Xers, right? We were born into the post-feminist era; that’s what people are calling it anyway, so we were raised to respect women and treat them as equals, and we kind of always did that. I didn’t even do any boys’ night out stuff when I was younger. The girls were always with us. All the couples hung out together and we really did treat each other as equals.
And that created mayhem for polarity. It doesn’t make any sense at all, and all the older guys understand what I mean. Some of the millennials in your classes with me, I don’t know if they understand what I’m saying. But the older guys definitely do.
We’re creating beta males in society. I know I’m not schooling you on this; you have plenty of content about it, and I fully agree with you, and that’s why I picked you to follow.
I kind of had to train myself on how to show up as a man because there was this push to treat women as equals and not disrespect them. And she deserves a seat at the table and I’m not walking in front of her; she’s walking alongside me. I really believed all that stuff.
And in the back of your mind, you’re wanting to treat this woman like a whore in the bedroom, but you can’t because that’s your wife and we don’t do that.
We exalt our women, especially the one that you’re choosing to be serious with and marry. Jen’s very submissive by nature in that sense, in our relationship, and it was hiding in plain sight for years and I didn’t know.
Now that I know more about your work, I would say that we were kind of like junk food sex people, as I think most people probably are that aren’t enlightened.
I had an interesting childhood that we don’t really need to get into, but there was not much of a masculine role model in my life, and I would almost categorize that as sexual trauma. Kind of a dark childhood. And my wife had some issues too when she was younger. She grew up with her dad, no mom in the picture, and we kind of fit well together. It’s a weird coupling.
Fast forward all these years later—
KIM: Let me interject one moment just to say I think we often find each other; our unhealed parts attract each other, and if we’re using the relationship consciously, it becomes the ultimate crucible in which to heal. But most people are attracted through those wounds and then they stay wounded because they don’t have the tools. So they can end up getting more hurt and traumatized and dysfunctional with each other because they don’t have the tools.
But if you have tools, then you become ultimate healers with each other in your conscious relationship.
JEFF: Yeah, for sure.
So I need to back up a little bit because I don’t want to miss this. I know I messaged you about this guy, Craig Douglas. He’s kind of a guru in the fighting world. Navy Seals train with this guy. He’s a high-level combatant instructor. He’s kind of the Kim Anami of the fighting world.
And if you follow him on social media, he’s kind of this James Bond character. He’s really fun. He’s the most dangerous guy in the room. Interesting cat.
And most of the stuff is about fighting-related things. And then your name came up in a post and I said, “What the hell is he talking about?” So I started reading this thing, and it was this big, long thread. Apparently his girlfriend is a past student of yours, and it was this really interesting conversation with a whole bunch of dangerous people, and we were talking about sex. And he lost some followers over it because of the language he was using. It was this crazy thing that happened.
KIM: What’s the topic of his post? I remember you tagged me, and you sent me that. Or maybe he tagged me and that’s how I found it. What was the topic?
JEFF: He got up on the podium and said, “This is going to come out of left field because we normally talk about fighting stuff, but you always have to fuck your woman.” It was kind of downplaying the making love thing a little bit, because that’s cool too. I would need it in front of me to read back through it, but it was a really polarizing thing that he said. Some people got upset and they didn’t know what to do. “Who hacked your account, Craig? Why aren’t we talking about fighting stuff?”
And I had this newfound respect for the guy because this stuff comes easy for me. I get it. I’m not embarrassed about any of this. I’m a man that wants to tell other men, “You need to get your shit straight and take a Kim class.” The world needs more of this. Marriages are falling apart, the polarity thing has been destroyed—as you’ve talked about—and this is how we’re going to fix this, and we need other men to lead men. It’s not just leading women; it’s leading men too.
So Craig posted your name, and I did this deep dive into you and signed up for your email list and started to look at some content. That was in January 2022.
My wife was fresh out of chemo. She had gained all this weight from that. People think when you get cancer you become this bag of bones, and not everybody does. And she was super fit before this. Our sex life, I think we had a dry spell for about a year and a half. That really fucked everything up.
