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The Art of the Vaginal Handjob

Your vagina is meant to be strong, articulate and highly pleasurable: to both you and your partner.

“Pompoir” is the ancient art of cultivating vaginal stroking so as to make a man ejaculate or stop him from ejaculating—with the power of your vagina alone. 

So you have so much articulation and control of the vagina, that you can consciously use and direct it.

And, by extension, you have so much articulation and control of your sexual energy and self, that you can consciously direct it.

And both of those are sexual, mating, one-in-a-million, GOLD.

This is the kind of vagina that “launches 1000 ships”.

The vagina of the sexually available and awakened woman.

Learn how they work, and how to get one in today’s podcast.

Listen here or download and subscribe on:

Kxx

                        Vaginal Kung Fu Salon begins today!

Life-changing vaginal orgasms, off-the-charts libido and financial abundance.

All from a super-powered vagina.

Sign up here today.

Kxxx

Read the full episode transcript:

The art of the vaginal handjob, the magical vagina men will do anything for!

Your vagina is meant to be strong, articulate, and highly pleasurable to both you and your partner. Pompoir is the ancient art of cultivating vaginal stroking so as to make a man ejaculate or stop him from ejaculating with the power of your vagina alone.

You have so much articulation and control of the vagina and your sexual energy that you can consciously use and direct it.

Both of these things are sexual mating one-in-a-million gold! In ancient cultures, where we used to talk openly about sex and study sex as a skill, the art of vaginal control was quite commonplace. There are references found in Taoist writings, Tantra, Arabic culture—they call it the velvet grip or kabbazah. In modern times, the vernacular term is voodoo pussy. Luke Storey talks about being with his guy friends and then discussing a new woman, saying, “She’s got a voodoo pussy.”

What is a voodoo pussy? It’s a vagina that is very self-aware, self-actualized, and has ultimate control. You’re using the vaginal muscles, your PC muscles, to stimulate the cock. You can clutch and grip the cock, rhythmically stroking it as though with your hand. You can suck it and release it with your vaginal muscles. You can learn to squeeze and isolate different regions of the vagina so that you exert pressure on one area whilst not exerting pressure on the other.

Yes, without any movement of the hips, you can bring a man to orgasm or prevent him from ejaculating, all with perfect control of your internal muscles.

This concept of vaginal sentience allows you to separate the left side of your vagina from the right, the top from the bottom from the middle. Just the way that you can separate and move all of your five fingers independently, you can do the same thing with your vagina. I know it might seem crazy, but this is the truth and it just tells you how far we’ve gone from fully self-realized and functioning vaginas to very numbed-out, flabby, wasted-away kind of internal-intelligence-type vaginas.

Obviously, having a very sentient and aware vagina is going to be much more pleasurable for the woman and her partner than typical passive sex, and yet most women have very numb vaginas and so they’re quite passive.

Think about holding your hand out without moving it. You’re just holding it out, and someone can come along and stroke it and touch it and you can feel things. Then imagine that you start to squeeze your hand. You curl your fingers inside. You jiggle them around. You move them from left and right. The motionless hand is the average vagina [laughs] and the other is a much more turned-on, strengthened, connected vagina.

It’s really the same thing, where you can isolate all these different sections of the vagina. You have conscious awareness of them and power. You feel power. You feel very confident and connected to that part of your body.

Not only do you notice the difference in sex because you can now feel something in your previously numbed-out, unconscious vagina, but your partner will feel it. Last year on my Bali retreat, I taught Vaginal Kung Fu, the yoni egg practice, to the female partners of the couples in the morning. That afternoon, they went to have sex with their partners. By dinnertime, the male partners were talking about how they could already feel the difference in their female partners’ vaginas. 

In having this kind of control, you become the pussy that is not soon forgotten, the pussy that haunts you, because as you tune into and fully inhabit your vagina and own your sexuality, you transform into a different person. You become a more confident person, more open. You no longer subsist in the shadows of sexual shame.

