TRANSCRIPT – G Marks The Spot!:
The most elusive orgasms in the female world are all located in the vagina.
These are so elusive, that many people try to deny their existence.
Indeed, many MALE researchers, in an effort to justify their own poor sexual technique and perpetually underfucked wives, actually set out to try and PROVE that vaginal orgasms do not exist.
But all they are revealing to us in the process, is that their partners are profoundly underfucked.
Who does that?
Who tries to prove that women don’t have orgasms?
In western allopathic and typical sex therapist circles, they believe that there is only one orgasm:
The clitoral.
Again, if anyone tells you that, all they are truly revealing to you is how sexually inexperienced they are.
Because once you’ve had the deeper vaginal orgasms—and by these, I mean G-Spot, squirting and cervical—you’ll never look back.
I often liken the experience of clitoral orgasms to eating a piece of candy. There’s a quick sugar rush, a hit, and then it’s over.
This is usually followed by a decline in pleasure.
It’s like striking a match and it quickly burns out.
But !!!
The deeper vaginal orgasms are like a raging bonfire that keeps surging and pulsing and can go on for hours.
They are much more profound, whole-body, whole being, cataclysmic experiences.
To be honest, if women had only ever had clitoral orgasms before, I can see how they might be kind of “meh” when it came to sex.
Meh. Can take it or leave it!
OR they think they have a low libido, or aren’t really that into sex, because, honestly, in comparison, clitoral orgasms are pretty superficial.
All the good stuff is in the vagina.
The tip of the iceberg.
The clitoris is literally the tip of the iceberg when it comes to female pleasure.
10% of a woman’s true orgasmic potential is located in the external bulb that most people know as the clitoris.
90% of what a women can experience goes way deeper—far inside the depths and Pandora’s Box of the vagina.
I did another great podcast earlier this year where we went deep into the cervix. It was called: “5 Steps to Cervical Orgasms.”
Today we’re talking about the G-Spot and female ejaculation.
Here are EIGHT things to know about G-Spot orgasms and squirting.
1. All women can.
I guarantee it.
ALL women can have G-Spot orgasms and ALL women can ejaculate, or in the vernacular: to squirt.
These aren’t experiences reserved only for “some special women can.”
Some people, armed with the Anami Guarantee, will go to bed and have their first G-Spot orgasm tonight.
Just because they’d previously bought into the misinformation that only some people can.
Nope.
And, others take longer. We’ll talk about why in a moment.
2) They are full-body, ecstatic experiences.
All of the internal, vaginal orgasms change your life.
This is what we, as women, have available to us, with every single sexual encounter:
A complete rebirthing of the self.
I speak often about this self-actualizing power of sex.
In women, this is found in the vagina.
Not outside of it.
The G-Spot orgasm is brought on when a woman fully, truly, completely lets go and surrenders.
She release her fears, her insecurities, but most importantly, her defences.
She lets down her guard and allows herself for be fully PENETRATED.
To open up and absorb the essence of her partner.
This is bliss.
Waves of pleasure radiate from the vagina, throughout the whole body as a full-body orgasm.
And, even more importantly than that, is the emotional experiences that comes with it.
Deep, therapeutic, cathartic release.
Women describe:
“Seeing God”.
“An out of body experience.”
“For the first time ever, only after hearing you say it was possible, I had a vaginal orgasm and came so hard I screamed and was completely soaked after. Clitoral orgasms are just a cute little warmup in comparison”.
More on this shortly, as we’ll interview one of our Well-F**ked All Stars and she’ll tell us all about her G-Spot orgasms.
3) Squirting happens here.
Squirting, and G-Spot orgasms are two different experiences, though they hail from the same region of the G-Zone.
This spongy mass of tissue lives about 1-2 inches in on the anterior side of the vagina.
Squirting can happen at the same time as G-Spot orgasms. OR, you can squirt without an orgasm, and you can also orgasm without squirting,.
I’ll do another episode in the future devoted solely to squirting, but I’ll touch on it briefly here to say that all the different female orgasms: clitoral, G-Spot and cervical are associated with some kind of fluid release.
The female ejaculation phenomenon that most people think of: which is a stream of fluid that can literally hit the wall or ceiling, and as powerfully as urine, comes from G-Zone stimulation.
Oh, and squirting is also real. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Every few years they another underfucked researcher comes out with a declarative statement like “IT”S JUST PEE!!!”
But it isn’t.
Anyone whose had it will tell you otherwise.
Much of the liquid comes out through the vaginal walls.
