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How to Give an Ecstatic Penis Massage: 15 Steps with Massage Strokes

The purpose of lingam massage is to awaken the true power and pleasure of your man’s cock.

We want him to own and inhabit it, amplifying his capacity for bliss.

And yours.

Then he can penetrate you with it, bringing both of you to ecstasy and obliterating you to smithereens, with an awakened and self-actualized cock.

Lingam massage can be totally transformational for your partner and your relationship.

In today’s video:

– Benefits of lingam massage, including a larger and harder erections
– 15 techniques for an exquisite cock massage
– One of the most gorgeous demo cocks you’ve ever seen
– All star interview with Tania and Paul on the impact loving cock massage has had on his erections, confidence and their relationship overall

Watch the video now:


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The purpose of lingam massage is to awaken the true power of your man’s cock.

We want him to own and inhabit it, amplifying his capacity for pleasure.

And yours.

So he can penetrate you with it, bringing both of you to ecstasy and obliterating you to smithereens, with an awakened and self-actualized cock.

Through skilled lingam massage, you can:

  • Release long-held tension and trauma. Years of unresolved stuff can be stored in our reproductive organs. Loving massage helps us to let go.
  • Eliminate numbness. Everything from circumcision trauma to sexual abuse can impact sensitivity.
  • Radically Increase pleasure and sensation.
  • Make his cock grow larger—because what you focus on grows!
  • Help him to own and occupy his masculine power. After all, our genitals are the essence of who we are. As we step into and enliven them, we become more of our true selves.
  • Access his vulnerability, opening him to deeper states.
  • Build trust and connection. As he opens to you, and feels held and adored, he’ll be able to take down his walls and live in a more open state.
  • Reduce premature ejaculation. PE is borne out of fear of intimacy and staying for a while. With this prolonged exposure, he learns he can take more and more pleasure and realize it’s safe to do so.
  • Build stronger, longer lasting erections. With increased cock consciousness, comes more powerful erections. And ultimately, more powerful orgasms.

Can lingam massage really do all that?

Yes, and then some.

Lingam massage can be totally transformational for your partner and your relationship.

Before we get into techniques, let me address the difference between lingam massage and a “hand job”.

Even an exquisitely executed hand job may have love and adoration in it, the main goal is to bring your partner to orgasm.

In a lingam massage, we are aiming to open, awaken, activate, heal, and release tension and trauma—all of which will ultimately lead to deeper and more pleasurable orgasms.

It’s like a de-armoring of the cock.

Restoring it to its original state of divine pleasure.

Here are the elements to a divine lingam massage.

1) Sensual massage oil.

For any kind of genital massage, you need something glidey and smooth.

I recommend our Sensual Massage Oil from the Anami Alchemia online shop, which includes a variety of aphrodisiac herbs and scents.

Later this year I’ll be coming out with a Cock massage oil, so look out for that!

2) Reverence.

Treat his cock like a temple you are worshiping at.

You are equal parts humble, in service, adoring and holding space for him, present with your full attention and focus.

Channel all of your consciousness into the moment.

Your total openness to and acceptance of him allows him to be vulnerable and access parts of himself he may normally never get to.

3)  Flow. Like a dance.

Rather than thinking of each stroke as a step-by-step exercise, open yourself up to the glory of cock and your love for it.

Join your movements together seamlessly and imagine your whole massage-giving experience to be a dance.

4) Make eye contact throughout with your partner.

You’ll keep them conscious, present and transmit energy between you. It’s also very vulnerable and erotic.

5) Love every millimetre of him.

Aim to make contact with every millimeter of surface area of his cock, testicles, pelvis and thighs.

Multiple times.

6) Tease and build him up.

Before you go straight for the gusto and even touch his cock or testicles, dance all around them, massaging his inner thighs, groin, pelvis, and belly.

You’ll open up the energy meridians to release tension in his cock and balls, it can be more easily disseminated.

And you’ll drive him wild with anticipation.

