Orgasmic Enlightenment Podcast
It’s the new year, and time for all things new in Anami Land. From new vaginas, to my new podcast, it’s all happening.
Welcome to my new podcast!
In this inaugural episode, entitled: Origins and Orgasms: From Whence She Came, I’m talking about exactly how me and my work came to be. I tell stories I haven’t shared anywhere else, about pivotal relationships and orgasms and the evolution of my self and work to become the chandelier-vaginal-weight lifting maestro I am today.
Here’s the official show description:
“In this show, we explore all things intimate. I believe that our sexual energy is life-force, creative energy and we can use it to shape our worlds, strengthen our relationships, and self-actualize.
Whether you are healing from sexual issues, need to bring the fire back in your marriage or you want to learn how to ejaculate across the room and have energy orgasms with your partner when they are on the other side of the planet, whether you are single or coupled, this show is for you.
I blend the most avant-garde information from neuroscience, ancient sexual practices like Tantra and Taoism to renegade wellness modalities to show you how to create gourmet sex in your lives.”
Stay tuned for weekly episodes, with special show segments including:
– Well-F**ked All Stars: Awards for the most well-f**ked people of the hour. We’ll include a range of tales from the beds of people who can have 40 orgasms in a row, to people who have healed HSV naturally.
– Innovators and Renegades Interviews: Movers and Shakers and Orgasm-Makers doing transformative work in the realm of intimacy. Rather than the rotating door of guests on the wellness podcast circuit, we’ll aim to feature the sexiest and most progressive of the bunch. Or if they are on said circuit, we’ll make them talk about sex.
– Sexual Wellness Accoutrements. The best of the best products and accessories to quantum leap your sex life.
For today though, it’s all about me.
Come one, come all!
Read the full episode transcript:
Origins and Orgasms: From Whence She Came.
People always want to know how I came to do what I do, so here it is.
I had an awareness of my sexual energy from a very young age and I had this sense that it was this portal to other dimensions, other states of consciousness.
My early sexual experiences really reflected this, where I felt like I would get high or I would have this altered perception. I would feel more like the best and real version of myself. Sexuality had a self-actualizing capacity. I got the sense that the false layers, the conditioning of who I am, would be thrown off me and dissolve, and I would be left with a much truer, cleaner, more real version of who I am.
This really shaped my view of sex as a personal growth and recalibration tool. Even though sex was about pleasure, it was almost—and even more importantly—a way of coming back to and elevating myself.
In my early twenties, I discovered Tantra and Taoism. Five thousand years ago in ancient India and China, they looked at sex as healthy, vital, and a spiritual catalyst. They had practices to harness sexual energy and consciously use it in their lives for growth and ecstasy and healing.
In Taoist times, the emperor had a court of people who were also studying these things and this knowledge was traditionally passed down through women. The courtesans of the emperor’s court held this powerful knowledge and they would impart it to the men, in particular the emperor, and teach him how to use his sexual energy in a way that would give him more wisdom, more vitality, more charisma as a leader. This was considered to be an essential skill, especially for people in aristocratic circles that had to know how to tune into their sexual energy and how to use it consciously. This was essential.
It was the same thing in Taoist medical circles. This was around the time Taoist physicians were studying herbs and acupressure and acupuncture. They used sex as medicine. You’d go to see your Chinese doctor of the day and they would give you a prescription for some herbal tea to cook up for an acupuncture treatment. Then they would tell you to go have sex for the next 30 days in a particular sexual position. For example, let’s say reverse cowgirl for a woman because that would send healing energy towards the kidneys.
Their idea was that sexual energy was vital, powerful, life-force energy and that our duty was to learn to tune into this energy and consciously use it in our lives.
All of these things made so much sense to me and resonated with my own experiences of sexual energy as being this vital, powerful source. Certainly, that was the polar opposite to anything that I’d seen in Western culture where sex was shamed and taboo, especially the spiritual element, where sex and God [laughs], never the twain shall meet, except for in very untoward circumstances where people had been suppressing their sexual energy. Then it came out in very perverted and mutilated ways.
In these other cultures, they used sex as a springboard, as a powerful energy that if you learned how to elevate it, you could use it to get to higher states of consciousness and to reach enlightenment. That was a powerful tool in reaching spiritual enlightenment.
All of these things were very appealing to me and automatically fit much more of my experience than anything else I’d heard or seen thus far.
I studied a lot of Taoist sexual ideas and techniques, one of which is the jade egg practice. This, [laughs] if you don’t know my not-so-secret skill of lifting objects with my vagina, involves inserting a jade egg into the vagina. There’s a hole drilled through the egg and a string is threaded through it and then it is inserted into the vagina. The string comes down and then you can lift any number of objects with it. I lift anything from chandeliers to coffee tables to coconuts when I’m in Bali.
