Kim Anami

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Women’s Biggest Turn On

“The most attractive thing a man can do is exactly what he says he’s going to do.”

I posted an excerpt from an old blog post this week on Instagram. 

It was based on the above quote I found a few years back on someone’s Instagram, with no attribution. 

There were thousands and thousands of likes and comments on it, which were basically thousands and thousands of vaginas opening in unison, getting wet and saying “amen.” 

So let’s talk about this. 

A man is only as good as his word.

The things that turn me on in a partner aren’t his looks or his physique.

A ripply stomach is a bonus, but it isn’t the core of my attraction to someone. 

What fires me up and produces puddles of gushing wetness in me are: 

His integrity. His courage. His boldness. His desire to grow and better himself. His willingness to take a stand for truth.

These are the things that speak to my vagina and give it orgasms. 

Learn more in today’s podcast and find out why this is the biggest turn on for women. 

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Women’s biggest turn-on! How to open a woman’s heart and vagina.

I’m coming to you from Australia today and it’s a beautiful morning. It’s the time of bird symphonies, so there’s some amazing bird sounds going on, like kookaburras in the background. You’ll probably hear them erupt here and there, which I love.

I posted an excerpt from an old blog post this week on Instagram and it’s based on the quote, “The most attractive thing a man can do is exactly what he says he’s going to do.” I found this phrase a few years back on somebody else’s Instagram with no attribution to it and there were thousands and thousands of likes and comments which were basically thousands of vaginas opening in unison, getting wet, and saying, “Amen!”

Let’s talk about this. A man is only as good as his word. The things that turn me on personally in a partner aren’t his looks or his physique. I mean, a ripply stomach is a bonus, but that isn’t the core of my attraction to someone. What really fires me up and produces puddles of gushing wetness in me are a man’s integrity, his courage, his boldness, his desire to grow and better himself, and his willingness to take a stand for truth. These are the things that speak to my vagina and give it orgasms.

What vaginas need to truly open up to their full potential are a strong hand and a strong heart. As men, what you constantly want to be reinforcing to your woman is that you are trustworthy. Every single time you’re honest about your intentions and you back that up with your actions, you build another layer of trust. And her heart and her vagina open another layer.

The key to the vaginal kingdom is cultivating a space where women feel safe and they are able to open up and surrender. All of the deeper vaginal life-changing orgasms are only accessed through a very deep experience of surrender and trust.

Walls are down, barriers are dissolved, fears are let go of, and she dives into the abyss.

All of your actions as a man are either constantly reinforcing that she can trust you or showing her that she cannot. This is all about the follow-through. Each time you make a promise and you keep it and you remember a request and you honor it, you are lubricating her. Every time you take the slightly harder road of being truly honest instead of trying to hide, her labia part just a little bit wider. Every time you stand firm, firm like erection, she sees your strength and she feels how that will feel inside of her. 

I’m serious about this. All of your Maxim finger-banging techniques come in way behind these simple but challenging ideas.

Let’s break this down even further. The first principle here is to tell the truth. I am a straight-shooting, no-bullshit kind of person and I expect the same of others, or maybe it’s better to say that I respect the same in others. I abhor lying. I see it as an act of cowardice. If you don’t have the courage to live and speak your truth, I’m not interested and frankly, I lose all respect for you as a person and I definitely lose my wetness.

We could say lies make my vagina dry. [Laughs] I would much rather hear and know the truth about anything than to be told white lies. I’m a problem-solver. I can deal. But I can’t fix a problem I don’t know about or understand because it’s being hidden behind a wall of lies. 

Truth has always been an orgasm giver for me. I cry when I have deep cervical orgasms and I cry when I hear truth. You know, the kind of tears that spill over, kind of like joyful, heart-opening tears. Well, those are the tears of cervical orgasms, and that’s this kind of internal tuning fork that I’ve always had when I hear deep truth being spoken. It makes me feel good. It turns me on. It makes me feel alive. 

And in my world, there is something about being loyal to the truth that has, embedded within it, its own solutions. It’s like the old spiritual axiom, “The truth will set you free.” It’s in the avoiding of truth that we create more mess and problems. In fact, this is probably the cause of the loss of attraction between most couples: a buildup of lies. White lies, sins of omission, whatever you want to call it, outright lies. It fills up the space with debris and it obscures the connection between people.

