Single and Well-F**ked – Transcript
Well-fucked singles.
I have had some of the most well-fucked periods of my life when I have been single and without a partner. Yes, you can still be epically well-fucked even without a lover. A jade egg and a dildo or two or three are great companions, or just your hands. My definition of a well-fucked person is someone who is owning, inhabiting, wearing, and consciously channeling their sexual energy. They are in touch with it, and they are able to use it as a power and a pleasure source, and you don’t need a partner to do this.
In fact, one of the most powerful things you can do to attract a high-quality partner is to go fuck yourself. Yes, having gourmet sex with yourself raises your vibration and opens you up to the gifts of the universe, including the gifts of high-quality cock and pussy, and brings you into the flow of life.
In this episode, I’m going to speak more about well-fucked female singles, and I’ll address well-fucked male singles in a future episode.
The last major single period I had, I actually took a two-and-a-half-year break from sex, and I talk about this in my podcast, “Attracting A Partner.” I was celibate for two and a half years, and yes, I had plenty of sex with myself, but not with other people. I had come out of a very intense breakup, and there was a lot to process. I decided that before I got involved with anyone new, I wanted to uplevel my life so I felt that I could match them and receive them in every possible way.
The way that I looked at that is if there are areas in your life where you feel a little bit embarrassed or you don’t really want to have someone see these parts of you or your existence, then it’s really hard to bring somebody in and wholeheartedly meet them because you’re not allowing yourself to be met. There are places you’re trying to hide.
You don’t have to be perfect. I’m not saying that. But I’m talking about a certain level where you just feel uneasy. We want to get past that to a place of acceptance and even pride in who you are.
There were a couple of areas in my life where I felt I wanted to improve and feel better about before letting somebody in, and so I committed to doing that. I threw myself into my visions and goals for what I wanted, and I focused solely on that, on the uplevel.
I didn’t officially declare celibacy, but these other priorities of mine were at the forefront of my mind and nothing else. When they were achieved, I just felt that I would know.
It was during this time that I came up with my legendary sequence, meditate/masturbate/create. This is the formula I use to harvest my sexual energy and use it as a creative source in my life. When I need inspiration, I don’t drink coffee; I’ll just shove coffee up my ass. I go and have an orgasm, or three or six, and then I go back to work.
I have a great YouTube video that walks you through this sequence, and I’ll just explain it here in short. It’s exactly as it sounds. I spend five to ten minutes in meditation. I personally like to meditate using a mantra, and probably my favorite is the word “Hu.” It sounds like [chanting] “Hu.” This is an ancient name for God, spirit, energy, the universe, whatever you want to call it, and it’s found in cultures and writings all over the world, from Africa to Celtic material. Even in Rumi’s poetry, he talks about Hu as the word of God.
Then I self-pleasure. I spend time with my clitoris, and then I usually advance onto one of my Anami Alchemia couture dildos like Akasha or Anahata. The first one helps with the G-spot and the second one with the cervix, because I’m all about those vaginal orgasms.
All throughout, I breathe deeply so that I’m harvesting and recirculating my sexual energy. I always say your sexual energy is your life-force energy, so we can either have a sexual experience that depletes it and just unconsciously ejects it out of us, or we can take that energy and bring it back into ourselves so that we have it available to use in our daily lives.
So you practice your self-pleasuring and breathing, and then you go do something. I may or may not orgasm; it doesn’t actually matter. As long as I’m breathing deeply, then I’m able to harvest and recirculate that sexual energy.
My main creative outlet is writing, but you can go and do anything with that energy. You can paint, you can garden, you can play with your children, you can attack another work project that you have, anything that you like.
Here are my top five tools for being a Well-F**ked Woman, even without a sexual partner. The first is harvesting your sexual energy. I’ve touched on this already, the importance of consciously using this energy, and one of the best ways to do that is with my meditate/masturbate/create practice. This is all about moving and recirculating the energy in the body so that you have it to use in your day-to-day life. Breathing is a huge part of that, a vehicle for moving the energy.
It’s not just about this race to have an orgasm and have a clitoral orgasm. I can bust one out in a couple of minutes. No, the longer that we spend stimulating ourselves and breathing deeply, the more and more of this high-quality energy we’re cultivating. The longer you do it for, the more you harvest. The whole point is to build up to your edge of orgasm and then breathe and breathe and breathe and then subside. Allow yourself to drop back a couple of notches and then build up again, breathe and breathe and breathe, and subside.
You keep repeating that, and that’s how you truly harvest a lot of your sexual energy.
Last year or the year before, I put out this video, Self-Pleasure 101, and I explained the meditate/masturbate/create sequence. I issued a challenge to women to do a 7-Day Self-Pleasuring Challenge.
