There are so many pregnancy and birth myths and misinformation that it’s truly a delight to bust them all.
Birth is painful?
Nope. Birth is actually meant to be the biggest orgasm of your life.
Birth is long and tiresome?
Nope. Birth can be short and easy peasy.
Pregnancy is a chore and a burden?
Nope. Pregnancy is one of the most epic experiences you’ll ever have and truly makes you appreciate the magic and power of the female body.
The safest place to have a baby is in a hospital?
Nope. It’s actually the most dangerous. The safest place to have a baby is at home.
You need an OBYGN to “deliver” your baby for you.
Your body and eons of encoded wisdom know exactly what to do if you can remove all of the bullshit programming and in-doctor-nation that tells you otherwise.
It’s “risky” to have a baby over the age of 30 or 35 or whatever the arbitrary number is they invent.
NOPE. So long as you are healthy and have a clean lifestyle, you can get pregnant whenever you want.
And that is the topic of today’s podcast:
Conscious conception and a woman who is pregnant with her first child at age 45.
Today’s well-f**ked all star interview features Katalin, a first time mother who conceived her baby at age 45.
She’s taken a few of my salons and then signed up for Sexy Mama.
Within months of trying, she and her partner conceived. In her words:
“We never went to see a doctor, we just trusted that it will happen naturally.”
She was terrified of birth prior to taking Sexy Mama.
She’d bought into the fear mongering for most of her life—the sole purpose of which is to shepherd women into hospitals by convincing them of the lie that childbirth is far too dangerous to go through on their own—and she transcended it to the point where now after completing the salon she is “totally comfortable and will not even consider a hospital birth.”
We’ll hear from Katalin in a moment.
Here are my top three suggestions for natural conception:
1 Diet and detox.
An unhealthy body won’t make babies. It’s actually doing you a favor.
By forcing a body to get pregnant with the shitshow that is IVF, you increase the chances of birth abnormalities.
I mean, of course.
I don’t get how this doesn’t make sense to people, but I guess if you buy into the allopathic narrative of “everything is random” then you’d think all you need to do is force your body to do something it’s WISELY telling you not to do.
Aggressively commit to cleaning up your diet and lifestyle and detoxify your system and you’ll be creating a nourishing environment in which to conceive and grow a baby.
2) Your relationship.
Katalin had taken VKF, met her partner and then he took SMM. So these are clearly both people committed to their growth and evolution as individuals and as a couple.
Your relationship is the foundation of your child.
Indeed, your child is the symbol, the essence of the union between you.
The deeper work to do is to feng shui your relationship and confront all of the unspoken, unresolved issues between you that take up sapce.
You need that space for your baby, and for your epic sex life that is going to be the foundation of your parenting.
3) Your OWN sexual journey.
Birth is a sexual act.
Many will try to tell you it isn’t, but this is the major problem:
It is the culmination of the act that begins at conception.
The greatest way to facilitate an orgasmic birth is to be intimately connected to your sexual self.
To have orgasmic mastery and deep vaginal reconnaissance.
Your cervical orgasms are your portal into the divine feminine.
They open the door to
For people how have vestiges of religious programming within them, this is the time to clear it out.
The Madonna/whore archetype has been shoved down our throats for as long as we can remember.
Your task is to emerge in the middle as a voracious and sensual woman.
There is sexual reconciling to be done for all of us, and the sooner you start, even in conception, the more space you clear.
Now let’s hear from the lovely KataLin.
I love that she trusted the process and did the real, inner work to conceive.
No doctors. No tests. No listening to the naysayers.
She did the Sexy Mama Salon and became confident to listen to her own inner guidance.
ALL STAR INTERVIEW WITH KATALIN
KIM: Hello, Katalin. Thank you so much for being with us.
KATALIN: Hello, Kim. Thank you for having me.
KIM: Let’s start at the beginning. What were your beliefs and ideas about having children? Did you even want to have children? And what was your impression of pregnancy and childbirth, based on all of the media and programming that you’d taken in throughout your life?
KATALIN: Most of my life, I was always really sure that I didn’t want to have children. I was very convinced that was not something I wanted to go through, and just to think about being pregnant and having my body go through such extreme changes kind of scared me. So I never thought that was something I wanted to do, but by the time I turned 43, I started to seriously question my decision. That’s when I started first realizing that maybe I wanted to have a family; I wanted to have this experience of motherhood. I grew up in Hungary, and I just somehow had this programming that being pregnant and giving birth was not a pleasant experience. It could not be.