Now that you know how much pleasure your vagina can give you, you seek out that pleasure. You become a woman who radiates sensual confidence and power. It’s something that you wear, and it’s tangibly felt by everyone around you. This is what I refer to as the well-fucked glow and it magnetizes men, women, opportunities, and cash to itself because everyone can feel that energy and they just want to be close to it.

Their whole lives, men have struggled and coerced women to get sex and so they’re used to the idea that they have to almost manipulate a woman into sex because women are given this message that if they have sex too easily or if they’re thought to enjoy sex and get too much pleasure out of it, then they’re sluts. There’s this whole Madonna/whore dichotomy that is still so present in our culture. Both men and women fight against it because we’ve all had this thing imprinted upon us growing up. Wherever there’s a remnant of Christianity, you’re going to feel that taboo still shining down upon you.

Women are trained to hold back, to feel like they don’t enjoy sex that much, and to certainly never really acknowledge that they enjoy it because they’re going to be judged and shamed in a massive way. 

Women learn to hide those reactions and then the men have to play this role of “I made her do it.” I think one of the reasons why 50 Shades of Grey was so popular was that in the whole BDSM realm, the man is telling the woman—or the dominant; in this case, the man—or the submissive what to do. “You must do this.” “Oh okay, I’ll do this.”

I have nothing against it. I actually think BDSM is a really great tool to use in intimacy and sexuality; however, it’s also a really convenient way for women to not have to fully own their sexual desire and take that responsibility for seeking pleasure and doing wild, crazy things that they’re afraid they could be labeled for.

Look, however you get there, in a way [laughs] is good, so if that’s your method to getting there, to a place of having more sexual expression and permission, so be it. But ultimately, we want to have a woman who is in full command of her sexuality and who shares it freely. To find a woman like that is a goddamn miracle and no one can compete with it.

If you are that woman and your vagina is this perpetually turned on, wet, welcoming entity, no one can come close to that because it’s so rare in the world for a woman to actually be embodying this kind of energy.

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about a very high-profile couple in the media going through an extremely expensive divorce. My friend is obsessed with this whole scenario because the man is thought to be leaving his wife for this other woman. She said, “I don’t know what he sees in this woman!” I have no skin in this game. I’m just sharing it because of the moral to this story.

She had been talking to another friend of hers, trying to figure this out, and the friend said, “Well, I bet that she lets him fuck her up the ass.” [Laughs] At first, I just thought, “Oh, how ridiculous.” Then I went, “Actually, hang on a second, there’s some truth to this.” Whether it’s true or not, I actually have no idea, but it started a conversation that led to a very profound concept, which is the idea of a woman who fully gives herself sexually and genuinely. She’s not for sale; she’s not using sex as a manipulative tool; she’s not doing it out of duty or because it’s that once a week time or this is what you do when you’re married or she just wants to stop her partner from badgering her. No, no, no. This woman is genuinely, truly in control and loves her sexuality, she loves to have sex, and she is a magnificently rare thing. A man will do pretty much anything for that woman.

We hear of these legendary stories throughout history, like Cleopatra or Helen of Troy. The phrase is actually “The face that launched a thousand ships,” but I would say it’s probably more, “The vagina that launched a thousand ships,” which is the sexually available and awakened woman.

This woman fully owns the fact that she’s a sexual being and pretty much everything is okay; oral sex, anal sex, energy sex, BDSM sex. She’s open to it all and willing to go for it. This isn’t because she’s violating her own boundaries. I always encourage people to tune into themselves and communicate whatever boundaries they have.

Let’s say that this is a woman who is totally comfortable with all of these aspects of sexuality and exploration and she gives and shows that freely. Her self-worth is not dependent upon the people who might judge her for what she does or even her partner’s potential judgment. It doesn’t matter, because she’s transcended and reached that place. One of the major hallmarks of coming into Well-F**ked Womanhood, where you really own your sexual energy, is you don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks of you. You’re operating from your own moral and sexual and energetic compass and that is your true guide in the world, not other people’s opinions of what you do and who you are.