She does a lot of traveling alone. She went off on this trip to heal her soul. She went out to the Pacific Northwest, and she hiked there and in Canada. Then she started working on her body, and I don’t know if you know what Orangetheory Fitness is. She got this nutrition coach, and she lost 45 pounds in a couple of months, and not only does she act like a porn star now, but she looks like one.
And I think she kind of showed up during this dry spell and said, “Have you looked at me? Because you better get on this.” And it kind of slapped me in the face. I had been looking at your stuff a little bit and we were going to go on this overnight hike.
I said, “You know what? Maybe we won’t go on an overnight hike. Let’s go to this spa that’s out on the east end of Long Island for the weekend.” And we did that, and that was unknowingly our first sex weekend.
And coming back from that, I thought, “I want to keep going.” And I did that with all your content. I think I watched every YouTube video you have, every podcast. If you made T-shirts, I’d wear them.
KIM: [Laughs] Love it.
JEFF: And some of the other couples—Jim and Meg—I really resonated with that story because I’m married to another version of Meg and we have a similar story. I approached Jen with this stuff and she’ll try anything.
So she agreed to do this, and it turns out, she just thought I was not a very sexual person and that’s why things were the way they were.
I thought junk-food sex was the way it was going to be, and that was good enough and whatever. I told her about you and the courses, and we couldn’t start the couples thing until April, so this was December. We watched videos about sex weekends that you put out. And you put out this thing—I should be angry because you cost me a lot of money—for Valentine’s Day ideas. You mentioned Faena. Well, holy shit—it was a very emotional thing to go there.
KIM: It’s like going to an art gallery or a museum. It really is a work of art.
JEFF: Yeah. You can’t fucking top that. There’s no way there’s a hotel in the United States that’s better than that place. I could do a whole podcast with you about Faena. I have the coffee table book in front of me that we bought from there.
KIM: Tell me about her orgasmic evolution. So she was having more clitoral orgasms and now you say she can have vaginal orgasms, G-spot, cervical, squirting. What happened there and how is she different? How has that made her into more of a well-fucked, dickmatized woman?
JEFF: Okay. So she will tell you that prior to December 2022, for 49 years of her life, she’d never had anything but a clitoral orgasm. It always had to be her hand. That’s the way we operated.
KIM: Even if you were having sex, she’d be using her hand to stimulate her clitoris at the same time?
JEFF: Correct. The only way for her to get off was that way. There was never any vaginal orgasm. She’ll even tell you she had never heard of that. She didn’t even know what that was. She didn’t know; she’d never heard of that before.
I think for most men, the whole squirting thing becomes this party trick that we have to learn how to do.
KIM: The Holy Grail.
JEFF: Yeah. We went through this period of trying to accomplish that—and we did—and I spent a lot of time trying to perfect that prior to taking any classes with you. It was squirting and clitoral stuff. And we then did the G-spot Salonette that you have on the site to hold us over. We wanted to work on something. And we went on this three-month G-spot excursion. Those three-hour sex dates? Every single time that we had sex was that long working on that. I was making the mistake of trying to do it too much with clitoral stimulation and vibrators and things like that. It was very elusive, and I couldn’t figure out how to make it happen over and over again. So we were in the lab for a while.
Then we started the Coming Together Salon and there was more of a structure of what we should be doing. Your staff told me to stop with the vibrators. They talked about going on a clit fast and trying not to involve any clitoral stimulation at all, and we took that to heart.
She’s had A-Spot cervical orgasms. When we were in Tulum, she left the planet. It had to be something cervical, and what’s so crazy about this is you don’t even know what’s happening. Because I didn’t know enough. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. But I had these techniques, and it worked.
The noises that were coming out of her—I was screaming at her to open her eyes and look at me. I wanted her to look at my face. And she couldn’t hear me. It went on for two minutes; it was an exorcism, but in a good way.
You guys are always talking about putting towels down. We bought a blanket that’s waterproof. So we’ve mastered that part. That thing is just on our bed all the time because it’s always soaking wet no matter what we’re doing.
She had this cervical experience during Coming Together where, in the center of her body, kind of in her heart, she felt this warming heat sensation that moved throughout her limbs and shot up through her neck into her head, and she said it came out of her third eye. That was another crazy, how-did-we-do-that kind of thing? She was lying there for a good 20 minutes after that, and her arms were tingling. It was a pretty powerful thing.