KIM: I don’t think your experience is that much different than the way it’s portrayed all over the world. Even in biblical writing, it says women must have pain in childbirth to punish them for being so slutty. [Laughs] That’s like the dominant religious force in the West telling women, “This is going to be horrible for you.”
KATALIN: Yeah, absolutely. As a child, I went to church, and I remember from the whole thing that women suffer from childbirth because it’s a punishment. My parents were not religious, but all my friends in school went to church, so my sister and I went to church for many, many years. Yeah, that was definitely one of those programmings, that women need to suffer the punishment of childbirth.
KIM: Yeah. And then that gets reinforced through all of the media and television and movies when we watch women giving birth; it’s always this heinous, torturous experience where they’re in the most excruciating pain of their lives and screaming at the top of their lungs, and always in a hospital. Then a doctor comes in to cut them open or cut their baby out or save them in some way, like they couldn’t do this alone. The doctor must do it for them. “Oh, now we can relax; the doctor is here. Oh, thank God, the doctor is here.”
If they didn’t just get pregnant by accident, what would motivate any woman to want to have a baby after watching all of that? I guess they show you afterward, the woman is so happy, cuddling her newborn baby, the drugged-up baby, but in general, the examples of motherhood we see in our day-to-day lives, and the way they portray the whole experience, are like a punishment.
KATALIN: Yeah, absolutely. Where I grew up, if you have children, it’s like your life is over; that’s it. You have to take care of your children. Your husband is not a big part of it. At least that’s how it was in my family.
And my mother was just a mother figure. She loved that role, but I wasn’t sure that was for me. That stigma of your life just being at home raising children.
KIM: Right. I think there’s a big part of that programming in North America as well. Women are the primary caretakers of the children, and the husband might change some diapers at times. I think more and more, there are going to be more participating fathers, but often they are not.
Part of that is by necessity. A woman, if she’s breastfeeding and attachment parenting, some of that is natural. But I think the brunt of that falls on her.
In most nuclear family situations, where it’s just the mother and the father and he’s off working, she’s isolated. She’s alone. All of the grunt work and the tedium—and in parenting, there is a lot of work to do—falls on her.
The more positive and loving experiences that are a huge part of parenting get washed away with all of the work that’s done, if she’s on her own and isolated in that way. These ideas aren’t far off from how most people experience motherhood.
What changed for you that you began to open up to it? When you did open up to it, how did that go? Then what did that result in? [Laughs]
KATALIN: I was pretty much single for ten years before I met my partner. I had a couple of long relationships. When I turned 43, I think it was maybe 2020. I was pretty isolated. I couldn’t really travel and see my family, and it just kind of came to me, “Oh my God, I’m going to be alone with my cat. I’m going to be an old lady with my cat and no family!” I just started to think maybe I wanted to have a child. I wanted to go through this. I wanted to be a mother.
Soon after that, I met my partner and it was a perfect match in a way, so it was a really interesting time.
That was after I went through the Vaginal Kung Fu course three times in a row. I did a lot of work on myself, and when we met, it just clicked. We moved in together within four months. And in June, we decided to start trying to get pregnant.
Then I enrolled in your Sexy Mama course, and he enrolled in your Sexual Mastery for Men, so we really dived in deep.
KIM: You did! Very committed.
KATALIN: Yeah. I’m 45, he’s 49, and we said, “You know, we can date and see how it goes, or we can just move in together and go for it. We are mature. We know what we want.” [Laughs] Everything just happened so fast.
I’m a bit of a control freak, so when we started to try getting pregnant and it didn’t happen right away, I said, “Oh wow. It’s not really 100% my decision this time? Maybe we are old, so it’s taking a while.” But in less than a year, by the Summer Solstice this year, I found out I was pregnant. So everything happened perfectly.
KIM: That’s amazing. You guys didn’t do any kind of testing or outside interference. You did a lot of this internal, emotional, and sexual work because you did VKF, SMM, and then Sexy Mama. You were doing that huge amount of really deep, powerful work. But you didn’t get worried if you didn’t get pregnant right away, that you should go see doctors and get tested and think about IVF. You clearly didn’t do that.
KATALIN: No. And it’s really interesting because most of my friends who I shared my experience with said, “At least go to a gynecologist and see if everything is okay.” I knew exactly what the gynecologist was going to tell me. “You’re 45. What are you trying to do?”