I have created this campaign, #ThingsILiftWithMyVagina, to educate people the world over on what a vagina is actually supposed to be able to do, which is shoot ping-pong balls and throw darts and peel bananas. [Laughs] All of these things, I consider to be normal.
A big part of my work is a normalization of dysfunction in our culture. I’m all about showing you what is really normal. My assertion is that ping-pong ball shooting is a normal, healthy baseline for every single vagina on the planet. It’s not just a superior skill that’s reserved for some Thai vaginas. No. Every woman and her vagina ought to be able to do this.
What’s abnormal, but has become normalized, is women having urinary incontinence, women having low libidos, women having issues with pelvic organ prolapse, women not having orgasms. That’s been normalized. But the normal state of being is for everyone to have these incredible experiences.
When I began using the jade egg, I could feel the difference right away and my partners noticed a difference right away. If I hadn’t been using it and started using it again, they immediately felt a difference in my vagina.
Over time, women would come to me and talk about using Kegels. They said that it wasn’t very effective for them, but they thought they were the only ones. Then I said, “Hm,” to myself, “No one, including myself, has ever seemed to have gotten a positive result from Kegel exercises.” I’m going to talk more about this in a future podcast, so I won’t get into too much detail, only to say that the jade egg is what the original Kegel exercise was supposed to be.
I began teaching the jade egg practice to women and they had immediate and dramatic results where their partners would notice a difference. They would heal urinary incontinence within a week. They would be able to prevent pelvic organ prolapse and get their orgasms and their libido back. Incredible results.
I felt that there was so much more productivity and actual tangible success with the kinds of work that I was doing, particularly these Taoist practices and techniques, but also in the idea that we can heal ourselves. In the dominant Western medical paradigm, there’s a real emphasis on the other having power. Your medical doctor in a white lab coat has all the power and you have none. Your illness mysteriously happens to you and so the only people who can fix it are, apparently, them. And they usually can’t even fix it; they can just Band-Aid it.
My philosophy is totally different: we have ultimate power and responsibility. We can heal ourselves and we just need to dig deep. In my view, we need to look at the psycho/spiritual/emotional cause of whatever illness, block, stagnation, or ailment we have. That’s where we find the answers and that’s where that quantum shift happens, where we can actually then see the results in physical healing.
A huge part of my own growth and evolution has been the fascination with how people change, how we grow, and how we heal. So much of it is really self-study for me—my own interest in philosophy and transpersonal psychology and meditation, food, nutrition, health, exercise. How do we get high from spiritual-sexual intimacy?
My teenage years and early twenties were my own passion and study to optimize myself. We could call it biohacking, but before any of us were really using that term. It was simply, how can I optimize and become the best possible version of myself?
Because of my early sexual experiences where I saw that sex seemed to be a tool to improve my state of consciousness, how I felt emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, this became part of my personal growth toolbox. It was so great to have this validated through the Taoist and Tantric studies and beliefs and practices, where I knew that this was more truth than anything else I was seeing.
There was a particular experience when I was about 18. I had a partner with whom I was probably the most deeply in love that I’d been to that point. We went away to my family cabin and spent the weekend there, just holed up inside. I’m pretty sure it was winter, so we didn’t really go out very much, and we just talked and fucked, and talked and fucked, and talked and fucked for about 48 hours straight.
Of course, the more intimate you get with the talking, the more intimate you get with the sex, and the more deep and surrendered and open you get with the sex, the deeper and more connected and vulnerable raw conversations. It was this incredible spiral of intimacy and depth and incredible, deep cervical orgasms, G-spot orgasms. If you don’t know already, it’s the main part of my whole work that all women can have vaginal orgasms and that these are the life-changing, essential orgasms for women.
I had a plethora of those all weekend. We got back to the city and it was a Monday, so I went back to work at this job I was working at, and I just felt so calm and centered and transcended and peaceful and happy, really blissful within myself. So wonderful.
Then I noticed that my energy was magnetizing all these people to me. For instance, men in the office that I was working at would find an excuse to linger next to me. It was like a moth being attracted to the flame. I was the flame, and people were coming into my space because something was really delicious about being around me.
I’m not saying this to brag or boast; it’s an observation about the fact that I was radiating this incredible, well-fucked energy. I talk a lot about the idea of the Well-F**ked Woman, which also applies to men, the Well-F**ked Man, where when you’re truly inhabiting and wearing your sexual energy, you radiate this beauty and charisma and confidence and vitality that people want to be around, and you draw things to you.
The opposite happens when you’re not inhabiting your sexual energy and become an inverted vortex where you repel situations and people and abundance from you.
