How to Attract a Partner

How do you meet your ideal partner? You magnetize them in.

You’ve got the fit, toned body…the great career…awesome friends…the awesome home…a king size bed with plenty of room for two…everything seems to be in place…and yet…you’re struggling to meet someone amazing. Whhhyyyyy?????

Maybe you feel like you’ve tried everything. Dating apps—swiping until your finger is about to fall off! Professional matchmaker. Friends setting you up. Nothing is working.

Somehow your dates never “go anywhere.” Or maybe people are interested in you…but…you are NOT interested in any of them! You’re attracting low-caliber people and you’re like, “Where are all the ‘good’ ones??”

In this week’s podcast, I’ll explain how to magnetize your ideal partner into your life, and you’ll hear a couple of great success stories—including mine!

Listen and comment below:

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~K xx

PODCAST TRANSCRIPT:

How to Attract a Partner

Why can’t I meet someone amazing?!

Maybe you feel like you’ve tried everything. Dating apps—swiping until your finger is about to fall off! Professional match maker. Friends setting you up. Nothing is working.

Somehow your dates never “go anywhere.” Or maybe people are interested in you…but…you are NOT interested in any of them!

You’re attracting low-caliber people and you’re like, “Where are all the ‘good’ ones??”

I have never done dating apps (although I know some people who have, with success!). I have never “tried” to date. When I focus on myself, my self care, masturbation, creating an amazing solo sex life, following my bliss…suitors just APPEAR.

After my last major breakup, I took a celibate period of 2.5 years. I knew there were parts of my life I wanted to upgrade.

I didn’t exactly commit to celibacy, and if someone interesting came along, I was open to checking them out.

But it was like I had an invisible “unavailable” sign on my forehead.

It wasn’t a priority for me.

Instead, I put ALL of my energy into up-leveling my life.

I looked at all the areas of my life and thought, where do I feel less then proud? Is there any part of my life and self I feel uncomfortable with? There weren’t many, but there was at least one.

So I focused on that. I had a goal in mind of where I wanted to be, and I set my sights on it.

I fell in love with that as a creative project. As I talk about in my Sex + Creativity podcast, when you are tapping into your sexual energy and harnessing it, your creative projects being to feel like lovers.

You wake up, excited to greet them. You can’t wait to get back to them.

So I did that. For 2.5 years. And I filled in the gaps in my life and brought every area of my life to a place where I felt proud and had complete freedom to go, do, be whatever i wanted to. I’m not saying your life has to be perfect.

But we all know the places where we hide.

So this involves doing your own demon-hunting, and being ruthlessly honest with yourself about unhealed wounds, repeating patterns and places you don’t want to go.

How can you invite someone into the space of your life when there are places you are uncomfortable going?

Its’ like bringing someone to your house and saying, ah, you can’t go in this room or that room, or that room over there. Just stay here in the living room.

nah.

You have to be prepared to share and open all of it.

So that’s the question. Do you feel like you can do that RIGHT NOW?

IF not, where and what are the rooms you have locked up?

That’s your work.

Open them up and clean them out and then decorate them the way you like them, that are a reflection of your deepest truth.

So.

After 2.5 years of me being celibate, save for a couple of make-out sessions, I could feel one day that there was a shift.

I was ready.

It wasn’t even a conscious decision, it was more of a knowing.

Within one week, I had three serious suitors come my way.

All of them were contenders; were long-term relationship material.

And then I had to choose!

Hahah.

Like I said, I’ve never used dating apps or matchmaking services or anything of the sort.

Not that I have anything against them—I know people who have found amazing matches this way.

They just never felt like the way for me.

I know that my state of mind and heart—and genitals!—are what radiate out to the world and either attract or repel for me.

That’s how it works for me.

To be honest, I’ve never even really dated. As in, gone on a bunch of dates to see whether someone is a good match for me.

I’ve just known.

After being hurt by a string of painful break-ups, many people become afraid to try again. They don’t want to experience the pain all over again. They don’t want to be rejected.

The solution? Love yourself. Fuck yourself. Become the most confident, powerful version of yourself. The fear of rejection combusts and burns away when you build your inner confidence.

Instead of trying to “find someone,” focus on up-leveling your life.

Love yourself first. Use your jade egg. Masturbate. Practice self care. Look at your shadow. Look at the painful places you don’t want to face. Explore therapy. Writing. Commit to radical honesty and personal responsibility. Heal and up-level yourself. Get that sexy simmer. Become a magnet.

And then, they will come to YOU!

One of my favorite, “magnetizing people to you” stories is about my friend Selena.