((Move into perineum, spread the flesh away from his cock and balls.))

After you’ve spent a lengthy amount of time dancing in close—but not too close—then you can approach his balls.

7) Testicle massage. 

Stimulating his balls boosts testosterone production and activates the reflexology points for the pineal and pituitary glands—the glands of bliss.

Use feather light to light massage strokes, wrapping around them, and caressing them which you can alternate with ultra-light finger nail scratches.

Inhale him and get high and aroused from his scent and pheromones.

8) Kiss and tease it out.

Brush and kiss him with your lips, dusting your fingers ever so lightly up and down his shaft.

Drag your face and chin back and forth, giving him a variety of different touch sensations.

9) Shafted!

Gently grasp the base of his shaft, making circular motions all along the bottom, pressing into the skin around his cock.

Vary the strokes, and use your finger pads to palpate massaging out any tension you feel.

Use circular motions to glide around the entire circumference of his cock.

10) Vary your vertical strokes.

Use both hands, starting from the base and undulate your way up to the head.

Go up on the left and right, front and back, and every section in between.

You can trail your fingers back down on the descent.

Use the palms of your hands, or a few fingers together or your fingertips to change the sensation, all the while moving energy from the base to the tip.

11) Spiral up.

Use slow spiral motions with your palms, fingers or fingertips, covering the entire surface area of his cock.

Pause every once in a while to admire him and make eye contact.

12) Love it with your whole body and being.

As you stroke him with your hands and forearms, bring your whole body into the touch, undulating your back and arms in tune with your hand rhythms.

13) Head games.

Circle his head, dancing around his crown with light, delicate, loving strokes. Use circular motions to move the energy.

14) Draw the energy up.

Use your hands and breath to visualize waves moving energy upwards.

You’ll release stagnation, cleansing the old and infusing with the new.

15) Anointed with love.

As you give him the cock massage of a lifetime, he may be aroused enough to ejaculate.

All of the loving, reverent energy you’ve put into your massage will be infused into his fluids.

Accept it with total surrender, as the divine nectar, bliss and medicine that it is for you.


Lingam massage can be totally transformational for your relationship and your partner.

In this all-star interview, Paul and Tania share their experiences of Lingam Massage.

They also talk about what I call the Aphrodisiac of Truth, which is what I describe in my work as the ultimate stripping away of our defences, and white lies, and sins of omission—together.

This became a pivotal concept in working with me, “coming clean” about a variety of things between them.

We also see this reflected in the genitals: as we remove the debris and the accumulated barriers through loving genital massage, we expose the true form and its function, beneath all of that.

The true self emerges.

Speaking of true selves, we also touched on the four entities in a relationship:

Me, you, my genitals and your genitals.

We’re all involved in coming together!

KIM: Welcome, Paul and Tania. Thank you so much for being here.

TANIA: Thank you, Kim!

PAUL: Thank you, Kim! Pleasure to be here.

TANIA: Thanks for having us.

PAUL: An honor.

KIM: Thank you guys so much for doing this.

Well, as you know, with our All Stars, we try to highlight people who’ve had breakthroughs and successes in the techniques in the work and then use those people as examples and beacons of hope for others.

TANIA: And that’s why we wanted to come on, because we thought if we can help other people better their relationships, then for sure we’ll do it.

KIM: Fantastic. I want to talk about lingam massage and yoni massage. Focus on one and then the other. I realize there should be some overlap for you guys.

PAUL: Yeah, the massages.

TANIA: I’m really excited, and I feel so grateful for your work because you’ve really helped us.

PAUL: Yeah. In a major way. We were just about done, marriage-wise. Then we gave your course a go, and I came out with a whole lot of truths that I’d been hiding, going back 10 years. And that just opened up a new door for us. It was completely life-changing. It actually saved our marriage. That and then, in conjunction with putting your other work into play, your practices, and both of our dedication to the marriage, we’re doing really well now.

KIM: That’s excellent. Amazing. You guys have done Coming Together?

TANIA: Yeah.