That was really the proof and the pudding, where I could see, A) How I felt; and B) How I was affecting my environment around me. That helped to solidify more and more of this.
Then I had other experiences of deep cervical orgasms where the same thing happened: I felt this transcendence, I felt self-realized, I felt so centered and connected to myself.
This became a cumulative snowball effect, really reinforcing the power of sex and intimacy for me. At about age 19, I began a regular meditation practice. At around age 22, I gave up drugs and alcohol and this was when I found the particular spiritual path that I follow and made a daily commitment to doing that work.
It all fell away. The things I was searching for in drugs and alcohol were altered states of consciousness. Once I found this, I had no need for them. It wasn’t a conscious decision, “I need to quit. This is the day I’m going to quit.” I literally just did not go back there ever again.
I then had all of these alternative ways to change my consciousness and feel really good inside my own skin. That’s been a huge part of my existence ever since—these daily practices, be it meditation, exercise, being in nature, or eating really well, that have helped me to feel good in my own skin. One of my biggest goals in life is having that daily sense of feeling really good in my own skin.
When I was about age 20, I moved to London, England, because I wanted to study acting. The school that I was attracted to had this very raw vibe to it and their main thing was method acting. Let’s say you have a scene where you have to be angry. In traditional acting, you would think, what does an angry person look like? They shake their fist, they pound on the table, they furrow their brow, they raise their voice, they stomp around and have frantic physical emotion. That’s what anger looks like.
In method acting, you go within yourself to find a time and a place where you were really angry, and you really dive into that feeling and sensation and experience so you actually emulate that, and you come from this angry place. And then all of the other external things naturally find themselves. You don’t have to think about doing them.
That whole idea became really foundational in all of my philosophy: we are coming from a place of having been conditioned and having things superimposed upon us, having beliefs superimposed upon us, especially in the sexual arena, where there’s so much taboo.
By the way, wherever there is great taboo, there is great power, because taboo suggests an area where there’s been repression. Wherever there’s been repression, once you begin to open up that place and excavate, you unleash this massive amount of power that was previously suppressed. It’s like opening Pandora’s box.
There’s another beautiful analogy to this. Years ago, I read the book Born to Run by Chris McDougall. It was about one of the places which originated the whole barefoot running movement. In the book, he profiles some of the fastest long-distance runners in the world. These are people who do ultramarathons. There was a handful of people and then there was a tribe in Mexico that was reported to be ultramarathoners. McDougall went and investigated, found this tribe, wanted to learn about them. His idea was to pit the fastest people in this tribe against the fastest runners in the world.
And he did that. There was this incredible race that went on in these canyons in Mexico. These people took old rubber car tires, strapped them to their feet, just to protect them from getting cut, and ran through these wild, craggy, steep, death-defying canyons. They ran a marathon for fun. Like on a Sunday afternoon, what would be a fun thing to do today? Let’s go and run a marathon. [Laughs] McDougall pitted these people together.
As he studied running and the evolution of running, his archeological evidence found that humans were really born to run. We’re born to run because we outrun our prey by tiring it out. Unlike other animals who have to have short bursts of speed to catch their prey, we don’t function that way. We actually tire out and historically catch our prey through running, running, running, running. Then the animals get tired and we’ve kept up our stamina and that’s when we catch them.
The whole thing about if you run too much or run on hard surfaces is that you injure your knees. It’s never been running that injures humans. It’s running shoes that injure humans. Running injuries are all caused by the things that we superimpose upon the human body, like running shoes. Arch-supports and pronation supports actually mess up our posture and our gait and our body more than just running with flat feet. Of course, if you’ve worn shoes your whole life, you have to wean off shoes to get back to that place, but McDougall says there’s never been a study saying that running shoes are improving our performance in any way.
I look at the conditioning that we’ve had around sexual taboos as running shoes. When you remove the conditioning, what’s underneath that is that people are naturally orgasmic, have high libidos, and their capacity for a wondrous sexual connection is intact. You just need to remove the blocks and the conditioning.
That’s a real mainstay in my philosophy, and it all connects. I have to make it really clear—I was never somebody who thought, “Hm, one day I’ll go to sex coach school and I’ll become a sex teacher and that’s my path.” No, no, no.
What I do is a cumulative effect of all of my self-education. When I look back at how I’ve put together my own genre of work, where I call myself a holistic sex and relationship coach, it’s the result of meandering and my own personal growth, my own guinea-pigging on myself: where and how can I heal? How can I optimize? How can I remove my conditioning and come back to me, the most fierce, powerful, true version of me?
Many of the things I incorporate in my work are things that I’ve tried—pretty much everything that I’ve tried myself—and can then add to this pot of tools and resources. The whole school of thought and healing that is the Kim Anami philosophy comes from me.