Somebody got in touch with me, and the first time she practiced it [laughs], she did it in the evening, and then the next day she went out into town, and she had men flocking to her. One guy ran across the street to ask for her phone number. Another one, later that afternoon, approached her to tell her how beautiful she was. And she was wearing her sexual energy.
So she had done the exercise right in the sense that she was able to then inhabit her sexual energy. It was radiating out of her so strongly that people picked up on it from yards and yards away, [laughs] on the other side of the road.
This is really, really potent stuff. If you’re alone, you can choose to use just your hands, or if you like, you can try out my Anami Alchemia Holy Trinity couture line of dildos. They are designed to give you the deeper vaginal orgasms, like the G-spot and cervical orgasms.
Speaking of which, I would say that number two on the list of tools for being a Well-F**ked Single Woman would be having vaginal orgasms.
The vagina truly is the Holy Land. I say this all the time, and when I hear women say that they could take it or leave it when it comes to sex, it’s usually because they’ve only ever had clitoral orgasms. The Anami guarantee is that all women can. A huge part of what I do is educating people about what’s possible and then telling them how to get there. I guarantee that every woman can get to each of these orgasms.
The deeper vaginal orgasms are so essential as good-fuck medicine for women because this deep mind/body/spirit, vagina/cervix penetration is what we really need. This helps to dislodge old shit, old tension, old trauma, stored issues in the tissues, as Wim Hof says, stuff that’s lodged and wedged within us, in our cells. Memories, unresolved things, they stay there.
These deep, intense vaginal orgasms help to release them and process them and integrate them so that we emerge truly with la petite mort, the little death and rebirth, and that’s the name of the game.
Plenty of women have gone through my salons and had all kinds of sexual breakthroughs, a plethora of orgasms, and discovered all their pleasure centers on their own.
Here’s a quote from Rashni, one of my favorite All Stars. “I had 32 orgasms in a row by myself.” And then, eventually, she did find/manifest a partner. And then she says, “And 60 orgasms in a five-hour sex session with a partner. I can now have a cervical orgasm from having my arm stroked, and I’m able to think myself to orgasm too. Kim’s work increased my vaginal arousal and sentience and was the catalyst for me having G-spot, A-spot, and cervical orgasms. All truly incredible and things I never thought were possible for me until Kim opened my eyes and vagina to them.”
These are the kinds of things that you can take up in your single time.
Third tool, I would say, the most important accessory a woman and vagina could have would be a jade yoni egg. This is how we really wake up and activate the vagina. Most vaginas are numb, and so the true creative and magnetizing, receptive, birthing power of the female reproductive organs isn’t activated until we wake them up.
Most vaginas are numb. They’re not being exercised properly. Women dissociate from the vagina due to a number of reasons, any of which could be trauma and unresolved stuff from their past, or just like I said, not exercising it, when it’s just like any other muscle in the body.
The vagina can and ought to be functioning as a mover and a shaker, and the egg can act as a lover when you’re single. This becomes your go-to place, and the egg itself has this beautiful symbolism as the manifesting seed.
The way that I teach the jade egg is with a series of exercises and guided visualizations to really tap into harnessing the creative power of these organs and our sexual energy in general.
We run the Vaginal Kung Fu Salon once a year in February, and if you’re listening to this outside of that time, you can buy our jade egg kit with the mini-salonette— which is a mini-version of Vaginal Kung Fu—through the Anami Alchemia Online Shop. That’s available anytime.
Step number four would be clearing sexual blocks. This is your time to heal and clean up the past and address any of your old unresolved traumas. What I would say happens to most of us, if not all of us, over time is that we have a series of relationships and find that we tend to repeat some of the same patterns, usually in some form of self-sabotage. We get in these loops.
This is an amazing time for honest self-assessment. Not looking at what your partner did to you and how you were victimized in any way, even if you were legitimately wronged. I don’t care. [Laughs] What I want you to examine is your part. How did you play into this formula? What do you have to take responsibility for? What can you clean up?
This ranges from behavior patterns to ideas and limiting beliefs that you have to internalized oppression, internalized collective, and cultural ideas, like the Madonna/whore dichotomy that women tend to take on because we grow up with it all over the place, and it’s pretty much our creation story in Western culture.
All of these things have to be cleared and moved—well, they don’t have to be fully resolved, but I would say getting a good grasp on them is going to help you to release that stuff and uplevel.
Like attracts like. As you do this work on yourself, you bring yourself up to a higher place and a higher vibration, and then you can attract a better-quality partner. All of this work is leading to that place. And your vaginal orgasms actually act as therapy. They are massively cathartic. Often women have tears of release where they can’t even associate what their crying is related to, and it doesn’t matter; they don’t have to. They just need to go with the flow of the tears and the release, and they start to let go of stuff that they’ve been holding onto. The body and the vagina are beautifully wise that way and help you to clean up these things.
