Are We There Yet?
I just came off of a body-and-soul-blowing weeklong retreat with a group of beautiful and courageous lovers. Amidst the lush jungle in Bali, removed from everyday life and in a heightened emotional and sexual world, we saw miraculous transformations.
Glowing faces, glowing hearts, glowing genitals.
One of the big realizations for some was that their intimate relationship takes ongoing work. It needs constant love and attention, just like a living being.
You wouldn’t leave your houseplants to fend for themselves for weeks at a time. Or your pets.
Plenty of people neglect their relationships for years.
Along the same lines, someone asked me recently, “How much work will I have to do? When will I be ‘fixed’? Is it ever over?”
There are two approaches to the idea of growth:
1) You are broken and need to be fixed. When you are fixed, you can stop looking at your issues and problems and get on with being happy.
2) Life is a series of “issues” and challenges that we learn to overcome. When we get through one, there is another that presents itself. Each one is designed to take you a layer deeper into yourself, removing the debris that obscures the expression of the true you. The deeper you.
Underneath the debris is more love, more heart-openness, more pleasure.
There’s always another level to go.
Let’s say you have a fantastic sex session and several mind-blowing orgasms with your partner tonight. You may secretly wonder, “Can we top that?”
Oh, yes. You can.
When you feel tempted to step back in fear, because you doubt what could be, or are unsure that you are worthy of that much pleasure and abundance, plunge forward.
Our work is to keep expanding the limits of what we think is possible.
This is one of the main reasons why I like Tantric sex. You build, you plateau, you build, you plateau.
And you never really have to drop off.
Instead of walking away from a sexual encounter with a drop in energy (or with the need for a nap, as is thought of as de rigeur for most men), you can be revitalized.
You can continue to ascend to more and more bliss.
It’s almost a leap of faith, this idea that things could keep getting better.
If you let them.
Growth is a universal law. So long as you do the work, you show up, you don’t shy away from your next “problem” or invitation to growth, you’ll keep going.
You get higher and higher. Instead of shying away from the “issues” in your life, you confront them and say “Bring it on.”
The more you do this, it becomes a habit. Your courage grows and abundance in every part of your life grows.
So no, the “work” is never done.
And that’s a good thing.