There was a time in my life where I thought that I was going to go in a certain direction in terms of going to university and following a certain course of study. When I realized that wasn’t the direction for me, I felt really lost for a while because I always had this confidence about where I was going and how I was going to get there. When that all changed, I felt listless and ungrounded.
What I had to really incorporate then in my life is, what is the next right thing for me to do? For example, at that point, years ago, it was the decision to go to London and study acting. That lasted for about a year and then I got a sign that acting wasn’t really the direction for me, but the skills that I picked up, which was this whole philosophy about removing layers, but also being able to speak and project my voice and be really comfortable doing improv and performing in front of people. All of these are amazing skills to have.
And at that point, the next thing I wanted was to go study with First Nations people and learn from a shaman and do sweat lodges and be educated in their way of life. I wanted to study with a medicine person. I came back to North America and I began to do that.
And then that led to me going to live off-the-grid in this area off the coast of British Columbia on a pirate boat, and then living and working in the bush and being quite off-the-grid. It was really the opposite experience from living in London, being off-the-grid, no power, no running water, living on a float house with my partner at the time, literally doing chop wood/carry water. We would go to this pure stream, fill the jugs up with water, and carry them back. We would chop firewood and then construct these split-board float houses that we would hand-mill from boards that my partner would beachcomb in the area.
I spent about three years living quite off-the-grid and that was a huge education in itself. Then after that, I was led someplace else. I think I went to Bali after that.
Step by step by step, all of the things that I did and the choices I made created this perfect self-education that led me to where I am today. There’s no way I could’ve gone to any kind of school or program to learn what I did in the way that I learned it. I’ve always been passionate about learning and knowledge. I wasn’t so keen on school because I realized that it was more about conditioning than about education. If I could’ve taken the education and left the conditioning, that’s what I would’ve done, and that’s really what I did.
All of that knowledge came together to form the body of the work that I have today. I’m so grateful for that. I often say if I’d gone to some kind of traditional, therapeutic sex school, I’d be broke and unsuccessful because so much of Western science is wrong. For instance, wondering if there really is a G-spot—it’s just not empowering. The women I see on a daily basis are still struggling with so many issues because Western medicine, and particularly OB/GYN medicine, doesn’t have answers, it doesn’t have solutions, and it never actually heals women. It cuts out their organs, it gives them drugs to suppress symptoms, it doesn’t heal them.
In my work, people get healed on a daily, hourly, regular basis and my goal is to actually have healing happen.
When that all came together, that was amazing for me. Then I began to incorporate all the stuff I was doing into life coaching, intimacy coaching, even business coaching, and then I realized as I did that, you know what? The place that gets people the most stuck is if they have issues in their intimate relationship; that sucks everything else into a vortex. In life coaching, they talk about a wheel of life. You look at your family, your environment, your finances, your social relationships, your children, this pie of everything, the spokes of the wheel in your life. If the intimate part is out of whack, everything else is out of whack. If the intimate part is doing incredibly and flourishing, it elevates everything else in people’s lives.
That really gave me the confidence and direction to know this is where I need to focus all of my energy. It’s great that I have this background in all of these other areas that are complementary and which have given me a wonderful, wide-view, holistic perspective. But the key [laughs] is really the sex and intimate life of a human. If that’s fucked up, people are fucked up. Very few people are doing amazing in that area, because there’s so much conditioning preventing that from happening. But if it is doing amazing, then people are overall doing amazing.
Early on in my work, I realized that it wasn’t the how. You read a Cosmo article: “50 Tips for Better Oral Sex!” If a woman doesn’t want to give a blow job to her partner, it doesn’t matter how many blow-job tips she has under her sleeve, she’s not going to do it. I realized we have to figure out why the woman doesn’t want to do this, or vice versa. I’m using a woman as an example here, but it can be either person.
That became essential: why are these things good for us? Then I got really into the idea, which was also very colored by my own experiences, that sex acts have the power to be self-actualizing. I had an experience where I was giving my partner oral sex. I always liked sucking cock. I liked the pleasure that it gave my partner, I enjoyed doing it, but I wouldn’t say I loved it. I mean, it was good, it was great.
But then I had this person who I was so deeply, mind, body, soul in love with and I could not get enough of his cock. He would walk by and I would drop to my knees and just have to touch it. I would suck it and suck it for hours on end! I couldn’t get it out of my mouth! I couldn’t get enough of it! I was in love with his cock. I was in love with him and I was in love with cock. I had two separate relationships going on. I had one with him and I had one with his cock. Literally, I could not walk by without fondling it, without giving it some kind of love and attention.
When we split up, I mourned him, and I mourned his cock. It was quite devastating, the loss.
