Lead Like a Woman
How can you be a modern and feminine woman? Can you be career-driven and still be in your feminine power? A yang in the streets and a yin in the sheets…?
Many women feel like, in order to lead a team, run a company, get things done, get people to respect you, succeed in the business world…you have to put on a suit and “man up.” Put on your armor! Thrust the spear! Never crack. Never let anyone see you crying, smiling, having emotions.
We’re told you need to inhabit major masculine energy.
Is this actually true?
When women spend years operating in this hyper-masculine way, it is exhausting.
They develop health issues. Burn out. Adrenal fatigue. It spills into their personal and sexual life: Dry pussy. Libido plummets. Relationship problems. Something feels “off” in the bedroom.
I’ve worked with so many women who’ve been in this hyper-masculine space.
When they shift back into a more feminine way of living, working, leading, making love… everything changes.
The question is:
How can you be a modern and feminine woman? How can you be career woman but still be feminine in a relationship? Is it possible to be a yang in the streets and a yin in the sheets…?
Or something like that. 🙂
In this week’s podcast, we’ll talk about a new way of running your universe and empire—by occupying your feminine energy.
And how it’s even more powerful than trying to force yourself to be something you are not.
We’ll also look at two major female public figures and compare how each of them presents in the world: one shining in her feminine power and the other operating from an outdated “gotta be a man in a man’s world” perspective, and what it cost her.
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Show notes and highlights:
0:49 Is it possible to become a powerful career woman without embodying the masculine?
Today’s society would have you believe that it’s not, but au contraire, learning how to embrace the feminine could be an untapped resource and key to your success in the modern world.
1:06 I believe in the existence (shocker!) of female and male sexes and all of us have both feminine and masculine archetypal energy within.
While both men and women may identify with the energy opposite of their sex, in this show we will address what happens to women when they take on more masculine qualities because they feel they have to in order to get things done.
2:35 Femininity wasn’t something I always understood.
Growing up surrounded by housewives, that was the only expression of being a woman I was exposed to, so naturally I thought I had to take on masculine qualities if I wanted to do anything of my life.
Through my own self-discovery I came to realize that wasn’t the case at all—only when I came into my feminine side did I blossom.
5:17 How does it affect women to operate from a hyper-masculine level?
One of the major reasons women are attracted to my work is because they have become exhausted from living in their masculine and ignoring their feminine side.
Others don’t even realize that’s how they’ve been operating at all.
Wherever they are on the spectrum, helping them to learn how to own their femininity and experience the riches that come is a major breakthrough and learning that many women have in my salons.
6:01 Femininity should not be confused with being passive or taking whatever comes.
Perhaps one of the biggest misunderstandings about it is that it’s a different form of strength. Going with the flow may be a part of becoming more feminine, but it doesn’t mean you take all that life throws at you lying down.
7:10 Learning how to surrender is not only a spiritual and sexual idea, but the essence of the feminine.
In spiritual circles surrender is talked about as a way to shed false layers to become who you really are, and it’s also vital to have great sex.
Surrender and femininity are both about learning how to let go and go with the flow, and it’s when you learn to do this that you’re able to experience the deeper, life-changing orgasms.
9:19 Here you’ll learn the story of a past salon member of mine who is a successful female lawyer and how her journey into the feminine actually improved her business.
11:55 Political discussions aside, let’s examine the differences between Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama, their approach to the feminine and how it’s affected their lives.
In other words, why do people like Michelle Obama and not Hillary Clinton?
15:18 If you’ve been operating from your masculine, how can you make the shift?
Say all that we’ve talked about resonates and you feel you’d like to tap into your feminine side. For a complete guide you can join me for my Well-F**ked Woman salon, but learn some of the ways I nourish that part of myself.
16:19 The better emotional, spiritual and physical state I’m in, the more successful I become and the less effort it takes, even though I still put in hours of work.
You can’t expect to be able to output so much energy to your work, creative projects, partner or children if you haven’t filled yourself up first. I consider my own self-care to be a major part of my job! I nurture my own feminine self and energy as a way to magnetize things to me in the world, and I don’t have to “work” so hard.
17:20 There’s a reason why I’m so drawn to surfing.
Is there a better expression of femininity than the ocean itself?
When I’ve gone out for a surf I come back so in my flow from riding the waves and not having to think I’m able to come back to my work raring to go.
18:20 If you’d like to learn more about embracing your feminine side so that you can follow your truth and manifest your dream life join me for the next round of The Well-F**ked Woman.
This is my signature eight-week course for women where we delve deep into this subject and I will help you to learn how to inhabit your own femininity as a form of power in your life.
Lead Like a Woman
Before I start this podcast, I’m going to let you know, that I still believe in male and female sexes.
And I believe in masculine and feminine energies as qualities and archetypes that live in all sentient beings.
We have masculine energy and feminine energy in all of us.
Some people may find that they identify more with their opposite and are okay with that.