Again, that quality is highly, highly attractive and magnetic. You’re not just magnetizing men or partners into your life; it’s everything. People in general really pick up on the fact that you’re this open, welcoming entity and not just in the vagina. Your whole aura starts to radiate this openness, attractiveness, and generosity of spirit and it all permeates through these different layers of your life, as opposed to an under-fucked or poorly-fucked or not-having-good-gourmet-sex-type woman who is shut down and becomes bitchy, naggy, and angry, much like our FUKME award of the week, which happened last week. You can go back to the episode on SOS—Save Our Reproductive Organs—to hear all about that.

The opposite quality is a very contracted, angry, shut-down, miserable kind of energy. This can exist in both women and men; we just happen to be talking about women at the moment.

There’s an interesting idea that I’ve heard repeated in many spiritual circles that it’s a woman’s job, spiritually speaking, to lead a man home to God. In modern-day churches, we often see men as being the gatekeepers. They’re the priests, they’re the main head honchos, they’re like the doorway to get to God. Yet this archetypal idea that’s embedded in many different practices, cultures, and spiritual paths around the world is that the feminine is what actually takes the masculine into the deeper spiritual mysteries.

If you think about it, the vagina is this gateway. The actual gatekeeper between the other worlds, between life and death, is the cervix, but the vagina is the vehicle.

The idea is that on this grand archetypal level, if a woman is truly in touch with that energy and herself, she becomes this massive magnet that brings people and energy towards her because they’re all seeking to go home, just as we’re all seeking to go home to God.

The beautiful microcosm of the vagina that is lit and awakened to the woman who is truly sexually free and open is fully orgasmic and has cervical, G-spot, squirting, anal, nipple orgasms. This translates into all parts of a woman’s life. The microcosm of your vaginal sentience, strength, power, and awareness then infuses itself into every other part of your life.

I always say that all women are capable of reaching these areas, so all women can have these different vaginal orgasms; all women can have this kind of sexual confidence and power; all women can become this one in a million, if they actually do the deep, penetrating internal work that is especially accomplished by having a vaginal jade egg practice.

As you develop more vaginal sentience, you activate the different reflexology zones in the vagina. According to Taoist reflexology, the vagina is this beautiful map of all kinds of different pressure points that correspond to different organs and different emotions, according to the Chinese medical system.

As you become more aware, you get more stimulated and develop pressure, power, and strength in these different regions. You’re actually balancing yourself on this whole psycho, emotional, and even physical level. This is the best acupressure treatment you could ever have! [Laughs] 

Because these things are connected to emotional expression as well, you’re also balancing on a very deep emotional level, too. Your level of sexual feeling ends up also being an emotional experience. All of these things grow and expand as you gain much more proficiency, power, strength, confidence, and sensation in the vagina.

For example, the cervix in the woman is connected to the heart point and also to the vagus nerve, which is considered to be the spiritual nerve in the body. It goes all the way up to the crown chakra and so this is why cervical orgasms are so vital for women because it connects them to their source. It connects them to spirit, to their highest state of consciousness, via the vagina and cervix. 

The more powerful you become in all of these areas and the more you develop that self-awareness, the more likely you are to then have all of these different orgasms.

What typically prevents them is some kind of trauma and stuckness, as Wim Hof likes to say, “The issues in our tissues.”

The storage of old tension, trauma, and negative experiences gets lodged in the vagina, in the cervix, and when they’re unhealed and unprocessed, then they lead to issues. The most benign of your issues would be having a numb vagina. The most severe would be having body parts that eventually get removed because you’re so disconnected from them. An energetic disconnection leads to them literally being cut out or cut off from the body. 

