Self-Healing Sexual Trauma for Women
Here are my top DIY power tools you can use to heal sexual abuse and trauma. The stats on the amount of people who have had some kind of sexual trauma in their lives are enormous.
Sexual trauma can range from sexual abuse, inappropriate touch, exposure and harassment to assault and rape to nonconsensual image sharing.
On a more subtle, but still damaging level, we all internalize negative messages about sexuality in this global culture. Whether we are inheriting these ideas through our family of origin, or absorbing them from the culture at large, it’s nearly impossible to escape the programming and perversion of sexuality in this day and age.
When I say perversion, I’m talking about taking the TRUE purpose of sexuality and intimacy, as a means for self-actualization, revitalization, transcendence, enlightenment and ecstatic pleasure and then painting over that with shame and trauma and pain.
One of my main mantras and the thing I always tell people is that: EVERYONE CAN.
I guarantee it.
The only reason that people can’t access these parts in themselves is because this pure, innate expression of their sexuality has been covered over—typically by trauma of some kind.
Unresolved sexual trauma can show up in all kinds of ways:
- Vaginal numbness, or pain with intercourse
- Vaginal on “lockdown” – my term for a vagina that refuses to open
- Low libido
- Difficulty achieving orgasm, or maybe can only have clitoral orgasms
- Lack of lubrication
- Menstrual, PMS and menopausal issues
- Cysts and growths and other reproductive ailments
The bottom line is that trauma healing is essential to be able to get to all of the fantastic and phenomenal places that I guarantee are possible for all people.
Until you clear this residue, you can remain stuck in the same patterns and dissociation for years.
Decades even. And for some people, entire lifetimes.
Here are my DIY power tools you can use to break out of these ruts and to revolutionize your life.
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Self-Healing Sexual Trauma for Women.
The stats on the number of people who have had some kind of sexual trauma in their lives are enormous. In the U.S., one in three women and one in six men experience some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime. Every nine minutes, Child Protection Services substantiates or finds evidence for a claim of sexual abuse.
One out of six American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. Rape is the most underreported crime, with 63% of sexual assaults not being reported to the police and only 12% of child sexual abuse reported to the authorities. These stats are from the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) and the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC).
We start out on a heavy note and we go up from here. Sexual trauma can range from sexual abuse, inappropriate touching, exposure, and harassment to assault, rape, and non-consensual image sharing.
On a more subtle but still damaging level, we all internalize negative messages about sexuality in this global culture. Whether we are inheriting these ideas through our family of origin, absorbing them from the culture at large, or hearing them through religious messaging, it’s nearly impossible to escape the programming and perversion of sexuality in this day and age.
When I say perversion, I’m talking about taking the true purpose of sexuality and intimacy as a means for self-actualization, revitalization, transcendence, healing, enlightenment, and ecstatic pleasure, and then painting over that with shame and trauma and pain.
One of my main mantras and things that I always tell people is that everyone can.
Every person has a high libido. Every woman is multiorgasmic, and every man can have sex all night. I guarantee it. The only reason that people can’t access these parts in themselves is because this pure, innate expression of their sexuality has been covered over, typically by some trauma.
Unresolved sexual trauma can show up in myriad ways. Everything from vaginal numbness or pain with intercourse; a vagina which is on lockdown, which is my term for a vagina that refuses to open; having a low libido; difficulty achieving orgasm, or maybe only having clitoral orgasms; lack of lubrication; PMS and menopausal issues; cysts and growths; and all sorts of other reproductive ailments.
Most allopathic practitioners would never make a connection between unhealed trauma and reproductive or sexual problems, but after working with thousands and thousands of people, I see this all the time and I know that in order to move on and have a deeply pleasurable sexual and intimate life, these things have to be healed from the root cause.
My work is all about releasing these layers of blockages and trauma and realigning people with their natural, sexual selves. Sexual energy is life-force energy, the energy that creates new life. We all have it. Its natural state is to be flowing and vibrant. This is the essence of who we are.
When we’re in touch with it, it enlivens every part of our existence. This is the most potent qi there is. This is why people are operating at such a deficiency if they aren’t connected to this part of themselves or if this expression has been muted.
Clearing sexual trauma is like the personal growth analogy of building a strong foundation for a house. If your foundation is weak, anything you try and build on top of it is susceptible to being blown over by the slightest windstorm.
In my decades of doing this work, what I’ve seen over and over is that unless people actually clear out and heal their trauma, it is very difficult, if not impossible, for them to advance on to healthy, powerful relationships and intimacy, both with themselves or with another person.