This podcast is going to address when women have taken on more masculine qualities in their lives, because they feel like that is the way to get things done in the world.
What we’re going to talk about, is what the difference is to use feminine energy as a way to get things done in the world.
And, when women take on masculine energy and end up imbalancing themselves by disowning their feminine energy.
If you followed all that!
I remember when I was 16 and my high school English teacher gave me a reading list that was outside the school curriculum. I was really bored in school and she could see that and she helped me out.
On that list were books as varied as Hunter S. Thompson’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas—I KNOW, RIGHT!—and Betty Friedan’s The Feminine Mystique. The Aquarian Conspiracy was another.
I wish I’d kept the looseleaf piece of paper she’d written these all down on, because it was a pretty amazing list.
I went out and read every one.
One of the books was about women out in the working world and essentially the idea of having to be a man in a man’s world.
I can’t remember the name of the book now.
I absorbed that idea and took it with me.
It kind of reinforced my own beliefs growing up—that feminine energy, and by extension, women—were kind of useless.
I grew up around housewives everywhere.
My mom was a housewife.
Every single one of my aunts on both my mom and dads sides of the families were housewives.
All of our neighbours were housewives.
I was so determined NOT to be one, and to be a career woman.
And this book seemed to echo what I already intuited—being a woman, being feminine was weak.
You needed to be like a man to succeed.
I developed this tough exterior. Confident and assertive.
And then a few years into it, I realized that I was actually more feminine than I really thought, underneath all of that.
I’d prized “thinking” all those years, when really I was more of a “feeling” person.
On the Myers-Briggs, I took the test when I was 16, and I was way over on the Thinking side.
Then I took it again when I was about 19, and I was WAY over on the opposite side of the spectrum on the Feeling side.
Which I took as being my true home.
And I’ve been living from that place, ever since.
Well, it’s been a work in progress to try and shed the idea that I need to “work like a man” to get things done, and learn how to use my feminine energy instead.
So what do I mean by that?
If we define masculine and feminine by archetypes, then feminine energy is my soft, receptive, open, surrendered. IT radiates and magnetizes things to it.
Masculine energy is more about going out into the world to conquer, to get shit done.
It’s driving and ambitious and fierce.
I actually feel pretty grounded in both energies in myself these days. There are times when I activate more of my masculine, but more and more, I try to use my feminine energy to draw things to me.
Many women, like I did, feel like, in order to lead a team, run a company, get things done, get people to respect you, succeed in the business world…you have to put on a suit and “man up.” Put on your armour! Thrust the spear! Never crack. Never let anyone see you crying, smiling, having emotions.
You have to put on major masculine energy.
Is this actually true?
The truth is, that when women spend years operating in this hyper-masculine way, it is exhausting.
They develop health issues.
They experience burn out.
This disowning of the feminine spills into personal lives.
Something feels “off” in the bedroom.
I’ve worked with so many women who’ve been in this hyper masculine space.
And when they shift back into a more feminine way of living, working, leading, making love… everything changes.
So the big question is:
How can you be a modern and feminine woman? How can you be career woman but still be in your feminine power? Is it possible to be a yang in the streets and a yin in the sheets…?
First off, let’s make an important distinction. Being “feminine” does NOT mean being “passive.”
It’s not about “lying back and just taking it.”
It’s about being strong and also soft, opening, receptive, letting yourself be penetrated, letting yourself be filled like a well, letting someone be close to you, inside of you.
Opening up like an infinite lotus blossom, not closing off.
It takes courage to be this vulnerable.
It’s about learning to ouse the power of surrender — which is the essence of the feminine, as a way to let the divine flow through you and use you a a vehicle.
And trust me, you get A LOT more done that way.
My friend Dana just posted an Abraham Hicks quote yesterday on her Instagram that said:
“You are more productive by doing fifteen minutes of visualization that from sixteen hours of hard labor.”
I love that.
That’s the feminine in action.
Feeling into what you want, getting yourself into the most positive frame of mind and high level of energy, and then MAGNETIZING it to you, rather than slogging and killing yourself to MAKE IT HAPPEN.
It’s easy to devalue the power of feminine energy in our culture.
I didn’t even understand it.
Because most of what I saw was passive, subservient house-slaves whose only point of existence was to wash other people’s socks, cook their food and put their own lives on hold.
So. Yeah. I wasn’t a fan.
It took years for me to really define my own version of femininity and to step into that energy.
And then when I was 24, my partner at the time would remark that I was “the most feminine woman he’d ever met”.
What a turnaround!
I had accessed a totally different space within myself.
A more real one, that wasn’t cultivated out of a defence mechanism or fear.
When you have a tough, brittle, guarded exterior, defenses up, armour on, then everything is a slog.
Everything is hard work.
It’s difficult to just sigh and open and relax and allow good things to come to you.
Or in you.