So we’ve had some crazy orgasmic things happen. We’ve been trying to duplicate those experiences and we’re just enjoying the ride. It doesn’t happen every time. She finally figured out that she’s been having G-spot orgasms for the longest time. They’re much more subtle, she says, than the waves thing that you’re talking about. But I can do that to her.
Another interesting thing, too, is she was not into receiving oral sex. It was almost a waste of time because there was very little feeling. She was pretty numb. And now she loves it, and it works, and I can give her G-spot orgasms orally.
JEFF: I’m pretty proud of that.
KIM: That is quite an accomplishment, I agree.
JEFF: Like I told you, we came out of a sex weekend yesterday, and it was an awesome one. It was waves and waves, and she was laughing uncontrollably. That was the first time I’ve seen that happen, that emotional thing coming up. And then she was hysterically crying. It was a pretty powerful thing. Then I was crying. It was this really cool experience that we had.
So we kind of have it all figured out. She’s a changed woman. We had three sex dates planned right out of the gate, and one of them was three hours. And she added a fourth day, and they’re all three hours. Some of them are five hours long.
You just get lost in the time. It just goes on and on and there’s no need to stop.
KIM: I think people at first can feel intimidated or anxious about the notion of having such a long sex date, but when you really get into it, you’re right. The time goes by like nothing. Hours can go by, and you don’t even realize it and you’re shocked. “How did … Our eyes were closed for four hours.” [Laughs]
JEFF: When I first heard about a three-hour sex date, I said, “How do you do that?” Now I think, “How do you not do that?” We can’t do this without it being that long now. It’s just the way it is.
KIM: How often do you have three-hour sex dates?
JEFF: At least four times a week. Like I said, we’re both ultra-endurance athletes and she’ll make a joke about “that’s why this comes so easy,” and we don’t quit anything unless something is painful. Two to three hours every single time. We’re talking 10 to 12 hours of sex a week.
KIM: Amazing. Did you have that kind of stamina a few years ago? Have you always had it? Or did you figure as long as she got her clitoral orgasm, then you were good? What happened with your stamina?
JEFF: I can last as long as I want doing that and it’s just the speed of things and the angle of your hips and all of that kind of stuff, the thrusting thing. I’m servicing her. If I want this to end anytime for myself, I can.
But I can control that; the four-count breathing works for me.
KIM: Where was your stamina before? How long would you typically go for and now you can go for hours, it sounds like?
The stamina in the past, I would say, was zero. She got off first and then I was done in two minutes. And it was not two-pump chump; it’s just we had to hurry up and get done. We allotted this kind of time to sex. You know what I mean?
But now, there’s a conscious effort on my part to get better at this. I want to get better at this, and I want to be able to pound her cervix for hours. She wants that. She’s super into the deep cervical thing.
It’s easy for me to hit her; no matter what position we’re in, I can do that. She loves doggy, trying for cervical. And I can see that you can get really violent with this. I don’t know if that’s the right word to use, but it is this internal violence that’s happening and she’s craving it more and more. And the louder she gets and the more turned on she is, the harder it is for me to stay in the fight. So I need to work on that.
JEFF: Yeah, I would say I could go for hours. In the past, I didn’t know that I had permission to go for hours, and I didn’t even understand that was a thing. So we didn’t know what we didn’t know.
The vaginal orgasm thing takes as long as it takes. Sometimes it’s pretty quick for her; other times it’s 45 minutes to an hour. And if you’ve never done it for that long, you would never know what’s around the bend. And I think that’s the biggest part of this, figuring that out, and now we’re not going to do it any other way.
When I say three-hour sex date, it’s not three hours of intercourse. Not usually anyway. It’s a little bit of everything. It’s kind of a smorgasbord of everything on your list.
KIM: Right. You said that her blow jobs have become savage.
JEFF: Yeah. She’s really into doing that. She always was, but not like this. She’s super turned on now by everything that we’re doing. Like I said, I kind of created a monster. If you don’t want blow jobs like that, don’t teach your woman how to do this stuff. It just kind of comes naturally.