Plus, they’ve tested it and it not urine. IT actually contains PSA – prostate specific antigen, which is also found in the male equivalent of the G-Spot – the prostate gland.
And, in cultures ALL over the world, you can find anthropological and current accounts of this phenomenon of female squirting.
In the 1600s, the Western scientist de Graaf found it.
In Tantra and ancient Indian writings, it’s referred to in Sanskrit as AMRITA, the nectar of women’s juices that are thought to be SUPER potent.
And a powerful gift that a woman would bestow upon her lover, if they were but fortunate enough.
Both G-Spot orgasms and squirting involve a deep, cleansing — think of all that water flowing— emotional release.
4) They are emotionally profound and cathartic.
Some women cry. And scream. Or laugh hysterically.
These orgasms are extremely cleansing, helping you to release blockages you didn’t even know you had!
The Pandora’s Box of the vagina opens, and anything you no longer need, that no longer serves you, comes to the surface to be cleared.
This is why I say these orgasms are essential good fuck therapy for women.
You can work through a a lot of your shit, via your vagina.
From a therapeutic user:
“The first time I had one, after years of not trusting my body, I cried in the fetal position for 30 minutes. I purged out so much trauma. I breathed in trust and love. And now I come every day. It’s part of my spiritual practice.”
5) They might make you might argue more.
It’s true. The one major issue wth G-Spot and squirting orgasms is that they can sometimes lead to more arguments:
Over who has to get up and change the sheets.
I’m being playful, but serious.
Says a 45 year old NEWLY christened squirter:
“I have for the first time, at age 45, experienced vaginal orgasms and I am over the moon! Never turning back. I have multiple, where I lose count and leave my husband to sleep in a pool of sweet pussy nectar.”
Sigh. All the trials and tribulations! The price you pay for amazing sex—deciding, in your post-fucked bliss, on who is going to do the washing.
6) The keys to the queendom: trust and emotional openness.
These deeper orgasms require much more than just physical technique to make them come.
This is why they typically don’t show up in labs or studies or other clinical and sterile places.
Like relationships with lots of stuck energy!
A woman needs to be physically AND emotionally/energetically connected, both to herself and to her partner.
If you build it, they will come.
Or rather, if you dismantle and deconstruct it, if you remove the barriers and blocks:
They will come.
The main reason women do NOT experience the internal orgasms, is because they didn’t go deep enough.
I don’t mean physically deep.
I mean emotionally deep.
I mean full throttle, cracked open, vulnerable, heart obliterated, walls and defences down, deep.
THAT’S why most women don’t get there:
1) They don’t know the way.
and
2) They haven’t done much—or any—of this essential “INNER WORK”.
This is the clearing space and block removal that I speak of so often.
IT has to happen to make it into these deeper places, the deepest recesses of the vagina, and of who a woman really is.
7) Multiples are common.
You can have many in a row. 10? 15? 20?
Totally doable.
One of the golden rules of female orgasms is:
The more the merrier.
AKA, one is not enough.
One paltry orgasm, especially if it’s clitoral, ,is not going to leave a woman feeling well-fucked.
She’ll likely be restless and irritable.
Because the depths of her really haven’t been touched.
And believe you me, we want it deep.
8) Go with the flow,
Being in the flow. In life, in your feminine energy.
As a holistic sex coach, I look at the body, and our sexual expression, as a metaphor for how we live.
If you are juicy and flowing in bed, you are juicy and flowing in life.
If you are dry in bed, I would say that there are areas in your life where your “flow” has also dried up.
You might feel exhausted, or like you are pushing a boulder uphill to get things done.
Women in their natural state of voraciousness—which truly is the natural state of every woman—are juicy, succulent and wet, wet, wet.
They flow.
They gush.
She lubricates and swells just by hearing her lover’s voice. Even thought of him (or her) will cause a rush of blood to her vagina.
Without even being touched.
Women will squirt left, right and centre during G-Spot stimulation, flooding the bed sheets.
And in life?
They flow.
They navigate life with an ease and surrender that allows them to hear and follow their intuitive guidance.
They “go with the flow.”
That essence of flowing is the very nature of the feminine.
If you are feeling emotionally dry and disconnected in your life, or when there is no “juice” between your and your partners, there will be no “juice” in the vagina.
No lubrication, no ejaculation and no orgasms.
Unresolved issues, un-communicated feelings, emotional backlog will all contribute to this.
You need to open the emotional floodgates for the physical ones to follow.
