Tantra + Slow Sex for Ecstatic Orgasms – Transcript
Tantra and slow sex for more ecstatic orgasms. When people think of Tantra, they may think of many things. Sting; a couple sitting cross-legged from each other, looking deeply into each other’s eyes; hands on the other person’s heart and calling each other “my sacred god” and “my sacred goddess”; ancient India; 50-year-old divorcees dressed in long white flowing potato sack gowns sitting around eating chocolate on a Friday night; or Puff Pissy or P Diddle Myself or whatever his name is, live blogging his Tantric sex marathon.
That really happened, by the way. That was Twitter in 2007. [Laughs]
I manifested a supercock lover early on in my sexual adventures. Sex sessions with him lasted hours. I would have cervical orgasm after cervical orgasm and be fully cracked open and obliterated, and he kept going. Keep calm and carry on, as they say. Keep calm and keep pumping out the cervical orgasms.
And we did. We went away for sex weekends where we would have sex for hours and then eat and then have sex for hours again.
The whole bar that was set for me about what sex is and what it really can do emerged out of these lengthy sexual encounters. When we had the time and the space to linger in this energy and to deeply explore each other, then the secret world opened up for us. The world where we reached levels of bliss and ecstasy, heart and genital opening, and the cosmic throughfare of the universe coming through us.
Psychedelic, transcendent, self-actualizing, consciousness-altering, all these things happened when we really sucked in and got into it. Never in fleeting moments. Like a fine gourmet meal, these things took time to cultivate. I’m so thankful that I never experienced a premature ejaculator until later in life because I can’t imagine how that would’ve colored my vision of sex. So my early experiences were with these marathon f**kers. They loved to f**k ad infinitum.
If you say that you like sex but you only have sex for 5, 10, or 15 minutes, I would argue that you don’t actually like sex. You just want it to be over with as fast as possible. If you’re having these short, sharp, shocked sexual experiences, you are only grazing the surface of what sex actually is.
Like I said, if I’d just had guys who were really short finishers, I would’ve thought, “Enh, well, what’s the big deal? This isn’t even fun.” That would’ve been my vision, but thankfully it wasn’t.
There was a woman on my Instagram recently who apparently found me because she was Googling “How to make sex be faster and have her boyfriend come quicker.” Somehow that took her to a video of mine called How to Last Longer In Bed, and despite finding the opposite information she wanted, she stumbled over to my Instagram, and she was like a fish out of water in the comment section. She was really questioning, “Why? Why? Why all this information about lasting longer? I just want my boyfriend to come fast.”
People were trying to educate her about what’s really possible, but she was struggling with getting there. She just wanted things to be over.
A guy who comes too quickly can color a woman’s experience of, “Why would I even bother? That’s really boring.” There’s no pleasure in just being a sperm receptacle.
But I would say that ultimately, for people who want sex to be over, be it men or women, it’s a trauma response. Anybody who wants that has had some mutated sexual experience, or they simply don’t know what they don’t know.
If you are a man and you are a two-pump-chump, it’s not that you can’t, or that the boogeyman or the come fairy comes along and just makes you do it. “She’s such a vixen that one; you’ve got to watch out for her.”
No. It’s because you are terrified of going deeper. Or, like I said, maybe you just don’t know what you don’t know.
As a woman, I’d say that this is the same thing, unresolved trauma that you are afraid to go near, or you just don’t know what’s possible. Or, like I said, you’ve had a series of premature ejaculators—that’s what circumcision does to a dick, y’all—and you just aren’t interested anymore.
You know how I always ask if sex leaves you feeling energized, rejuvenated, blissful, transformed, and like it changed your life? If not, then you are doing it wrong. Let’s do it right, and I will tell you why.
I first found out about Tantra after I read an article in a magazine—remember what those are? Paper, media. And it was about moving sexual energy in the body, moving it from one person to another person. I tried this with my partner at the time and had this really epic experience of him feeling the energy and me feeling the energy. I thought, wow, this is fascinating stuff.
Then, when I found out that Tantra was all about making men last for hours, and my best lovers already did, I thought, wow, that’s also a very major selling point. Sign me up.
The typical sexual encounter builds to a peak, often as fast as possible, there’s a genital sneeze of an orgasm, pelvic contractions, and then it fizzes out. All done.