That’s why conscious movement and activation and the connection of all these areas is so vital. This is how we bring out the darkness of whatever we have going on that’s stored in there and bring it into the light to be healed and transformed. You have to truly own these parts of yourself to become your whole self. The whole ballad of the Well-F**ked Woman is how much you truly own and occupy all of these areas of yourself. You take all of these compartmentalized sections of your being and integrate them into a whole. You own them and confront your own demons. There’s no part of yourself that you don’t know, that you haven’t tried to look at, or aren’t courageous enough to face. You own your whole self, and your sexual self is such a massive part of this because you’re operating at a deficiency if you don’t have it.

This is a beautiful metaphor for life and sexual passivity: if your vagina is just a lie-there-and- take-it kind of vagina, you’re probably a lie-there-and-take-it kind of person. I see this all the time, every single day in my work. The more that you take charge of your own sexual direction and expression, the more you get more sensitivity, more feeling, more power, and more strength in your vagina.

Urinary incontinence actually is an energetic leakage. You’re so weak in the pelvic floor and so disconnected from your vagina and your sexuality that you’re leaking energy. That then manifests as a physical expression as leaking urine.

I don’t usually use the word ‘tight’ when describing a vagina because it’s a misnomer. We don’t really want a tight vagina. We want a strong, supple, activated vagina, but I guess we could say you should tighten up the pelvic floor so that it actually does what it’s meant to do, which is seal in energy and become an energetic seal. Than then extends to this metaphor of being in control of your sexual energy and your sexual power because you’re conscious of it. Otherwise, people are disconnected, they’re unconscious, and then these things feel like they’re out of their control. For instance, they feel they have no ability to control the flow of urine because they’re peeing their pants on a regular basis. 

Unfortunately, the statistics on this for women are so insanely high that we know this is happening much more often than not. Sixty-plus percent of women struggle with this and the ones who haven’t are probably just younger and haven’t had it happen to them yet. Pretty much every woman over a certain age, and especially those who’ve had children, has issues with urinary incontinence if she hasn’t done any vaginal strengthening.

The whole point is that when you wake up the vagina, it becomes this seat and center of consciousness. When you have a vagina that can actually give a hand job, it can activate all these different sections of itself to move, squeeze, stroke, suck [laughs], and push. That is a one-in-a-million, millionaire, incredible, launched-a-thousand-ships-type vagina. That is your holy grail of vaginas because that’s then going to become a vagina that has an increased libido. It has vaginal orgasms, it has lubrication like nobody’s business, it ejaculates. Instead of being passive and just lying there to receive whatever is given to it, it goes out into the world and it starts to take what it wants. It creates its life; it directs its energy out into the universe. Of course, once you amplify your sexual energy and power, you amplify your creative power and now you have all this great raw material to work with from your sexual orgasmic creative energy. Then you can literally just start to pump it and infuse it out into your life and create the life of your dreams much more powerfully and confidently.

One of the biggest techniques that I have for women to work with this is, of course, the jade yoni egg.

The egg goes inside the vagina. Because it’s small enough, it can go into different sections of the vagina and then you can focus on enlivening and bringing that sensation back to these individual sections in the vagina and then strengthen them.

The way that I work with the egg is always mind/body/spirit. Yes, I guide women in.mp3 muscle-building exercises in the vagina, but we also do plenty of internal, energetic, emotional, spiritual work. I work with guided visualization, clearing energy and blockages from trauma, from negative experiences in the vagina, and then connecting to this seat of power. I teach women exercises to take that energy and then use it and direct it out into the world, so that they become these creative birthing entities. Remember, if you’re not creating babies with your sexual energy, then you ought to be creating your whole life as this beautiful art project where you can do anything that you want. And it starts in your conscious, woke, lit, and activated vagina.

Speaking of lit vaginas, let’s talk to one right now.

Well-Fucked All-Stars!

Welcome, Aubrey!

AUBREY: Hi, how are you?

KIM: It’s great to have you here, Ms. Well-F**ked Woman!

AUBREY: Thank you!

KIM: Tell us a little bit about yourself. What do you do? Who are you? 