KIM: [Laughs] Don’t turn on your woman and make her an insatiable sex monster if you don’t want to have blow jobs all the time.
JEFF: Correct. I don’t know why you would not want that, but maybe you don’t. But our society has this way of calling men “horndogs” and saying that we’re insatiable pigs, and that’s bullshit. I think it’s women that are that way, and they may not know it, but once you uncover this and let it out—she has no off button. She can go forever.
You need to learn semen retention if you’re going to do sex weekends and have marathon-length sessions. It’s extremely depleting to keep having an orgasm as a man, ejaculating, I should say, over and over, and I can do it, but you lose the drive a little bit if you do that.
It’s in our best interest as men to learn to harness that and control that. But she’s ready to go forever, over and over again, and it’s great.
I don’t want to forget to mention the Madonna/whore thing that you talked about. She struggled with that and growing up in the neighborhood that she did, that was a thing. Girls were not supposed to be sluts. You know what I mean?
And that’s a powerful word for her. She doesn’t like that word for what it represents. And I’m sure women understand what I mean.
KIM: Well, women get insulted. I’ve watched them call women that name and they don’t even know about their sexual lives. They’re just using it as an insult because it’s become such a universal insult, which tells you a lot of the psychology that’s going on there and how we’ve all been susceptible to that. Yeah, it’s very deeply embedded within all of us consciously and unconsciously and it’s something we have to examine.
KIM: The main block seems to be some of that Madonna/whore thing. Looking at your woman as this insatiable being, giving her permission to go there, to not be judged by herself, by you, by society. That helps to open up that space.
Were there conversations where you were helping her to see, and even helping yourself to realize, “Okay, I’m all right looking at my woman this and treating my woman this”? Because obviously there was a transition for you. It sounds like there was some kind of block to doing that. It sounds like one of the big pieces that helped you go from a more mediocre sex life into this more explosive, cataclysmic, life-changing sex is having the permission to be, to get your “freak on” [laughs], and, to use some of your terminology, to be a porn star in bed or a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets. All that kind of stuff but full-throttle, no-holds-barred sexual expression.
JEFF: Yes. the Madonna/whore thing was a pretty lengthy conversation with her. I think she finally got that I’m giving her permission to do this. Not permission. I mean, I’m not in control of her; she’s her own woman. But it was more giving her the go-ahead. I want her to be this way.
And as we’re doing it and I’m owning it and I’m getting her to these places, I’m giving her the orgasm, I’m feeling like I’m the man.
I don’t know how this happened. It’s just slowly transformed me. Not only do I want her to be that in bed, but I’m totally fine with her being the hottest woman in the room and having every man looking at her. She’s with me. She will never leave me. This sounds so silly, but men need that from their woman, to feel, “You’re getting what you need from me, so I know you won’t leave.” We don’t want you to look too slutty because what if somebody else takes you away from us, right? And no man can take her away from me. I have her wrapped around my finger as far as orgasms go and—
KIM: And your cock.
JEFF: Yeah, exactly. And she’ll say it too. She’d be a fool to try to start this over with somebody else. I think she’s happy. And now I finally understand that. I want her to look like a slut. I don’t know. [Laughs] All the things we grew up thinking, “You can’t do that. You can’t look like that in public.” I’m perfectly comfortable with all of it now.
KIM: I love that, and I think that’s such a great point because I think that for men, that’s a really big thing. There’s this kind of push/pull of thinking if their woman looks too sexy, then yeah, she could be taken away.
You see it in every culture in the world, this smothering of women’s natural beauty and radiance and that energy coming out, which is why that slut epithet is such a huge thing. “No, put that away. Put that away. Put that away. We will obliterate you if you come out sexually. We cannot have that.”
I love that your perspective on this is, “Well, I fuck her so well that there’s no way she’s going to leave me, so she can have it all out there, left, right, and center, and I can enjoy it, and she can enjoy it, and be in her full expression. But I know she’s bringing it all back to daddy, back home to me. Why would she go anywhere else?”