KIM: Any other salons or just CT?

PAUL: I just did the last Sexual Mastery for Men.

TANIA: I plan on doing Vaginal Kung Fu and Well-F**ked Woman one day.

KIM: Great! Let’s start talking about lingam massage. I’m looking for what your experience was in doing it together. Whoever wants to can speak, and then, Paul, tell me how it was receiving it and what shifts or changes you noticed in your cock, in your cock confidence, in your performance, in your relationship overall, and in your confidence out in life.

Then, Tania, how was it for you in terms of performing lingam massage? Did it change your relationship with Paul’s cock? Had you guys ever done anything like a dedicated cock massage before you studied this?

PAUL: Not at all, no.

TANIA: No. Just quickly finish it, and that was it.

KIM: Right. There’s not a whole lot of time or dedication; just enough to get the job done.

TANIA: Exactly.

PAUL: Yeah. We didn’t understand any depths of sex and foreplay and all that sort of stuff.

KIM: And you said that when you came into this work, your relationship was nearly finished.

PAUL: Yeah, that’s right.

TANIA: Yeah. We had this disconnect, and we just didn’t know what was going on. It started when we conceived our second child, so that was roughly three years of it being pretty bad and getting worse and not really knowing what to do. I think around this time last year, you were talking about the aphrodisiac of truth. You put that podcast out, and I remember thinking, “I always tell the truth. I don’t really need to listen to this, but I’m going to listen to it anyway.”

I listened to it, and I realized that there was something that I needed to share with Paul, so I did, and then he had something to share with me. Then his shares kind of kept going [laughs]. It was funny because your first salon is about clearing the glass. And that’s kind of what happened.

We felt it on an energetic level, but consciously, we had no idea of what it was until we went through your salon and started to realize that it was all these hidden truths. They weren’t necessarily lies, but it was just not being honest with each other.

PAUL: Or open.

KIM: Yeah. I think part of you doesn’t know what you don’t know, or you can feel something is amiss and then it’s articulated and you say, “Right, okay, that’s what it is. [Laughs] That’s what’s missing.”

Tell me about your forays into lingam massage. You hadn’t done something like this before, then you decided to give it a go, like everything in the salon. What were your experiences with it as the giver and the recipient?

PAUL: One major thing for me was that I suffer from low self-worth, so to have Tania put that kind of focus on me and give me that attention and love has been very warming and connecting, and it has helped me to feel valuable. It’s helped me in a major way, in that sense.

And then I guess also, releasing stuck energy. Generally, when we do the massage, we both set an intention at the start of what we want to get from it or how we want to be in the moment. It’s generally about just being open, being present, and feeling it.

But there is a lot to gain, including sensations in different parts of my cock and around it. The more that Tania focuses on certain areas, the more they start to come to life and gain feeling where they have previously been quite numb.

I guess it has helped with hardness overall, harder erections.

TANIA: And thickness as well.

PAUL: Yeah, that’s true. As I’ve heard you say with a certain example, the more attention and love you give that part, the more it grows and flourishes.

TANIA: Hardens. [Laughs]

PAUL: Hardens, too, yeah.

KIM: What you focus on grows. That’s the old spiritual adage.

How did you notice your confidence change in your daily life? You mentioned self-worth, and I always talk about the genitals being the essence of the person. The more that we love the genitals and adore them and slather worship onto them, the more we can actually change how the recipient presents in the world and how we interact in the world.

Often when I do retreats with people and I get to see the results of these exercises in real time, the guys will be walking differently. They’ll be leading with their cocks. They’ll talk about it. “I feel like a new man,” [laughs] because their women have just been adoring their cocks.

What did you notice about going out into the world after having had a few of these massages?

PAUL: That’s a good call. I can resonate with that and say that it does help with my confidence and also just with feeling more comfortable within my own skin. More relaxed, more open. As Tania mentioned, we had a lot to share that we’ve been hiding. I’ve been very closed off almost my whole life, so the truth sharing has opened me up a lot, and then the massages as well with all the attention there.