So that is your work: Address whatever you can identify as being there. This is a major part of all my salons, helping people to figure out what possible blocks could be there and then how to clear them in a very profound and quantum-leap way.
The fifth important piece, I would say, related to all of this, is accepting it. Meaning accepting that you’re single right now and that’s okay. Sometimes people will be in a state of real longing and self-pity and sadness that they’re not in a relationship. My view on that is, look, accept where you are and dig into the work. If you truly, truly settle into the space and just let it go for now, and make loving and growing yourself and orgasming yourself and sexual self your main priority, you’ll fall in love with you, and then others can fall in love with you.
That might sound a bit cliché, but I think the thing that separates sexual self-love from, I don’t know, self-love without it, is that nobody else really has that. Very, very few people actually explore their sexual selves as a pathway for healing and self-realization, and these higher levels of sex that I’m always talking about, all of my work is about cultivating them.
When I had that two and a half year celibate period, I really let go of the idea of being with anybody. I was just content to work on myself because I knew that if I got back into another relationship and I hadn’t cleared these old things out, they would just come up again. I was committed to resolving and moving myself to a certain place.
I had some idea where I was going, but not fully. I was just confident that I would know when I got there [laughs], and I did. And then I immediately attracted some amazing people into my life.
This is the time to truly explore, like I said, and let go of any expectation. If somebody comes along, great, you can check it out, but it’s not at the forefront of your mind. You connecting with you is at the forefront of your mind, and you connecting with your vagina and your body and your sexuality are at the forefront of your mind and your genitals.
Now I want to share with you one of the most amazing stories I have ever heard. Our Well-F**ked All Star this week is Charlotte. She took the Well-F**ked Woman Salon and Vaginal Kung Fu, and she just finished up that round this year. She began Well-F**ked Woman last summer and then did Vaginal Kung Fu in January/February.
She took these programs as a single, and she threw herself into the work. And then earlier this year, shortly after Vaginal Kung Fu, she manifested the man of her dreams. Despite us being in the middle of the latest, greatest viral sensation and all the tyrannical rules and restrictions, love found a way, even when these two were living in different countries with border restrictions. So their story is incredible.
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KIM: Welcome, Charlotte.
CHARLOTTE: Hi, Kim.
KIM: I’m so excited to talk to you today because you and your story exemplify the idea that when we are single, we focus on doing our own deep, personal work, and we uplevel ourselves to attract an excellent, high-vibrationally matched partner. So tell us your story.
CHARLOTTE: Well, it was about a year ago. I was in a really rough place. I’d had a string of partners that hadn’t worked it out, and I had decided a couple of years earlier to try and have a baby on my own because I couldn’t meet a partner who wanted to do that with me. So I finally got pregnant and then had a stillbirth.
That was completely devastating, and I found myself in this place where I knew I had to change something up. I had to do something different than what I’d been doing.
I had saved some money and some time for maternity leave, and I decided to use that time and those resources to take the Well-F**ked Woman Salon and really commit to working on my shit. That’s what I’ve been doing ever since then. I also took Vaginal Kung Fu, and they were both really transformative and amazing. I just took all sorts of risks this year in terms of putting energy into working on myself and looking really deeply at how I had gotten off track.
When I decided to have a baby on my own, it was because I thought, “I guess I’m just not going to meet someone. So I guess I’ve got to do it on my own.” I had just programmed into my mind that that wasn’t going to happen.
Then when I had this devastating loss, I thought maybe this loss was to teach me that I could have a partner and a child. Maybe this loss was to teach me that I needed to get back on track with myself and do some more personal growth work so that I was really at my optimal self.
So that’s what I did. And then this thing happened where the world went into their homes, and I thought, “Oh great. How the hell am I going to meet the man of my dreams now?: But it also became really obvious to me that it wasn’t going to happen if I didn’t frickin’ do anything and I just sat at home.
I had this giddy thought that it would be a good story if I attracted, manifested, whatever, the man of my dreams, a really amazing man, during these circumstances of whatever you want to call it.
KIM: Love in the time of COVID.
CHARLOTTE: That’s right. Yeah. This little corner of my brain that believed that this might be possible just wedged more and more open as I took some leaps of faith. I took some big risks. I had been off online dating, thinking that was just so boring and tedious. I just thought, “Okay, on this date, I’m going to be super up front about what I want and what I’m looking for. I’m going to post a few hot pictures of me, and then I’m going to go off a week later. If nothing happens, fine, and if something happens, great.”
Of course, three days later, I got this message from this guy, and we started texting. The ball started rolling. We just hit it off, and it was amazing, and then we were calling and videoing each other. He was a Yankee, and I was in Canada, and the borders were closed. I was falling in love. I knew this was the person.