******
The reason I speak so confidently about EVERY woman’s ability to orgasm and ejaculate on demand—regardless of their age of physical condition—is because I have seen these transformations over and over again in my work.
Women come to me and cite whatever reason they have been given as why they aren’t wet.
I give them a few tools, and they are off to the races.
Or, rather, the waterfalls.
On that note, let’s meet this week’s Well-F**ked All Star: Rolisa.
Rolisa has taken both WFW and Vaginal Kung Fu, and she started with the WFW salon.
She has an amazing story to tell.
She went from only ever having had a clitoral orgasm, to having her first G-Spot and squirting experience within a week, in the salon.
Here she is.
KIM: Welcome, Rolisa, thank you for being with us today!
ROLISA: Hi, Kim. Thanks so much for having me. I’m so excited to be here.
KIM: Let’s talk about your journey to becoming a Well-F**ked Woman and all of your attendant orgasms along the way.
Where would you like to start? I know you have so much to share and so many amazing experiences that I think can be a real beacon for people on this journey.
ROLISA: I think an important place to start would be what led me to take your course. At the time, I was in a relationship with an incredibly wonderful man, and we had two children, but I sort of felt sexually suppressed. I felt a little bit as though I was wilting away. Something was missing in my life, and I guess when you get into a long-term relationship, that aspect sort of dwindles a bit. That’s a belief for most people, that it sort of slows down, and you can’t have this amazing, passionate sex, and it seems not really that important in a long-term relationship. That was, for me, the driving factor.
I felt I was sort of dying inside because I wasn’t experiencing the sexual connection that I wanted.
That was the first thing that led me to take your Well-F**ked Woman course. At the time, I was tight for money because I wasn’t working. But I just knew in my heart. I just kept being drawn to everything with your post, with everything that you do, and I decided I had to take this course.
I took the course, and I didn’t even know what to expect. I just knew that I needed to be awake. I was in my 34th year, so I was 33-and-a-bit, and I kept hearing that’s such a significant year for me because it’s also my life path in numerology. I kept hearing that a woman sort of awakens around the thirty-third year. I don’t know where I heard that from, but I felt something sort of igniting in me, and I decided there had to be more to this. I couldn’t go through my life with this wonderful man. We’re a great partnership, but I sort of felt we were brother and sister. I didn’t feel we were together and making love, and I just felt lost.
When I took the course, it enlightened me to so much that I was right in everything that I felt. I didn’t have to be in a relationship and not experiencing sex the way that I wanted to. When you’re not getting it, it feels 80% of the relationship. But when you are getting it, it’s only 20% of it. There’s so much more to it. I felt so suppressed.
When I was four, I was abused for a couple of years by my close friend at the time. I was introduced to stuff sexually at a very young age, and I remember being five years old and being with my cousins and trying to do stuff with them and my aunt telling me, “What are you doing?” I didn’t understand, and nobody really knew what was going on, I guess. I didn’t know how to articulate it, a four- or five-year-old child saying that something had happened, and no one saw the signs.
I was sexualized at a young age, and I also felt a lot of shame around sex. With the abuse and what happened, I felt disgusting, and there was a lot of blame around that, especially when you see the person constantly.
Then I think it was when I was seven or eight, I remember I was away in the US, staying with my godmother, and she must have heard me masturbating. She came in, and I’ll never forget. She shouted at me, and she told me I was disgusting, and I should never do that.
I don’t have very many memories of her. She moved away, and then she died when I was young. But I have that vividly stuck in my mind, and it stuck with me to the point where whenever I used to self-pleasure, it would be hiding under the covers. I had to be very quiet. I couldn’t show that to somebody. I couldn’t open up.
And then again at eight, I was abused, and then again at 14, I was abused by someone very, very, very close to me.
I have a lot of trauma sexually, and I suffered from really horrible period pains. Also, I remember distinctly, I was dating a guy when I was 18, 19, 20. There were times when we would have sex, and I would be keeled over in the most incredible pain. I would blackout from the pain, on the floor in a fetal position. I didn’t know where this was coming from or why it happened only with him and not other people. I just knew I was going through a lot in my head, going to see doctors about why this was happening to me, and they couldn’t explain it. I knew that I had a lot of sexual trauma. The body stored trauma that I didn’t deal with.
I knew that I had all of that, and I was 33. I was in this relationship with this amazing guy, and I love him to pieces still to this today. We’re no longer together, but I knew that something wasn’t right when it came to the sexual aspect. I knew that it was a part of me. I knew I was a sensual, sexy, beautiful being. I felt I wasn’t stepping into that. I wasn’t shining the way that I should.