But that energy of having this relationship with the cock carried forward then, and has, into all of my other relationships following that, where I’ve had these beautiful and loving relationships with cock.
That really showed me the healing power of sex as well. I was so nourished.
There’s this idea in Tantric and Taoist philosophy that we take in the yang and yin essences of our partners, especially through their genitals and through their fluids. The more cock that you suck as a woman, the more yang essence you take into yourself to balance out your own yin/yang.
Then for a man, the more yin essence that you take in, the more that you’re balancing out your yang and your yin. It’s very nurturing and balancing.
Then I came to the place of swallowing ejaculate. In classic Taoist and Tantra philosophy, they encourage men to retain their ejaculatory fluid. I learned about this in my early twenties and so I would try to educate my partners about this, that in Tantra and Taoism, you want to ideally learn how to orgasm without ejaculation so that you can have a great orgasm, but you don’t lose your fluids.
I would try to teach my partners about this, so they could help conserve their own energy and so they could fuck me for longer. I was really into the idea of extended marathon sex from a young age. I saw that the longer I got fucked, the more orgasmically enlightened I became. The higher I got, the more self-realized I got. Serious hour or two-hour sessions were vital for me to have as a woman and a human . Five minutes or 10 minutes was fucking nothing. Having hours-plus of sex was life-changing.
I was right on this with my partners. “You guys need to learn [laughs] how to do this.” I’d be teaching them different breathing techniques and other techniques, which is what I talk about in my work, and I would show my lovers how to do this.
Let’s say I got a lover who wasn’t really into it. I would say all right, that’s fine. But if you’re going to ejaculate, just make sure that you ejaculate inside of me and not on me, because that would be a waste. Because this fluid is then thought to be so powerful that there are stories of women going around in ancient times having sex with men as much as they could to take their essence and get nourished by it.
I’d say, well, if you don’t want it, I’ll take it. Let’s just not waste it, okay? If you want to come on my tits or whatever, as long as it gets back inside of me [laughs], that’s the important thing.
I’d give my partner a blow job and swallow the ejaculate, and I would get high.
I would get this mental clarity, this inspiration. I’d feel like I needed to run to my computer and start writing. It was amazing.
The Taoists and Tantrics knew that semen was a vital energy source and it ought not to be wasted. Or if it’s used, it should be consciously exchanged with a partner. Dr. Gallup, from a scientific perspective, did a study at Rutgers with women who were in varying states of depression, or maybe they all had the same level of depression on the Beck Inventory. Women who were having sex with condoms were in one group and women having lots of sex without condoms were in another. The women having lots of sex without condoms lifted their depressive symptoms. It wasn’t just the having sex, it was absorbing the fluid.
Dr. Gallup then looked further into the seminal fluid and found that it has over 50 different compounds, neurotransmitters, hormones; everything from dopamine, testosterone, vasopressin, estrone, to serotonin—which is the S in SSRI, so it’s a natural antidepressant. It contains all of these mood-boosting chemicals.
All this information, a lot of it from my own laboratory of my own bed, then the beds of my clients and my lovers, became foundational to my work and my theories. Well, let’s not call them theories, let’s call them facts, because they’re facts, in my work.
I was thrilled to be able to share this information with people and use this to help women and their partners understand why sucking cock is so important. Then the other element that would obviously come into play is if a woman and a man—or whatever, woman and woman, men and men, partners—are not feeling connected, then that’s going to color their sexual relationships. Let’s say they’ve had an argument at breakfast time and then they go to have sex at night and she doesn’t really want to suck his cock or he’s not having a strong erection or she’s not getting wet. All of that is directly related to the fact that there is unresolved stuff hanging in the ethers between them.
If a couple has been together for a while and they have lots of baggage, lots of unresolved stuff they’ve just swept under the carpet, and they’ve tried to move along and haven’t really processed and finished off or dissolved the energy around a situation, that stuff sits in bed. It sits in the ethers; it takes up space in the room. That’s like not doing any feng shui. It’s like having a giant, clutter-filled space. For whatever reason, people assume that has nothing to do with the quality of their sexual connection. To me, that’s everything to do with it. If you aren’t doing regular emotional processing and communication with your partner, that shows up in bed.
All of this stuff started to form the body of my work, looking deeper at the causes of why a couple isn’t coming together. Technique, the mechanics, the actual “how to give a blow job,” is 10 percent of the game. Even then, I believe that if I can help a person to remove the blockages in their system, technique doesn’t really matter because they are intuitively going to know how to touch, move, be in tune with themselves, be in tune with their partners. I’m not going to have to give them specific techniques.
Let’s say anal sex. You need to use lube. I had some early encounters with equally inexperienced lovers where we would try to have anal sex and not use lube. We’d be astonished about why it was so uncomfortable, because we just didn’t know.