The good news is that you can begin the processes of trauma clearing. Simply being in motion and taking action will allow you to build and then add other skills and techniques into your repertoire. You don’t have to be perfectly healed before you can be in a relationship or self-pleasure or experiment with different orgasms.
What is essential, though, is that you start the journey and know that, as Robert Frost says, one of my favorite quotes, “The only way out is through.”
We live in a culture which is largely perpetuated by the allopathic way of doing things, where instead of actually addressing trauma, hurt, and pain and processing it, the dominant pattern and messaging is to bury it. To avoid it and to deny it.
To help that, [laughs] there are all kinds of habits that will aid that process of burying, such as drinking, using drugs, watching too much television, and overeating. These are happily contributed to by the allopathic sphere prescribing all manner of drugs and surgeries that are doing the same kinds of things.
None of these approaches are interested in getting to the root cause of why people have anxiety or pain, fear, or self-loathing. Why are people feeling so uncomfortable in their own skin that they can’t wait to get out of it? It’s because they’re so disassociated from themselves and this is what trauma does. For people to cope with it, they leave their bodies. They vacate. They go elsewhere. And I’m sure that you can all relate to times—I certainly can—when you feel like you want to crawl out of your own skin. Times when it just doesn’t feel good to be occupying your own body.
Honestly, I feel like the times when I feel the very best in my life on a day-to-day basis are when I’m fully occupying my body, fully within myself.
The distracting, numbing effects of drugs, in whatever form they come, help to soothe that sense of not feeling quite right within yourself. But again, they aren’t actually solving the problem. What solves the problem?
In the realm of sexual abuse, we want to unite people with their bodies again. We gently bring them back and help them to clear out trauma that’s been lodged in their nervous systems and in their psyches.
In my salons, my online e-courses, I go through various methods of psychosomatic healing to do this, to reunite the mind, body, and spirit so people can feel joyful in their own skin again.
I will say this another time: it’s essential that this level of healing happens. If it doesn’t, what we see are people repeating the same patterns over and over again in their intimate relationships. They are stuck. Their system is frozen in time. It’s anchored in traumatic events and we need to then retrieve these parts of the psyche that are stuck there and bring them back. Back to life and back to the present moment. While many people need more in-depth healing and modalities, here are five power tools that you can do on your own.
I’m talking today about women in particular. The first technique would be breast massage. Reconnecting to the body in a gentle way is one of the first steps women can take to heal themselves. Having a daily breast massage practice of even five minutes a day is something I recommend for all women. The breasts contain no less than six acupressure meridian lines, three of which are directly connected to sexual arousal. Not only does breast massage loosen stuck physical energy and congestion, opening up lymph flow, it also releases stagnation in these meridians.
When we internalize trauma, this manifests as stuckness in the body, which, if not cleared and healed, eventually shows up as some kind of ailment, like growths and cysts, or persistent yeast infections or worse.
When it’s sexual trauma, the residue of these experiences typically deposits itself in the reproductive organs—breasts, ovaries, uterus, vagina, vulva. Opening up the energy flow wherever we can will help to dislodge and release these things.
The breasts are considered to be the windows to female orgasm in Taoist sexology and I look at them as alchemical cauldrons. These are the givers of life, the makers of milk, the absolute food of sustenance for our species, and so they take things in the body and then turn it into this mana, this absolutely heavenly beverage that sustains life. They are alchemical; they convert things. For them to be functioning optimally, we want to have them clear and open and all this energy flowing.
The kidney meridian passes through them as well, which the Taoists thought was the main center for arousal, where all of the waters in the woman start their flow. And, of course, the breasts are connected to the heart. As we loosen and soften in the chest, we can help the heart to relax any constriction and open it to more love.
In my own experience, and in the experience of many of the people who take my salons, daily breast massage not only does all of this, but it can also help to lift, enlarge, and firm the breasts.
I have a YouTube video where I share some breast massage techniques. It’s called “Breast Massage to Enlarge and Lift the Breasts.” I also go through a full breast massage routine in my Vaginal Kung Fu and How To Be A Well-F**ked Woman Salons.
My second suggestion is the Luscious Crystal Elixir. I’ve created a series of crystal essences, which are sold in my Anami Alchemia online shop, and these are healing remedies made from crystals which help to heal on an emotional and psychological level.
For some people, crystals might seem really woo-woo, but the idea of vibrational medicine has been proven by the experiments of various people, in particular the work of Dr. Emoto and his famed water-crystal studies.