KIM: That’s the ultimate antidote to jealousy. When people ask me about jealousy, I say, “Well, if you know what you have to offer, what are they going to do? Where are they going to find that? They’re not. They’re not going to find that anywhere else.”
JEFF: Yes. I don’t know. She’s got a full wardrobe of couture fashion stuff and high-end shoes, and the most expensive lingerie there is. We’re doing pretty well with the business, so she’s got all of that stuff going. It’s easy for her to look good, too.
Yeah. I don’t even notice anybody else. I think that’s really what it is, that men are afraid if their woman is too sexy, they can’t hang onto her. Having done this work, now I know that I can and it’s just that simple. I’m not in fear of anybody else noticing her. I’m not threatened by anybody else and it’s great. One thing just leads to the next. She took a pole dancing class last week and she’s getting into that now. And she comes home and there’s more savagery. She goes and does sexy things and it just doesn’t stop. There’s never a limit. It just keeps going.
It’s just getting better and better. Our connection, our emotional connection, all of that stuff. She’ll say she’s never felt so connected to me before, and we’ve been together for 30 years and been through some pretty crazy shit. It’s different now.
KIM: I love that.
JEFF: And this is the medicine for every marriage. Especially in today’s day and age, I feel like the whole heterosexual thing is getting ignored. Like we’re not supposed to be here anymore. You know what I’m saying?
KIM: Oh, I know.
JEFF: None of you motherfuckers would be here if it wasn’t for us. We’re the breeders. And there’s room for everyone in the world, but I get to fucking be here too. And this is awesome, what we’re doing here. I don’t understand how I didn’t know about this before you. This is terrible. Western society doesn’t teach their children anything about this.
The Far East people, the Indians and the Taoists, and maybe China today, they’ve got this shit figured out.
KIM: Well, they did. But there’s been a huge veil thrown on top of it and that tells you how successful—I say this is the biggest psyop—psychological operation—in the world, the sexual psyop.
KIM: It pervades everything. They’re always working so hard to enforce it; I mean, it’s nuts.
What else do you think you did to help to open her up? To allow her to unfold into this multiorgasmic, dick-guzzling goddess?
JEFF: We talked about the polarity thing, and like I said, since my son was born, he kind of taught me how to be a man and the masculinity thing just showed up. It was always there. We just repress it because we don’t want to offend women, right? Now there’s no putting it away.
And I did struggle a little bit with you telling us that we need to lead our women, because that feels like control. And I understand it better now, but she’ll tell you, I led her through this. And I did. I brought her to you, and she is buying into it all. She’s on a trip right now with my daughter, and our jade egg is with her. She’s in the middle of Well-F**ked Woman; she’s doing her homework.
KIM: Can you tell me that quote about her and her vagina after using the jade egg? What did you say she can do?
JEFF: Oh, she can give me a hand job with her vagina? That one?
KIM: Right, yes.
JEFF: Yeah, she can. She used the jade egg for a couple of weeks, and I don’t know what’s going on in there. It’s like Popeye’s arms are inside her or something. And I tell her to stop because she’s ruining my stamina. She’ll be goofing around and we’re so comfortable with each other; there’s lots of laughing and conversation happening in the middle of these sex dates, and yeah, she’s nuts, man. She can grab it. I mean, really grab it. It’s not like it just gets tighter. Something is holding onto me. And she’s just getting started. So I don’t know what I’m getting myself into [laughs] with the jade egg thing.
But that’s legit. That works.
KIM: Amazing. All right, keep going. You were talking about the polarity and leading her.
JEFF: Yeah. So she’ll say that I led her to you, and I’m leading her into permission to be this woman and embody her femininity.
I don’t really know where she’s going, but I love what’s happening.
KIM: Part of that was you inhabiting more of your masculinity then, and taking more of that dominant role, embodying more of that, helped her to be more in her feminine.
JEFF: For sure. And just showing up to sex dates and putting them on the calendar. Which, by the way, is absolutely the most brilliant thing that you have said. It sounds so silly, but for someone to say, “We’re going to schedule sex,” sounds so unromantic, and I said it myself. “Do we have to schedule this stuff?”
You want to talk about something unmasculine? A man asking his woman to have sex. You don’t do that and now I understand that.
