TRANSCRIPT: From Toxic to Divine Masculinity
I did a podcast episode a couple of months back on Toxic vs. Divine Femininity.
This episode is the complement to that one.
So what is toxic masculinity?
And what things and ideas in our modern culture are toxic TO masculinity?
The common definition of “toxic” masculinity would seem to be a good thing gone too far.
Meaning, some of the archetypal qualities we consider to be masculine, are exaggerated or perverted to the point of being out of balance.
Traits of “toxic” masculinity have been described as:
- Men acting tough and macho, who have trouble accessing deeper emotions, and considering the show of emotion to be weak – with anger as the exception – that emotion is okay to show.
- Using domination and aggression to get their way, which can lead into violence
- Having trouble asking for help or seeking any kind of positive growth:
- Indulging in destructive behaviours like alcohol
“A 2007 study* found that the more men conformed to masculine norms, the more likely they were to engage in risky behaviors, such as heavy drinking, using tobacco, and…. avoiding vegetables.”
(Springer KW, Mouzon DM. “Macho men” and preventive health care: implications for older men in different social classes.)
I’ve actually seen this too. The idea that it’s not masculine to do any kind of self-betterment, and “super cool” to destroy yourself instead:
- Unwilling to look after their health, or engage in any kind of preventive medicine or self-care practices.
A 2011 study found that men who had strong ideas about masculinity were 50% less likely as men with moderate beliefs about masculinity to get preventative health care.
And this one I actually found the most interesting:
It’s around the notion of “helping behaviour” or taking a stand or intervening when they see someone being abused, assaulted, or some other kind of injustice.
“Men in the more “toxic” category actually shied away from what was called “helping” behaviour.
“That means they are not likely to intervene when they witness bullying or when they see someone being assaulted.
A 2019 study found that toxic masculinity can prevent men from consoling a victim, calling for help, and standing up to the perpetrator. Men who endorsed the belief that men should be strong and aggressive were more likely to perceive negative social consequences associated with intervening as an active bystander.
In instances of sexual assault, for example, men who identified the most with masculine behaviors were less likely to stop the assault. The study found that men would intervene in any conflict if they thought their reputation as being traditionally masculine might be compromised.”
~ Amy Morin from an article called “What Is Toxic Masculinity?”
This one I found particularly interesting, because of late I’d been around a few men like this, and I thought it was bizarre that in the face of actual conflict and the opportunity to take a stand, they cowered like little fucking cowardly bitches.
Knowing some of their history, and the cycle of abuse, I’d say that this is their own PTSD kicking in, of having been abused, and then freezing or being dissociated in a situation where they see—and could stop—violence.
But it was still really bizarre to me. That these guys talked a good game, and yet when it came down to it, they were actually cowards.
Sexually, they’d be selfish lovers, and men who think—and talk—in terms of “conquesting” with women. They’re likely premature ejaculators, and good sex to them is if they have an orgasm—it’s irrelevant if anyone else does. Instead of realizing the value of a good woman in his life, he thinks that using women is where it’s at.
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And then we have the vilification of the masculine entirely, and in recent years, the glorification of the Beta Male.
I’ve done a podcast episode on this: Alpha Males vs. Beta Males and a video on the Beta Male Variant, and my thoughts on Betas, which in essence are:
Women don’t want that either. No woman is going weak in the knees for the asexual, dainty effeminate male who is good at talking, but not any good at fucking. Or fighting. Or, working. Or.. you get the picture.
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Gaad Saad, the Canadian professor who speaks on evolutionary psychology and is a frequent Joe Rogan guest, makes references to the animal behaviour to show how things happen in nature:
“Female fiddler crabs and hens prefer males with extravagantly large claws and tails respectively. Ewes (female rams) will mate with the ram that wins the brutal intrasexual head-butting context. They reward targeted aggression by granting sexual access.
Needless to say, there are innumerable other examples of sexual selection that I might describe but I suspect that you get the general gist. Are rams exhibiting toxic masculinity? Are female fiddler crabs succumbing to antiquated notions of masculinity as promulgated by the crab patriarchy?”
He goes on to say:
“Let’s now apply the exact same evolutionary process (sexual selection) to humans. Evolutionary psychologists have documented universal patterns of mating preferences that are invariant across time and place.