I took your course and had no clue what I was in for.
That’s really what drew me to taking your course—all the stuff that happened and wanting to find myself and to have the validation that it was okay to want to have and be with someone. Because I spent five years being with him, questioning myself, is sex that important? I remember asking so many different people, when you’re in a relationship, how important is sex? Because I wasn’t getting any, so it felt tremendous to me. I was getting it, but I felt that something was missing.
I would have all sorts of answers. Of course, people said, “It doesn’t matter,” “It does matter.” But something inside of me was yearning. It was my soul. My intuition was pointing, saying, “You need to tap into this. You need to heal this. You need to do something about this.” That led me to your course.
KIM: That’s amazing. I really want to acknowledge the fact that all of these things that happened to you, but somehow, still, within that, there was this voice for you that was saying, “This can be different, or this can be better.” What I hear so often when people have some kind of history of abuse or violation is that it shows up in the body. It typically, for women, shows up as painful sex or what we call “vagina on lockdown.” Or at the very least, a low libido, where the body, the spirit, the vagina, say, “Hey, we need some healing before you can come in here.”
But most people just try to override those signals or go to a doctor, and the doctors never have any idea or ever make these kinds of connections around past history or emotionally linked stuff, this lingering residue in the body. The issue is in our tissues, as Wim Hof likes to say. That’s why I’m really impressed that you were able to somehow hang onto this compass within yourself and move forward.
I think we all have this innate knowledge that our sexuality is something very different from the pictures painted in culture and even than some of our experiences. For some people, that’s buried so far that they can’t ever hear that voice, or they don’t know what they don’t know. Then they see a glimmer of something, perhaps, say, in my work, where I’m saying, “No, no, no. What we’ve been shown is 100% wrong, for the most part, and there’s so much more here.” Then something will light up in them to say, “Yes! I thought so!” Before they heard that, there was just no framework to really articulate it.
ROLISA: Absolutely. You hit the nail on the head. That’s exactly what it was. Something inside. Everything that you talk about, that you teach, that you coach, just resonated so deeply with me.
I wasn’t working at the time. I had two young children, and I just made the investment with a little bit of extra money that was given to me, and it was the best thing that I ever did. Honestly, amazing.
KIM: That’s so wonderful to hear! Tell us more about your evolution, or your experience within the course, and your awakening. Because the way that I describe orgasms is, if you build them, they will come. If you clear your blocks, they will come.
When people are especially aspiring towards these deeper vaginal orgasms, they are barometers, letting us know that if we’re open, if we’ve cleared an amount of blockage or trauma or residue, then they come, they flow. But when they’re not happening, it’s because there are things that still need to be addressed. I’d love to hear your journey with that.
ROLISA: Absolutely. As I expressed before, when my godmother’s friend came in and told me that I was disgusting for self-pleasuring, I was very young. At that moment, I know I made a belief that it was something disgusting. I had to hide. I couldn’t self-pleasure, or it had to be done a certain way, quickly, and it had to be over with. That was the belief that was given to me at the time, and it stayed that way, even through sexual relationships that I had later.
When I started your course, there was a challenge to start self-pleasuring. Particularly, I remember you saying to do something, to work on an orgasm that you had never experienced before that was unfamiliar to you.
Because I do so much mindset work, I thought, I have to do this, because you can make anything that’s familiar unfamiliar and anything that’s unfamiliar, you can make it familiar. I knew that it was just about the repetition and doing it and getting started. I really had to work on my beliefs and tell myself over and over again that I wasn’t that little girl anymore. I wasn’t going to have someone walk in my house and say, “You’re disgusting for self-pleasuring.”
I knew that wasn’t going to happen anymore, but we hold onto these things. We’re still running off these old programs.
KIM: Right. And they’re wired into us.
ROLISA: Yes. And so, I was rewiring, recoding, reprogramming myself through your course, through your work, and I started to touch into the G-spot self-pleasuring. I could get to the cervical, but I wanted to start with that one first. Because I had sort of disassociated from her. She is just a gem, a beautiful goddess in her own self.
KIM: Your vagina?
ROLISA: Yes.
KIM: Yes, the goddess of your vagina.
ROLISA: Absolutely. Yes, she is her own entity. But before, I was so disassociated from her. I wanted to start with the G-spot because I wanted to know if I could squirt. It’s amazing to hear that people do this, and you said that everyone can.
KIM: Yep!