We also decided that we weren’t going to get so obsessed about this. We were not going to go to the doctor and do all kinds of fertility treatments. We were both really sure that if it was meant to happen, it would happen naturally. If it wasn’t, then we could let it go; it was also good. We made a lot of changes in our diet; we did a lot of emotional work. I went through your course. But I wasn’t going to go and see a doctor to tell me some nonsense that I had no good eggs left and who discouraged me completely.
KIM: [Laughs] I love it! And they get you to give your power away. I love that you had that attitude of “if it happens naturally, so be it, and if not, then so be it.” We do these things within ourselves. We detoxify; we make sure that we’re eating well and consciously. We do our inner emotional work; and this is all of the stage-setting that is creating fertile ground for a baby to come, regardless of your age, in your case, 45.
KATALIN: Yeah. And it was just so interesting because I knew exactly when I was ovulating. Each month, we’d say, “Oh, it didn’t happen.” I feel like when we actually conceived, we didn’t do anything different that month. It was just this magical thing that happened. It was not 100% within my control, but I guess if it’s meant to be, it will happen.
KIM: And the culmination of all the work that you were doing.
When you took Sexy Mama, you said that initially when you signed up, you didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of having a home birth. Now, having taken the salon, you’re pregnant, and you said that you feel totally comfortable with a home birth, and you won’t even consider a hospital birth.
Walk me through that transformation. Because the Sexy Mama Salon works on a bunch of different levels. I’ve done a ton of very thorough, impeccable research about the facts of what happens in the hospital versus what happens at home and what’s more conducive to the state that a woman needs to be in to facilitate an easy, smooth, natural birth. And that’s not in hospitals.
Being in hospitals actually sets the stage for a woman to require interference because her birth is much more likely to stall in such a violent, unsafe environment.
Walk me through that process. How did it feel going through that material and feeling yourself open to this possibility, to the point where you’ve now become super confident and have ultra-faith in your body, versus having faith in the system?
KATALIN: Even initially, I knew that going to the hospital was not the best experience for giving birth, but I was also really scared to do it at home. I had this notion that women and babies die if there is no medical help, and maybe I was not going to have the best experience being in a hospital, but I knew I would survive, and my baby would survive. In an emergency situation, one wonderful thing that happens with interventions is that they save everybody.
KIM: Well, except that the US has the highest maternal and infant mortality rate in the developed world. The irony is, yes, that’s what they sell people on, but the truth is that’s not the case. Women and babies are dying from all of these interventions. It’s the opposite of what they try to sell people on.
KATALIN: Yes. It was such a scary thought for me to do that at home. In my mind, it was not a safe option. Going through the salon and finding out about all the beautiful stories and information and birth stories, Ina May Gaskin, and all the books you recommended—I started reading everything. Then we watched The Orgasmic Birth and women birthing with dolphins in the ocean.
And at that moment, I remember my boyfriend said, “That’s it. We have to go to the ocean. We need to give birth in the ocean with the dolphins. This is the most amazing thing.” So we were just blown away by this information.
Then it became so real that there was no way that we were going to the hospital.
There’s just no way. We’re going to have a good birth. It’s not scary. It’s not dangerous. There’s always the option to rush to the hospital, no matter what, but why start there?
Way before I became pregnant, I had the audiobook in my car, Ina May Gaskin’s book, Spiritual Midwifery, and I was listening to all those birth stories constantly. It was amazing.
Everything we learned in the salon, more and more details about the hospital birth, I realized, “Oh my God, it’s horrific. I’m 45, and they’re not even going to give me a chance to have a natural birth.”
KIM: Yeah. I love that your partner was fully on board in this process with you. That’s obvious, by the way he signed up for the work, taking the men’s program and then going through the Sexy Mama journey with you. Are you going to have an ocean birth? Is that the plan?
KATALIN: No. We’re going to have a winter baby in February, so we’re not going to have an ocean birth. Maybe a water birth. I’m still not sure about the details, but now I have a midwife and we’re planning it to be at home. Yeah, it’s really obvious right now that this is what we’re doing.
My mother is coming from Hungary, and she wanted to be a part of the birth. I just made a decision and had a big talk with her that I don’t want her to come for my birth. It’s a big thing, you know, but she’s just curious. She had all of us in the hospital, so I don’t think it’s going to be supportive for me, no matter her intention. I think I just want my partner and my midwife and maybe one more person who is really helpful.
KIM: Well, that’s a brave thing to do because people get pressured, especially with close family and mothers and siblings, to be present. If you’re not feeling 100% like having that person in your space is going to relax and open and support you, if there’s any residual uncleared stuff—which with family there typically is—they could be an interference. It’s very brave of you to say that and not feel like you have to please this person. It’s your birth and your experience, and you have the right to create it exactly the way you want it to be.