In no culture ever studied have women repeatedly preferred to mate with pear-shaped, low-status, tepid men possessing high-pitched, nasal voices. In no documented culture do women’s sexual fantasies revolve around granting sexual access to unemployed, unambitious men who occupy the lowest stratum of the social hierarchy.”
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Yeah.
Nobody wants to fuck a beta male.
I mean, a woman might fuck one, with a ton of lube slathered on to make it happen.
But no woman is getting wet and weak in the knees for a beta.
***
So what we’re looking for is something we’re going to call the divine masculine, or the archetypal masculine.
The male figure we find in myths and legends, stories of bravery and strength and heroic courage.
He’s not the in-between of the toxic and the beta. He’s in a class of his own.
So what does this man look like?
The protector of the realm.
Warrior. Defender of your honor. He’s physically strong and capable. He has courage. He deals with conflict as it comes to him.
Ian Smith – refused to close down. Slept in their gym. Kicked the door down when it was barricaded. Went to Jail. Racked up fines. He’s willing to stand for what he believes in “til the wheels come off.”
That in itself makes me want to come.
Integrity.
- The most important thing a man can do is exactly what he says he’s going to do.” —— THIS is the defining characteristic of being a man. Or at least a major one.
Sexual mastery.
- Generous lover
- Has stamina and full control. Can be in the wildest position sexually and holds his own. Doesn’t just pop one out and that’s the end of it and rolls over
- Knows that a well-f**ked woman is his secret weapon.
- Sexually curious and open – wiling to put time and energy and plenty of her orgasms into their sex life
- He’s a Supercock. Solid erections, heavenly and wild cock that can go the distance and fuck her into oblivion. Because that’s what a Supercock does.
Emotionally connected.
- Is in touch with this feelings. His default isn’t just anger.
- He can articulate and express his emotions.
- He’s open to all the deep and penetrating conversions about your relationship.
- Even though some notions of conscious relationships may be new to him, he’s open to the ideas, to talking about them, to watching videos and listening to podcasts, and trying new exercises.
Self-care.
- Self-care is self-love. If a man isn’t internally oppressed and hating himself, and wallowing in all his own unresolved shit, he’s dealing with it. That means exercise, working out, having sporting lifestyles that are a way of being.
- Eats well
- Invested in healing himself. Realizes it’s a worth while endeavour.
- The modern man doesn’t just slay physical enemies, but does his own internal demon hunting.
- Maybe he’s into ice baths or meditation. He might have a coach
Healthy male role models and peers.
- His brothers challenge him to be better. They call him out on his bullshit; they don’t enable it.
- He has friends and companions he hangs with, and their primary hobbies are not “getting wasted” and watching TV.
- They DO THINGS. They do physical things together and push each other to be the highest version of themselves. – THIS is what friends actually do.
Fatherhood is manhood.
- Active, conscious and present parent.
- If a man isn’t raising his children, that’s a massive red flag. I don’t care what the story is, and how big and apparent “bitch” the mother is, a man who doesn’t raise his children, has something seriously wrong with him. Don’t overlook this one.
- Takes an active role in fathering and strengthening the bond with his child. This starts with being a rock and protector for his woman during birth, and not sacrificing her to the hospital cult. But being on the journey to educate them on how to be pregnant, birth and raise their babies outside the system, using their own innate powers to do so.
- He’s the kind of father other women look at and it makes them wet and their ovaries flutter.
“But women always go for the BAD boys!”
Let’s talk about this.
There is definitely some truth in this – women being attracted to the “bad boy” archetype – a “devil may care” – bold, adventuresome, wild, untameable, does whatever he wants, kind of guy.
Damn right!
There’s something inherently sexy in that!
And women definitely want that kind of man to “do whatever he wants” to their vaginas.
When you couple that with the other traits of the “toxic masculine” – the blocked emotions, lack of real integrity, being a two-pump chump, it’s a sham.
Women will gravitate toward this kind of man, more than the “nice guy” because their pussies are drawing them.
He at least looks and feels like more of the archetypal masculine.
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I’d say that these days, the divine masculine is a cultivated effort.
Most men are going to be growing up with role models that are toxic or beta.
And right now, “gender neutral”!
They’re going to have to chisel away at the parts of themselves that have been superimposed, that have been traumatized and programmed through the conditioning of their upbringing and the culture surrounding them, to birth this divine masculine warrior and Supercock for the ages.
He’s there.
And as women. We. Want. Him.
So give him to us.
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