Conscious Celibacy – TRANSCRIPT
Celibacy can be an amazing tool to further your growth, up level your life and get focused on what you really want.
IF….you use it consciously.
The time in-between relationships is an amazing opportunity to take stock, see where you’ve come to and get clear on where you want to go.
And to be deliberate about CREATING your life and intimate relationship, instead of defaulting to old, unconscious patterns and being the effect, rather than the conscious cause, of your reality.
Most of the behaviours we pick up and act out in our relationships are based on the modelling we receive about what intimacy looks like.
This comes from our parents, the media: television, movies, music and pop culture.
It’s unconsciously internalized and forms our beliefs, actions and habits in how we interact with others.
And this creates our reality.
How often have you heard—or experienced yourself—someone saying “I married someone just like my father! Or mother!”
Where you seem to be unconsciously pulled toward people who mirror the traits of your parents?
It happens to all of us.
This is the product of the unconscious imprinting that we take in and then orient into the world with.
My unconscious speaks to your unconscious.
And the wilder and dysfunctional our upbringing was, the more we get to unpack as adults.
Although most people don’t.
They fumble through life, repeating the same patterns, attracting the same type of person, and and they can’t figure out why.
So let’s figure it out.
Over the years and the breakups, I’ve learned to stop, drop and take stock.
I’ve never been much of a “rebound relationship” person, in that I usually take some time before getting involved with someone knew.
I go inside and think about what happened, and find the moments in relationships that led to them eventually falling apart.
Anais Nin has a great quote about the “tiny cuts” that kill our relationships.
They don’t tend to die in one fell swoop.
It’s the myriad of insults and jabs and slights and hurts that build up and then a straw breaks the camels back and it’s over.
Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.
~ Anais Nin
If we’re really honest about it, we can track back and see.
For example, one of the things I saw was when I told white lies to people.
I didn’t do it much, but when I did, I would immediately see the reverberations in the fabric of the relationship—it revealed everything.
That’s when I realized that there was no such thing as getting away with my little white lie.
That’s why I coined the phrase “the lie of a lie” and am now all about radical honesty.
Because on some level we know. WE all know. And from that, I learned that white lies don’t cut it.
Only total honesty does.
So part of the work we do, is getting honest about all the places where you fucked up.
Not the other person.
Celibacy gets a bad rap because people don’t do it very well.
There are some very obvious examples of this, with priests who are forbidden to have sex with adults, so they have sex with children instead.
Whether this is sanctioned in some institutions, or it happens because they don’t channel their sexual energy, is anyone’s guess.
I would never counsel someone to just “give up sex” without any intention behind it.
Or, without learning how to channel their sexual energy.
That would be “unconscious celibacy”.
Doing it consciously is deciding to contain yourself for a while, to put an invisible “not available” sign on your forehead, and direct your energy inward.
This could be for any number of reasons, such as:
- to recover and heal after a breakup
- to take stock and try and change patterns and behaviours in relationships before starting a new one
- Up-levelling parts of your life before your next relationship, so that you are in a better place to welcome someone into your space and life
After my last major breakup, I realized that I needed to put some time into some parts of my life, so that I’d feel better in bringing new people into them.
And so I did.
I didn’t put a fixed time limit on it, I just knew that meeting someone wasn’t a priority until I reached a certain place in my world and I trusted that I’d know when I got there.
If I met someone in that period, I wouldn’t push them away, but I certainly wasn’t focused on it.
That period lasted 2.5 years.
I was super productive, focused and I accomplished what I wanted to.
And I remember a moment when I thought: “I’m here. This is it.”
And within a week, I met three high-caliber men, all of them long-term relationship material.
And they pretty much dropped into my lap—because my lap is what attracted them, as I like to say!
Meaning, my sexual, creative, orgasmic energy did.
So during that 2.5 year time, I didn’t have sex with other people (ahem, okay save for a couple of make-out sessions, but nothing serious, and no intercourse),
What I did do was go fuck myself.
This was also when I created my legendary Meditate, Masturbate, Create sequence.
Because that’s what I would do.
Especially when I was in the throes of processing my breakup.
I need to cry and release and alchemize.
And the very best tool I know for that is vaginal orgasms—cervical orgasms, in particular.
So I gave them to myself.
I fucked myself through the grief and the regret and the longing for this person.
I moved it.
And I transformed and channeled that energy into creative projects, especially my writing.
I wrote every day, for hours a day.
I came up with new ideas and directions for my business.
I made major decisions and leapt off some massive cliffs to “get rid of”, as Joseph Campbell says, the life I had planned, so as to have the life that was waiting for me.”
When I talk about having had some of my most well-fucked periods when I was single, this was one of them.
And if you know anything about my work, the way I define “well-f**ked” isn’t just about “having lots of sex”.
It’s in having lots of gourmet, conscious, life-changing sex AND channeling your sexual, pro-creative energy out into the world as a manifesting power to birth and shape your reality.
So yes, I was very well-fucked.
So how do we do this?
How do we transform our sexual energy and use the space to uplevel our existence?
1. Don’t cut off your sexual energy, but I recommend not actively going out and “looking for a partner”.
If you come across someone, great, you can figure it out as it happens.
I had some people literally walk through my door, and so, you know, I considered them… but ultimately, they weren’t THE ONES.
And when I was ready, several “THE ONES” promptly came along.
2) I personally didn’t put a fixed time on it, apart from knowing there were things I wanted to accomplish in my life.
And when those things had happened, I could feel that it was time to change that sign on my forehead.
3) Now here’s the more important part: channel your energy.
The Meditate, Masturbate, Create sequence I came up with is the perfect blueprint to use.
This three-step process is exactly as it sounds.
Step 1: Meditate.