KATALIN: Totally. But yes, it was hard. It was really challenging for me to do that and say no to my mother, who I really cherish and always want to be happy. But I just said, “This is about me. It’s now my time for me, and that’s it.”
KIM: Yeah. And she can come later. She can come and see the baby and support you later on.
KATALIN: Yeah. She’s coming after, so it’s going to be great. [Laughs]
KIM: Is there anything else you want to share about your journey from where you were to where you are now? Anything that you might want to give as advice to women, let’s say in their forties, who are looking at having babies and haven’t done it yet?
KATALIN: Yeah. Once I got pregnant, I did go to an OB/GYN, and I got a family doctor. I hadn’t been to the doctor for 20 years; I hadn’t had a blood test. I think it was just to comfort myself. So I still went to the OB/GYN; I still had a doctor. But then I realized that, wow, they were really putting a lot of fear in me. And every time I went there, they’d say, “Oh, this is your decision, no pressure,” but there was a lot of pressure. [Laughs]
I feel like if you want the security and not just have a midwife but see a doctor, you just have to be really strong and have very good boundaries to hold your ground when you go to a doctor.
Because I wanted to do that, and I wanted to have one ultrasound, so I did that. But it was very challenging not to get pushed into something and also not to put seeds of fear into my decision. Because they’re really good at putting these little ideas in you. “Oh wow…maybe they’re right.”
Because I know a lot of women in my community that want to have a home birth naturally, but they still have some of these back-and-forth “maybe I still should see a doctor” feelings. If you really hold your ground and you know what you’re doing, and no one can convince you to change, that works.
KIM: It’s a tricky thing. I think Sexy Mama is really good for that, because I go through all of those things and whether you really need them. And also the list of questions to ask your OB/GYN so that you can interview them and really put them to the test. I did an episode on this a few years back, Questions to Ask your OB/GYN, and maybe I’ll list some of those later. Do they actually know what they’re doing? Have they ever actually birthed a baby naturally, without intervention?
It’s a very thin line to traverse because as soon as you enter into their space, you’re exposed to their world and their worries and their by-routine interventions. That’s the problem; their interventions aren’t just, “Oh, just because there’s an emergency.” No, it’s, “This is just how it is.”
The whole process is one massive intervention. Yeah, it would be difficult if you’re not strong and confident about going in there.
KATALIN: Yeah. But I feel like going through Sexy Mama gave me so much confidence because it just gave me so much information. I went really deep, and I was ready. When I went to the OB/GYN, I knew my stuff. I knew what I was talking about, and no one could really confuse me. That’s why I learned so much about natural birth and the risk of this and this and this. When I went to my doctor, I said, “I’m not being irresponsible; I’m being extra responsible. I know my stuff.”
KIM: Were they challenging you? Were they a bit irritated that you were standing firm in your belief?
KATALIN: Yes! Yeah, in the beginning, without even asking me if I was planning a home birth or not. Because basically, if you tell your OB/GYN that you’re planning a home birth, they will stop seeing you after week 20. That’s it. You get no support. It’s really interesting.
So if you want to follow through with the OB/GYN, you have to kind of pretend that you’re planning to go to the hospital and not tell them you’re having a home birth.
KIM: Where are you? What state are you in?
KATALIN: I’m in Northern California. In this area, there are actually a lot of amazing midwives, and I know a lot of women now that have home births. We even had a birthing center here, which actually just closed, unfortunately. There are a lot more new-age women, and it’s kind of popular to have a home birth. Still, if you go to your OB/GYN, there is no collaboration at all. That was mind-blowing for me, because I had no idea. I thought I could just talk to my doctor and they were going to support me on this, and no.
After week 11, 12, by my second appointment, the nurse practitioner just told me, “You know, I’m not sure if this guy is for you,” because I was so difficult. I said, “So, are you trying to fire me? What’s happening here?” I said, “I think I can make this decision.” Because I wanted to get my one 20-week ultrasound, which is the big ultrasound when they can see a lot of things. I was kind of committed that I wanted that ultrasound.
But yeah, it was just a realization, “Wow, she’s telling me in a nice way that maybe I should see someone else. This is not a good fit. Wow, this is crazy.” Then I brought my fetoscope, and I let the doctor listen to the baby’s heart with that, so I didn’t use the Doppler. And they just kind of relaxed.