ROLISA: That was what I started to do. I started to work with myself, and I started to tell myself that it was okay to lie on my back and open my own legs and start to self-pleasure myself in a very unfamiliar way for me. It really went against the program that I had about how I was supposed to self-pleasure.
That was my evolution, just being able to connect with her, to touch her, to look at her, to be able to see her as something beautiful and to really know that it was okay to do something different and to let all of that guilt and shame around what had happened when I was that seven- or eight-year-old, when my godmother walked in on me.
It didn’t take very long. Maybe five or six days. I remember you talking about another couple and how you were helping them and it took a little while. The first time I did it, it was 15-20 minutes, and I was taking my time. I was breathing, and I had some beautiful music on. I was just doing it. And within five or six days, maybe less than a week, it happened. I squirted, and I remember thinking, Kim was right! You need sheets and towels, and next time, I am going in the shower.
Sure as hell, I went in the shower. Luckily, I had a huge jacuzzi tub, so I was able to sit on the back and do it, but it was amazing. Once I did it, I knew that I could do it. Before that, I was pushing against the unfamiliarity of it all. It just was so different, and of course, there’s pushback from what’s normal and in your comfort zone.
I pushed through that using repetition, being kind, breathing, visualizing it in my head—I remember thinking about how people talked about it. I didn’t know what to expect or what was going to happen. It wasn’t a squirt across the room or something, but it was definitely, “Oh wow!” From that moment on, it was easy for me to do, and it felt so liberating. It felt so good. “I can do something different than before. I can open up.” It was just amazing.
That’s a little bit of my journey from being that person who was closed down at such a young age and hiding it and feeling ashamed. Even talking with friends, I always knew that I had this sensuality about me when I was in my teens and my twenties. But I sort of felt that shame still there.
Then after I started to take this course, I was very open about it all. I even did a course on orgasms with the company that I was working for. So many women showed up, and it was amazing to be able to share with them what I had experienced.
Really, the evolution was incredible, the transformation. Now it’s even taken a next step where I’ve experienced having cervical orgasms.
KIM: That’s wonderful. When you talked about coming into the course, you hadn’t had a G-spot orgasm or squirted before?
ROLISA: No.
KIM: How did it feel when you had your first G-spot orgasm? What were the sensations? How would you describe what they were like for you?
ROLISA: In the beginning, I knew that I was numb there. I knew the general area, based on the anatomy that you showed us, and sort of feeling the area, but I couldn’t feel the sensation in the first couple of days. I remember thinking, Just stick with it, Rolisa, you can do it. Just sort of being my own cheerleader to just do it. It would have been so easy to just give up. To say, “It’s not going to work for me, and I’m probably not one of those women that can.” You know?
KIM: Right.
ROLISA: The things that society makes you believe. In maybe two or three days, I started to feel more there. I likened it to fireworks going off in my vagina as I started to feel more inside of her. As I said in the beginning, I could tell I didn’t have any sensation.
Then I would start to build and could feel where the orgasms I was having before, which were clitoral ones, were basically a pulsing inside of me, where this was more of a push out of me. I could feel that building up. In the past, I had sort of felt that building, but I was so terrified that I was going to pee.
KIM: Right.
ROLISA: Because you’re not educated on what it is, right?
KIM: Yeah.
ROLISA: But now I knew this was fine, and I knew exactly what it was. I could feel that building up, and I could feel that desire to sort of push it out. It was more a push out, or I don’t know what the right word is.
KIM: Bearing down, maybe.
ROLISA: Yes. It just came, and it was an incredible feeling. From feeling numb to feeling … “Oh wow, I can feel this, this building, and it’s safe, and I know exactly what this is. This is not peeing, this is something,” and letting myself get there. It was amazing.
KIM: For most people, the deeper vaginal orgasms, G-spot, ejaculation from the G-spot, and cervical are accompanied by a lot of emotional release. That can range in people from crying to laughter. Sometimes even things like anger and a roller-coaster of hysterical emotion. How is it for you? What did you notice about your emotional state?
ROLISA: I noticed with my G-spot orgasms that I had more laughter and more happy feelings. But I noticed with my cervical orgasms, that was the ones that I experienced the crying. That was the ones where I felt sort of overwhelmed, a rush of emotion going through my body. I felt overwhelmed and wanted to cry. I felt more of a sad release, where the G-spot ones, I felt more happy. I felt more of a happy release, for lack of a better word.
KIM: Right. What about the feelings in your vagina? You’ve talked about coming from a place of numbness and then feeling fireworks. For me, it’s often very emotional, this full-bodied pleasure that radiates out from the pelvis.
