The Importance of Makeup Sex – Transcript
The importance of makeup sex. After you have an argument or any kind of significant separation from your partner, be it physical or emotional, one of the fastest ways to get back into the sweet spot of your love is to get back into the sweet spot of your love.
Makeup sex picks up the stray threads that still need knitting back together after any kind of severing. Talk it out as much as you can, and at a certain point, after the talking opens your hearts, your genitals will light up, and you won’t be able to keep your hands off each other.
I spoke about this last week in the Aphrodisiac of Truth podcast, how when you go deep together and you clear out the cobwebs between you, your libidos are reignited. Libidos and genitals like truth. When you’ve had your wires crossed, you plug back into each other to rebind them. You can work out a lot of stuff in bed in the wordless dance and interplay of your bodies.
Depending on how serious your argument was, you can often patch up the rest of it physically. For really big gaps in relationships, you may need lots and lots of talking and talking that ought to have been happening for years, and in this situation, you may not be able to just bridge these gaps with sex. You’ll need to roll up your sleeves and get deep into the business of truth-telling.
Then, when your bodies are ready, they will tell you that now is the time to reconnect. Your libido is your barometer.
But for less serious arguments or more ongoing kinds of things that come up, your bed can be the place for the final round and where you come back together. I often find that at a certain point in a disagreement, there’s a cock in my mouth; it just shows up there. It has the uncanny effect of silencing my voice, but my throat and my mouth start to take out any remaining expressions of passion, anything left unsaid, unto that cock with a frenzy.
I often say you should bring all your sh*t to bed with you, and maybe that shows up as an extra strong hand around the neck or hair pulling or a deeper, more vigorous deep throat. Someone gets their hands pinned above their head and a more passionate bite on the neck or a spanking because they’ve been oh-so-naughty. The thrusting and the grinding have more oomph behind them, and then you find yourself in doggie style, pounding it out.
When someone else has been particularly at fault, I’ve often been the recipient of something I call the pussy apology. For some reason, I am gifted with an especially long and very focused, very heartfelt session of cunnilingus, and I find that mysteriously, any last remnants of anger or frustration melt away.
You can take the vulnerability that comes up during your impassioned disagreements and then channel that into your lovemaking. You feel raw and open and full of truth, and these are the very best ingredients for gourmet sex.
A colleague of mine used to talk about how, after trauma, we need to re-bond and reconnect. He meant it after any kind of particularly classical trauma, but I would apply that here in the context of relationships. After you feel estranged through an argument, then reconnect physically as soon as you can. Drop everything and get into bed or the sofa or the car. You will ride the momentum of whatever you have cracked open and leverage that into a new level of your relationship, and you will come out of it feeling closer.
Makeup sex is the restorative glue, the tissue knitting itself back together. Even if it is a quickie, a wildly potent, intense romp, it has all the force behind it, making it powerfully deep and rejuvenating.
And what I have found is that we go forward from that vulnerable, open place and bring that with us as we emerge out into the world again. We are in deeper with each other.
This is something that humans do instinctively, and that’s why we have coined the term “makeup sex,” and people deeply resonate with it.
Knowing the importance of makeup sex to elevate your relationship to the next level and repair it after any kind of disservice, make sure you have it. Celebrate it. Knock all the sh*t off the kitchen counter and throw your partner onto it and f**k the sh*t out of each other, because that is what we are doing. We are f**king the last remaining demons and debris out of the space and clearing it so that we can come back into harmony.
As I said that, I just thought of the scene in the film Mr. and Mrs. Smith, when Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are trying to literally kill each other. They’re fighting and shooting, totally destroying the house they used to live in, which we can take to be symbolic of their old relationship.
In a moment of truth and intense vulnerability, I think they’ve actually got the guns pointing at each other’s faces, and they drop their weapons and enact one of the sexiest, most passionate love scenes ever, where even in the throes of their lovemaking, they are destroying the house and throwing stuff all over the place.
After that, their relationship is born anew. Their former house/relationship of lies has been obliterated, and they rise up like equals in the truth of who they really are.
If you’ve seen the movie or you remember it, they were leading double lives, as so many couples do before they discover the power and the aphrodisiac of telling the truth. And in the big reveal of who they are and the shattering of all their old lives and the expression of all their anger and passion and frustration and truth, they rise up like the phoenix after f**king the sh*t out of each other, of course.
The Coming Together Salon is coming. This is my signature online ten-week course for couples, where we cover everything from radically honest communication techniques to radically awesome Tantric pleasure skills and multiple orgasms.
You can sign up for the free preview video series at KimAnami.com, under Sexual Savant Salons, and look for the Coming Together for Couples Salon.
