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Please Give Sexy Back

Sexy toilet paper, please give sexy back.

Sexy green juice, please give sexy back.

Sexy household paint, please give sexy back. 

Please, all of you utterly un-sexy things, give sexy back.

It’s amusing to me to see how many ways the word “sexy” can be applied to things which are not in the least bit sexy. Or about sex.

People highjack this word and this idea all the time.

And yet, when it really counts, when we need to be having open conversations about sex, hardly anyone is game.

I once wrote a blog post for a website which had “sexy” in the title. Yet, the thrust of the site had nothing to do with sex. In fact, my piece was the only article about sex which had ever appeared on the site. When writing, I was told that I could only use the word “sex” a certain number of times.

The writing was painful.

It took me two weeks to pen that piece because I had to hold myself back so much.

I never wrote for them again.

Censorship is not sexy. Holding back is not sexy. Half-truths are not sexy.

When we hear about atrocious, violating, sexual things happening in other places in the world, it’s easy to think it’s so distant from us. That those things don’t happen here.

They do.

And we’re responsible for them—here and abroad.

Whenever you stifle a conversation about sex, or you hold back sexually, or you judge another person’s sexuality, you’ve just contributed, collectively, to repressing sexual expression.

Yes, your thoughts and your actions impact the collective.

The next time you are inclined to call your new toothbrush (okay, this one’s valid) “sexy,” think again.

Instead, women, share at lunch with your girlfriend about what a fantastic orgasm you had last night. Or how you didn’t. And you’d like to. Has she???

Instead, men, ask your friends whether or not they’ve explored their G-Spots.

You know why I love “Movember” so much? Because during that month I get to ask every guy I can about whether he’s explored the true preventive measure for prostate health—having a finger up his ass. Regularly.

Initiate a sexual conversation with, (God forbid) your parents.

Let your children know that hey!! You have sex!!! Their parents!! Imagine that!!! And you like it. It’s healthy. And necessary.

Are you underf**ked? Talk about it. (If you are, please get help for this tragic condition).

Don’t avoid the conversations you need to be having by calling your corn flakes sexy.

Me, on the other hand, I’ve earned the right to call light bulbs sexy—because I use every opportunity to have earnest, open and provocative (i.e. SEXY) conversations about sex.

But I don’t call random, inanimate objects sexy.

That would just be f**king stupid.


Image: Doug Aitken

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