In Tantra, however, we build and plateau, build and plateau, build and plateau, and the energy never really has to drop off. You keep climbing up this mountain. Then you stay there and live in this high-octane, chemistry-sizzling, electrically charged space with each other. You are constantly dripping with erotic energy between you and all over you.
Tantra is about taking these moments of connection that most people experience as a brief and relatively sh*tty orgasm, or not at all, and expanding that out so that it lasts for hours and it permeates every area of your life. You infuse this delicious nectar and sensual, orgasmic energy into everything you do.
Let’s break this down. The first area that we want to expand would be foreplay. Most people don’t even engage in much foreplay. If they do, it’s perfunctory, dutiful, and short. Unh-unh.
Your foreplay can be an entire symphony of sex acts that stand on their own merits. Sixty-nine position can last for hours. Manual touch, massage, finger stimulation, those things can last for hours.
Even before, that is how you engage with each other. How you talk, look, touch, and flirt before you’ve even gotten into bed. You can be turning each other on for hours, and you ought to be. A subtle or not-so-subtle ass grab; a quick little makeout session in the kitchen; a text describing what you’re going to do to your lover later or remembering something that you did the night before; a heartfelt line on how beautiful they are. Something that gets the head and the heart cracked open and everything else wet and hard.
In Tantra, we never really subside back into ice-cold. We live in the area of steamy, simmery, and hot. One of my partners came to me ready-made. That means that he had years of Tantric experience under his belt—ha-ha. He was into extended everything. He was amazing at email f**king, voice f**king, text f**king. Our sexual encounters would last a minimum of two hours and often five or six hours. [Laughs] We had frequent sex weekends. These would be actual 72-hour sex dates peppered with lots of flirting and building in between all of it.
I was extremely well-f**ked. We would spend hours locked in 69 position, and if you don’t think that you can suck a dick or eat a pussy for that long, think again, you can.
When you do, you enter into an altered state of consciousness. This is the big, big secret that is kept about sexuality, that it is a portal to other dimensions. You can access other states of consciousness, just the way all the kids do these days with their kambo and ayahuasca and plant medicine.
I much prefer cock medicine. It fills me up and blasts me into other realms. Cock for the win.
In ancient Tantric texts, they talk about the particular medicine of 69, how our genital essences are potent nectars. In fact, I assert that this is what is referred to as the Fountain of Youth. It’s your cock and pussy juice, 100%.
But like all things of power, we are taught that it’s some magical waterfall and treasure to be discovered somewhere in the outside world. Nah. It’s right between your legs. The longer you spend in any sex act, the more sexual energy you harvest and have available to use.
Then you can expand the sex itself. Any sex act, but especially intercourse. A staple in my recommendation for couples is to have a standing commitment of a weekly three-hour sex date. Not dinner, not a movie, not a walk in the park, but three solid hours of sex. It doesn’t have to be three hours of intercourse, though if you keep at it, you will find that you can easily do this, but some intimate contact with each other.
When I originally suggest this to couples, their early reaction is something like, “How can we possibly have sex for three hours?” But then they focus on the practices I give them and get deeper and deeper into it, and eventually they find that these three hours go by in the blink of an eye. They can stay up all night making love and leap out of bed in the morning and have plenty of energy. Even more energy than usual for the day, and that’s because they have been fueling up at night.
Even if they get little to no sleep, they are imbued with a vitality, a rejuvenation, a magical aura that allows them to glide through their days with a Midas touch. Everything they come into contact with turns to gold. This is the energy of the well-f**ked person. This is the legend of the Fountain of Youth, this magical power that regenerates everything it touches.
The couple starts having this extended sex date as a way of life, where everything gets stretched out. How much can you slow down and take it all in? Slowing down gives you the chance to be fully conscious. You can’t hide, you can’t escape, you can’t gloss over a feeling on act and bail on it. You have to stay present with it.
This is where many people’s sexual demons can come out to play. The things you’ve suppressed over time and tried not to look at, here they come! And we welcome that. Everything shows up in bed if you let it. We want these things to rise to the surface so they can be illuminated and healed. If you rush, you never hit the gold. You have no idea what sex can actually be.