ROLISA: Absolutely. That’s exactly how I thought I could feel it. It would come up through my pelvis. I could feel it even in my lips, tingling. I could feel it down in my fingertips, tingling, and into my toes. I felt the tingling through my whole body, especially my cervical orgasms. Going right up through my lips, right up into my eyes and into my head. It’s incredible.
KIM: One of the things I talk about is the power of when a woman truly does become sexually masterful, as in well-fucked, meaning she’s inhabiting her sexual energy. I say that people can be well-fucked whether they are solo or in a relationship. It’s all about how much you inhabit your sexual energy. That’s the definition of being well-fucked.
And I talk about the things that then happen in our outer lives, so we often become more confident. We become more creative. We become more in alignment with our true gifts in the world.
What did you notice as you began to occupy more of this energy and place in yourself? What happened in your outer life?
ROLISA: Oh boy! [Laughs] I can definitely say, just touching on other elements or different parts of the Well-F**ked Woman Salon, that I started to step into my own sexuality. I was never the type of person that would’ve initiated. Before that, I never initiated sex very much, and that was probably due in part to my programming.
I hope that maybe someone who’s experienced abuse the way that I did can relate to this. It’s so shitty, but the programming that I had was I felt more turned on when I felt a man was sort of taking it from me because it was taken from me before. That was a complete 180 for me.
I went to this beautiful store in Bermuda called Urban Cottage—you have to check it out, Kim, it’s phenomenal. I got a dress, and it’s my absolute favorite dress in the world. It’s beautiful, beigey, sort of nude, flirty, floaty, with red flowers on it. It was the sexiest dress. It flowed, and I never showed my legs at a young age. I was so shut down from all the abuse and the unworthiness and the shame that you take on from what you experience with abuse that I never liked to show my body. I think I had this false bravado. I looked beautiful, and I was always very fit, and I was always very sexy, but I never felt it.
It wasn’t until after I took the Well-F**ked Woman, and I started to embody more of that feminine, that divineness within me, that I started to feel “Oh wow.” I still have that dress. I bought lingerie, and I started to inhabit more of me taking control where before I wouldn’t do that. Some of the stuff that you teach with giving blow jobs, I totally related to that because I started to experience that in the relationship I was in at the time. I just remember him saying, “Oh my God, I have never had a woman be …” I can’t remember which week in the salon, you talk about being this woman that they’ll never forget. I know that I did that to this guy, and he is so funny about sex and the blow jobs that I gave him. I just felt so sensual and sexy.
Before I went into the course, there was something inside me that was telling me there was more. It was okay to like sex, and what I experienced at a young age was not what it was meant to be. That should’ve never been done to me, of course, and I didn’t have to stay in that old programming. I could reprogram myself, rewire, to embody the woman that I wanted to be.
That’s exactly what this course allowed me to do. I couldn’t even show my legs before, and now, I step out in little flirty dresses. I just went on a sexy, hot date two weeks ago in a short red dress with no underwear on. I would’ve never done that before.
KIM: [Laughs]
ROLISA: Yeah, exactly! And you can just see eyes on me. I know not to say that it’s about the attention, but it’s about the way that people engage with you differently. They look at you differently. I could feel that. I almost felt this light inside of me started to really shine brighter. People were being drawn to me.
Even the women that I serve with my own business—I started to notice that I was getting more women coming to me. We would touch on one element, and then they would say some other stuff, and I was able to help them to also step into that and embody that woman.
I noticed immense changes. One thing I remember particularly is how you say to have a relationship with the guy that you’re with but also to have a relationship with his cock. I totally took that on. I thought, How have I been missing this my whole life? Just mind-blowing. Just feeling well-fucked and fucking well. Just amazing.
I started to look back on other relationships that I have been in, and I started to notice how my vagina was trying to warn me about situations. I know this is going to sound very weird—not weird to you, but maybe to someone else—but I remember particularly one guy that I started to date, and I didn’t know that he was still seeing his ex. He told me that things were over, but he was still with her. I remember getting the worst yeast infection I had ever had in my life. I thought, holy crap! How did this happen? I was eating well, exercising. I was so right everywhere. It was so bad that I had to go to the doctor, and I’ve never experienced anything that bad.
And it was my body trying to tell me to get away from this guy. Since then, when I feel a certain way, and I’m not listening to it, she will tell me. I’m currently in a relationship with someone, and if I’m irritated with them emotionally, if my heart is sort of hurt by something, I notice it down there. In a day or two, she is totally aggravated. She says, “I’m not having it.” It’s amazing. She’s such a barometer now, and you talk about her being a compass. This is why I said earlier, she is her own goddess. She’s her own person. I finally love her the way that every woman should, and I look at her, and it’s amazing.