AUBREY: I am a holistic health coach, a chef, an educator, a podcaster, and a teacher. I am all of these things that are all about coming back into your body and having an embodied experience within the world and within your spiritual sense.

KIM: Fabulous! Let’s talk about your sexual journey. When you came into this work of looking more at your sexual self and doing some of the salons and working with the jade egg, what are some of the biggest differences that you noticed in your growth and your transformation?

AUBREY: I came into the salons after being on a 10-year hiatus of doing anything that was creatively fed. Within my work in the salons, I deepened this experience within my own sexuality in reconnecting with my vagina, my ovaries, my womb, and really embodying that. But I also used that as this catalyst, source, and cauldron for fire to engage in being creative, using my intuition in ways that had been really closed off for quite some time.

KIM: That’s amazing. How would you connect your expansion of your sexual energy with your creativity? I see that you’ve talked about starting up a painting practice that you had put down for around 10 years. I talk a lot about how creative sexual energy or orgasmic energy is something that we funnel out into the world, into our projects, into our lives. So what was that correlation for you?

AUBREY: It really launched me into the career that I’m currently in, honestly. I had disconnected for some time from the relationships that I was in, and just by being fully embodied in my sexuality as I deepened that work within the jade egg, I returned to sensations. I returned to listening to what my vagina was saying at any point in time. That created all of this momentum of, “oh, my intuition is saying this,” or “oh, when I go into this place or when I’m painting or writing, I feel just as juicy.” I feel just as sexually alive with a partner or with myself.

KIM: You’re wearing that sexual energy? So you recirculate it in your body and now you’re radiating that as a creative vitality?

AUBREY: Yes, exactly.

KIM: That’s amazing. And I’ve heard you talk about how you went from a 10 percent awareness of your vagina and your sexual energy to 90 percent. Describe that.

AUBREY: I think as women, and you’ve talked about this in the salons, I was really raised believing my only role as a female was just to hand over my body. If I got an orgasm out of the deal, it was probably going to be clitoral and it was probably just going to be good enough. That was instead of having this really embodied experience of having cervical orgasms and using that from a transcendent place.

The salons really woke up my ability to connect with my vagina, my clitoris, my uterus, my cervix. I was able to embody and associate myself with them as not only organs, but also as energies from which I had really disconnected for quite some time in order to give pleasure to my partner. There is so much more your work does outside of just awakening the vagina.

KIM: That’s a really good observation, that women are bred to serve over their sexuality as an adjunct to themselves. That’s actually what the etymology of the word vagina means. It means a sheath for a man’s sword. It’s not even defined as its own entity; it’s in relation to something else and someone else. That’s beautiful to have that awareness and then to shift out of it, to really claim it for yourself. I often say if a person isn’t operating from their sexual energy and their sexual power, they’re operating at a deficiency.

AUBREY: Absolutely. I think I saw that all the way across the board. Since I was deficient in creative energy, all my relationships felt very superficial, even financially. It’s all interlinked, as you explore in all of your salons.

KIM: You talked about attracting things into your life, like a trip overseas, and the career that you shifted into. How would you describe that process?

AUBREY: I think it goes back to what we were just talking about with how I had operated under this belief that I was just supposed to provide pleasure for other people, and this is the system, the patriarchy. I was working in jobs where I was just there to serve as a purpose for other people’s missions and goals. And I was withholding my voice and my intuition and my reclamation of my own personal power.

As I was doing the work within the salons and using the jade egg and coming into that awareness of, “oh, when I’m really fed, I throb, I pulse. I can feel wetness. I am really vivacious,” all of a sudden I started using my voice more. I started working with people on reclaiming their bodies and their overall health. I was starting to be offered jobs overseas, trips overseas; money started to come in; clients were coming to me, and the more I deepened my practice into my own self, the more I was equally met with the universe and opportunities marking it and mirroring that the work is completely intertwined.

KIM: You said something that I really love, which is, “My vagina now pulsates with things that are exciting. Sensually, sexually, career, creativity; all of these things are in alignment.” So you’re actually getting a response in your body when you’re excited about something creatively, or an opportunity or any kind of experience. You actually get a sexual barometric response in yourself.