What she wants me to do—and there’s a whole write-up in one of the chat groups about this—is slam her down on the bed, literally rip her pants off, and not ask her shit. And she eats that up. She loves that. That’s not a scheduled sex date; that’s just five minutes of exercising masculinity. Here and there, right?
And she rolls over and she’s lying there, saying, “What the fuck just happened to me?” And she loves it. I never in my wildest dreams would’ve thought I could ever do that to her and not have divorce papers show up in front of me.
This is what women want, man, and some women may not know that they want it, but I bet you they all do. And they probably have some work to do first, if there are emotional problems in connection with their partner. But I think this is a universal thing. If you’re a healthy woman—
KIM: I fully agree. The honest feminine and the honest masculine, 100%. It’s only all of the shrouds and the shoulds, a lot of the mental programming and so-called education that you mentioned earlier, of how things ought to be and, “Oh, could you please sign this consent form and then I know that it’s okay for me to make love to you?”
Look, we’re talking about within a committed relationship. We’re not talking about the dating world and new people, but within an established relationship. Obviously, a woman can always say no, but the un-sexiest thing, yeah, is for a man to say, “Honey, I was wondering if maybe you’re not doing laundry or something, you might like to have sex later?”
And the woman’s going to say, “Oh, I’m going to do laundry because the way that you just asked me to have sex is the most revolting fucking thing, the most vagina-drying thing I’ve ever heard,” versus a man tackling his woman and just taking her voraciously, ravaging her with love and dark passion. That is going to get that woman wet and aroused and turned on. Just the feeling of that masculine energy coming at her and tearing at her is massively arousing.
JEFF: 100%. The asking to have sex—you don’t even realize what you’re doing wrong. You’re trying to be fair and respect her and all of this shit. I didn’t know that she was turned off by it, but that’s just how we did it. And we would have sex, but it wasn’t very good.
I’m telling you, any man that’s listening to me right now, if you want your wife to do all the things that you wish she would do, start following Kim. Take her classes. Get over yourself if you’ve got some kind of self-conscious thing. You might have some glass clearing to do, and that’s an exercise where we visualize this glass between the two of us and there’s mud on it. We need to clean it off regularly. We need to connect with each other. And you’re going to see things change. You’re going to be satisfied. There’s no need to be looking outside the marriage. You’ll get what you want from her.
And from him. Women, too. This goes both ways, I guess, and there’s got to be input from both sides.
KIM: Would you say that there are any other particular tools or ideas that helped you to open her and helped her become this insatiable sex monster?
JEFF: the eye-gazing thing was extremely powerful for me. I’ve been with her for 30 years, and I couldn’t look her in the eye for more than five seconds without crying. It was the hardest thing for me to get through.
That and lingam massage, but that’s just about me receiving. I was extremely resistant to it. I didn’t want her to do it. I would fight her and there’d be little arguments. Then enough time would go by where I would allow her to do it and it’s awesome. It’s great.
She definitely gets more yoni massages than I get lingam massages, and that’s okay, but every once in a while, I hear, “It’s a lingam night.” And these are super powerful things that help you to open up. Men need to let their women please them. Like I said, we already had the masculine/feminine thing figured out, so it’s kind of hard for me because I feel that’s being submissive, letting her do that to me. And I struggle with it. But I let her do it and there’s anal stuff happening with that for me too, which is fucking insane.
That’s another thing. I’m not ashamed to say that—I don’t give a fuck who’s listening to me. You can call me whatever names you want. I hang out with lots of tough guys and guns and fighting and all this shit. My wife can have free access to my ass anytime she wants.
When you ejaculate and involve prostate in it, it’s fucking crazy. It’s not gay. I mean, it is gay, right? I mean, gay men have some things figured out.
JEFF: And I don’t care. I think that the way people explain this stuff is that penile orgasms are similar to clitoral ones in that pinpointed feeling. You add prostate stimulation to that, and it’s not pinpointed. It’s your entire torso involved. It’s crazy. And I can’t get enough of that. And she’s happy to do it. She loves it, and anything else that I can figure out to enhance my experience, I’m all about it.
