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The High Cost of Fighting

If you’ve followed my work for a while, you know how much I emphasize the idea of keeping communication channels open. Of clearing the “glass” or the space between you on an ongoing basis.

I look at intimate relationships as being a source of energy and power in your lives—when they are functioning optimally. Keeping things running smoothly requires constant adjusting, like driving your car on the highway. Even if you know where you are going and have a great map, you have to make subtle shifts all the time to stay on the road.

Whenever you have a disagreement, misunderstanding, or you behave in a way you regret, it is in your best interest, and the interest of the relationship, to resolve it as quickly as possible.

When I speak about this concept, I’m usually referring to couples. Yet, it applies to all the people close to you in you life. All of your “intimate” relationships.

Over the past month, I’ve been in high gear. I’ve been promoting my latest e-course, sorting through piles of jade, vaginal-strengthening eggs and making sure that all the women who have signed up for my course are on their way to the Well-F**ked Hall of Fame.

With that much going on, some of the focus was pulled from my relationships. In particular, with my son.

We had an argument last week that didn’t fully get resolved. It hung in the air between us. Other things in my life started stalling. Roadblocks came up. My flow was being halted.

I vaguely knew the two were connected. When I saw just how dramatically, I was surprised.

We’re both very strong-willed. With effort, we found that place of melting and opening again. The flow returned; between us and in my life.

The other areas in my world that had suddenly gotten dammed up, released. Within minutes. I had emails come in right away that cleared many things up.

We often have no idea just how much our unresolved baggage (recent or far past) affects us.

When you have unresolved conflict:

1) Address it as soon as you can, DIRECTLY with the person involved. This means not venting to a friend. Or to a mutual friend. You go to the source.

Yes, it is helpful to get advice and suggestions from others around you, who have more objectivity. (I did). But it’s not a substitute for going back and doing the work.

2) Practice softening. Imagine for one moment that you can relax your stance and hear what the other person is saying. Even though, in your barricaded state, it may seem totally unreasonable.

3) Feel the difference. Feel how you open and relax.

I came across this quote today. I think of when applied to people who refuse to resolve with you.

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”

~ Catherine Ponder

There are people in my life who will not go there with me. When I saw this quote this morning, I remembered that. And I also looked at what just happened with my son, and how much of an influence that had on the flow of my life.

Who in your present or past that won’t engage with you, can you forgive? If only for your freedom? Ask the universe for the strength and surrender to let these things go.

You will lighten your load immeasurably.

Then you open the floodgates to more love and prosperity in your life.


Image: Chris Craymer

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