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Bring Your ***t to Bed with You

In the Hindu belief system, the deity Shiva has the reputation of being the destroyer. It’s a positive destruction though: an eradication of all the things that keep us from knowing our true natures. 

shiva 1

With death comes rebirth. Sexual exchange was considered one of the most powerful crucibles in which to conduct such transformation. Says Shiva:

“Sex has the power of both illusion and liberation, depending on the participants’ degree of conscious awareness. Sexual initiation is the selfless bestowing of one’s sexuality on another.

When a person accepts a sexual act as a gift, exchanges take place on several different levels simultaneously.

There is a physical exchange and blending of secretions, a psychological exchange of life energies and polarities, a psychological exchange of attitudes, a Karmic exchange through a convergence of destinies—and there is a spiritual exchange, a communion between spirits.

On the highest level, all these exchanges add to the quality of the couple.

During high acts of Tantric sex, Karmas and unresolved personality conflicts can be totally transcended.”


Bring all your shit to bed with you.

I was speaking to a woman recently who was saying there were certain things, like sexual fantasies, that she was reluctant to share with her partner.

She was worried that he might be offended or think less of her.

Listen up!

The place to bring all of your thoughts, desires, feelings and fantasies is to bed. Share them with your partner. Act them out. This is where you can catalyze your weaknesses and your insecurities into strengths.

Every quality we possess has two sides to it. Sex play allows us to alchemize our base qualities into gold.

Let’s take a common female fantasy: a woman who craves being dominated or “taken” sexually. Many women desire this. It’s a sanctioned way for them to indulge their sexual appetites—someone “made them” do it; and also, they get to feel the power and strength in their man.

All women want to feel this.

When a woman has a chance to act out her fantasies, even the ones she might judge, they balance her.

Stepping out of the bedroom (or the kitchen counter, or wherever—I’m all about not having sex in beds), she swings in the opposite direction: she feels stronger and more confident taking charge in her day-to-day life.

She’s had a place to release her submissive energy and now she’s raring to go.

This is the spiritual use of sex—using it as a way to grow.

If you haven’t already, confess your deepest fantasies to your lover and make space to act them out. That’s what sex dates are for.


That concludes our “all angles of sex series.” To review, we covered physical, emotional and mental elements of fabulous sex.

Stay tuned for new online salons and e-courses. If you can’t make it to any of my in-person offerings (or you are too shy!!), you’ll be able to participate from the comfort of your own home and bed. I’m super excited to launch these!

Image: Wooden carving of Shiva, University of British Columbia

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