As a woman, it’s hard to experience the best sex of your life if you can’t let your guard down long enough to really, truly let someone inside of you.
I have a couple of well-fucked all star stories to share.
Both of these women are lawyers.
IN a traditionally male-dominated industry, they have learned to activate their feminine energy to be even more successful.
The first woman, we’ll call her Cleo, co-owns a law firm with her husband. For years, she worked hard, and animated a lot of her masculine energy to be “one of the boys”.
After so long doing this, and it being her MO, she was burnt out. She was suffering from adrenal fatigue and she was exhausted.
Then she learned about these concepts of masculine and feminine energy. It took her about a year, but she started to really apply them in her life, relationship and work.
What this looked like is that she took time to nurture herself, to rest, rejuvenate and honor her feminine side. Even her clothing began to reflect a more feminine essence.
The hard, brittle exterior that she’d cultivated over the years was falling away.
She laughed more, seemed genuinely happy and relaxed.
In her intimate relationship, she was able to sink into being the feminine and allow her partner to be the masculine.
This boosted their sexual polarity and chemistry and radically improved their sex and emotional life.
Instead of constantly jostling for position and edging her husband out of the way, she allowed him to take the lead in some things.
This doesn’t mean she was ultra passive.
She just practiced letting go and surrendering control—-trusting that if she took her hands off the reins, someone else could competently handle it.
And then things began to change at work.
Whereas before, she’d often butt heads with the alpha males in the firm, now they had a different reaction to her.
They wanted to serve her.
Rather than her having to out-muscle and out-alpha them, with this new energy of being relaxed and radiant, they came to her and gave her what she wanted.
So I want to be very clear ,that in “animating her feminine” she wasn’t’ paying in “titty currency”.
Meaning, she wasn’t wearing low-cut blouses and shoving her tits in their faces.
She was emanating an entirely different energy and they were reacting to that.
Instead of perceiving it as competition to their own masculine energy, they found it complementary and wanted to work with it.
Here’s a larger cultural comparison for you.
Let’s look at two very accomplished, very powerful women: Hilary Clinton and Michelle Obama.
For the sake of this discussion, I’m not going into my own political beliefs here, just stating the facts / making an observation.)
Throughout her campaign, Hilary struggled to “connect” with voters on an emotional level.
Many articles have been written about Hilary’s “unlikeable” personality.
Her campaign team worked on this, trying to figure out what to do.
Despite her many qualifications, there has always just been something about her that millions of people found “unlikeable.”
Too brusque. Too militant. Don’t trust her.
Don’t like the sound of her voice.
Hilary Clinton operates from a very masculine/yang state.
Power suit. Toughness. Push hard and get it done.
Whereas, Michelle Obama is universally beloved. Even across party lines. During the Obama presidency, according to a Pew Research poll, even 30% of super conversative Republicans admitted that they liked her—not easy to win their support as the First Lady of a Democratic White House.
Her memoir, Becoming, was the #1 bestselling hardcover book of 2018, more sales than ANY BOOK in the world!
She filled stadium arenas on her book tour.
She radiates feminine power.
Strong, assertive, says exactly what she feels.
Rocking a sleeveless dress and heels while giving a moving speech.
Not afraid to be moved, cry onstage when discussing emotional topics.
People often describe her as “inspiring” and “real.”
During Barack’s run for President, his campaign team called Michelle “the closer” because she’s go into a fundraising event, or a rally, and at the end, they’d bring on Michelle.
After hearing her speak, after basking in her presence, then people were 100% ALL IN for the Obamas.
She would win people’s trust and seal the deal.
People loooooove Michelle, they believe her, trust her, they follow her wherever she leads.
She radiates that yin/yang balance, centeredness, and authenticity which is so magnetic.
Because it feels like this is who she really is.
And people feel that truth within her. That this is her.
So I’m not going to get into the merits of each woman and their political or social views or their actions.
I’m simply pointing out two women—in the public eye—who both have very different vibes/very different energies.
It’s interesting to notice how the world has responded to them.
Women like Michelle Obama prove that you can be strong, powerful, inspire people to take action…with a feminine style of leadership.
This generally feels better—for you, and even others around you, because it’s authentic. —and it’s also more effective. You’ll become more successful, wealthy, magnetic, and all the things.
So how can you make this shift? How can you start to inhabit more of your feminine power? How do you radiate those vibes?
This is one of the major elements I explore in the Well Fucked Woman Salon.
How to shed any layers of false ideas of who you are, and inhabit your own truth. IF you’ve taken on masculine energy because you think you have to, I’ll show you how to own and inhabit your feminine energy and use it as a source of manifestation and power in your life.
This impacts everything you do—from your intimate relationship to your career.
This is what I teach in my WFW salon.
The How to be a Well-fucked Woman Salon is coming!
This is my signature 8-week salon for how to live, thrive and orgasm in a female body. Check out the free video series on my site, and look out for registration opening in mid-July.