These same couples who couldn’t imagine what three hours of sex could look or feel like will come back to me and say that they now stay up much of the night having sex and that their quickies are now an hour. When they do finally emerge out of their bedrooms and make their way out into the world again, they feel energized and can take on their lives with ease and grace and flow, and things just start coming to them. They magnetize and manifest business opportunities and creative projects and money and the healing of their bodies, all because they spent extended time in the engine room: their bed.
The longer you spend there, the more energy you generate. It’s a law of nature. What you put in is what you get out, especially if you are utilizing the Tantric techniques that I teach on how to really cultivate this energy and then channel it out into the world. There is an art and skill to it. It’s not just about having lots of sex; it’s about learning to harvest and harness this energy, and that is what I teach.
The third area that you can really expand out into is your orgasm itself. You can expand your foreplay, you can expand sex acts, and you can expand the orgasm.
This is where the notion of the full-body orgasm comes in. Instead of some pulses and pelvic contractions and a rush of pleasure that is typically concentrated at your genitals, you can have an orgasm that lasts for minutes, hours, and even days, a full-body, throbbing experience of orgasm that’s not just at your genitals. That feeling spreads out to your entire body.
An orgasm like that is a spiritual experience. Many people will use phrases like, “I just saw God!”
Feeling like the phoenix being obliterated in the flames and then being reborn into a stronger, wilder, wiser, sexier, and more beautiful version of yourself. Feelings of ecstasy beyond anything you’ve ever felt before, and feeling at one with yourself, your partner, and the universe.
Again, if you have these paltry little genital sneezes that are like a sugar high, and you get a small rush of pleasure that’s ultimately followed by a crash, you have no idea what you are missing.
When you learn to take the windows that for most people are a few seconds long and expand them into minutes and hours and days, it changes your whole life.
First, the level of intimacy that you experience in going there with your partner is the closest you will ever feel to another human. This is it. This is the apex. You have entered into the divine stream of life force and energy generation, the secrets of the universe, the point at which we conceive new life. You get in, and you swim around, and you dive under, and you surf, and you come out again, basking in all of this energy. It becomes you.
This is the essence of the well-f**ked woman and the well-f**ked man that I talk so much about. When you inhabit and wear and radiate this energy, it’s so powerful that you become magnetic. People sense it. You attract people, opportunities, job, cash, and life changes that just flow right into you all because you revved up your sexual engines and supercharged yourselves.
You can do this alone, and I recommend that you do if you don’t have a partner, but when you do it with somebody else and you are both all in heart and genitals, this is where the magic and the miracles happen.
What I’ve just described would be how you take that energy and expand it into your life. We have foreplay, we have intercourse, we have orgasms, and then the actual spreading out of this energy, expanding into your day-to-day life. You’re living in this sultry, sexy, simmering energy all the time.
Two very simple practices you can use to help slow you down at any stage of the game are eye contact and breathing. Most people avoid looking at their partners during sex or looking them in the eyes at least. Go there. Hold eye contact periodically throughout your sexual encounters. A minute, two minutes; it will really open you up and bring you into the present moment.
You can also start your lovemaking session this way, sitting or lying face to face and holding each other’s gaze. Aim for at least three minutes, and you can go longer from there. You would be amazed at how deep and how present this gets you and how quickly you can do it.
And breathing. Breathing is huge. Most people breathe in ways that reflect their urge to check out. They hold their breath, they breathe really shallowly, and all of this rushes them to the finish line and ensures that they really are not present.
Instead, take long, full, steady, deep breaths, and if you forget during sex, just keep coming back to it. You can even pause in the middle of sex and start breathing together with each other.
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In today’s All Star segment, we have some of our favorite All Stars, Jim and Meg. They were also featured in last week’s Polarity and Chemistry episode. Today we have a clip of them talking about this idea of expanding sex acts and the orgasmic enlightenment that comes with it.
JIM: When I recognized that Meg was able to be curious about all these different energies and the Tantric philosophies and things like that, I basically took all these things that you teach, like the lingam massage that you show us and how to use sex to manifest things.
Meg is from India, so I wanted to combine a lot of that stuff, like the Shiva Linga and all these things. We’ve been to Rishikesh; we got the Holy Beads. I put it all on a Word document and said, “You’re going to do this from 7 to 7:30 and from 8 to …”
The whole idea was just to basically treat me like a king and worship me and worship the lingam. Because the lingam is the power. That is the source of our energy, the lingam. That is one of the things that was basically life-changing for me in Sexual Mastery for Men, understanding the heart connection to the lingam and the head and everything like that. I was fresh off SMM, and I wanted to exploit that and amplify it more and more and more.