And it builds up these walls that take on energetic substance and become impenetrable fortresses around each other. 

People think that they’re losing their libido and losing their erection and losing their arousal, losing their wetness, but that’s not it. You’re actually responding to the fact that there’s so much clutter, debris, and so many barriers within the space that you can’t even really feel into each other anymore. 

Lies kill more relationships than anything else. They choke the life and the vitality out of the connection. They dry up vaginas and they soften cocks and they’re just really fucking boring.

The second principle would be acting on the truth. This is otherwise known as integrity or honesty in action. The great follow-through. The more you prove your trustworthiness by your consistent follow-through, the more she opens to you. She lubricates more easily, she orgasms more easily; all of these things are related. 

Like I said, if you think that there is no relationship between the integrity or lack thereof that you display in your day-to-day life, and in your interaction with your woman and the state of her lubrication, the state of her orgasms, then you’re very mistaken. She opens her heart and she opens her vagina because you are worthy of being inside of her and you demonstrate your worthiness all of the time.

Think of this as essential foreplay. Being a man of your word. If you don’t follow through on your word, she will incrementally withdraw her trust with every single slight or lack of commitment, and this applies to little words and big words. If you said that you were going to take out the garbage, then do it! [Laughs] If you said that you were going to pick up something on your way home, do it. If you said that you were going to plan your holiday together, then do it. If you said that you were going to work on building stamina so that you won’t ejaculate in five minutes, do it. 

When you don’t do it, not only will she sexually dry up and emotionally dry up, but you will feel her wrath and she will begin to undermine you in every way possible. She will make little jabs and comments here and there. She’ll belittle you in front of your friends. She’ll be sarcastic, insulting, demeaning. She won’t even necessarily be conscious of doing it. These things will just erupt out of her symptoms of her being under-fucked and resentful and not trusting you.

She’ll become this cliché of the nagging wife. This isn’t just some kind of feminine or relationship inevitability; it is born out of a man not doing the things that he says he’s going to do. She begins to question you and she thinks she has to check up on you because she can’t trust that you’re actually going to get shit done on your own.

And this is the same kind of energy of the under-fucked woman, because fucking her isn’t just about penetrating her with your cock. It’s about penetrating her with your being. If your being is full of half-truths and half commitments, then you can’t even get it up, so to speak. You aren’t fucking life properly and you probably aren’t fucking her properly. So, she’s going to be under-fucked on all levels. Under-penetrated, underwhelmed, all of which equals a dry vagina.

This is not a position that any woman likes to be in and it’s not a position that any man wants to be in.

The position you want to be in is him on top of you or you on top of him or my favorite, both of you on your knees. 

All of this gets resolved by a man showing up, being honest, communicating clearly, and then following through with what he says, with his actions.

Just like the mantra says, doing exactly what he says he’s going to do. We love that shit! Our vaginas love that shit! 

All of this follow-through and honesty and integrity mean one thing to vaginas and hearts: They can open themselves to you. A woman opens her heart and vagina and she can sense that if you have this integrity in your overall being, you will honor that opening. Then that is the impetus, the kind of inner proof that she needs to recognize, “Okay, it’s safe for me to go there. I can fully open myself. I can go to these deep, wildly cataclysmic places in my heart, in my vagina. I can be completely vulnerable. I can let down all of my walls and my guard and surrender because I know that if I fall, you will catch me.” That is the essential question for hearts and vaginas.

All of the testing that women do—which is true, this isn’t just some theory; women test men all the time—is because they’re wanting the answer to that essential question: If I fall, will you catch me? If I push at you, do you stand firm, or do you just fall over? Are you flimsy or are you erect? This is the essential question. This is what we need to know. 

If you want to bring out the best in your feminine partner, if you want her to truly surrender and open herself to you, honor your word and back it up with your actions. And in doing so, you’ll be honoring her, and her heart and her vagina will open and open and open.

Thank you so much for listening. If you haven’t already, subscribe and also leave a review and send someone else the gift of a healthy libido and an off-the-charts love life by sharing this episode with them. We’ll be back next week and, in the meantime, many happy orgasms.