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Are you monogamous? 

If so, why?

What even is monogamy?

I have a different definition of what most people have, which is basically “not having sex with other people.”

Mine is called  “conscious monogamy”. 

Conscious monogamy is committing your emotional and sexual resources to your partner.

You go deep, you are vulnerable, you reveal the wildest and softest parts of your heart.

You give your partner everything you’ve got.

You show up in bed. You allow yourself to be naked and raw and surrendered.

You open up.

By that definition:

99.9% of people are NOT monogamous.

Most relationships are superficial. Safe. They are tacit agreements not to disrupt the status quo.

They consist of clitoral orgasms and five-minute fucks and furtive porn habits.

Oh, no, my loves. That’s not monogamy.

That’s hiding.

Most people do not have their deep heart or hard and wet genitals on the table.

Or in bed.

Or on the kitchen counter.

They lock those parts away. They protect them.

It’s very trendy nowadays to eschew monogamy.

And the version of what I see most of the time, I would eschew too.

But that’s not real monogamy.

That’s a bunch of bullshit and denial.

A couple came to my retreat some years ago. They were in a decent place, but there were issues.

They would say they had a pretty good sex life, but she had never had a vaginal orgasm. In fact, that was their big goal of the retreat: to have a G-Spot orgasm and to squirt.

And if you follow my work, you know that the main component for vaginal orgasms is being able to open up and surrender. If you don’t have that, all the technique in the world will get you nowhere.

They also confided in me that they occasionally invited other people into their bed.

On the second night of the retreat, they stayed up very late, talking, sharing and clearing years of blocks. They decided to rest that night and do their physical “homeplay” in the morning.

Come dawn, she had her first ever G-Spot orgasm and squirting ejaculation.

She cried tears of release and euphoria.

Wetting the sheets even more.

They later shared with me that their desire for other people had faded.  They didn’t know about forever, but they had reached a level of closeness with each other that they hadn’t known was possible. They no longer craved “the shock of the new”.

In this new-found depth with each other, they felt utterly fulfilled.

I’m not saying there is a blanket right and wrong when it comes to monogamy.

What I am saying, is most of the time when I hear the “We’re so evolved, we’re polyamorous” talk coming out, when I scratch under the surface, the couple isn’t as close as they could be.

The reaching for other people had become a diversion for their own crevasses they could not cross.

What my work is all about, is pulling down the barriers that we all put up, that prevent real connection and real “monogamy” from happening.

The sweet spot is the place where heart, vaginas, cocks are open, wet, hard and throbbing with life.

When you reach that place with each other, you tap into the true capacity of your intimate connection.

You are gilded with a kind of superpower that allows you to perform miracles.

What you have the opportunity to do, is to use that connection and energy to fuel every part of your lives.

What I wrote about last week, in “The Cost of a Bad Relationship is $100,000 +++” is the kind of relationship that most people have.

Which means most couples are operating at a deficiency.

They are content to skim by, not really knowing or touching each other deeply.

And yet, this is the only game in town: to know and touch each other deeply.

The Coming Together for Couples Salon is all about depth: Cock with physical and emotional depth, exploring the deep vagina and all its orgasms, and deep, cracked open heart.

All this puts you into another dimension, another category of relationship, that less then 0.1% of the population has.

But you can have it Come along!

Coming Together Salon is now open!

I spill it all on everything you need for lifelong passionate sex, including:

– Your own Orgasmapedia

– Energy sex: orgasms without touch

– How to create the deep, powerful vessel I am talking about for your relationship

– Channeling your sexual energy into creative energy

– And so much more. Like all the orgasms you’ll be having.

Coming Together Free Webinar

Learn how to come together and find out more about the salon.

Date & Time: Thursday, May 3rd at 5:00 PM Pacific
To attend online: 
Dial in: (425) 440-5010 and use the following conference pin: 134932#
Local dial-in numbers:

If you can’t make the webinar, submit your email address in the link, and wel’ll send you the replay.

If you have questions about the salon, you can also submit them there and I will answer during the webinar.


Image: @alphachanneling


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3 thoughts on “Are you monogamous? 

  1. Ooh my lordy!! This is exactly how I feel it should be. To be with someone 100%. To heck with poly”amory”. I’ve always felt that true monogamy is to immerse ourselves with someone completely. To suck the juices out of life with someone. How can we be truly intimate with someone when we spread ourselves across several relationships poly amorously? the energy becomes watered down. To be with someone truly is to be independent still, to be on the journey WITH a partner but not co-dependently.

    I loved this read so much and checked you out Kim after a friend told me about you tonight over dinner. Very keen to bring my husband along to one of your retreats.

    1. Yeah exactly!! As a little girl I didn’t watch Disney princess relationships and think “Oh gosh I love that Prince but hey I will also be with other people because why not”. I can’t argue that humans are inherently and naturally monogamous (not a biologist or evolutionary scientist) BUT I can say that the idea of having that *one* best friend, the one person you live with, share your deepest secrets with, sleep with, and cry with, is within every little girl’s heart – and it’s only later on that they receive messages from either third wave feminism or just a hook-up culture in general that they won’t be able to find their one true love or that they need to sleep with at least a few people before they know if they found true love (or that their relationship is somehow un-spiritual because it’s traditional monogamy inwhich committment is a priority). I never imagined as a young girl that I would need to be with a million people first … I knew that sex at first with my one true love may not be perfect, but that’s ok, because from a young age I knew what I liked sexually because I was raised in a more liberal environment that didn’t stigmatize masturbation. The idea that I can’t save sex for my marriage because “sex will be bad” or “you won’t be compatible” is crazy to me. I agree what you said about energy – when we are with one person we can devote our energy without spreading our soul across multiple other bodies. I don’t even know how polyamory would work – it just seems so illogical. Being with one person forever and making that committment that you’ll be together for ever – not because it’s easy, but because it’s worth it – just feels so intuitive. I would way rather have a sexual journey of learning and exploration – even if it’s bad at first – with my one true love and best friend rather than sleep with “partners” and having it be “perfect” due to an artificial and porn-saturated idea that women need to be super ready and capable of every sexual act under the moon. I think it’s totally fine for it to be a learning process rather than a “show up and do it right the first time otherwise I’ll move onto another one of my hook up partners”.