AUBREY: Yeah, it’s a beautiful tool. People use Tarot decks and pendulums and all these other tools and I say, “I’ve got my tool in between my legs.” We’re good to go, right? It really has become a tool where there is energy and vivacity there. There’s something that is going to light me up and turn me on and keep me lit. And it’s a beautiful thing that has been awoken just from doing the work that you provide.

KIM: It becomes this thing that you can wear and feel and use as an intuitive divining rod whether you are single or in a partnership.

AUBREY: Completely. I’ve woven in and out of relationships with others and relationship with myself, but the work that I’ve done through your salons has really laid the groundwork of it. It doesn’t matter if I have a partner or not, I can still be incredibly well-fucked and I mean that in all senses of the term—creatively, financially, opportunistically.

KIM: That’s beautiful. How would you describe the physical sensation differences in your anatomy and your vagina since working with the jade egg?

AUBREY: I think working with the jade egg really helped open me up. There are some practices that you go through which work with the muscular system of the vagina and cervix, and I was really numb. I was your typical ovarian issues. I had that type of disconnection where I thought, “Oh, I can feel my clitoris and that’s good, but whether or not I have a G-spot orgasm or cervical orgasm … that might be for other people.”

Using the jade egg really helped me tune into the sides of the walls, the muscles as they’re built up at the entrance of the vagina and as they move up closer to the cervix. It helped me with being able to actually inhabit them, feel them, and command them in a lot of ways.

KIM: You become sexually self-realized within your vagina. Vaginally self-realized.

AUBREY: Which is a beautiful thing. [Laughs] 

KIM: And it translates out into the rest of your life. You mentioned that this increase in confidence really gave you a greater understanding of your worthiness and your depth, which is a beautiful vagina metaphor. 

AUBREY: Absolutely. The womb and the world of the yoni has created this opportunity for me to dive into my depths and to get out of relationships, to get out of work, to get out of societal constraints where I once thought that was what was expected to me. Now I know it doesn’t light me up. That doesn’t make me pulse. That does not make me wet. I don’t do those things anymore. I live in an orgasmic current.

KIM: That’s incredible! I love how you just described that. See? That’s vaginal, sexual, creative energy poetry in motion.

AUBREY: Absolutely! [Laughs] 

KIM: What about your vagina as a sentient, physical, articulating entity? What would you say about that?

AUBREY: I would say that she’s got a life of her own and she is very strong-willed in that manner. I’ve had many partners, especially with the pulsating and the gripping and the vaginal hand job piece. It has come up in conversation where partners have said, “Oh, that’s a problem,” because of the fact that there is such strength there that you could easily pull off the condom if you aren’t paying attention. [Laughs]

That would be the disclaimer; that there is such an embodiment there. There’s such strength that I never knew could exist and I think it is this pulling, channeling, grabbing which will bring me closer to deliverance, unfolding, ascension, and all of those things.

KIM: I love it! Such beautiful metaphors! And I love that your vagina is saying, “Get rid of that condom, bitch! I want to feel this!” [Laughs] 

AUBREY: [Laughs] Exactly! I love it, too. You’ve come up in the conversation where I’ll say, “Yeah, well, just write a thank you note to Kim.” [Laughs] 

KIM: Wonderful!

That’s it for today’s show. Thank you so much for being here and remember to leave a rating and a review and share it with a vagina you know who needs love.

Vaginal Kung Fu, my signature, eight-week, get-a-legendary-vagina salon, starts this week. Learn how to use the yoni egg, give your man a hand job with your vagina, and gain full mastery over your vaginal and sexual self. 

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One thought on “The Art of the Vaginal Handjob

  1. Hello dear Kim, your podcasts and whole philosophy are so inspiring. I’d like you to do a separate podcast on natural/eco birth control? It’s a question how to enjoy sex without lubes, pill etc.?