Everything that I built into this was to put her into surrender even more. To be my queen, to empower me to be the king of this home. I named it all very spiritual stuff. Like the sacred cleansings, when we’d take a shower. But I wouldn’t do anything. She’d do everything from washing my hair to washing everything and drying me off, just being in that surrender.
KIM: The smile on her face right now is like she’s getting aroused just hearing you talk about it! [Laughs]
JIM: [Laughs] Then I pulled her into the closet, and we both were on our knees. I didn’t want to initiate too much because I wanted to be the leader. To lead her. But I initiated and bowed down to her and just offered my—
MEG: Verbalizing a lot of your feelings.
JIM: Verbalizing that I offered myself to you and would bow. Then she would do the same, and then we did the thing that you taught us to put our hands one on the other and do energy back and forth. Eye-gazing, all that stuff.
Then we made our way to the bed, and we had these Tibetan singing bowls. We each aligned our chakras from one to seven so that we were very energetically right there as well. Then we started out with a massage and some things that are just personal to our relationship.
We experimented with a couple of different ways. We love Thievery Corporation, so we had that in the background. I wanted it to be Shiva songs and things like that. And the first time, Meg wasn’t too keen on that because it hit home too much to her, right?
MEG: [Laughs] It was like being in a temple and having sex. [Laughs]
JIM: But then she got it and said, “Well, let’s try it like that next time.” We literally would wrap the beads around the cock, and she would put her head on it, and we would ask the lingam for our goals for 2023, to bring us power and strength and all that stuff. The first time, we barely made it to the lingam massage, and she was in tears. She said, “Just hold me. Just hold me, hold me, hold me.” I held her, but then I f**ked her because I had to take charge.
I’ll let her describe how it made her feel, but man, we were just in a zone, and the buildup of it before the lingam massage made it so energetically intense and spiritual and built this beautiful cauldron and melted her into a delicate flower. She was walking on air for a week.
MEG: It was taking all the tools you’ve taught us and personalizing them to what we wanted things to be. But it’s really the whole concept of using your energy and sex to manifest what you want in your life. That’s been huge. I told Jim, “We both have the same goal.” And we work on it separately too. Don’t get me wrong. But when we work on it together, it’s so much more powerful.
We’ve seen little sparks where we’ve manifested what we wanted as a result of using these practices. We wanted to, like Jim said, amplify that and take that to the next level. It’s a lot of cock worship, a lot of lingam massage, a lot of surrender and letting go.
But that energy exchange is so palpable. I cannot believe I’m sitting here and telling you that, because I didn’t even understand what energy meant and essence meant. And having gone through these courses, even when I do a lingam massage, my palm gets so hot and so warm, and Jim feels it. It’s tangible to me, and there are some days when I think, “I’m not feeling it.” But the more you focus on it, it can happen. Trust me, if I could feel it, anybody could. Because I was a cold, stone-hearted bulldog.
JIM: Can you articulate why you were so emotional throughout that whole, I don’t know what you want to call it, ritual?
MEG: Probably because I felt like you were there for me, and you were catching me. You provided me with a safe space to be in my feminine and not feel like I was doing something that was disgraceful to me in any way as a woman.
JIM: Yeah, how many people are going to listen to that and say, “You did what to him?”
MEG: Yeah. “You worshiped his cock? What?” But he does the same with my yoni and the power that she brings and how she feels. It’s been eye-opening to both of us. It’s changed my life, Kim. I am not the miserable person I was a year ago.
KIM: Could you explain more about the yoni massage and the yoni worship as well?
JIM: Absolutely. I really love the idea of making a production about it. Lighting candles, turning all the lights off. Again, our go-to is Thievery Corporation. We love that ambient trip-hop. We get all the Anami oils out, and when I do that, I start at her breasts and massage them for a good 15 minutes. I am breathing in, and everything is coming out through my arms and the heat. She’s feeling it on her body, and as I move to her stomach again.