KIM: I love all of that!
ROLISA: Have you ever experienced anything like that before? [Laughs]
KIM: Yes. I think that the vagina is the barometer. So many of the things that women experience regularly—BV infections and yeast infections or a lack of lubrication—they just think are some random thing, and that there’s no relationship to their past history of unresolved issues or their current situation in a relationship. They don’t think there’s any connection, and of course, neither does the medical profession, but there always is.
I love that you have such an in-tune relationship that you can hear those signals, and I believe that’s exactly how our bodies are meant to function. That’s the massive missing piece in allopathic medicine. Instead of looking to the body for its messages and listening to them, we ignore and override and deny and then suppress with medication, and so there’s never any actual healing resolution.
Where in you, in your situation, to acknowledge that your vagina was giving you the goods, giving you the messages of the truth in that situation, that’s really amazing. That’s the level of connection. To go from your history of abuse and massive disassociation and numbness to receiving these messages from your godmother that reinforced this stuff. Then for you to come out of that and develop this legitimately tangible relationship with your body, with your vagina … the way that you describe her is so beautiful and poetic; it’s wonderful to hear. She’s there in service to you, and you’re in service to her, and you respect each other and listen to each other. That’s a kind of relationship that is very much not the norm, especially in allopathic circles.
I love, love, love hearing that. People will suddenly get a yeast infection when they’re supposed to have sex with their partner, where they have a lot of unresolved issues in the space, and I hear that all the time.
I really loved hearing about how people react to you because you said something earlier about this bravado of sexiness or attractiveness. I see this a lot with women, putting on a certain kind of energy that doesn’t really look like it’s coming from within. They’re putting on sexy clothes and the energy of sexiness, but they’re actually not really embodying sexiness. It’s almost like that energy is anti-sexiness. It’s this false sexiness that isn’t even from the inside.
When you’re really owning that, you’re radiating that, people pick up on it. This is what I talk about—the quality of being well-fucked, it shows itself in the world. You act as a beacon of light and radiance, and people are attracted to that. You’re not trying to be attractive. You’re not trying to pick people up. You’re just being yourself, and what you’re not doing is suppressing what’s naturally there.
I think so many women grow up with negative sexual attention, and one of the first things that we learn to do is invert that. Instead of getting this attention, from a young and sensitive age, we start to cover up. We hunch our shoulders, we don’t want to show off our breasts because suddenly we’re getting this weird attention. And we do that in general with our sexuality because we’re taught that if we’re overtly healthy, sexual women, we’re going to be attacked. And if we get attacked, it’s our fault.
There’s so much messaging. Even the whole Madonna/whore archetype shuts down women’s sexuality. And to truly break through all of that and own it, you become this Pied Piper of sexual beauty [laughs] to lead people and to show them what’s possible.
Then people react to you. I think people are fascinated because it’s such a rare thing to see someone who is really owning and inhabiting her sexuality in a healthy, self-loving, and honoring way. It really does get people’s attention because it’s so unusual to see.
ROLISA: It does. It’s sort of enchanting. I had a man come to me and say, “You’re such an enigma. I feel so enchanted by you.” I was just out having a drink with a friend, and he just came over. Wow. It’s incredible how people react to you when you have that glow, and it’s radiating out every pore.
But it’s true to who you are. You’re being authentic. You feel it at such a deep level. That’s another thing that a lot of this work did for me, too. Before I used to be so self-conscious. I used to hide my legs and hide my body. Even though I would have people come to me and say, “You should model. You are so gorgeous, you’re so fit,” the image was so skewed.
After I started doing this, I could look at myself in the mirror and feel sexy. I could own it. I loved my body, and I could touch it. Now I dance to love songs by myself, and I touch my body and have this sensual dance. I just feel amazing. You just feel so good about yourself, and you don’t worry about what other people think anymore. Just the other day, someone came to me and said, “Do you like your stomach like that?” I asked, “What are you talking about, my stomach? What?” I happened to be sitting down and had just eaten a plate of food. I was sort of plump, and they tapped my belly.
KIM: What?
ROLISA: The old Rolisa would’ve taken that and thought, Oh my God, I have to go exercise. I’m not good enough, I’m not skinny enough, and it would’ve been this whole not-enough-ness. I said, “Of course I’m going to look like this. I just ate a big plate of food, and I’m sitting down. Anyone is going to have a belly.” They sort of were taken aback because I think they expected the old Rolisa.