KIM: Great. Anything that you’d like to say, Tania? What was your experience in giving the massage?

TANIA: I guess it helped me to connect with Paul on a deeper level. It’s very intimate, and it’s kind of like saying, “Here I am, and this is me!” It can feel very vulnerable for the person that’s receiving. But to hold that space and to be there together is very intimate and very vulnerable in a good way.

I feel like exploring Paul’s cock more. It has made me understand him better, and like you say, it’s an extension of the man, but it’s a separate entity from him as well, and I’m starting to understand that part when you talk about that.

It’s really good. It’s nice. One hour goes by really quickly. When you first go into the salon, you’re having junk food sex, and then you hear, “Go and give a one-hour massage.” And when you’re first doing it, the time just goes. It’s incredible. Really powerful.

KIM: Yes. There’s a zone that takes over, I find, in these deep, intimate acts, and especially when we have a sense of reverence with them, hours can go by. When I first talk to people about the notion of three-hour sex dates, often they’re incredulous at the beginning. “You’ve got to be kidding. Three hours of sex?” And then afterward they say, “Yeah, it went by in the blink of an eye.” Usually not the first time, but after practicing and incorporating these techniques, everything changes.

TANIA: Yeah. At the start, when I was first giving the lingam massages, there wasn’t a lot of feeling there for Paul. It was really numb, and slowly, slowly, we noticed that his erection was growing as I was massaging, not just with the faster touches but also with the slower strokes that you showed us.

Eventually, over time, it just got better. We did slack off a little bit with the massages for a couple of months there, and then when we went back, we noticed that there was some feeling missing, but not completely gone from when we first started. That really made us realize how important they are.

KIM: And how often were you doing them at your peak?

TANIA: Throughout the salon, we were doing them pretty regularly.

PAUL: I’d say at least weekly.

KIM: Giving at least one to each other a week? One lingam massage, one yoni massage? And spending roughly an hour doing it?

TANIA: Yeah, minimum.

KIM: Minimum! [Laughs] What was the maximum?

TANIA: Oh, I’m not sure. It all just blurred into one.

PAUL: Yeah, it kind of does.

KIM: Anything else you want to say about lingam massage?

PAUL: Something about the eye contact is really beautiful as a connection between us both, and it helps open me up a lot more. I find myself becoming very vulnerable when receiving the massages, and it feels like a very safe space to open up and let whatever must come up come up. It’s a very freeing kind of feeling. They’re really special, and there’s a lot to gain from them. We can see the difference now between when you keep up the practice and when you don’t. We can see how beneficial the massages are.

KIM: When you said, “Let things come up,” what sort of things would come up for you?

PAUL: Sometimes some truths that I’d hidden away years ago. I just locked them away and had not thought about them. And some of the things that I came clean to Tania about. Things that might come up during the massage.

Or sometimes you feel like you have some stuck energy that just releases, and you open up.

KIM: It’s like a physical glass clearing. We talk about the glass clearing, the aphrodisiac of truth, the idea of honesty that’s cleansing the space and making more room for us to exist. The same thing is happening with the genitals with yoni and lingam massage. We’re clearing space. We’re releasing old stuff that’s there so that we can occupy our genitals in a free and clear way.

PAUL: Yeah, exactly.

KIM: Excellent. Is there anything else you want to add to that, Tania?

TANIA: No. I don’t think so.

KIM: Okay, great. Let’s move on to yoni massage.


Regular lingam and yoni massage is an amazing tool to clear space, release blockages, deepen your intimate connection and amplify your orgasmic power and pleasure.

In my Coming Together for Couples Salon, I walk you through my step-by-step guides for giving these massages to each other.

You’ll also learn other block clearing and communication techniques to remain open to each other, as well as Tantric and Taoist practices, my full Orgasmapedia of how to achieve a multitude of different orgasms and much, much more.

You can signup for the salon and check out the free video series here.

Come one, come all!

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