Because of my age, there was a lot of different testing, and I told them, “Look, if a woman needs tests to feel relaxed, that’s great. But this is just putting fear in my body. I don’t want these tests. I’m having this baby no matter what. If there’s an issue, I will deal with it in the end.” And that was kind of the point where they said, “Okay, so it’s all good.” I said, “Yeah. These tests are not going to change my decision. I’m having this baby. If it has Down syndrome, I will deal with it.” And then they stopped pushing the test.
But yeah, it was a crazy experience, really.
KIM: Wow. Yeah, it’s a tough one. It is shocking that it’s sort of all or nothing. You have to step into their system. It seems like you’ve created something of a middle ground with what you’re doing with them. But for the most part, they want you to fully step into everything. You just need to comply and obey with everything that they ask of you or tell you to do. And if you don’t, okay, maybe this isn’t for you. [Laughs]
KATALIN: Yeah. Then you’re on your own. That’s it.
KIM: Yeah. Well, is there anything else that you’d like to add from your experience? How do you feel about being pregnant? You’re 45. How does pregnancy feel to you?
KATALIN: You know, it’s been really nice. I didn’t have any morning sickness. I had a tiny bit of nausea for a week in the first trimester. It was just being more cautious and picky about my food. Certain things didn’t feel right. But I’ve been feeling super good and energetic.
Now that I’m almost six months pregnant, sleeping is becoming a little bit of an issue and uncomfortable, but I see an osteopath and I exercise. I get a massage sometimes. Yeah, the bodywork really helps, I think, with all the little aches and pains. But I feel great. I have a good appetite. I have lots of energy. It’s been nice.
KIM: And how about your relationship? It sounds like you’ve been in a good place, but part of what we talk about in Sexy Mama is that the connection between the parents really sets the stage for having a positive birth experience and a positive pregnancy. When you’re close and connected, these things bring you closer, and many people are not as close, or they don’t have the Anami gourmet sex kind of emotional, deep sexual connection. And with a more superficial relationship, pregnancy can exacerbate and create more distance, and so can the birth, especially when they have a more hospital-style, crisis, traumatic birth; that then leads a couple even farther apart.
What would you say about the kind of work that you did through all the Anami salons leading into the pregnancy and where you are now?
KATALIN: I feel really lucky. My partner is amazing, and from the beginning, he was on board. When I introduced him to your work, he was just all in and super excited that I was so interested in growing our sexuality. Then once we got pregnant, he’s been so supportive and so amazing. I think in the first trimester, we did have a little bit of a lower libido, and I had my moments of, “Oh my God, what’s happening to our sex life? It’s going down.” And he said, “Oh, just relax; you’re pregnant now. We don’t have to have the same crazy fire for a moment.”
But then once we got into the second trimester, we had so much passion and fire; it became like a whole extra level of sexuality.
Yeah, it has its waves now because of my pregnancy, but it’s been super nice, and he’s been so supportive. I feel like he’s become even more attracted to me because I have these big boobs, these hips, and it’s like a different thing in bed because I’m changing so much.
KIM: How else would you describe your sex life now that you’re pregnant and you’re enjoying that energy cultivated between you?
KATALIN: Wow. It’s just juicy. [Laughs] I feel like I became more feminine and more juicy in some ways. It’s wonderful, really. [Laughs]
KIM: I loved being pregnant, and I felt very, very desirous throughout my pregnancy. Sex was completely heightened. My nipples being touched, my pussy; every part of me was just electrified times 100. I’m already someone who has a high libido and obviously interested in sex and loves sex, but that was just off the charts.
It’s worth getting pregnant again, just to have this very amplified experience sexually, and the connection during that, even more so. Because you’re cracking open this other dimension by bringing in this new soul. I feel like we then, as the couple, have access to that. It’s like a portal is opening up, and we have access to these higher states of consciousness and higher planes of existence all the time throughout the pregnancy.
KATALIN: Yeah. It’s totally true, yes. I feel that, big time. [Laughs]
KIM: Excellent. Well, any parting words?
KATALIN: I’m just so excited to go to the next phase, to have my birth. This is something I was always afraid of, and I thought of not having children because it would wreck my body to have babies. Now I’m looking forward to my birth experience, and it’s just a really, really exciting time. And he’s really looking forward to it, and we’re just super happy that we’re having a baby at this age, at this time.
Love it! All right, we’ll get to interview you later and hear your birth story.
KATALIN: [Laughs] It would be nice to see you again.
KIM: Great. Thank you so much for sharing with us.
KATALIN: Thank you so much, Kim, for everything. It’s been a really amazing journey.