About three weeks in, I had an idea. We were desperate to meet each other in person. I said, “I have an idea that we could meet up on a river somewhere.” The first time we talked on the phone, within five minutes, I was telling him about Vaginal Kung Fu and the different sections of my vagina. I took a risk, and I sent him a link to your podcast on Tantric sex. Within two days of texting him, I sent him a link to that. I just thought, “Either he’s going to be into it and that will be great, or he’s going to be weirded out, and I’ll know that I need to find someone else.”
He was super into it, and he even went and listened to a ton of your other podcasts, including “Conscious Monogamy,” which has been really an anchor for us throughout it all. That was an amazing sign.
We started talking about sex really, really early on, and obviously, we weren’t in the same country. The borders were closed, so we weren’t meeting together physically, but we started talking about sex.
We started developing these daily rituals, where we would sit in silence together and meditate on the phone every day for 10 to 15 minutes. That was profound in terms of an energetic connection. At the beginning of a relationship, there’s often this question of, When are we going to sleep together first? But that wasn’t really there, so we had this really beautiful opportunity to get to know each other on an emotional level first. I think sometimes people jump into sex before the emotional connection is really strong, and that can lead to some turbulence.
But we developed these rituals, like sitting in silence. We found this little Tibetan book where each page is a paragraph about how to love. Every night we read—we still do—a page. We alternate. He went out and got the book immediately so we’d each have a copy, and we now take turns reading to each other every night from that.
What else? We turn on FaceTime, and we just look into each other’s eyeballs for a period of time. That’s incredibly hot, considering it’s just this technology. It’s still really revealing, and it can bring up a lot of emotion, like love and tenderness, and truth, really.
Then I talked to you, Kim, for some more suggestions, and we put those into place. We started playing with breathing together. Over time, we started putting in this practice where I would set the timer for two minutes or something and consciously direct my sexual energy toward one part of his body. Then we would flip, and he would do the same to me. And we still do that on occasion; it’s really fun.
We talk about our experiences receiving and giving, and it’s uncanny how connected we are. I’ll say, “I really felt tingly in my neck,” and then he’ll say, “Yeah, I was really focused on your neck.”
KIM: Right, yes. Energy sex, energy movement.
CHARLOTTE: We’ve just gotten super creative about how to connect sexually, emotionally, intellectually, all the ways. It’s been a massive gift, honestly.
The whole COVID thing made it even more magical because we felt like there was this “limitation,” but we were busting through it. That really strengthened our connection and our love and our commitment to each other as well.
The thing about this guy, which is constantly blowing my mind, is how into me he is. I’ve had guys who have been into me for a while, and they’re not really invested in personal growth and relationship growth, and this guy is invested in both of those things. It’s such a relief and a gift to be with someone who is as invested as I am and has done his own work as well. I’ve been on a road of personal growth work since last year, full time, following my bliss, and also committing to just doing all the work I can on my growth in all the realms of my life.
He’s had a similar journey, so it’s been this confluence of energy, where now we can take the work we’ve done on ourselves and pour it into our relationship through communication, creativity, and emotions. Yeah, it’s been amazing.
The first five weeks of our relationship were developing those rituals, those practices, those tools, and using those tools to have a really fulfilling relationship, even though we were 400 miles apart.
KIM: Yeah. Those are such great examples of your creativity and commitment to do whatever you could. To not let certain “limitations” stop you. Also great examples of both of you doing your work and upleveling to get to this place of like attracts like. To find another person at that vibration who’s committed and doing the work and has done enough of their own shit-clearing in themselves to leave some of that stuff behind and then attract at a higher vibration. Excellent stuff. So what happened next?
CHARLOTTE: We hatched this plan to meet up in person on the water because if you didn’t anchor or dock, it was okay for you to be in international waters. We had this plan to meet up on kayaks, but two days before that, we saw that there was this other river that was super narrow but had really fast waters where the border went along the middle of the river.
So we each drove several hours on a whim that same day we discovered that place on the map. We grabbed a pair of binoculars, each drove several hours to this river, and we stood probably about a football field apart from each other on the edges of the river with our binoculars. And that was the very first time that we saw each other in person.
KIM: [Laughs] Two little specks off in the distance.
CHARLOTTE: Yes. Totally. He had a white dog, so I could be sure it was him. Yeah, we stayed there for three hours because we were just so hungry for each other and just to be in each other’s presence, that close, was so gratifying. It felt epically romantic, and he heard my voice live for the first time because I called across the river to him.
We had been doing this thing with FaceTime, looking at each other’s eyeballs—he calls them eyeballs. I love it, I call them eyes, whatever.
So we had been looking at each other’s eyeballs, and we did that on the edges of the river. Normally, he’s got his bird noises in his part of the world, and I’ve got my bird noises, or outdoor noises, in my part of the world. But we had the same ones, the same noises, because we were in the same place and the same birds were going by in our background and stuff, so that was really special.
