What Kills Relationships Fast
Love rarely dies in one fell swoop.
It is usually the accumulation of many slights, unconscious gestures and acts of non-love.
These build up over time.
And create walls.
We build walls to protect ourselves.
Walls are the antithesis of trust.
And trust is everything.
Trust is the big leap into love.
Trust is the key to the deepest possible orgasmic states.
Without trust you have nothing.
What you want to do is build trust, nurture trust in your relationship.
Be impeccable. Act with integrity. Mean what you say.
Your words and your actions communicate the depths of your character.
And each other’s depths is what we are aiming for in deep love.
Depth of heart, depth of genitals.
These are the things that make a container for deep love.
Being impeccable and staying deep requires discipline.
To monitor your mind and your unconscious.
So that you act with wholeness; with integrity.
We all have unconscious moments.
We speak without thinking.
We react to someone else’s negativity and get dragged into it.
You are going to have those moments.
And so is your partner.
What can you do to minimize and repair them?
1) Constant vigilance. To choose deep love is the best challenge and spiritual exercise you can undergo. You need to monitor your thoughts and feelings and actions, moment-to-moment. Choose your words and your thoughts carefully. Remember, thoughts are things. They transmit out into the ethers and they have an impact on your and others’ reality.
Your words are even more potent. Words are really hard to take back. They do damage quickly. Practicing slowing down before you speak and assessing whether your words are loving, kind and necessary.
2) Recover fast. When you’ve made an error, or you’ve acted unconsciously, as soon as you realize it, come back. Apologize. Make amends. Do whatever it takes to fix things. Immediately. Delayed mending leaves all sorts of space for festering. Cauterize the wound as soon as you can.
3) Forgive. When the damage is done, if you’ve both taken steps to minimize it and figure out what happened so that it doesn’t happen again, let it go. You may still feel a little bruised, but the bruise will evaporate. Dive back in again.
Trust and love from your heart and your genitals. Pry yourself and your partner open again when you shut down. Remedy the slights as they happen.
It’s simple really, to keep love alive. But you need to keep at it and honor its presence in your life.
Or it can slip through your fingers like water.