Your intimate relationship is the place for you to let down your guard, open up and in doing so, be seen, cherished and healed by another person.
When you do that, you tap into a huge power source–the power of love. What is love, really? Okay, it’s a lot of things, but to me, more than anything, love is openness. Rumi said that:
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
Think of your connection with your partner as your practice arena. It’s here that you learn to shed the layers of who you think you are and show up as who you truly are. Bit by bit, you peel back anything false that you’ve piled on over the years and get raw and naked.
Instead of making you weak, this gives you strength.
Intimacy (into-me-see) is a major power source in relationships. By letting your partnership become a working agreement rather than the place you get naked (physically and emotionally), you miss out.
You only harness that power by letting someone see into you. And by looking deeply into them–their crevices and dark corners. Your acceptance of these places catalyzes them into energy and qualities you can integrate into your lives.
Your relationship is meant to be your sanctuary. Your place to let go and refuel. This is where you bring your light and your darkness, to have it illuminated and transformed. You can go hard and strong during your daily life, and then come back to the vessel of your relationship and let it all go.
How do you do it?
Debrief the effluvia of your day or your life quickly so you get it out of the way. Then go deep. Talk about your dreams. Ask about his dreams. Tell her a secret fantasy. Share something that you fear makes you look less-than-strong. Find the places in yourself that feel like walls, the things you are afraid to bring forth and then do exactly that.
Being witnessed and accepted gives you strength. It helps you to self-actualize.
Today, think of three areas you’ve held back on sharing with your partner. All of these things obscure the space between you. So clear them. Do it now. Do it tonight. Go to bed half an hour earlier and carve out time to talk. Face-to-face, heart-to-heart. Once you do this, genital-to-genital will happen more easily and feel much more pleasurable.