So pretty much all of my own personal exploration, all of the orgasms I discovered, were through self-discovery and partner-discovery.
Not because I ever read a how-to guide or even knew that there were different kinds of orgasms. I was having several different kinds of orgasms before I even knew they existed. I knew internally there was a delineation, but I didn’t have names for them. I just knew they were different, and I knew the ones inside my vagina were the gold. Those were the ones to aim for.
All of that stuff combines to show us that technique is a very small part of the equation. Yes, I teach it. Harnessing and harvesting sexual energy is the bulk of the important techniques that I teach people, but the stuff that I most want to show them is how to remove their conditioning and their blockages so they can tune into their own knowing. Because once they have that, you know what to do. It’s like dancing. When I was a teenager, we took a family vacation to Jamaica and I snuck out to go dancing to the club at the hotel or somewhere we were staying. I just suddenly got really deeply into the music and found my own rhythm. It was that whole “dance like nobody’s watching.” I’m always the craziest person on the dance floor, even though I’m generally the only sober person on the dance floor, because I don’t give a shit. I just go with what’s inside of my body and I love it. I love dancing! It’s one of the most fun things in the world. But I found my own rhythm in that moment and it’s always carried forward.
What I’m trying to do with people is to help them find their own sexual rhythm and listen to that, because that’s going to show them more wisdom than anything else. With 50 different blow-job techniques, you’d be using your mind to remember the steps and the technique and how to apply it properly and that’s not what we’re after. We’re after you tuning in, and that’s how you actually break new ground, when you get that original thing that comes out of you.
One of the pillars of my whole philosophy is that sexual energy is creative energy, and this was something that I first tuned into through the Taoist sexual practices. They talk about this as the creative life-force. This is the energy that creates new life and if you’re not creating babies with this energy, then you can use it and channel it into your daily lives.
The Taoists talk about techniques to do this and how people also intuitively do it. If you’re really open to your sexual energy and you don’t have a lot of blockages going on, then you will naturally channel that energy into your life.
As I’m a healer and a teacher, my whole work is a way for me to express myself as an artist. As a younger person, I always had a very strong creative bent within myself and my work currently allows me to blend all of these things together: my love of being creative and passionate about art and also healing and well-being and spirituality.
As an example, in the work that I do, all the marketing ideas I come up with, such as #ThingsILiftWithMyVagina, the idea of The Well-F**ked Woman, it all comes from me. I come up with these ideas. I don’t farm out for them. Writing is my art. I love to write, I have to write, I’m compelled to write.
The idea is that if you’re tapped into your sexual energy, then you’re also maximizing your creative potential and you can’t help but not be when you’re in that energy. When you’re not, then you’re actually operating at a deficit because you don’t have that energy at your disposal to express yourself with.
I often hear from people and see as they’re inhabiting their sexual energy more and more, they become more vital as humans. You can actually see the energy of a well-fucked person.
When I’m on my retreats, we have 10 couples there for a week. Over the course of the week, when the couples come in in varying levels of connection, two or three days into it, she’s had some vaginal orgasms, she’s getting fucked on a regular basis. You can usually notice it more in the woman; for whatever reason, she stands out. She becomes vital, luscious, sensual, beautiful, radiant. It’s tangible, and everyone can see it and feel it in the group. These are noticeable things.
Most people are operating from an under-fucked place, so the creative connection is so wonderful to me because I’m so interested in the idea that we can create original art. This concept of, “There’s nothing original out there,” is fucking bullshit. That’s only being said by people who are emulators and copiers and imitators. People doing original work just get to fucking work.
Chuck Close has a great quote, “Inspiration is for amateurs. The rest of us just get to fucking work.” It says “get to work,” actually; I added the fucking. But it isn’t really about originality so much, but just the idea that you show up and you apply yourself and then eventually these things come out of you. It’s consistent effort.
Ian Schrager is one of my innovation heroes. He created Studio 54 back in the day and he’s also the inventor of the boutique hotel concept. He came up with the idea that this hotel ought to be visually and artistically created in a way to defy your own senses. Like, “How did this even come together?” His hotels often have juxtapositions of different time periods and art pieces and ideas. It’s just a wonder. It’s going into this wild, surreal universe. He also had the idea that these ought to be the sought-after places to come to in the city. Rather than leaving your hotel to go out to the best club or the best restaurant, he would bring those and house those in the hotel and it would be this really unique, interesting, smaller kind of experience.
I love Schrager’s work. I love his hotels. I love what he’s put out there. His concept was that you would just step out into this territory of what hasn’t been done before, get right up to the edge, and then not fall off the edge. There was this art of straddling that edge.
