Sizzling Valentine's Day Gifts

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Sizzling, Sexy Valentine Gifts

Please, no dinners.

Or flowers.

Or store-bought cards. Ever.

Those are a lazy man or woman’s Valentine’s Day gifts that say, “I have no imagination or desire to create something magnificent for you.”

Go sexy. Go original.

Wouldn’t you rather say: “I cherish you. I am going to ravish you. I get hard/wet just thinking about you.”

Now we’re talking.

So if you want to write a note, say that. Better yet, write the note and use the note to wrap up something like:

Jimmyjane’s Afterglow Massage Candle. Made from soy wax and essential oils, you light it and drip it over your lover’s body. And then knead away.

Agent Provocateur lingerie . It’s hard to say who benefits more from this gift: The wearer or the viewer. If you can make it in person to one of their locations, I highly recommend you both go. They give “private fittings” with the aid of a nymph wearing a hot pink minidress. Their boutiques are outfitted like boudoirs. Unfortunately, your partner cannot accompany you into the fitting room. I’ve already tried.

njoy’s Pure Wand. The ultimate G-Spot toy for women. God’s gift to the female G-Spot. Orgasms are your gift to her.

Bob by Lelo The ultimate G-Spot toy for men. Better than therapy. And waaaayyy cheaper. See also next suggestion. Or try Bob’s decadent cousin Earl, in the image above. Earl is gold-plated and even comes with matching cufflinks. Which he can use as a pre-game signal.

G-Spot Ecstasy: A digital salon for sexual savants and spiritual seekers. In case you are wondering just what to do with those G-Spot toys. I’ll visit you in your very own bed and show you.

30 Days of Sex. Make a promise to your lover to fulfill them and a few long-standing fantasies every day for the next month. I guarantee it will be a boost that you’ll feel all year long.

Sexual Savant Salons. “Honey, I want us to have amazing sex. Forever. Let’s learn all we can to become better lovers.” If you live in Vancouver, you can join me and a number of other adventurers for personal confessions, riotous questions and orgasmic enlightenment. Not to mention aphrodisiac chocolates and organic wine.

If you don’t live in Vancouver, you still want to be an amazing lover AND you’d like me in your bed in real-time, bring yourself and your lover (or just yourself) down to Mexico. And we’ll create a fusion of all of the above.

While I don’t like the idea of flower delivery, if you can come up with something more original, like these crazy helium love hearts, in which to send your other gifts, I’m all for it. Only in LA though via Geronimo Balloons.