5 Secrets to Better Oral Sex – Transcript
Five secrets to the best oral sex.
Oral sex is an excellent barometer for how much you truly adore your partner. Do you want to taste and absorb every ounce of them? Are you willing to let them deep, deep inside of you? Are you in love with the very essence and core of who they are?
How much you enjoy oral sex will tell you the answers to these questions. Your partner’s genitals are the essence of who they are, and if you reject that, you’re rejecting the core of your partner.
I’ve seen these ridiculous products and people’s advice that suggest that if they don’t like the taste of their partner’s genitals, they should smother them in some kind of cherry cola poofy-poofy cream or other carcinogenic product. If somebody offers you that, kick them out of bed or just dump the motherfucker already and move on with your life. You have no time for that shit.
Sex at its best is full of lots of gushing—mouths, genitals, pores; everything ought to be producing some kind of powerful fluid.
If you have an aversion to your partner’s genitals or to swallowing their fluids, you need to find an organic—in every sense of the word—solution instead. Like these:
Bathe. Hygiene matters.
Well, it sort of does, but on the other hand—okay, a minimum standard of hygiene is important, but there’s something primally arousing about the actual scent of the person that hasn’t been washed away with soap or lotions or powders.
I’m actually less physically attracted to my partner when he’s freshly bathed. I like him when he’s been marinating in his own sweat and juice, especially if these are the products of him exerting himself during the day. His hard work, his exercise, his desire for me. When all these things show up in his smell, I love it.
I always tell my partners not to wash after going to the gym because I personally love it when my man is radiating his own smell. It’s intoxicating to me. I like it when he’s sweaty, unwashed, and full of vigor.
You may have heard the famous story of Napoleon writing to his lover, Josephine, from the battlefield, “Am returning in three days. Don’t wash.”
The caveat would be so long as someone is healthy and eats reasonably well and exercises regularly, they’re going to smell and taste good. I promise you that.
If they don’t smell or taste good, I’d say there’s another reason for it, and that’s where the idea of the barometer comes in.
When I’m truly into somebody, I want every ounce of them inside of me. All of their fluids, even their moods, good and bad, smell and taste delicious to me.
You either take in their taste and their smell and let it all penetrate you, or you resist it in some way.
The question is: How much of your lover do you actually take in emotionally, mentally, fluid-speaking? If there’s a block some place or a wall between you, it will show up in bed as some kind of aversion.
The solution is communication, communication, communication. I talk a lot about this concept of clearing blocks. This means to speak the unspoken that lies in the ethers between you. Whatever is hanging there has to be expressed, or it will show up as some kind of debris or blockage in your bed. This will sap your desire, make you think you have no libido, or make you feel like you don’t want to touch or be touched or taste and be tasted.
Your body is simply reflecting your emotional protection, and it won’t warm up until you get off your chest whatever it is that you need to say. So get speaking.
You know how after you have one of those deep, space-clearing conversations, you can’t keep your hands off each other? Well, that’s what leads you into these magical places. It’s this kind of transparency and depth and penetration.
I knew this woman who was very in tune with herself and her genitals, as was her partner. He would remark that when he tasted her during a time when they weren’t very connected, or just going through the motions of making love, her genitals had a bitter taste. When they were open and flowing and very connected to each other, she tasted sweet.
The genitals don’t lie. Not if you’re aware enough to hear what they say and listen to what they say. If you aren’t living from your genitals, I would say that you’re blind and deaf. They give you powerful insights, and it’s your job to listen to them.
This is your superfood well. Drink and nourish yourself. Sexual fluids are potent elixirs. They’re infused with your concentrated yin and yang essences. Ingesting them has a profoundly balancing and nourishing effect.
Ancient cultures actually collected male and female ejaculate to imbibe after an encounter. A power drink, if you will.
I say ditch the Red Bull and save a ton of money on those fancy super foods that you love so much—I love them too—and you can harvest your own right from the source. Bottoms up, kids!
The act of devouring all aspects of your lover, literally drinking them in, heals you and will bond you more deeply to each other.
There’s an element of submissiveness to performing oral sex. Enjoy this. Let your partner’s genitals truly fuck you and penetrate you. We usually think of oral sex as the giver being the one who is performing.
Instead, I want you to think about this the opposite way, that your genitals are the fuckers of the face.
One of my favorite exchanges in Charles Bukowski’s writing, the famously brilliant, alcoholic American poet, best exemplifies this idea.
“I want to fuck you,” she said. “It’s your face.”
“What about my face?”
“It’s magnificent. I want to destroy your face with my cunt.”
“It might be the other way around.”
“Don’t bet on it.”
“You’re right. Cunts are indestructible.”
This is from Charles Bukowski’s “Women.” Awesome, awesome quote.
If you haven’t already, explore this dynamic. As the recipient, be the fucker, rather than the fuckee. Really get into the action and create an exchange.
Let yourself see and be seen.
As a lover, it’s your duty to make your love feel seen, adored, and cherished. Since their genitals are the core of who they really are, show them how much you love this gorgeous, amazing part of them. Spend time looking at them with the lights on and adoring them. Comment on what you see, on how much you love it, even outside of the bedroom.
I make a real habit of constantly slathering my attention on my partner’s genitals. I don’t really walk by without stroking it a little bit or getting on my knees to perform some mini acts of fellatio, because I’m so in love with this part of my partner’s anatomy.
I actually have separate relationships with the man and his cock. It’s really important to reinforce your partner’s beauty, and this love and appreciation will come back for you tenfold. You’ll boost their sexual confidence and their overall confidence, and they’ll radiate more sensuality and juiciness.
This is what we do for each other as lovers. We also help each other to love ourselves. This is the gift of being truly seen and cherished by someone that we admire. It’s life-changing.
You know what I always say: If sex isn’t a deeply pleasurable, massively revitalizing and transformative, life-changing experience for you, you’re doing it wrong. That’s not a judgment; it’s just to say that sex ought to be this extremely powerful, uplifting, positive, energizing experience every time. That’s what you aim for. That’s what gourmet sex is all about.
For more tips and techniques on how to build this part of your sexual repertoire and how to become more in tune with yourself, subscribe to my channel.
For more oral sex tips and to learn how you too can be a Well-F**ked Woman, check out my free video series and the online course coming soon.
