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F*ck Them Until You Change Them

I’m always talking about the transformative power of sex.

It’s where the whole “well-f**ked woman” meme comes from.

That the changes and effects of really good fucking are written all over someone’s face and body and personality.

And so are the bad ones.

As a lover, it’s your duty to fuck your partner open. To penetrate them (man or woman) so deeply that they forget who they are, all the preconceived, civilized notions of who they are, and a truer, deeper, more real and powerful version of themselves just floats to the surface.

Fuck them until you change them.

If you’ve finished making love with your partner and they aren’t glowing, they aren’t looking at you like you are some kind of messiah god (does this seem lofty? I promise you it isn’t), then you have further to go.

For women to reach the deep, internal, vaginal and life-changing orgasms, it can take time.

If her partner is ejaculating within a few minutes, she’s not likely to get there.

The beautiful thing is that the “changing” becomes effortless.

Of all the years (about 25) and all the different therapies (a shit ton) that I’ve experimented with over the years, none of changed me so quickly, so profoundly and so permanently as really good fucking.

The kind of fucking that replaces addictive behaviours, loses weight, turns anger into patience and depression into action.

It’s all possible. And it just happens.

I speak to my clients (and I know from my own experiences) that the stuff they’ve struggled with and applied so much willpower—with no success—and tried so hard to fix with their minds and best efforts…all of that fell flat.

Until they got well-f**ked.

Being well-f**ked can be scary. It’s primal and messy and wet and totally out of control.

And that’s when the magic happens.

To help create the kind of fucking that changes you, here are a few tips:

1) Know thyself.

A woman has to be comfortable with herself: her body, her ideas about sexuality, her own vagina. (And this applies to men too: Her vagina and his cock. But we’ll be getting to men when Sexual Mastery for Men returns).

I have worked with countless women who haven’t spent much time with their vaginas.

I know my vagina inside and out! I’ve spent A LOT of time with that thing, and so have my lovers. 🙂

I have brought myself to each type of orgasm—clitoral, G-Spot and cervical and my lovers have brought me there too.

You have to explore it, understand what it likes and use it as your power source.

Same goes for your body and sexuality in general. Own it. Own all of it so you can harness all of your superpowers. If you are dissociated from parts of yourself, you can’t capitalize on your true power.

2) Penetration and radical honesty.

To go deep, you have to be willing and courageous enough to go deep. To expose yourself, and pry open the curtains that hide your partner too.

We all have them.

The best lovers softly and sometimes forcefully get us to open. We do this for each other.

The penetration.

You don’t let each other hide. You call each other out with love. You hold each other down and love the fuck out of each other. And fuck the shit out of each other—and by this I mean headboard-slamming sex and I also mean that by fucking each other with intense love and admiration, you literally fuck the demons out of each other. They just evaporate.

Bring all your shit to bed with you.

3) Time and the 3-hour sex date

A lot of it simply comes down to the time you put in.

I’ll give you an example. When I go for a massage, I always book 90 minutes – 2 hours. Why? Because the first 30 minutes is me just settling in, shutting off my mind and letting go of the dialogue in my head. I’m sinking into my body.

After 30 minutes, I’m starting to arrive.

The same applies to sex and sexual play (not just intercourse). The first 30 minutes is settling in, getting out of your heads and your children’s heads and your bosses heads.

And getting into your genitals.

Into the free flow.

If you quit before the 30 minutes are up, you’ll likely still be in your heads.

The free flow is where you can shut everything else out and just follow your deepest instincts. You lose your inhibitions more and you get used to losing them.

My religion of the 3-hour-sex-date is all about expanding time and letting go. You need this to nurture yourselves and create a sanctuary for the deeper stuff to rise to the surface.

4) Hit the edge and then keep going. 

My life mantra is all about the idea that there is always another level to go. In fact, that’s what “Anami” means in Sanskrit: that there is always another level (of heaven) to go. Enlightenment isn’t a static destination, it’s always a work in progress.

So when you hit one wild, life-changing orgasm, keep going. Hit the next one. Sometimes we fear we may have reached a ceiling and that’s as good as it gets.


It gets even better.

Have the courage to trust it does.

And when you are too tired and think you just can’t go any further, just can’t keep your legs open wide enough, or propped up in that position from behind where your inner thigh muscles are creaking, keep going even more.

The gold is just beyond the spot you didn’t think you can get to.


When I am speechless and drunk and saturated with good-fuck medicine, I’m a new person. I radiate, I glow, I’m graceful and wittier and more eloquent than ever before.

Because I was fuck-changed.

And when your partner is unusually kind and loving and pro-active after a great love-making session, it’s because they’ve been fuck-changed.

The world needs more well-fucked.

And you, my love, can give it to them.


rankin via fluffy lychees



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