I Love Oral Sex
The giving of it, I mean. Though I didn’t always.
It was something I liked, but didn’t love.
Meaning, I did it because it pleased my partner, I felt confident doing it and I enjoyed that he enjoyed it.
Then I fell in love with doing it.
More specifically, I fell in love with a man. And when you fall deeply in love with someone, you fall in love with every inch of them.
You love them even when they are angry and stubborn.
When they are tripping over their own blind spots.
Even when they do something so human that it hurts.
And you fall in love with their genitals.
If you aren’t in love with their genitals, you haven’t gone deep enough.
Every oral sex book and technique in the world will be useless to you if you don’t love your partner’s genitals.
I often glance on the shelves at the endless row of “GREAT ORAL SEX!” technique books and I have never felt inspired to pick one up.
You don’t need to.
You need to clear any blocks that stand in the way in your relationship, of you falling to your knees every time your lover passes by. Of your mouth watering when they remove their underwear.
How do you do this?
1) First, wake up your own genitals.
Most people are numb in their genitals. Your genitals are meant to be living, breathing, conscious sensory devices. They absorb information, like antennae. And they give it out.
Before I practiced vaginal weight lifting, I thought I had a fairly astute vagina.
But you don’t know what you don’t know.
Now I can isolate the left, middle section of my vagina. I can lift chainsaws with my vagina (you had to be there).
My vagina now functions as a barometer. For my desire in life. For my desire in bed.
A very significant lover used to say to me: “Listen to your vagina. It knows.”
It knows because I’ve opened it and re-sensitized it to function as it ought to: an intuitive sensor.
It feels more. It gives more.
2) You can help your partner to awaken their genitals.
By loving them. By adoring them. By spending quality time with them. Complimenting them. SEEING them.
The only way you can truthfully do this is when you are in love with your partner.
Genitals are the essence of the person.
If you have casual sex relationships, you aren’t likely to be open enough to fall in love—with either the person or their nether-regions.
With openness trust comes deep, penetrating, genital love.
When you reach the place of raw vulnerability with each other, your genitals become like a place of worship. You won’t be able to keep your hands or your mouth off them.
This is natural.
Let yourself go there.
When we’re totally connected, I can’t pass by my partner without saying hello to his groin.
3) Communication, Communication, Communication.
I talk a lot about clearing blocks. This means to speak the unspoken. Whatever is hanging in the ethers between you that hasn’t been expressed, will show up as debris in your bed.
The debris will sap your desire and make you think you have no libido.
It’s not that. Your body is simply reflecting your emotional protection. Your body won’t warm up until you get off your chest whatever hasn’t been said.
I knew a woman who was very in tune with herself and her genitals, as was her partner. He would remark that when he tasted her during a time when they weren’t very connected, her genitals had a bitter taste. When they were open and flowing together, she was sweet.
The genitals don’t lie. Not if you are aware enough to hear what they say.
If you aren’t living from your genitals, you are blind. And deaf.
They’ll give you powerful insights.
Wake them up and listen to them.
Image: Pierre dal Carso
In the How to Be a Well-F*^ked Woman e-course, I teach you how to do vaginal weight lifting with the jade egg (see above!): a mandatory life skill for all women. You’l reconnect with your genitals, strengthen them, and have much longer, more pleasurable and energizing orgasms.
You’ll learn to live from your vagina.
What did Martha Graham say?
“She was a wonderful dancer. She danced from her vagina.”
The salon registration opens next week. In the video series that’s a prelude to the salon, I talk more on why vaginal weight lifting is important AND I’ll give you the most simple and powerful technique to increase your orgasmic threshold.