You talked about the reactions; she’s really radiating in that Well-F**ked Woman energy. You said she’s turning heads, people are magnetized, they feel her glow, ask her what she’s doing differently. Tell me a bit about that emergence of the Well-F**ked Radiant Woman.
JEFF: We were doing this just to have better sex. We had no idea what this was going to do to us on the inside.
She doesn’t wear bras anymore. She adopted the no panties with the dress thing. That’s the coolest thing in the world, man, to know that your woman is walking around with no underwear on, and I’m allowed to do whatever the fuck I want to her whenever I want. That’s the invitation. That’s very powerful.
KIM: How would you say her energy flow is? You mentioned that she’s Type A, works in a high-power job. Did that create a certain amount of stress, tension? Has she become even more feminine, more open, more flowy? Have you noticed any changes there?
JEFF: Absolutely. She is definitely more easygoing. She’s less likely to get angry. I mean, I am too. It’s happening to both of us. She wears pink a lot. The feminine thing is coming out of her and it’s unstoppable. She’s wearing makeup again. She wears high heels and she’s learning how to walk in them, because she’s not really a high-heel type of girl.
She wears string bikinis to the beach, and she’s turning 50. She’s got the body to do it too, but it’s certainly the permission and the mindset. She’s fully embracing femininity. She’s taking pole dancing classes. The whole package. Yeah. She’s a different person.
You made a comment about your marriage reaching its ultimate form. What would you say about that?
JEFF: Yeah. So like I said, we already had a very strong foundation. She’s my best friend. She’s a great mom. People in town call us a power couple. Athletic events and different accomplishments—we’ve got all of that stuff figured out already. Except for this. This was the last frontier of things for us to figure out.
Our kids are in their late teens now; we’re not in the empty nest syndrome yet, but we’re going to be. I can’t wait for them to get the fuck out so I can have the house back and my wife to myself.
KIM: Longer sex dates.
JEFF: Exactly. It’s getting to the point where there’s nothing left to work on. We’ve got everything sorted out. If it just stays the way it is now, it’s great, but it’s not going to. It’s continually evolving and we’re learning more techniques and getting better at things and it’s coming easier.
I couldn’t be happier. You fundamentally changed our marriage. We’re not the same people anymore.
KIM: Tell me about the changes in your business. One of the things we talk about a lot in my work is how once we open up more of our sexual channel and flow, we see that come back to us with money, business success, and abundance. People often use the phrase “This thing just fell into my lap.” It’s because your lap is what attracted it. So what have you noticed there?
JEFF: Yeah. I was already doing pretty well, but it’s just this radiance that you have as a person. I’m a contractor, so I sell things and work with mechanical equipment. When we’re doing estimates, it’s easier for me to sell stuff. People can just feel it coming off you. You’re just in a better mood.
If you’re a salesperson that’s not pushy and you take the time and joke around and make eye contact and you’re just in your element, people pick up on it and it’s easier to close deals. It doesn’t matter what line of work you are in.
If you’re attracting people, they want what you’re selling. It’s just easier for me to land jobs. I was doing well before, but now it seems I can’t not sell something. It’s if I show up, I get it.
I’ve never made so much money in my life. It certainly has something to do with this because I’m doing it for her. That’s what this is all about, providing for my family. Now I’m energized to do that and I want to see what’s next, and these sex weekends are expensive, so I need to make money. It’s good motivation to do it. It’s working out great.
KIM: How many sex weekends do you aim for?
JEFF: Well, right now four. It’s quarterly. We go every three months, like clockwork. They’re all planned already.
I know Dita Von Teese is a follower of yours. We’re going to see Dita again in Vegas in November. And I’ve got backstage passes and all that stuff, so that’s going to be a pretty cool experience.
KIM: Say hi to her from me.
JEFF: We try to go over the top and go nuts with these extravagant weekends. Faena is going to be an every-year thing. There’s no way we cannot go back there again.
But yeah. We’re changed people and I can’t wait to see what’s around the next corner.
KIM: Amazing. Thank you, Jeff. Thank you so much for sharing. It’s so inspiring.
JEFF: Yeah, thanks for having me.
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