I owned it. “You cannot make me hate my body. You cannot make me feel in any way negative towards it. I spent so many years feeling that way, and I will never, ever be there again. I’m going to just love it up until the day I die.”
KIM: That’s fantastic, and I think that’s another quality of being well-fucked, this imperviousness. You develop this shield around you that people’s stuff just kind of pings off. It’s so weird, that person saying something like that, and that energy of almost wanting to hurt. Then, boom, it boomerangs back off you [laughs] to say, “Whatever!”
ROLISA: Exactly.
KIM: Because your self-love and your truth come from within, and that is then impenetrable or not up for grabs. It’s not sensitive to a little insult from someone because it goes so much deeper than that. That’s another really great example of owning that and being impervious to that kind of energy.
ROLISA: And with the Well-F**ked Woman course, just touching on a little bit of the other elements, with the breast massage and you teaching us about our bodies and getting rid of blocks, that helped me to tap into self-love and get rid of feeling the shame around my vagina and my body.
When I went through the entire course, obviously, the amazing G-spot was part of it, but combining that with the course, I came out of it with a feeling of not letting in things from before. It sort of raised this awareness around how I had been with my body before and how I wasn’t going to ever let myself be like that ever again.
She became a goddess to me, and if that’s how I feel about her, what about my legs, which I hated my whole life, and my arms and my belly that I was so unkind to? As I started to do this breast massage and touch my body, I started to really praise my body and send it positive, loving energy. I decided, “Well, there’s no way I’m going to let someone else come in and try to say something about me because if someone is going to be that critical, unhappy people will bring you down.” Happy people don’t have to bring you down.
I knew inside myself that it was something to do with them and how they felt about themselves. The old me would’ve thought, “Oh my God.” I would’ve totally internalized that.
KIM: Right.
ROLISA: It was, as you said, a boomerang, and it just bounced off me. I’m not letting that in.
There’s no way. You must be so unhappy to speak to me like that because I know I’m happy. I know that I’m so loving to myself now, finally, at almost 36, and I would never say that to somebody else, ever. Even if they had the biggest belly sticking out, I would never say to them, “Do you like your belly like this?”
KIM: Yeah. Right!
ROLISA: It sort of gives you an awareness about so many other things. You love yourself in a way that you didn’t before.
KIM: I just had this vision, too, of when you’re connected to the yoni. You’re very selective and discriminating about what comes in and what goes out. I just saw this parallel between these energies in general. What you let in, as you say, and what you just shove away, “Not interested.” [Laughs]
All of this is excellent. Thank you so much for sharing your stories. Is there anything else you’d like to add?
ROLISA: You’re so welcome. It’s absolutely my pleasure. I am super excited that I’m speaking to you. It’s just amazing. The shifts, the transformation, the evolution that I experienced through this course led me to take your Vaginal Kung Fu course, too, and the two courses together have been amazing in helping me reclaim my power and own the fact that I was given this beautiful, amazing body to love. Pleasure is something that’s wonderful, and I can share it with someone that I choose.
Because a lot of people that experience abuse, there’s so much shame and unworthiness and sort of this ugly feeling about yourself and disassociating from your parts. I really hope that sharing my story will help someone else. These courses, particularly the Well-F**ked Woman, can awaken that in you, and you can go on and have these amazing G-spot orgasms and cervical orgasms, and all types of orgasms.
KIM: And radically change your life. And your whole being as a woman. That’s amazing. Thank you!
CONCLUSION:
I love Rolisa’s story, because here is someone who had all kinds of blocks and sexual traumas imposed upon her, in addition to the regular variety that we all are graced with, growing up in a sexually repressed society.
And she’s overcome them.
I love that she still, in spite of all that happened to her, had that voice inside that was guiding and directing her toward healing and evolution.
And she followed it, and look at her now!
Amazing inspiration.
***
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Beautiful Expression of the Rolisa sharing. Vulnerable, Honest, genuine, really an awesome recall of your program elements and how transformative and healing changes occur when one is lead by a powerful authentic non-judgemental teacher. Love the voice of “V” !
Since Covid, working from home, isolating… I have been off the “No pants Diet” and adrogenously shut down. My Urethra was starting to get irritated during a recent commitment to a Celery Juice/Lemon water cleanse. And it was like my body was begging me to squirt! Ha! Yay! Back on board. Thanks for the reminders to come home to the V.
XOXO