Yeah, we got silly and he showed me his bum and sat on a picnic table and danced around it. I took my top off, and we just got silly. Yeah, we’re like that.
It was hilarious and beautiful, and in a Shakespearean way, we just called “I love you” across the river. It was magical, and it was worth the five hours of driving that I did for the three-hour date of being a football field across from him.
Also, it was really reassuring that he did the same thing, and he felt the same way. This partner I’ve attracted is a great match for me because he is into the same epic, adventurous, breaking limitations as I am. Breaking through limitations and not letting anyone dictate what we can or can’t do.
KIM: And you guys took your first selfie together too.
CHARLOTTE: We did, yeah! We took our first selfie where he’s a tiny, tiny little—he had a red T-shirt on—red speck in the background. You have to zoom in. Yeah, it’s hilarious. Yeah, that was our first selfie.
KIM: I love it. Then it only gets better.
CHARLOTTE: Yeah, it gets better. That was two days before, when we just couldn’t wait the two days to meet in our kayaks, so we did this little river thing.
The next day was the day before we were supposed to meet in kayaks. I totally had a flip-out panic attack where I went backward and said, “This is a bad idea. We’re going to get caught. I’m going to get put in jail. You’re never going to be allowed to come to Canada.” He had already decided that he wanted to move to Canada to be with me, which was fucking amazing. I got super nervous.
KIM: Your idea was to meet in international waters so that you would not be in violation of anything?
CHARLOTTE: That’s correct. Yes.
KIM: So you were going to kayak to this place, and it was in international waters?
CHARLOTTE: Yeah. He was going to kayak from his country, and I was going to kayak from my country, and we were going to meet in international waters in our kayaks and be able to touch each other. That was the plan.
I had this little flip-out the day before, where I was really uptight and said to him, “Do not pressure me to pull over onto an island. Just don’t. Because I want to enjoy this.” I was very anal about it. “I want to enjoy this meeting. I don’t want to be worried, blah, blah, blah.” And I knew, because I had done the research, that as long as we didn’t anchor or dock, we were fine.
But then the next morning, the day of, I took a freezing cold shower just to rock me out of that limited thinking. I started wedging open my mind to the possibility that this thing that we were going to do was possible, and it was going to be amazing.
I really believe in that cliché of anything is possible, everything is possible. Painted on my bedroom wall in big letters in French is Tout est possible, and it’s been a mantra. If 99% of your brain thinks you’re going to die an old maid, but there’s 1% of your brain that believes that finding true love or an amazing partner is possible, then it’s possible. You’ve just got to work on wedging that 1% bigger. That’s what I focused on that day as I drove there.
There were a couple of good signs from the universe before I even got to the kayak place. I stopped at a gas station, and it had a big sign on the bathroom door that it was closed due to COVID or whatever. I really had to pee, so I looked at the guy behind the desk and said, “Is it really closed?” And he said, “Nah, nah, go in.” I took that as a sign—
KIM: Right.
CHARLOTTE: So I said, “Okay, good, the universe is on my side. The universe is telling me that just because something said it’s not possible doesn’t mean it’s not possible. The bathroom is still there; the door still opens. You’ve just got to believe that it’s possible and it can be.”
So there was that, and then when I got to the kayak place, I needed to fill my water bottle. And the two staff people looked at each other when I asked them if they could fill it because I didn’t see a fountain anywhere. They said, “We’re not supposed to do that anymore because of COVID.” I said, “Okay, can you recommend a water fountain nearby?” They looked at each other and said, “Oh, you know what? Just give it to me,” and they went and filled my water bottle.
Again, there are rules, and then there’s something else. I think the something else is this universal law and an infinite possibility. I think what was driving my capacity for that day was this love I had for this person and this confidence that I had in our love and our ability to do anything, including meet on international water on kayaks.
So I got into my old kayak and started paddling. I paddled for about an hour and a half.
KIM: That’s a big paddle, wow. [Laughs]
CHARLOTTE: Yeah, big paddle. Not as big as his though. He had to cross a shipping channel in his little kayak where these massive ocean liners were going through.
We had this plan where I was going to kayak to the southernmost Canadian island, and then he was going to kayak to the northernmost American island, and we were going to meet in between.
I got to the Canadian island, and the plan was that I was going to call him when I got there, so I called him. He was still crossing the shipping channel, because there were whitecaps and wind and craziness. I said, “I changed my mind about crossing the border. I’m just a little nervous. I think I’m just going to have a little snack here on the island, and you can just come to me in Canadian waters.” He said, “Hold on a sec, honey, just a lot of—hold on, just hold on.” And he was in the midst of a shipping channel—
KIM: [Laughs] “Dodging an oil tanker, just give me a sec.”