Then, when I go to the yoni, again I ask for permission to enter, after I have spent ample time worshiping, massaging the labia and inner thighs and all that. I’ll put my hand over her yoni and breathe and allow the energy to come from my hand onto and into her yoni, and she can just feel it.
Then once she’s open, it’s on to hitting all those wonderful spots, like her G-spot and her cervix.
MEG: It didn’t happen the first time. It’s empowering to listen to your yoni, but I don’t think I understood or realized what that even meant until we went through this course.
I think it healed me in such a big way. We have two kids, but we had a miscarriage between the two, and it felt like it was an unhealed thing. Not something I thought about every day, but certainly a part of our lives that I didn’t have closure about. I don’t know if you remember this, but the first time Jim attempted a yoni massage, we didn’t even get to it. We started at the breasts, and one of the things he did as he was talking to me was say, “I respect your body and all it’s been through.”
JIM: Oh, that’s right. I did do that, yes.
MEG: “And I want to say I recognize how you felt and the emotions that you’ve been through and what your body has been through as we lost this baby.”
We had our emotional outbursts and ways of dealing with it when it first happened, but I don’t think we had fully closed that chapter. So it was very healing. I just sat there and cried, and I felt like, for the first time in our marriage, he recognized what I went through, how I felt, and allowed me to heal myself. Because at that point in time, when we started the yoni massage, I wasn’t ready for it to even go to the extent of him being anywhere close to it. So it was very therapeutic and healing.
Any deep traumas that we’ve had, this being one of them, were things that we were able to heal through the practice of the yoni massage. That was huge.
I feel like I forgave myself because, to some degree, I held myself responsible for it happening. I recognize now, by the way, Kim, the things that you manifest thing is so true. Because at the time, my only worry about being pregnant was, “How am I going to make this happen? How am I going to do a job that’s so demanding? I’m climbing the corporate ladder, and I’ll have a two-year-old, and I’m pregnant again. How will I logistically manage day care, and how do I have two kids under two and a half?” That’s all I ever thought about. My body, my mind, and my heart were not into the baby like they should have been.
And at 12 weeks, I lost the baby, and it was amazing to learn how you can manifest what you want. I didn’t even know that term, by the way; I wouldn’t have used that word back then. A month later, we were pregnant because all I wanted was another child, and it happened.
The point being, these practices have also helped us heal a lot of the trauma that I have carried, but also to recognize how beautiful my body is, and the perception of what beauty is to us today. You have to look perfect. I never liked my breasts. I always felt they were too saggy, too droopy. I had never owned those parts of my body as I have now, having gone through these practices.
And genuinely recognizing and believing that when Jim says, “Your breasts are beautiful,” they really are beautiful. He’s not saying it because that’s what I want to hear, or that’s what he’s telling himself. There’s a lot of authenticity there.
JIM: The yoni massage has also helped her have more feeling there.
MEG: Yes.
JIM: Along with all the other exercises and things like that.
MEG: This was before the jade egg even came along for us.
JIM: Yeah. That whole ritual of the yoni massage and opening up and then surrendering when I’m inside of her, to allow herself to feel. Instead of just saying, “Oh, it just feels like pressure; can you not do that?” Working through that and healing all the emotions, and again, the cathartic release of what needs to happen so that she can be more in touch with her yoni and feel the G-spot and get waves of pleasure instead of being almost numb down there.
MEG: Yes, definitely. And the feeling that he’s there for me. He’s going to catch me. That’s a huge part of the yoni massage practice. It helps me open up to him on different levels and surrender, and I know that he’ll catch me if I fall, and that’s huge.
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What Jim and Meg share is such a great example of going really deep into sex acts, slowing them down, and finding the magic within them.
I go much deeper into all this sort of connection and breathing techniques, as well as enlightened sex acts, in the Coming Together for Couples Salon. This is my ten-week online signature program for couples. It is a Tantra primer to show you exactly how to use all of these ideas and techniques in your intimate relationship.
We cover everything from how to have full-body and energy orgasms, building supercock male stamina so that he can last for hours, and how to achieve the deeper, life-changing vaginal orgasms for women, such as G-spot and cervical orgasms. We go into sexual reflexology of the genitals, my guided step-by-step tutorials for yoni and lingam massage, and my Rx prescription for healing using sexual positions, and much, much more.
Go to Kim Anami.com, look for Sexual Savant Salons, and click on Coming Together.