That always really resonated with me as a creator and that’s what I aim to do. And I believe that if you’re truly in touch with your sexual energy, you do create original work. I can tell if people aren’t in touch with that energy and themselves; they’re going to be of that vein where they’re imitators and copiers. The world is full of those.
Yes, all kinds of art evolves from other art, and certainly work that I’ve done, as I’ve said very openly, a lot of the ideas come from Taoist sexual philosophy. But tons of them I’ve found in my own bed. They have come out of my own experience and observation and my own creation.
I stand quite firmly by the idea that we can all create original things if we’re truly in touch with our sexual energy.
Some of the main pillars of my philosophy are, as I’ve already said, sexual energy is creative life-force energy. We can learn to consciously tune into it, amplify it, and harness it for our daily lives. Another pillar is that we use our relationships as a vessel for growth and when we come together, all of our wounding gets triggered and we want this to happen.
I feel like I’ve had a fair amount of breakups and the relationships spin off because it taught me what triggers that. What did we do wrong, what did I do wrong, where did the relationship go wrong, and how do we right that? I think I learned more through that than I might have had through having a solid 30-year relationship. I’ve had long-term relationships, but I think that I learned a lot more along the way through the places where I messed up.
For example, one of the things that I’ve realized is radical honesty and the lie of a lie, as I call it. In relationships, one of the things I talk about is the importance of being radically honest with each other. That’s the foundation for trust and openness. If you don’t have that, you can’t get to these higher places of ascension together that I talk about so much.
The idea of outright lies or even white lies or sins of omission—I learned that if I held something back or tried to gloss over it, tried to hide something behind something else, that created a major disruption in a relationship and often was irrevocable. It couldn’t be changed back. I don’t mean things like cheating on other people, I mean even more subtle ways of holding things back. That was a huge revelation to me in my own experience.
Using relationships as a way for us to grow, I believe you bring all of your shit to bed with you. That’s the place where instead of trying to present a certain face, you bring everything there and the power and the love. If you have the emotional connection and sexual connection, that’s a power source. That is where you gain so much energy.
I realized that when I had these relationships where we were emotionally intimate and raw and connected and then we were sexually fully open and surrendered and could go into these experiences with abandon, we were unstoppable. That relationship, that energy, had a power like no other. That is what I try to teach people: how do you get to that place?
Because most people are in these pseudo-economic social agreements and partnerships that aren’t, quite frankly, that much different than what we’ve had for centuries where marriage was an economic and social partnership, versus using that relationship as a platform for growth and evolution and to become your highest self and to become superpowers in the world. Where the two of you come together and, rather than just being two individuals side by side, you magnify the effectiveness you have in the world by 10, by 100. I’ve seen that, I’ve lived it, and I teach that.
That is a power source that is essential to everyone’s lives and hardly anyone understands that it’s actually available to them.
Radical self-responsibility. In my view, responsibility is power.
If you don’t have it, you cannot heal yourself and this is the opposite of Western allopathic medicine, which says that health issues are random, they are some accident, and someone else can heal you. I believe the opposite. The most important person in your healing is you. If you believe that on some level, somewhere, with some belief, some thought, some idea, even some karmic reason, you created this ailment, this situation that you have, then you can heal it.
But if you don’t ever take that responsibility, healing will constantly elude you.
I’m a real hard-ass in my salons with people, telling them about this and encouraging them to really take responsibility, because it’s the only way to get true healing.
Those are some of the key elements that, through my own work and philosophy, I bring into my whole practice. Professionally speaking, these days, the bulk of what I do is teach online programs. I call them salons, which is based on this old idea that people would come together in groups, the intelligentsia of the day, and exchange sophisticated ideas on art and music and culture. There’d be flirtation involved, but it would be a group dynamic of self-education. That’s what I do online in my programs. I’m the prime educator source, but everyone helps to educate and share with each other.
Most of what I do is online. I still run retreats a couple of times a year, one in Bali, one in Mexico, where people come together for a week. I go very deep with them and they come out very well-fucked and transcended with their sex lives.
Personally, I spend about half of the year in Indonesia, where I run my days according to the rhythms of the surf. If I didn’t mention it already, I’m an avid surfer. All my life I wanted to surf and was in varying locations where sometimes I could and sometimes I didn’t have consistent access to really good surf, and now I do. When I’m in Indonesia, I surf pretty much every day, if not twice a day. I plan my day and my existence around the tide and the swell and the wind. When it’s good, everything has to fall around those times. I’m pretty much barefoot, bikini-clad, and sundrenched every day and that’s the way I like it. I love the barefoot luxury, eco, feet in the ground, lots of tropical fruit kind of ethos. That’s where I radiate. The rest of the time I spend in Los Angeles and different places throughout the world. I spend a fair amount of time in Australia. Basically, beaches and surf and sand, wherever I can get them with a culture that I’m interested in, and I do pretty much all of my work through my laptop.
