There is only one place for games in a relationship: in bed.
The kind of games which involve safe words, role playing and fantasies being acted out–those games are perfectly acceptable in a relationship.
The kind of games that don’t belong in a relationship or courtship are games like:
How many days should I wait to call her?
Should I pretend to like him less?
I’m going to withhold sex until I get what I want.
If you play games like these, you’ll attract people who play games like these. Is that what you really want?
The absolute best and most satisfying sex and relationships involve vulnerability. Honesty. Being open about how you really feel. Sharing your deepest thoughts with another person.
Now that’s mindfucking. Really, good, solid, juicy mindfucking. Mindfucking like that gets me aroused and wet without even having to touch my lover.
If you aren’t truly mindfucking your partner, I guarantee that your sex life is mediocre at best. If you argue that it’s all right, I’ll counter that you haven’t tasted something much, much better and you don’t miss what you’ve never known.
I remember hitting a plateau with a lover. Things were good, but I felt like there was another layer of depth we needed to get to but hadn’t quite made it there. At the same time, there was an issue hovering in the ethers that I hadn’t known how to bring up and had rationalized that maybe it wasn’t an issue.
One weekend we were away together and had plenty of time for such things to rise to the surface. When it did, it required both of us being honest–the kind of honesty that can be scary because you leave yourself very open, and might hurt the other person or even risk losing them. Once we got into that place though and got some momentum, the air became charged and electric. We kept going and reached the place of openness that I felt had been just out of our reach.
When I checked my jeans, they were soaked through. We got to the other side and at that point, the sex was just a bonus. I’d already been thoroughly seen and penetrated.
So go there. You know where I mean.
Call him. Text her. Listen to yourself, not a Maxim article. Uncover the pieces that are there and creating a disturbance. Your work is to keep expressing yourself. Everywhere you can.