The Sex Weekend – Transcript
Imagine a whole weekend that’s all about sex! No digital screens, no alarm clocks, no children running into your bedroom. You are shutting out all the distractions of your busy, noisy life and world. You can massage each other, soak in a giant bathtub, and swim in the ocean. You can meditate for hours, and you can, most importantly, have orgasms for hours. You can have sex multiple times a day and night, and you can stay naked for 72 hours straight. Yes, you can have this.
You’ve heard me talk about the weekly three-hour sex date, and if you haven’t, I will post the podcast link below this video, and you can check it out.
This is three hours devoted solely to sex. Not dinner, not a walk in the park, just sex. This becomes a mainstay in your relationship.
Today we’re talking about the sex weekend. What does a sex weekend look like? This is 48 hours devoted to sex. Can you have sex for 48 hours straight? You can, but it’s more that sex becomes the primary focus of your entire weekend. Everything else that you do is there to support the sex.
You get room service or Postmates, fueling up with nutritious food so you can build more stamina and lick the food off each other’s bodies and have better sex.
You do yoga and stretch out so you can keep your legs and your heart center more open for longer and you can have better sex.
You go hike in the forest, and you hunt for locations to have outdoor sex. One of my personal favorites, #AnywhereButABed.
You can lift weights at the gym so that you can spike your dopamine and your testosterone production, boost your libido, and have better sex.
You can have dinner at the restaurant so that someone can wear a dress with no panties and taunt their lover and build up to this ferocious, bodice-ripping level of anticipation and have wilder sex.
Why to do it, do it, do it, do it?
A sex weekend is a crucial ingredient for a gourmet sex life. So many benefits. You reduce your cortisol and your stress levels with the orgasms that you have all weekend. You fill yourself up with oxytocin, which calms you down, makes you more sociable, makes you more of yourself, actually, and bonds you more deeply to your partner, and that bonding and intimacy carry over into your day-to-day life.
This is kind of like going in for a tune-up, really. Think about getting your car tuned up. Every six months, you have to do it. If you’ve got a job interview or a presentation, even a court appearance, any kind of high-stakes situation, book a sex weekend and power up beforehand so that you can get ready. It gives you the opportunity to clear up any kind of debris that you don’t get to in your day-to-day lives, and it gives you breathing space for things to come to the surface that don’t have the chance to when you have a life that’s crammed full of so many other things. Like your unresolved issues come up to the surface, your deep, deep, deep orgasms come up to the surface.
Years ago, I was at the beginning of a new relationship, and we had this very, very, very intense emotional, spiritual, physical, sexual, everything connection. This person was older—I usually have been with older men most of my adult life—and he took us out for a weekend in Whistler. It was 48, maybe 72, hours of just us together. This was actually before the time where we were really glued to our cell phones, so that wasn’t part of the equation. Nonetheless, we just shut them off and didn’t really pay attention to them anyway.
All we did was have sex for hours and hours and hours. We’d go to the sauna, and that would be a little bit of foreplay. We would go to a restaurant, and that would be a bit of foreplay. I don’t even think we went skiing, actually. We just stayed inside and had sex all weekend.
And he just kept f**king me until I was shattered open. You can hide from yourself. You can get to this place where you don’t want to open anymore. You feel like it’s unsafe to open, and part of you can instinctively just close down and not want to reveal and surrender any further.
He just kept pounding me so relentlessly that it forced me open. I got to this place of no return, where I was open so deeply and profoundly that I couldn’t go back.
That was the beauty of it, and afterward he just said, “It had to be done.” It was so beautiful and so true that this idea of relentless penetration, and I mean sexually, emotionally, psychologically, cock hours and hours on end. I’d have deep, crazy, wild tears pouring out of me, ejaculate pouring out of me, cervical orgasms, and he would just keep going and keep going and keep going. He would not just stop and say, “Oh, she’s having a great orgasm.”
No, no, no, no, no, that was not the end of it. He was going to keep going and going and going until I kept coming and coming and coming and until he knew he broke me. He broke through all my defenses. Anything that was holding on, holding back, afraid to open, he pried through it. I will always be grateful for that. I think we’re so short-lived in most of our sexual encounters. The average sexual encounter is three to five minutes, and a lot of that comes from premature ejaculation. Once the man is done, it’s done.