CHARLOTTE: Exactly. So he was dodging an oil tanker to be with me, and he had a much longer paddle than I did to get to where we were going to meet. I pretended like I didn’t say the thing I had said originally, and I said, “Yep, I’m on my way. I’m going to cross now.”
So I got back in my kayak, and I was really nervous because there’s the border there in the water. I saw this jet skier pull up to the border and look both ways and cross. I knew that it was okay if I didn’t anchor. I was in my little bikini, and I looked like a dumb tourist with a little hat on, and I just thought, “Okay, I’m just going to go for it. I’m just going to kayak across the international border right now. I’m just going to do it. I’m just going to keep doing it.”
I did my kayak across the border, and I heard this little sound. It sounded like a mini helicopter or a boat in the distance. I looked around, and there was no boat; it was a frickin’ drone. I thought, “Stay calm. Just believe it can happen. It’s happening. It’s all good.”
The other thing that helped me was, “No matter what happens, I’ll be okay. Anything happens, I’ll be fine.” And I really had to embrace that. All the personal growth that I had done, including your two salons, gave me that confidence in that moment to just keep going.
I kept going, and after a little while, I saw in the very far distance this solo kayaker rounding the bend of the island that was on my left. My heart started racing. I thought, “Is it him? Could be anybody. Could be another kayak.” But this kayaker was going so fast straight at me. I thought, “I think it’s him. I think it’s him.”
We had been talking and texting every day, all day; we’d been talking on the phone. We’d been having sex on the phone, on video. We knew each other well, and still, I was just so, so overwhelmingly excited, and he was coming straight for me. I kept doing a little bikini girl paddle toward him. Obviously, it was him and his kayak came straight to me and then pulled up right next to me. And he just threw his arms around me and planted his lips right on mine and we made out. And the kayaks, because of the force of us coming from different directions, started to spin, so we were kissing and our two kayaks were spinning like a frickin’ movie.
It was epic. It was out of this world. That’s the first time that we touched. It was like the pleasure of that, plus the giddiness of us doing what we were doing, that just amped everything up.
He had strapped this inflatable paddleboard to the back of his kayak so he could put it between us so we could, as he said, eat our snacks. Really, he meant so we could both get on it and be on the same boat at least.
So yeah, anyway, we were enjoying each other’s company, and a storm came up. A thunderstorm started rolling in, and the kayak rental place called me and said, “Where are you?” I said, “I don’t know. Somewhere in the islands.” They said, “Start paddling back now.” I had just met him for half an hour. I said, “No, I think I’ll just wait it out. I’ll pull over into an island.”
Anyway, the storm came up, and I decided that if we stayed somewhere, I’d prefer to be in my country, so he agreed to accompany me across the channel to the Canadian island where I had originally called him from. The storm came up, and it was intense. There was lightning and thunder and whitecaps, and because he had this frickin’ paddleboard strapped to the back of his kayak, he was getting blown out away from me. I kept looking over, and sometimes he would be behind a wave, so I couldn’t see him, and I knew that he would be worried about me a little bit.
I’m a very strong kayaker, but it was a very intense moment. I didn’t have a skirt on my kayak, so there was water coming in. It was frightening, but I remember the exact moment when I thought, “Charlotte, you have to stay calm or else this isn’t going to end well.” So I just narrowed my focus to my third eye to the point where I was going on the island, and I just dug in. I’m sure adrenaline helped me, and I had this faith that we were going to make it.
It was so symbolic of our relationship and how there are going to be storms and challenges, but we need to hold true to our own path and our capabilities, have confidence in our own capabilities, and trust that the other person is taking care of themselves as well. I couldn’t worry all about him, and he couldn’t worry all about me because we had to take care of ourselves.
When we were about 100 meters out from the island and I knew that we were going to be okay, I looked over at him and flashed him a big smile and did a big, “Whoop-whoop!” so he knew that I was all good. It was amazing. We were fine. We pulled into the island.
Then, of course, we were all wet and cold, so we had to deal with that.
KIM: How did you deal with it, Charlotte?
CHARLOTTE: Well, you know, Kim, when you’re wet, it doesn’t help to have clothes on.
KIM: Oh, yeah, yeah, I can see that.
CHARLOTTE: So we had to take them off, just for practical purposes, so we didn’t get hypothermia, yeah. Yeah. So it was amazing.
Then the next morning, we met up again. We met up again on the same island and had a beautiful experience together. Again, we were just so high on life because we had made this thing happen despite all these “limitations” of the time.
And the story doesn’t end there because after we got back from our kayak trip, we were more in love than ever, and, of course, wanted to see each other again, so one day he got in his truck and started driving to the border, thinking, “I’m just going to convince them that they have to let me in.” He called the American side of the border and told them our story, and the American guard said, “Yeah, dude, that’s an amazing story. I’ll let you back in if you get across. I’ll put you through on a direct line to the Canadian guy.”