Selena is in her mid-sixties.

She had been inspired in the past few years to really work on herself.

She’d always carried an extra 20 or 30 pounds around.

She started going to the gym. Regularly. She lost those pounds.

She changed her diet.

She prioritized her self care and growth.

And then she grew out of her marriage.

Maybe she’d never really been growing in it. And now that she was growing as an individual, that became clear to her.

So she left.

This is huge.

For a 60-something person to leave a marriage they’ve been in for 40 years, is massive.

Most people won’t do it.

They’ll just settle in and settle, period. For the sake of having a companion and for the sake of the familiar.

Not Selena.

So Selena leaves her partner.

She buys a motorcycle.

She used to ride when she was younger. She loved it. So she took it up again.

Sixty-something Selena.

So Selena is out in the world, working out at the gym, riding her motorcycle, living her best life.

One day she’s at the gym and she goes for a sauna after her workout.

There are a few guys in there and she joins them.

More and more guys start to pile into the sauna.

Shortly after, there are twelve guys to one Selena.

She takes it as a sign that men are coming her way.

At the store on the way home, she’s parking her bike and a guy approaches her and asks if she’d like to go riding with him.

Remember, Selena is at an age where she’s supposedly finished. Dried up. Slim pickins!!

At least this is what all her friends kept telling her.

One day, Selena is at home alone. Selena lives out in the middle of nowhere. In a suburb, in the country on acres of land.

There is a knock at the door.

Selena answers it.

A stranger tells her that he is location scouting for Robert Redford and asks if could he take a look around her property.

Selena says sure, why not.

I mean, it’s not every Robert Redford comes knocking.

Or his proxy.

So I tell you all this to say that in the age of dating apps and all the complicated ways we try to find love, when you work on yourself and you fill yourself up with the things you love.

Love finds you.

Selena didn’t even have to leave her house and Robert Redford shows up. Well, technically not the man himself, but you get the picture.

But she was leaving her house. She was exploring the world and her own loves and passions and filling herself up with the joys of the things she loves.

She was radiating a pure bliss out to the universe.

The universe reflected these things back to her.

She never made any specific efforts to “meet someone” or “date.”

All the men just came to her.

Literally, to her doorstep.

When you are following your bliss, as Joseph Campbell says, the universe opens doors where once there were walls and opportunities just magically fall into your lap.

So here’s my formula:

Demon hunting. Like I said earlier, clean out all your metaphorical closets. Dump your drawers onto the floor and sort through the mess of your unresolved issues.

You will only attract someone at the level you are currently at. So if you don’t like who you’ve been attracting lately, and you find yourself stuck in the same kinds of loops and patterns in relationships, then you’ve missed something. Get in there and feng shui your house, your bed and all the metaphors therein!

2) Cultivate your sexual energy.

The major thing I also did when I was in my 2.5 year celibate period is that even though I wasn’t have sex with other pepole, I was having lots of it with myself.

This is when I came up with my Meditate, Masturbate, Create formula.

This is a really crucial part of the equation.

Often,, after a bad relationship or a string of them, people shut down their hearts.

And their genitals.

We open the heart again by finding our own joy and bliss and following that.

We open the genitals again by forging out own self-lover relationship with them.

Self-pleasure, and self love is the way to go.

as I often say, you can still be very well-fucked, even when you are single.

Some of my most well-fucked times in my life have BEEN when I am single.

That’s because I’m treating my sexual relationship with myself as a tangible relationship that needs love, attention and growth.

SO I give it that.

IF you are a woman, use a yoni egg. Self pleasure regularly.

If you are a man, self pleasure regularly.

But follow my breathing instructions.

I have talked about my Meditate Masturbate Create formula.

Check out my Solo Sex Date podcast as well as my Self-Pleasuring 101 video on YouTube for more on how to do it.

Essentially though, you meditate first, then you self-pleasure, using my suggested breathing techniques and then you consciously go and create something.

If you want to attract someone with switched on genitals, you need to switch yours on first.

Then they can act like antennae.

Cock and pussy radar.

They’ll put out and take in signals.

Honing in on the right match for you.

I think this is why I’ve never needed to date.

My genital radar game has always been strong.

I’ve just known.

***

So there you have it. Clean up your life. Play with your genitals.

Attract true, deep love.

Our product of the week is the Heartbreak Healer Crystal Elixir in the Anami Alchemia Crystal Elixir collection. This remedy is made with Dioptase, which is meant to be the ultimate crystal for healing a broken heart. The crystal itself is a gorgeous, multi-faceted emerald green.