Obviously, this guy was very, very in control of his ability and had mega, mega, mega stamina. And just for reference, he was 55. If you’re thinking I had this 18-year-old stud, no, no, no. No, I had this ferocious, sexual Tantric maestro who was 55 years old.
That also showed me the power of dedicated time and devotion and commitment to your sex life. It elevated our relationship to such an incredible, powerful place of connection, even a psychic connection. We were so in tune with each other and had this incredible psychic connection going forward from that.
Of course, the sex just continued to get better and better and better, and then we kept having these quarterly sex weekends. That’s roughly how much we did it, and as I said, how I would suggest it be done.
Here are the ground rules for your sex weekend. Block out the world. Put your phone down, do not look at it, and put it on airplane mode for the weekend. Make sure your kids are looked after. Minimize any contact with the outside world. It’s really just you and your partner.
Ideally, get out of your environment. Go away for the weekend, rent a hotel room, and just get out of your house. Get out of your normal view of your life and preferably out into nature. I’m such a huge fan of letting nature be your greatest healer. I feel like your own natural rhythms and energies come to the surface so much more quickly when you’re out in nature and out of the city.
Rather than think about going downtown in your city to have your sex date, go out into the country and have one. I think you’ll find that your unnecessary debris falls away much faster if you do that.
Probably the most crucial element of the whole weekend is focus. You really just keep your attention on your partner and on each other. When you go out to dinner with someone and they start picking up their phone, it’s a real mood killer. It can really hurt when your partner just picks up their phone and takes their attention away from you.
One of the greatest gifts you can give each other on this weekend is your unbroken attention and leave all these other things behind.
How often to do it?
So I said quarterly. Think of it as a quarterly review of your business, and you’re just going to get all up in your sex business for this review. That’s really what it is. It’s like this review to take care of things that have built up over time, to get back into that flow, into that zone of incredible sex.
Some of my favorite places for sex dates and sex weekends are anywhere that you get off the grid. I look for these kind of barefoot luxury, eco-chic type resorts. They’re usually made out of quite earthy materials, but in a fairly upscale way, so bamboo, wood, stone-type production, but very elegant. Four- to five-star places where you feel very comfortable, but they have this really earthy, nonsterile-type energy to them.
I’m going to give you a list here of some of my favorites.
The Hanging Gardens in Ubed. This Instagram-famous hotel in Bali has lush private villas, plus one of the most beautiful pools in the world.
Azulik in Tulum, Mexico. Gorgeous and eco-friendly, with incredible architecture and décor throughout the entire property, and you have bathtubs right on the edge of the water.
The Six Senses Resort in Yao Noi, Thailand. The Six Senses chain is one of my favorites in the world. They do a perfect mix of high-end meets barefoot luxury. Each villa comes equipped with its own private butler, so you never even have to leave your room. And if you do, the whole property contains everything from its own ice cream shop to daily exercise classes and sailboats that you can day trip on.
Nihi Sumba, Indonesia. This was ranked the number-one hotel in the world by Travel + Leisure in 2016. Beautiful open-space villas and your own private beach.
Misool Eco Resort in Raja Ampat, Indonesia. I love this place. Breathtaking over-water villas and some of the most pristine, untouched reef on the planet. You walk straight down the steps from your villa into the reef. You can play in the hammock suspended over the water, which would make for all kinds of interesting sex positions.
Here’s your call to action: Everyone, schedule a sex weekend. Put it in your Google calendar, Outlook, day planner, whatever. Just take a photo of it once you’ve scheduled it, or a screenshot, and send it to me. I want to see it. Or you can post it on social media with the hashtag #SexWeekend. I want to see proof that you’re scheduling your sex weekends.
Even if you’re single, you can think about a whole weekend that’s devoted to your sensual pleasure. You could start with all kinds of different rituals that are nurturing and loving to you, and then intersperse your sexual play throughout the weekend.
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Thank you so much Kim, Janet and I have continued are 3 hour sex dates since Bali last May. Looking forward to a 3 day sex date in June. Getting our priorities and healing on.
That’s amazing! You two rock! xxx
Jealous of your weekend! Sounded amazing! Love this idea
It was. They are! x
Nice article..Thanks