Vaginal Air Guitar
There are some seriously talented vaginas out there.
There’s mine—it lifts chandeliers.
There’s Tatiana’s—she holds the world record for most weight lifted by a vagina, at 31 pounds.
There’s the lady from Priscilla Queen of the Desert, the Ping Pong Ball Shooter Extraordinaire.
There’s the woman I know who is so talented at ejaculating, that she can shoot over fifteen feet across the room, and is called upon to give demos all over the world.
What about an air-guitar playing vagina?
Would you want your vagina to play air guitar?
You want your vagina to play real guitar.
In today’s video, I explain why.
Read the full video transcript:
Vaginal Air Guitar
There are some seriously talented vaginas out there. There’s mine; it lifts chandeliers. There’s Tatiana’s; she holds the Guinness World Record for most weight ever lifted by a vagina at 31 pounds, or 14 kilos. There’s a lady from Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, who is a ping-pong ball shooter extraordinaire. And there’s the woman I know who is so talented at ejaculating that she can shoot over 15 feet across the room and is called upon to give demos all over the world.
What about an air-guitar-playing vagina? Would you want your vagina to play air guitar? Actually, no. You want your vagina to play real guitar. Let me explain why.
Once upon a time, there was an OB/GYN called Dr. Arnold Kegel. Big Arnie came up with a solution for the scores of women he was seeing in his practice who were suffering from urinary incontinence. But his idea was totally insane. He said, “You know, women really need to strengthen this muscle that controls the flow of urine. And if they did, they wouldn’t be peeing their pants anymore and it wouldn’t atrophy and stop working.” Kind of like what happens with any other muscle in the body if you stop using it. It gets weak and flabby.
Big Arnie created an exercise device called a Kegel perineometer, which was inserted inside the vagina. Women would contract their muscles around it, and this would build tone and strength. He had a 90 percent success rate with this little invention and exercises. But then, something happened.
All the other OB/GYNs were terrified to tell women to go home and put something in their vaginas, so they said, “Uh, just flap your vagina at random in the wind.” And the women did as they were told and lo and behold, they began peeing their pants again. Because, the moral of the story is, when you play air guitar, you don’t hear any music. And if you just wave your arms in the air, you don’t build any biceps. And if you just flap your vagina at random in the wind, you still have a weak, flabby, nonorgasmic, incontinent pelvic floor and vagina.
Fast-forward to modern-day vaginas. According to the Yale University School of Medicine, 60 percent of women suffer from urinary incontinence. Fifty percent of women have some kind of pelvic organ prolapse after childbirth. This means that their vaginas and their uteruses fall out of their bodies. Insane, isn’t it?
You would think that the professionals that are supposed to help women with their reproductive health, OB/GYNs, would have come up with a way to prevent this from happening. Oh yeah! Right! The original Kegel exercise. But no one actually does it anymore, except me.
I will teach you how to play a real vaginal guitar like a maestro. The absolute best tool on the planet for creating a lubricating, ejaculating, orgasmic instrument of pleasure is a jade yoni egg.
Using a jade egg in the vagina is the original Kegel exercise, making it officially OB/GYN- approved and scientifically backed up by Big Arnie himself.
It’s a shame, and also pretty laughable and kind of pathetic, that most OB/GYNs have no idea what a real Kegel exercise is and how it’s performed. [Laughs] That’s why we have these dismal statistics in America right now with vaginas falling out and women who are deathly afraid of trampolines. That’s why women in droves have become obsessed with yoni eggs because they intuitively know that they can heal themselves. They can strengthen their vaginas and become the orgasmic, wild, and ecstatic beings they were born to be.
How effective is the jade egg, aka real vaginal OB/GYN-endorsed guitar playing, at reversing urinary incontinence? It’s the best. I have worked with women who within one week of using the yoni egg, reversed the urinary incontinence that they had had for decades.
How effective is the egg at increasing vaginal sensation and giving you and your partner pleasure? I’ll let the vaginas speak for themselves.
On my seven-day sex dates, the retreats that I run in Bali and Mexico each year, I teach women how to do vaginal weightlifting, the jade egg practice. During this past retreat in Bali, I taught the jade egg work to the women in the morning. That afternoon, the women went back to their villas and made love with their partners. At dinnertime, the men were commenting on how different their partners’ vaginas felt already. Yes! It can happen that fast. Your vagina is dying to come alive and be reborn.
How effective is the egg at giving you orgasms? Most women who learn the egg practice—at least the way I teach it—have their first vaginal, i.e., G-spot or cervical orgasms, within eight weeks of taking my Vaginal Kung Fu program. Part of that is because they are toning and revitalizing the vagina physically, and the rest of it is mind/body/spirit healing.
The way that I work with Vaginal Kung Fu is not just as a physical practice because, as we know, any kind of permanent healing and growth requires a multidimensional approach.
Take weight loss as an example. Someone can go on a strict diet and there might be a temporary effect, but dieting isn’t resolving the underlying issues of why someone is overeating. How is this person using food to medicate themselves? Why is she taking out her own self-loathing on her body? So many people in our culture have had sexual trauma and this is coming to the surface more and more on a daily basis now. My work is getting to the deeper causes of why we’re disassociating from our genitals to begin with because usually, trauma creates the disassociation.
In our past, there’s been some kind of traumatic event. It could be sexual abuse or rape. It could be a bad relationship where a woman had sex repeatedly when she didn’t want to. She said yes when she really meant no. She overrode her vagina and thereby created disassociation, embedding the trauma literally into the tissues. Then that manifests as a lack of sensation and connection, numbness, pain, and mysterious growths and ailments like cysts and recurrent yeast infections, to name a few. All of this obscures your true identity because if you’re disconnected from your vagina and your sexuality, you are disconnected from the essence of yourself. This is your life-force energy. All of this work is about restoring that connection and the proper physiological function in that area. By doing all of that, you restore yourself.
Commit to learning to play the real vaginal guitar and you will become the maestro of your life. Check out my eight-week online Vaginal Kung Fu program and my Yoni Egg Mini Salonette, which is a shorter version of the longer course that’s available in the Anami Alchemia Shop. Both of those links are below this video.
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