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How to be an Amazing Lover

How do you become amazing at anything?

Commit.

Study.

Practice.

kiss

Even though we live in a sex-obsessed culture, we’re not encouraged to openly explore our sexual selves. Most people need to fight the shackles of religion and social mores that shames joyful and exuberant sexuality.

The result? Confusion, conflict and ignorance.

Anyone I know who has attained a level of mastery in their sex lives has studied. They’ve bucked whatever holds their religion and culture had on them and claimed their sexual journey as a valid and healthy one. They’ve allowed themselves the freedom to explore.

My own journey started when as a teenager I recognized that culturally there was an attempt to control sexual expression. Especially that of women. I threw off any epithets that would condemn my being a sexually open female and I owned my sexuality. I explored. I experimented. I read.

A few years later I took workshops, continued to read and discovered Tantra – the art of conscious sexuality and the realm where sex meets God. It’s true – sex and God actually have a lot in common. They are both about surrendering and reaching transcendent states of ecstasy.

So where to start? First you commit. If you want to get fit in three months, do you just figure you’ll get to the gym ‘whenever’? Or do you book a trainer and work-out three or four times a week? If you do the former, odds are nothing much will have changed by the time July rolls around. If you commit, you’ll notice results and a six-pack for the summer.

Study. Read, go to workshops, and go shopping. Go to your local bookstore – preferably one with a large sex section and let your intuition guide you. If you are in Vancouver, Banyen Books has a fantastic section on sexuality. Spend an hour browsing. For workshops, check out the offerings at Hollyhock or David Deida or my Sexual Savant Salons. Go to Tart Boutique on Granville Island, love child of the legendary Edie Orenstein (you know Edie Hats? That Edie). It’s full of luxury sex toys, gorgeous lingerie and a well-vetted selection of books. It’s a beautiful, luxurious atmosphere where you can get curious. And ask questions of a knowledgeable staff.

Practice. At least once a week, set aside a minimum of three hours. For sex. Just for sex. Plan ahead – get a babysitter, schedule your day for it and let your imagination run wild. Think about something new you might want to explore. Foreplay starts in your mind’s eye.

And get thee to my Sexual Savant Salons. This weekend is The Multi-Orgasmic Couple (date change). Email me for details if you’d like to attend.

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