I made a video on this—you can find it on YouTube—called Crystals for Epic Sex, and I describe the process of how the signature of energy gets translated and takes form in substances like water. This is how I’m able to make these crystal remedies and take the energetic qualities of these crystals and then impart them into water, which we take orally.
I created a Deep Healer Trilogy of remedies, one for women called Luscious, and one for men called Resurrect. These are excellent starter remedies, as their job is to go in and evacuate trauma.
Both of these trinities contain rhodochrosite, which is meant to be the crystal for healing sexual abuse. It’s also for self-love and confidence, helping to rebuild after any kind of trauma or assault to one’s self-sovereignty.
Luscious also contains pink calcite, which is another excellent trauma healer, and this also helps to open up the energetic pathway between the cervix and the heart. One of the main issues with sexual trauma is that it cuts off the flow in these pathways, which means that it also cuts off a woman’s orgasmic potential as well.
For cervical orgasms, a woman needs to be able to access her heart and to open it. If she can’t, then she won’t get there.
The third crystal in this trinity is pearl. As we all know, an oyster takes an irritant, such as a grain of sand, and transforms it into a thing of wondrous beauty, a pearl. This is the quality that pearl brings into this trinity: being able to take trauma or pain and through metamorphosis, change that into wisdom and beauty. It also helps a woman to really own and possess her own beauty.
One of the main issues I see over the years is women, as they reclaim their sexual selves, especially if they’re coming out of any kind of sexual abuse or assault, start to then get plenty of sexual attention and they can feel uncomfortable with it.
People can see and feel that these women are now radiating their own beauty and it’s so attractive. Yes, that attention is not without cause.
One of the things that they have to work on is being really comfortable with that and rising above it, so they simply own themselves and they don’t care how others react to them. Pearl helps with that.
You take these elixirs twice a day for 21 days. They are sold in my Anami Alchemia online shop.
The third suggestion would be yoni massage. Just as we talked about massaging the breasts to open up energy meridians and dislodge any stored trauma, yoni massage is also excellent for this. Many women are totally unfamiliar with and even intimidated by their own anatomy. I have had many female clients who do not like the idea of putting their fingers in their own vaginas.
Well, it’s time to change that. The yoni is full of all kinds of reflexology points. In fact, the vulva and the vagina are full of reflexology maps of all of your internal organs. Every time you stimulate your vagina through a yoni egg practice or through intercourse, you give yourself a wonderful, ecstatic acupressure treatment.
When your vagina is healed and being touched with love and really focused attention and presence, it can begin to function as it was meant to, which is as a compass in your life, guiding you towards love and pleasure. As a creative source, once your sexual energy is brought back to life, then your reproductive organs become your power center for rejuvenation and creative inspiration.
Think about it: the womb and the ovaries are all about generating this seed, this creative, birthing energy, and you can tap into that. Prolific, life-changing vaginal orgasms—and by that I mean G-spot and cervical orgasms—are another function of a well-activated vagina.
To get there, I highly encourage vaginal reconnaissance to fully get to know and love every nook and cranny of your vagina.
It’s also amazing to receive yoni massage from a partner. The intent with yoni massage is less to bring you to orgasm—though if that happens, great, no complaints—but it’s more to explore and open and release tension, to reconnect, and to get to know. Those are our intentions for doing this and so you don’t have this expectation of getting to orgasm or that you failed if you didn’t get there. That’s not the point. We’re really there to heal and to get to know.
As I said, through that gentle, loving attention, you then restore the vagina to its true, lubricating, orgasming, pleasurable self. I have an amazing video on YouTube called Yoni Massage for Orgasms and Healing, which is more do-it-yourself. Then I also have one that’s geared for a partner to perform on you, which is called Yoni Massage and Pussy Shiatsu.
I also walk you through a step-by-step extended yoni massage in Vaginal Kung Fu, as well as my Coming Together for Couples Salons.
The fourth suggestion is the use of a jade yoni egg. Speaking of yoni eggs, this is an essential tool for all women. You can give yourself this same beautiful acupressure treatment with your jade egg and you can then use the energetic qualities of the crystal, of the jade, which is meant to be restorative for the reproductive organs in women. It’s also a really great dreaming stone; it helps you to manifest your visions in the world.
The crystal itself can help to activate and heal your vagina, absorbing negativity and leaving positive energy in its wake. It can do the same with your vagina and your reproductive organs.
And of course, then you can reconnect to your vagina through the enlivening of your tissues as you build articulation and strength through a weight-training practice.