If you have medication practice already, you can use that. If not, one of my favourite ways to meditate is by using a mantra.
A mantra is a charged vibrational word that helps to uplift your state of consciousness.
One I use a lot is the word HU.
This is an ancient name for God, spirit, energy, the universe, which is found is cultures all over the world.
Sing this with your eyes closed, while focusing on your third eye, for 5-10 minutes or longer if you wish.
Step 2: Masturbate.
Anyone can jerk themselves off and pass out.
But you, YOU are going engage in CONSCIOUS self-pleasuring.
Instead of a mad dash to the finish line as a way to “put yourself to sleep”, you are going to pleasure yourself and breathe, pleasure yourself and breathe.
By breathing deeply throughput, you are going to take your potent, vital, sexual, creative energy and circulate it throughout your entire body.
This not only regenerates you physically, but it allows you to USE this energy as a pro-creative power source, rather than just ejecting it out into the ethers.
I recommend doing this for at least 15 minutes and anywhere up to 45, or however long you like.
When I say “I don’t do coffee, I do orgasms!”, this is what I’m talking about.
I USE my sexual energy as a conscious pick-me-up.
When you work with your sexual energy in this way, it ultimately doesn’t matter whenever you orgasm or not—because you have HARVESTED this high-quality superfood.
If you choose not to orgasm, you might need to adapt to the feeling of having TONS OF ENERGY after you stop, rather than being sleepy.
Which brings us to:
STEP 3: CREATE.
Now go do something.
Write, paint, garden, work out, clean your house, do paperwork, focus on something you’ve procrastinated on for a while.
DO something with this energy.
And repeat this. Daily. Or several times a week.
THIS is how you consciously use your sexual energy to build and manifest in your life.
Everyone CAN do this.
But most people are so dissociated from their sexual selves that any relationship they have with their sexual energy is typically UNconscious and rife with blockages and mutations.
This process applies to men and women, cocks, clitorises, breasts and vaginas.
Go to the source.
4) Deep inner work.
Besides the, uh, deep inner work I was just talking about, I also suggest you
take this time to upgrade your emotional, psychological and spiritual self too.
This is a great time time to start therapy, or explore different healing modalities.
Try a meditation class or do a weekend workshop.
Let the universe know that you are ready for the next level of growth.
Ask and you shall receive.
And then take action when you get nudges and intuition when things light up for you.
All of these things are helping you to clear out your system, clean house, feng shui your relationship and personal space, and raise your vibration to attract a higher quality partner.
If you build it, they will come.
Here are my suggestions for how to best utilize this time of conscious celibacy for both men and women.
We’ll start with the guys:
1. Meditate, Masturbate, Create (MMC).
The most important sexual skill you can cultivate as a man is stamina. Going the distance.
This is the perfect time for you to work on this and become a master.
Story of that guy in the sauna, when his wife was doing Vaginal Kung Fu.
When you come to the self-pleasuring portion of MMC, practice edging.
This means that you stimulate yourself to CLOSE to orgasm, but not in danger of going over the edge. And you breathe.
And then you ease off a bit. and then you repeat the process.
I describe the technique in detail in:
a) Sexual Mastery for Men in the free preview video series. Includes stamina building and other things to cultivate to be a Supercock in bed and in life.
b) How to Last Longer in Bed video.
I also recommend you listen to my: Orgasm without Ejaculation podcast for epic inspo.
2) Lingam massage. Bring that magic wand to live. Check out my Expert Penis/Lingam Massage video.
3) Cultivate your masculine power and drive. Working out, finding your inner alpha male. Also check out my Alpha vs. Beta Males podcast.
4) Deep inner work and healing. Personal therapy if you feel so called. I also highly recommend our Resurrect Crystal Elixir, which addresses sexual abuse, father issues, circumcision and occupying your cock, masculine power and drive.
Listen to my podcast library and go through my YouTube videos.
I have tons of free content out there.
And when you want to take it to the next level, you can signup for my Sexual Master for Men Salon, which runs each year in Sept/October.
1. Meditate, Masturbate, Create (MMC). Same protocol for women.
You can check out my Self-Pleasuring 101 video on YouTube for more information.
2. Yoni massage. I differentiate yoni massage from self-pleasure. This is more “vaginal reconnaissance”, to heal, activate, awaken. I have to great videos on YouTube for this: Pussy Shiatsu and Yoni Massage for Orgasms and Healing.
3. Jade egg.
Check out my Vaginal Kung Fu Salon and my Yoni Egg Salonette.
4. Focus on your overall evolution. Take my other salons like How to Be a Well-F**ked Woman, and whatever other classes, trainings, workshops you are attracted to, to better yourself.
5. Go deep with some demon hunting and excavating. Highly recommend our Luscious Crystal Elixir. Personal therapy to face your shadow.
This is essentially what I was talking about earlier on in the podcast—trying to find the places where you could show up better in life and relationship.
One example I gave was around the idea of radical honesty and the lie of a lie.
Are there other patterns you’ve seen in yourself over the years and relationships?
Do you people-please? Self-sabotage?
Where are the places you tend to hide in intimacy?
All of this will help you to up level, change your vibration, and create space for the highest level partner to appear, because you are being the highest level version of yourself.
You can find my full salon schedule for the year at under Sexual Savant Salons.
My Coming Together Salon is next up: it starts in April. This is great to learn the skills to take into your next relationship, even if you are single now.
Then you take it again together with your new partner—who loves growth as much as you do!—in the future.
And all of the products I’ve mentioned in this podcast, such as the crystal elixirs, and the jade egg kit can be found in my Anami Alchemia online shop.
All of this really comes down to intention.
We can do things unconsciously or consciously.
We can create our own reality, or we find ourselves the product of someone else’s creation.
Which would you rather????