He put him through to the Canadian guy, but, of course, the Canadian guy listened to him for five seconds and then just hung up on him, so that was it.
KIM: What? Aw.
CHARLOTTE: Yeah. So he didn’t get in, and we were a bit discouraged that day. That was the one day we were a little bit discouraged, but it just propelled us even more to seek out other possibilities.
I started doing some research about the border closures, and I learned that actually, Americans couldn’t come to Canada, and Canadians couldn’t drive to America, but Canadians could fly to America. I found an article about a woman on the West Coast who bought an airplane ticket and went to the airport and, yeah, the Americans just let her in. I said, “Okay, is this for real?”
I told him about it, and he said, “Well, buy a ticket.” So that night we bought me a plane ticket. The next day, my dad sent me an article from the national newspaper saying that, yeah, indeed, there was this loophole that no one really knew about because no one was really talking about it, where Canadians could fly to the States.
I got on a plane three days later and stayed with him for two weeks after only having met him for those two kayaks. I had never slept over with him. All of a sudden, I was in his home for two weeks, and it was amazing. Again, we were so bolstered by what we were doing and that we were making this magic and miracles happen because we believed it was possible, and we weren’t allowing ourselves to be constrained by the popular narrative.
So that has been a huge part of our story and our love. We’re both on the same page in that department. We can make anything happen if we want to.
That’s the story.
KIM: That is one of my favorite stories I think I’ve ever heard, Charlotte, really.
CHARLOTTE: Thanks, Kim.
KIM: Incredible. So many beautiful themes within it, like you guys working on yourselves. I know the work that you’ve done, obviously, in the salons. Then this notion of staying focused on the goal. The microcosm of you seeing the island and just knowing that’s where you needed to get to and focusing on it, and it happened.
I think also a testament to love is the highest vibration. When we’re coming from that place and genuinely in it, it does give us these superpowers to blast through seeming limitations. There are earthly laws and spiritual laws. The law of love and higher spiritual laws transcend earthly laws. That might not always be arguable in a court of law, but I think on at least energetic wavelengths, that’s definitely the truth, and I think your story just so exemplifies that.
CHARLOTTE: Yeah. People pick up on that vibration too, like the gas station guy.
One other little bit of the story that I forgot to tell you was when we went to the first river the first time with our binoculars, I was so excited to see him that I stopped at this scenic lookout and locked my keys in my car. And luckily, I had my phone and called the people who help you get your keys out. They said it was going to be an hour. I said, “Listen, this is my story; this is what I’m doing right now,” and I told them the love story. And the lady said, “Yeah, they’ll be there in 15 minutes.”
KIM: Oh my gosh.
CHARLOTTE: Fifteen minutes later, I was in my car again, driving to a spot that was closer to the river so I could see him better.
So yeah, when you’re in that vibration of love and possibility, people are attracted to that, and they go with it. Miracles happen.
KIM: Amazing. I totally agree, and I think people forget that, or they’ve never really experienced it, so it’s hard for them to believe that. That’s why being able to share things like this really helps people have faith that it’s possible, and that is such a powerful vibration. That’s what I talk about all the time, this idea of your sexual superpowers. When you link up sexual energy and love energy together, you have this incredible source that’s a hundredfold stronger than the two of them separately. That’s the creative energy of the universe, and there it is, propelling you into new realities.
CHARLOTTE: Yeah, absolutely.
KIM: Is there anything else you would share relating to your journey, like working through stuff in the salon or working through your own process of clearing blockages that you think is relevant to this? Let’s say somebody is single and wanting to believe that they can create new love, so the work that you did, how would you say that was instrumental in opening you and clearing space for something like this to come into your life?
CHARLOTTE: I think when one commits to themselves to growth, it sends a vibrational message to the universe and stuff starts to happen. Stuff starts to shift.
But you do have to commit. You do have to do the work. You can’t just believe 1% that it’s going to happen and sit on your couch and not do anything.
For my journey, the turning point was a great loss and a great tragedy. That really made me say, “Okay, what do I need to do here so that I am more on track?”
I think it’s so important to look at everything and to realize that everything is an opportunity and a gift. Even if you have beliefs around your age or your body or some past trauma, that is actually not a limitation; it’s the key to growth. It’s the doorway.
I think for me it was really about taking the situation that I was in and making it into what I wanted it to be, through doing the work and putting the time in, and not always feeling like it was going well, but I still just kept on showing up and kept on going.
It didn’t happen immediately, but when it did happen, it felt like it happened so fast; everything started ramping up so fast, and then I thought, “Okay, so all this work I’ve been putting in is now paying off.”
There’s a wonderful image about the way that bamboo grows. Do you know about this one, Kim?
KIM: I don’t think I’ve heard this analogy.