Obviously, I am a big proponent of the jade egg, since you’ve likely seen me and my vagina traveling the world, lifting objects. Since that infamous Instagram campaign of mine in 2015, #ThingsILiftWithMyVagina, the egg has revolutionized women’s health. Everyone from OB/GYNs—that is the few holistic ones that exist—to birth professionals to physiotherapists to naturopaths recommend the jade egg.
From the perspective of recovering from sexual abuse, using the jade egg is a beautiful way to ease into self-guided penetration, especially for women who are rebuilding trust with their own vagina and those who have vaginas on lockdown, which is a very obvious symptom of sexual abuse that hasn’t been cleared. Being able to experiment with very gentle insertion gives them a sense of getting their power back.
The way I teach the yoni egg practice with a series of audio .mp3 exercises, as well as guided meditations, helps to really evoke your own deeper healing power as you use the other mental/emotional/spiritual/energetic exercises in conjunction with the very, very scientifically-proven benefits of a jade egg. You can purchase a jade egg kit today on my Anami Alchemia online shop.
For those who want to go deeper, my fifth suggestion for trauma is my Vaginal Kung Fu Salon. This is my eight-week program on how to use the jade egg, as well as learn all of the things you ought to have learned about sex and reproduction. This program is the ultimate user’s manual for anyone with a vagina!
My philosophy is that true healing is most powerful when it’s multidimensional. You take it from physical, emotional, psychological, and spirit levels. When you can hit it from all angles, it’s like demon hunting. You can’t escape. You find it wherever it’s hiding, and you liberate it.
You can quantum leap your growth and your healing much faster when you do this, rather than say, only focusing on the physical. For example, if I just gave people a jade egg to use with some exercises, on a physical level, yes, it would be effective. But the results I get with people are so much more far-reaching than that and that’s because I’m incorporating all of these other dimensions of healing.
In the Vaginal Kung Fu Salon, you will learn step-by-step vaginal exercises that increase in intensity each week. You’ll get a full map of emotional anatomy and all of the sexual reflexology points in the vagina that I was talking about earlier. You’ll get my top recommendations for powerful and intensive trauma healing and recovery. These modalities go much deeper than the DIY suggestions that I’ve made so far. The reason for this is that there’s only so much that I can suggest doing on your own, especially for people with very, very deep trauma. All of the things I’ve suggested so far are excellent, and totally safe to do on your own, and then there’s a few more heavy-hitting remedies that I would suggest for people.
Having that additional guidance and support is like having a shaman to help guide you into the underworld. If you get stuck or you get activated, or you get triggered, you need to have someone guide back out of the experience.
I talk about several of these modalities that I recommend and don’t let people not do if they have experienced these kinds of things because like I said, without truly clearing and having a strong, rebuilt, powerful foundation, it’s really not possible to get to all these other levels that go beyond that: having a wet vagina all the time, having cervical orgasms on demand, having a really high libido, feeling this uber-sexual confidence within yourself. All of those things have to be built upon a strong foundation.
In this salon, we also talk about how to convert sexual energy creative energy to fuel your life, your work, and your relationships. You will increase the magnetic power of your vagina and your womb to attract your deepest desires. I show you how to shift menstruation and menopause to be energizing and rejuvenating instead of exhausting. You’ll get my full extended breast massage routine, including how to have nipple-gasms.
You’ll get my recommendations for ovarian, uterine, and vaginal-strengthening foods and herbs. You’ll get my complete instructions for performing a healing vaginal massage to loosen stored tension, increase sensation and your orgasmic potential, and of course, how to give your man a hand job with your vagina.
All of this, and more, in Vaginal Kung Fu.
The bottom line is that trauma healing is essential to be able to get to all of these fantastic and phenomenal places that I guarantee are possible for all people. Until you clear this space, you can remain stuck in the same patterns and disassociation for years, decades even, and for some people, entire lifetimes.
There are tools you can use to break out of these ruts and to revolutionize your life and your orgasms.
Vaginal Kung Fu is coming. Are you? Registration for my legendary eight-week program begins next week.
This episode was brought to you by the jade yoni egg. This is the premiere tool on the market for all things super pussy, because yes, it is normal to have a lubricating, orgasming, and ejaculating vagina every day of the week. Side effects of the jade egg include multiple orgasms; vaginal orgasms; ejaculatory orgasms; increased lubrication; increased libido; easier childbirth and faster recovery; ecstatic pleasure and sensation; boosted self-confidence; the reversal of urinary incontinence; easier periods, PMS, and menopause.
Thank you so much for listening. If you haven’t already, subscribe and also leave a review and send someone else the gift of a healthy libido and an off-the-chart love life by sharing this episode with them. We’ll be back next week. In the meantime, many happy orgasms.