Somebody asked me on a podcast interview recently who my three biggest teachers were. I struggled. “I can’t really think of that.”
Recently, I’d say my three biggest teachers, maybe even my whole life, have been the forest and the ocean and myself, where I believe that the true answers come from within.
These days, I’m not even that interested in reading the books and the ideas of other people. I would rather find that truth from within myself. I’m always interested in people who are doing very innovative, cutting-edge work and really becoming the own original thinkers of themselves and their ideas. I love that. I have great respect for that. But I also believe that we get our own answers from within and I don’t like this idea of constantly going to other people to get information and answers. I like it when people show you how to find your own truth.
Spending so much more time in the ocean these days, I feel like it’s become a part of me. There’s so many beautiful metaphors about flow and catching waves and positioning yourselves. Getting into the flow of a wave and nature and life that come through surfing—those are great life teachers and metaphors.
Also, the ocean is this wonderful cleanser of energy. It cleanses your aura, it cleanses your emotions. The sound of the ocean elevates you, gets you out of your mind, and just puts you into your body and this wonderful flow of energy and synchronicity that as surfers, you come to rely on on a daily basis. People who spend a lot of time in the water—which I’ve now seen, the more I’m immersed in surf communities—need it. It’s like the ocean becomes a part of you, just the way we need oxygen on land to breathe. Something in the water becomes an essential element of who you are.
Did you know that dolphins and whales used to live on land, and they evolved and migrated into the ocean? That’s why they still have to come up for air, because they were land animals.
I think there’s something to that. I remember Kelly Slater saying that he feels more at home in the ocean than he does on land, and I’m starting to identify more and more with that idea.
Also, the forests. I mentioned my famed summer cabin where I had a great sexual awakening, which is pretty fitting, I suppose, and I spent summers and weekends there growing up. That was always a refuge for me. This idea that I could go into the forest and it would just pull emotional or physical toxicity out of me like a poultice, which is the herbal term for a pouch full of herbs that you put on your skin to draw the toxins out of you. I feel like nature acts that way, especially the forest, the jungle, to pull that stuff out of you.
Plus, oxygen. It’s pretty amusing to me that these days we have terms like “forest bathing” and “earthing” to signify going out to breathe oxygen. Clean oxygen is this crazy idea that we have now in modern, urban, polluted life, or putting your feet on the ground to get the energy of nature that many of us have become quite separated from.
Those elements have always been really important to me as a way of recalibration. Again, it comes back to the idea that you are, within yourself, perfect and unflawed and have a great sense of right and wrong and what’s right for you. That’s as long as you’re sloughing off any of the conditioning, the ideas, or the opinions of other people, the blockages or traumas that have happened to you that have covered over that innate knowing.
Those are some of the major tools that I use in my life. It’s incredible and wonderful! Those are good adjectives. What’s the main theme in my life? It’s incredible! It’s wonderful! It’s going out into nature, and you don’t even have to actively do very much. I’m in Tasmania right now, which is the wild island south of Australia. It’s part of Australia, but the mainland of Australia, it’s south of it. They have the cleanest air in the world and the cleanest rainwater in the world. I come out here once a year for a week or two and all I do is go for rainforest walks. I just make my people take me on rainforest hikes all the time so I’m getting that cleansing, that forest bathing, that recalibration, that rejuvenation. I’m a big believer in that and that’s a really big part of my own self-care and restoration as a human, apart from eating organic food and having this whole pathway that I also follow in my daily practices of clean living, clean eating. Getting out into nature and using that as a restorative device.
That’s a pretty good introduction, I’d say, to who I am and what I’m all about. I want this show to be a place where there can be free and open conversations about sex and intimacy, which I have at much more length in my actual salons that I run. I want to start having more of them here. I also want to introduce you to people and ideas that are renegades in their field and who are working passionately to bring powerful, empowering information to people so that you, too, can take responsibility and take charge of your own health and well-being and sexual enlightenment.
A lot of these things will be tangential or related health practices and ideas and philosophies. It might be directly sexual or overall, such as hormonal balance or whatever I think is part of the entire holistic package of well-being and orgasmic enlightenment.
Welcome, everyone! I’m thrilled to have you here. I’m very excited about what this podcast is going to evolve into being and glad that you’re here for the ride. Come one, come all!
Thank you so much for listening. If you haven’t already, subscribe, and also leave a review and send someone else the gift of a healthy libido and an off-the-charts love life by sharing this episode with them.
We’ll be back next week. In the meantime, many happy orgasms.