CHARLOTTE: Okay. I think it’s Chinese bamboo or something, but when you have this bamboo, you water it and you tend to it, and in a year, it maybe grows an inch. Then the next year, you water it and you tend to it, and it grows another inch. The third year, you water it, you tend to it, and it grows another inch. Same thing in the fourth year. In the fifth year, it grows 80 feet.
I love this analogy because when you’re putting the work in, you might not see the benefits right away, but the roots are going down, and the energy is building, so you can have this 80 feet of growth in almost an instant at some point.
That image is really helpful for me when I’m feeling like things aren’t moving as quickly as I want them to, but I really experienced that in this past year, where I put the work in and I put the work in and I started to feel little bits of growth here and there, but no, still wasn’t meeting anyone. I kept putting the work in, and then all of a sudden, the 80 feet happened, and I was off to the races. Life is amazing, and I feel high all the time, even though I’m sober.
KIM: That’s such a great, great metaphor. Is there anything else you’d like to share in closing?
CHARLOTTE: I can’t think of anything off the top of my head. This is just a funny little thing. My partner, his name is Robert, and he’s a dream. He’s beyond my wildest dreams. If you had told me that this was the person I was going to meet, I’d have said, “No way.” A couple of years ago, I’d have said, “Impossible.” He’s like a lumberjack and a forest firefighter. He’s so manly. I’ve really learned to embrace my femininity too, through your salons. I’m a theater director, so I had been programmed to be masculine in my way, and the salons have really helped me find my femininity, so I attracted a really masculine man, which was my dream, but I wasn’t doing that before because I was not in my femininity.
Anyway, he’s obsessed with you too, and we want to do your couples salon. I think he wants to do Sexual Mastery for Men too, although he thinks it should be called “Cock-a-raté,” like Vaginal Kung Fu.
KIM: Cock-a-raté! [Laughs] Oh my gosh, I love that.
CHARLOTTE: He said Cock-raté, but I thought Cock-a-raté would be better, but whatever. Cock-a-raté! Yeah, like I told you before, he calls you Edamame [phonetic] just for fun. So yeah, just a shoutout to him because he’s been so supportive of my work with you and also really open to your work and your podcast and everything.
Maybe this is just my own projection, but a lot of women may think that, “Oh, my man would never be into this,” but there are men out there who are totally into it. You know; you work with them. But yeah, when I brought up Tantra and the fact that I had done VKF—because I had just finished VKF two weeks before I met him, so I’m sure that had an effect as well. I brought it up right away, and he said, “Fuck, yeah. [Laughs] You worked on your vagina? You’ve taken an eight-week course about vaginas? Yes, bring it on. Of course I want that.’”
Yeah, I guess that’s the last thing that I would say to anyone out there who’s single and maybe losing a little bit of faith in the potential to attract an amazing mate. It is possible, and those amazing men are out there. If you think that they aren’t, then they aren’t. But if you think they are, they are.
KIM: Yeah. And that the universe can put together some incredible composition that’s just an amazing match for you. Everything is possible.
Even your example, you found this ultra-masculine man, very stereotypical—but in a good way—masculinity, who’s also into listening to these podcasts and doing Tantric eye-gazing exercises. They have this beautiful blend of all these things, so everything is possible.
CHARLOTTE: Everything is possible.
KIM: So good. All right, well, let’s end on that note. Thank you so much, Charlotte, for sharing your story and just being able to be that beacon, that example for people of what’s possible out there and go from one type or one mindset in your life and completely, radically change that and manifest and create the life of your dreams. Well done, Charlotte.
CHARLOTTE: Thank you, Kim, and thank you for all your help and guidance and support along the way.
[Music plays.]
KIM: How wild is that story? Everything about it, their creativity in finding ways to connect in their courage and how they did that and all these beautiful, spiritual, universal affirmations along the way; it’s all so inspirational.
Charlotte is an amazing testament to how doing the work of good fucking yourself uplevels you into a higher vibration where, as I said, you can then attract a higher-quality partner who can meet you where you want to be. Look at how they met each other all over the place and then grew together.
The Well-F**ked Woman Salon begins today, with all the tools you need for a lifetime of being well-fucked. You can find the registration page at my website, KimAnami.com. Look under Sexual Savant Salons, and then look for The Well-F**ked Woman.
In this eight-week how to live, love, and orgasm in a female body education you never received, you will learn how to master the technical skills of oral sex, deep-throating, anal sex, and wild hand-jobs, and how to use these sex acts to accelerate your personal growth and transformation. You will also achieve the deeper, life-changing vaginal orgasms; channel your creative, orgasmic, sexual energy into your life and work; access your genius; clear your sexual blocks; release your unprocessed weight, and much, much more. Come one, come all.
I love this story!!
Absolutely love Charlotte’s story!